Thanks to melanie39 for beta-ing

Disclaimer- I own nothing to do with the OC!

R+R

Come Undone

Chapter 20

Ryan made the effort and was waiting in the house for Melissa to arrive. They had had a brief conversation on the phone, which had mainly consisted of talking over each other with apologies. Ryan had never been the best at phone conversations but saying sorry over the phone was certainly easier. He should have had more faith in her. He knew first hand what Sandy's lawyer speak could do to a person. Missy hadn't stood a chance.

He was glad that the senior Cohens had retreated to their part of the house for now, so he only had Seth to contend with. He wanted to ask why Seth had landed him in it, why he had told Sandy and Kirsten that he'd been avoiding them all at school. But the bottom line was he had sought solitude and skipped his lunch periods to sit out on the bleachers by the running track alone. They had settled into a game of Ninjas, Ryan trying to ignore the sideways glances that Seth was shooting his way. Ryan knew those looks; they usually preceded a question that he knew he wouldn't want to answer. Ryan could feel the muscle in his jaw tense; he had had enough of people asking how he felt. How could he answer something that he didn't know himself?

The doorbell sounded. Ryan shot Seth a warning look that told him to stay where he was as he jumped up. Seth sat back down again with a sheepish look on his face and continued with the game.

He stood at the door, his stomach knotted. Missy in the Cohens' house was weird. She was his escape; he could be himself around her and not pretend. Would she even like the person that he had assimilated into when he was in Newport? He opened the door. Missy stood nervously clutching a bunch of flowers and a large box of candy.

"You shouldn't have…I'm watching my waistline." He smiled at her.

"Very funny ass-face, these are for Mrs Cohen." She smiled back.

All doubts faded…it was so good to see her. He led her through to the kitchen. He could see Seth hovering but chose to ignore him for now. They deposited the flowers and Ryan led her through to the pool house. He shut the door behind them. As he walked over to Missy he was startled to see her step back.

"Whoa…you stay over there Buster, I have strict instructions from the Cohens NOT to fuck with you and I'm not talking about mind games. So you just stay over there…. no touching…no way. There is a line here."

She made a sweep with her foot.

"And you aren't crossing it…. I'm not sure we should even be this close to a bed. I think I may already have contravened several orders already!"

"Missy, I just want to hug you. Civilised people do hug in greeting you know." Ryan grinned at her and marvelled how Missy always managed to lighten the mood, even when he should have been pissed at the Cohens' interference.

"Only a hug… I know about your hugs Ryan. It'll start as a hug, and then you'll kiss me. Then the groping will start and before you know where we are, we are both buck naked on that bed humping…."

Ryan tried his best to not laugh and looked crestfallen.

"I just wanted a hug…that's all…but if you can't trust yourself around me without trying to jump my bones I understand." He walked slowly towards her.

Missy narrowed her eyes.

"Just a hug?"

Ryan nodded. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Breathing in her scent. She just seemed to fit in his arms. He felt the tension of the day melt away. He bent his head to her ear and whispered.

"Can we get naked now?"

Missy hit him hard on the ass and told him to behave.

She wandered round his room.

"My God Ryan…this is a pool house? I had visions of you living in a little shed full of inflatables. This is bigger than most people's apartments!"

She opened the bathroom door and peered inside, then continued her tour.

"Wow… you even have your own kitchen!" She bent down and picked some things up. She scanned them and looked up at Ryan.

Shit, he should have thrown the leaflets away.

"That's phase two in my 'make me a Newport drone' program. The first was going to see a shrink."

Ryan sat on the bed. All the previous jocularity had vanished.

"Ohh Ryan…You've got to admit you have been down. Maybe this if for the best if it helps you feel better?"

Ryan sighed, someone else who thought they knew him.

"Yeah things are bad at the moment but it's not the first time I've felt like this. I just need time to work things out of my system…I just need time to work things out for myself. The Cohens think it's for the best too and I usually do whatever they say, but not this. I hate that they think I need this. I've got my friends looking at me like I'm going to commit suicide at any moment…Sandy and Kirsten think they know what's best for me but they don't know me Missy, they don't know me…it will get better…I just need time and space and their constant hovering is making it worse, it's making it a lot worse. I just want to be alone."

"Have you told them that?" Missy put her arm around his shoulders.

"I've tried but they seem to think that it's another manifestation of my spiralling depression. I'm used to being alone when I feel like this Missy…in Chino, if I disappeared for a few days no one cared. You've got some people like Seth who love company and noise…and you've got me and I've always been the same, I need space. The Cohens think it's unhealthy to just want to be by myself. I just want to get away but they see that as running away from my problems…I see it as facing them. So I guess we'll never agree on it."

"Where did you used to go… before?"

Ryan looked at Missy.

"I just used to hitchhike to a place I'd never been, I could be just an hour away but it made the difference… I'd find myself helping out at a garage or a diner. It helped put things into perspective you know. Meeting new people, hearing about their lives. No one knew anything about me, and that was liberating. To meet people and know that you didn't have to impress them because you were only there for a few days. That's how I met you, Missy… except you got under my skin."

Missy felt teary…why did that sound like the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her?

"You got under mine too." Missy lent forward and kissed him. Screw the rules. Kissing would be O.K. Except that Ryan didn't kiss like most men and they soon found themselves engaged in a heavy petting session.

The door opened and they both flew apart.

"Holy cow…I'm sorry...um, I was just sent to tell you that takeout is here."

Seth was shielding his eyes like he'd just caught them doing something entirely different.

"But I can see you're busy."

They both smoothed down their clothing, and looked guiltily at one another.

"For God's sake Seth, we weren't doing anything." Ryan said exasperated at Seth's histrionics.

"Well don't let Mom and Dad catch you not doing anything, they told me to tell you that the blinds should be up if you are out here."

Seth grinned at Ryan.

"And Ryan… you might want to wipe off that lipstick you're wearing before you come into eat, otherwise Mom and Dad will definitely know what you both were doing in here!"

Ryan threw a pillow at him and Seth retreated laughing.

"This is why you shouldn't have crossed that imaginary line Ryan!" Missy swiped his arm.

Dinner hadn't been as bad as Ryan had thought it would be. Missy could charm the birds out of the trees. Seth had spent most of the evening staring at her with a glazed look on his face that would have earned him a serious rage blackout from Summer if she had seen it. Sandy was more than nice to her, which led Ryan to wonder what he had actually said to her. It had apparently been bad for him to grovel as much he was doing. As Ryan washed the dishes, Missy had asked Kirsten if she could see the new model house she was working on, thus making a friend for life. They had gone off to her study chatting like they had known each other for ages.

Sandy came into the kitchen carrying the rest of the dishes. They washed in silence for a while until Sandy said what he had obviously come out to say.

"I'm sorry for making such a snap decision about her Ryan, she seems like a nice girl."

"She is." Ryan responded and left it at that.

"It was the whole drug thing and I blamed her…I'm sorry O.K?"

Ryan reflected that now would not be a good time for him to find out that the drugs were hers. Even though it had been his fault for taking them.

"Thanks for tonight Sandy, it's been great."

Sandy gave Ryan a smile.

"The rules still apply though…blinds up when you are in the pool house. I know it's too late for this but don't just rush into things Ryan, you haven't known her that long. But if you do…. be responsible."

God there it was, the Talk. Ryan mumbled that he would be safe.

Sandy looked as embarrassed as he did. So they went back to quietly washing and stacking the dishes in the washer.

The next afternoon at school Ryan was in the student lounge with the others. He was trying his best but he could tell he was making the others nervous. Their constant cheerful banter sounded false to his ears. Everyone was just trying too hard, himself included. It didn't help when Marissa came over obviously wanting to talk about the whole Oliver thing again. He felt bad for her but he couldn't let her back in. Things were still too raw for him. He had gone out on a limb for her to try and protect her, only to have it thrown back in his face.

He sighed inwardly and followed her to the corner of the room. He could see Seth and Summer craning their necks to watch. He turned away and listened blankly to her arguments as to why they should get back together and how sorry she was again. He was saved when a student interrupted them both with a message for Ryan to go and see Dr Kim. He never thought that a visit to Dr Kim's office would be so welcome. He apologised to Marissa with a gentle reminder that he was now seeing someone else, picked up his bag and with a worried look at Seth made his way back into the lion's den.

He was ushered straight in and was surprised to see Sandy sitting opposite the Dean. Dr Kim spoke first.

" Sit down Ryan."

Ryan sat, looking from one to the other.

"Ryan, Mr Cohen and myself have been discussing your failing grades and your inability to focus on your schoolwork at the present time and we think that it would be a benefit to you if you were to take a small break from Harbor."

Ryan swung his head around to Sandy…what the hell?

"I'll try harder... I mean I'm sorry for falling behind…I…." he blustered.

Sandy smiled reassuringly.

"Ryan this isn't a punishment, you're not being suspended. We just feel that you need a bit of time out. It's for two weeks only. No schoolwork in that time. You can catch up on any assignments in the holidays. This won't go on your record."

Ryan looked confused…Dr Kim was smiling at him, it seemed genuine and not one of her usual 'I've got a bad smell under my nose' smiles.

"I hope to see you back here at Harbor refreshed and focused in a few weeks Ryan…and ready to work. Take care of yourself Ryan, you are one of our success stories and we're very proud of you here."

Ryan blindly shook her offered hand, wondering where this was going.

He found himself being driven to the beach by Sandy. They stopped off and got some lunch and sat on the sand. Ryan ate in silence as Sandy plucked up the courage to 'talk', which was obviously the whole reason for this impromptu picnic. Sandy finished his sandwich and wiped his hands.

" You're probably wondering what this is all about?"

Ryan nodded, wrapping up the remains of his sandwich in the cellophane. He picked up his orange juice and drank deeply. His brain was working overtime…he had visions of being shipped off to a clinic somewhere.

"Melissa made an appointment with me and Kirsten this morning. You have quite an advocate in her Ryan…. She really does provide a great argument; law school would be perfect for her. We have thought long and hard about this and I'm still not convinced that it's the right thing to do but we're going to give it a shot."

Ryan frowned…. what the hell was Missy up to?

"You've got two weeks on your own…I hope you don't need that full time…but that's it kid. This is a one shot deal; we aren't going to let you disappear every time things get on top of you. Missy has set up an unpaid job for you at a community project in Chino, you'll be staying there and we expect a phone call every night from you…. NO excuses. I want to trust you Ryan, so that means no drugs… be an adult 'cause we're going to treat you like one."

Ryan was stunned…how the hell had she pulled this off? He didn't know what to say.

" If you need space then we'll give you space but you've got to realize that it hurts us that you won't come to us for help but we won't take it personally as Melissa says it's an Atwood trait."

Ryan gave a small laugh, the Atwood family motto was 'don't ask for help 'cause it will always come back with a vengeance, asking for interest.' He looked at Sandy and all he saw was concern, he wasn't trying to put a guilt trip on him.

"I'm sorry Sandy…for everything."

"Don't be sorry kid, just come back when you are ready."

Sandy looked out at the ocean and said, almost as if he was talking to himself, "We didn't know that there was something missing from our home until you showed up. Now we don't know what we'd do if you if you weren't there."

TBC