Rooftop Woes
"We should do this more often," said Hermione, bringing her knees up to her chest as she grabbed another danish from the overflowing plate.
"You say that every time we do this, Hermione," Harry chuckled, grabbing a pastry for himself. He stretched his legs out and breathed the night air in deeply.
"Well it's true," Hermione said. "I like taking breaks from our overload of N.E.W.T. work every once in a while."
"Hermione, I doubt you would ever take a break if I hadn't found the stairway to the roof."
"What, is it pick on Hermione night or something?" Hermione inquired, turning her gaze from the sky full of stars to Harry. She raised her eyebrow at him in question.
"No…sorry," he said, feeling a little uncomfortable. He looked up at the sky himself. "I don't blame you for liking it our here at night. It's beautiful."
"You still haven't told me why you didn't share this secret with Ron. Not that I'm complaining, I'm flattered that you told me about this," said Hermione, taking a bite out of her danish. "And you haven't told me why you got us a plateful of danishes, either."
"I didn't think Ron would like this sort of thing. You're the king of person that appreciates things like this and he's…well…not. Plus, he's been so busy with Padma lately…"
"Then I'm not the only one who has noticed, thank Merlin," Hermione sighed. She picked at one of the loose shingles of the tower roof. "They've been getting so, erm, close lately that it's almost sickening."
"I'm surprised that you haven't stopped their snogging in the common room, Hermione," Harry said. "Padma really isn't allowed to be in Gryffindor tower and you, as Head Girl, are supposed to stick to the rules and make sure she's not there."
"Yes, well…" Hermione said.
"You've been too busy with your boyfriend. That's it, right?" Harry said bitterly.
"No," said Hermione, offended, though she knew that this was true. "It's just that Ron and Padma really like one another and—"
"You've never been one to bend the rules, Hermione, even for your friends," said Harry.
"And I've been doing so much homework, preparing for the N.E.W.T.s and everything," Hermione continued, ignoring Harry's last statement.
"Admit it," said Harry, "you've just been too wrapped up in your own bloody love life to spare all of us the pain of watching Padma and Ron snogging on the common room floor!" In his frustration, Harry threw the rest of his danish out into the night sky.
"Fine, I'll admit it: I have been a little wrapped up in him. But I have also been doing my homework, studying, and focusing on my other Head Girl duties…besides, Ron should know better. He is a prefect after all," Hermione admitted.
"Well, he doesn't know better," Harry said glumly.
"Harry, you've grown too bitter. I think we need to get you a girlfriend," said Hermione.
At this, Harry muttered something indistinguishable.
"Sorry?" Hermione asked.
"I said 'that might be a good idea'," Harry replied. Hermione eyes him suspiciously. "I don't see how you can stand him, anyway, let alone like him," said Harry, changing the subject back to Hermione's boyfriend.
"Like who?" Hermione wondered.
"Your boyfriend," said Harry as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh Harry, I've been living with him for six months now, I think I know much more about him than you do. He's rather likable once you get to know him," Hermione said.
"But how can you forgive him for everything he's done to us over the past six years?" Harry asked. "He tortured us, Hermione." He took another bite of his pastry, deciding to drown his unspoken sorrows in it.
"He has apologized, Harry; I've told you this numerous times," Hermione sighed, folding her legs under her. "Besides, you still haven't told me why you brought us this huge plate of danishes."
"I happen to like danishes," said Harry. "Sometimes I come up here and just sit by myself and think with a plate of these things."
"That's a lot of carbohydrates, you know," Hermione joked.
Harry glared at her.
"Harry, you know, I wish you would talk to me or Ron instead of keeping your feelings all bottled up inside of you. It's a very unhealthy thing to do."
"I just told you my feelings about your boyfriend," said Harry.
"I mean what you're feeling about Voldemort and the war and Sirius and things like that. It must be so hard for you not to talk to anyone. There's another reason for you to get a girlfriend."
"You're the one to talk about keeping your feelings bottled up inside. I do have someone to talk to, anyway. I've been having conversations with Ginny lately. You never talk to me anymore, Hermione." Harry sighed heavily, glancing over at his best friend. "Oh, but you talk to your boyfriend about your life and your feelings, don't you?"
Hermione looked slightly ashamed. "Actually, Draco doesn't really do very well with feelings. We do talk, though. We really should come up here more often Harry, because you're right about the fact that we don't' talk anymore. I miss talking to you. Though I'm sure you miss talking to people in general, what with Ron being busy with Padma and me being busy with Head Girl duties and Draco. You know, you and Ron are more than welcome to come visit my living quarters any time you want."
"Except when you're snogging Malfoy," said Harry, only half joking. Hermione punched his arm playfully. Suddenly Harry's face got very serious. "That is all you've done with him, isn't it?" he asked.
Hermione was thankful that it was dark and Harry couldn't see her cheeks turn a violent shade of red. "Of course that's all we've done," she said.
"Because I know Malfoy's reputation and I don't want him pressuring you into anything you don't want to do," said Harry. Hermione was stunned by Harry's ability to talk to her so seriously about this. "And if he does anything to hurt you, anything at all, just tell me and I'll beat him to a bloody pulp."
Hermione laughed. "Thanks Harry, though I don't think I'll really be needing your services. I think Draco and I will be all right for a while."
"Do you want this to be a serious thing?" Harry asked, dreading the answer.
Hermione looked turned her head from looking at Harry to the night sky. Harry noticed how the moonlight caught her eyes, and he wanted to mention it but he didn't think that would be something Hermione would like to hear coming from him. "I think it's serious already," she said, taking a large bite out of her chocolate Danish, almost causing Harry to laugh. When she swallowed, she continued. "I mean, we've been dating for a few months now…"
"No, like do you see yourself…" Harry gulped "…falling in love with him."
Hermione sighed. "I'm not sure. He's my first real, serious boyfriend so I really don't know. I've never don't this before, Harry. Plus, I don't know if Draco's capable of that kind of commitment, to be honest."
"Do you want him to be?"
"I don't know! Harry, why are you asking me all these questions about my relationship with Draco, anyhow?" Hermione turned and looked at her best friend skeptically.
"I care about you, Hermione. I just want to make sure you're happy," Harry replied, looking down at his hands in his lap. He didn't want to look Hermione in the eye right now: he knew his eyes would tell her what he really felt, even in the dark.
After studying Harry's profile for a little longer, Hermione finally looked out into the night sky again. "Really, we should be talking about who can be your girlfriend."
Harry chuckled. "There isn't anyone I'd like to go out with."
"Oh, but there must be someone, Harry!" cried Hermione. "You have an entire fan club of girls who want to be your girlfriend, for Merlin's sakes!"
"Not to mention the Creevy boys," Harry joked.
The two of them shared a laugh and then Hermione said, "I really think a girlfriend would do you some good."
"Naw," Harry shook his head.
"Well you said you've been talking to Ginny lately. What about her? She's fancied you before and I'm sure she could again."
"Hermione will you just let it go!" Harry exploded suddenly. He made a move to stand up but then he remembered that they were sitting on tower roof and he would probably fell off if he stood.
Hermione was stunned at Harry's outburst. "I-I'm sort Harry," she stuttered, her eyes and nose burning with forming tears. "It i-isn't my place. I'm sorry."
Harry sighed heavily, running a hand angrily through his hair. "Sorry, Hermione, I didn't mean to explode like that. It's not that I don't appreciate your help, it's just that…"
There was a pause in which Harry didn't say anything and Hermione was too afraid to say anything.
"It's just that what?" Hermione finally said, though her voice was no more than a whisper and she wasn't even sure if Harry had heard her.
Harry's hand made its way through his hair again. He hadn't meant for this conversation to go this way. He hadn't wanted the night to end on a bad note. He hadn't wanted Hermione to find out his secret, but at this rate, he was going to slip and tell her. "It's nothing," he shook his head.
"Harry, it's something. Don't try to pretend like there isn't anything wrong. I know you better than you might think," said Hermione.
"Obviously you don't know me as well as you think," Harry mumbled.
"Pardon?"
"It's…it's just…dammit Hermione…" Harry pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them.
"Harry…?" said Hermione cautiously. She was very curious to know what was wrong with him. "It's just that what?" she prompted.
He muttered something incomprehensible in reply.
"What?" said Hermione.
"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DAMMIT!" he shouted, lifting his head and exclaiming it to the dark sky stretching beyond Hogwarts. He looked away from Hermione.
Hermione breathed in sharply, the cool night air almost making her cough. "You're what?"
He didn't repeat what he had cried, so the two of them sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.
"You hate me now, right?" said Harry, trying to laugh but failing miserably.
"No, I don't hate you," Hermione said. She was attempting to hold the tears back. "I just don't know what to say……… ……when did this happen?"
"At the end of this summer, I think," said Harry. "I don't know if I could tell you exactly." There was a pause, and then he continued. "Actually, I could tell you exactly." He was still looking away from her. "It was when we were playing Quidditch in the pitch by the Weasley's house and you and Ginny were cheerleaders. Seeing you down there, laughing and shouting…you were so happy and so beautiful. I knew I was in love with you right then and there." He finally turned his head and looked her in the face.
"Oh, Harry," Hermione said as her facial features seemed to melt and she burst out into tears.
At the sight of her tears, Harry's face crumpled. He knew he had caused her pain and he wanted so much to put his arms around her and kiss her head but he felt that this wasn't the time. He decided to look away again. "I'm sorry Hermione. I'm so bloody sorry! I shouldn't have told you. I didn't want you but I couldn't help myself…I just felt that I should tell you…that you should know."
"No…no, Harry," Hermione said, trying to stop her tears in vain. She wiped her eyes and then said, sniffling, "I'm glad that you told me, though I wish you had told me this before I'd gotten into a relationship this year!"
"I said I was sorry…" Harry turned and looked at Hermione again, trying not to cry himself. He hadn't wanted her to find out this way, but now that he had, he was going to have to deal with it. He knew he had crushed her, but she had been hurting him all year.
"No, Harry, you don't have anything to apologize for. I-I just don't know what I'm going to do now." Hermione buried her face in her hands.
As silently as he could, Harry slid himself over to the roof's trap door and left Hermione alone on the roof to deal with her tears.