Thanks to Melanie39 for her help beta-ing.

Disclaimer- The same...nothing.

Come Undone

Chapter 21

Ryan found himself in the car nearing Chino. He felt relieved that he was getting away but Sandy's subdued words on the beach had made him think. What it all came down to was his own inability to trust, to let Sandy be the adult. Ryan had never had that level of care before.

He and Trey had dragged themselves up for the most part. Their parents had only been parents when it suited. Ryan had kicked against the Cohens' nurturing. Ryan couldn't just let them in, even though deep down he knew they had his best interests at heart…. he'd just never met people like them before. He mused as to why he trusted Missy so much after less than a week but to these people who had opened their home to him, he was still acting like an ungrateful bastard.

That's how he felt as Kirsten hugged him with tears in her eyes and Sandy stood by silently, probably wondering if he'd come back. He'd just picked up his bag and left. He wished that he could have given them that 'Little House on the Prairie' moment, where he could suddenly say that he wasn't going…that he loved them like a true family. Where he could have sat down and really talked abut his innermost feelings and fears. Where he could talk with them about his past without the burning sense of shame and self-loathing.

He'd had to walk away…to leave them looking lost. He was holding it together by a thread at the moment…. he felt like crying so much but the thought that he wouldn't be able to stop worried him more than letting go in front of them.

He needed this to get things straight…he had too many emotions that he couldn't deal with here. Sandy was doing his best, so was Kirsten but in the last week alone he'd had feelings of hate, fear, distrust, and disappointment all angled at Sandy and that wasn't fair on him. It was all down to Ryan and he had to make it right in his head or push Sandy away forever. If that meant leaving that's what he needed …and boy did he need it.

Missy was quiet; she sensed his mood and he was grateful that she didn't feel the need to fill the silence. He reached over and placed his hand on her knee. She looked over and smiled.

"You O.K?"

Ryan smiled back.

"Yeah…Thanks Missy. I don't know how you did this but thanks."

Missy pulled up at the side of a large house in an area of Chino that Ryan didn't know. Missy undid her seatbelt and looked at Ryan. Had she done the right thing? This was either going to make or break Ryan at the moment.

"So this community project, what's it all about?" Ryan asked, looking at the house.

Missy took a deep breath.

"They basically need someone to do some work…you know, general maintenance on the place. You'll love Sarah, she runs it here."

Missy looked at the house, remembering the first time she saw the place.

"I…my mom and I stayed here when I was about fourteen for a while. It's a refuge for women. My step dad used to beat the crap out of my mom. We had nothing and nowhere to go. We ended up here; if it weren't for this place I think my mom would be dead…"

Ryan reached for Missy's hand. He realized that this was a big part of the connection they had made, why Missy understood him.

"I'm sorry Missy, I had no idea." Ryan knew that she had only mentioned her mom getting hit, but he knew from experience that it never just stopped at one family member.

She squeezed his hand back.

"They don't usually let men stay here for obvious reasons but Sarah needs the work doing and I told her that you were handy with a tool belt. Please tell me you aren't a DIY disaster Ryan! "

Missy kept to herself the long conversations she'd had with Sarah about Ryan. How she thought he was on the verge of a breakdown and all the reasons behind it. When Ryan had mentioned his need for an escape she had instantly thought of this place. Sarah had readily agreed to help him out. Sarah had seen enough broken kids come though the house to know what lasting damage was caused in some families. Missy had also confessed that she had really fallen hard for him. She had come here after Sandy had spoken to her. She had cried for a solid two hours in Sarah's arms. This place was her refuge and she hoped that Ryan would find his inner calm here too.

"I can turn my hand to most things…it'll be good to be busy. Thanks again for this."

Missy laughed.

"You won't be saying that when you see the list of jobs that are waiting for you, the place needs a serious sprucing up! Come on, let's go find Sarah."

Ryan followed behind and found himself in a small comfortable room in front of an untidy desk. Missy told him to wait while she went and got her friend. He sat on one of the armchairs and looked around the room. Paperwork overflowed onto most of the surfaces. Ryan smiled at the garish children's drawings tacked to the walls and all the various 'crafts' lined up on the mantle…the wobbly clay pots and wonky peg dolls. He jumped as he felt a pressure on his leg. He found a large ginger tom staring back at him. He scratched him behind the ears and the cat jumped up and settled itself on his lap, purring and kneading his knees.

The door opened and a tall brunette woman entered, followed by Missy.

"Ahh, I see Jenks has found a friend." Sarah smiled " Consider that an honour, Jenks has a tendency to ignore most people. I'm Sarah Flint."

Ryan was torn between wanting to stand up in greeting and not wanting to disturb the contented cat. He shifted forward and was rewarded with a sharp dig of claws on his lap.

Sarah looked at Ryan with a twinkle in her eye at his dilemma.

"Don't get up, Jenks gets a bit territorial when it comes to finding a lap, he doesn't relinquish his spot readily."

She lent down and shook his hand. She appraised the boy in front of her. Sarah hadn't been expecting Ryan to be quite so young, she had assumed that he'd be the same age as Melissa.

They chatted for a while, well to be quite honest she had talked and Ryan had listened, only adding the odd nod here or there. Missy was right, this boy was wound tighter than a wristwatch and he had the most expressive eyes she had ever seen. If the eyes were the windows to your soul then this boy was in trouble. She handed him a couple of pages of A4 paper that she had typed up with a wish list of jobs to do around the place. She noted that he didn't bat an eyelid about the length. He only queried the fact that he had no tools. She affirmed that that had been taken care of.

She had plucked Jenks off his lap and shown him the way to his room, which was little more than a closet with a bed in, again he had been polite and said it was great. She had the feeling that if she had said he'd be sleeping outside by the trash cans he would have said it was the best place he had ever slept in. She sighed inwardly. He was what she called a 'pleaser', She had dealt with all types of personalities here…but the ones that worried her the most were the 'pleasers'. They spent so much of their lives trying to fit in and not make waves that they didn't know who they were anymore. She had seen many women who had been conditioned by their husbands to be perfect, they all had the look that they were terrified that they wouldn't make the grade. It was the 'pleasers' who invariably went back home even though the beatings would get worse and it would probably end with a trip to the morgue one day. In her experience, men didn't usually fall into the 'pleaser' category and certainly not adolescent boys…. she dreaded to think what had made this teenage boy that way. She just hoped that being here would help him in some way.

The next few days were busy for Ryan, it felt good to work with his hands again, part of him missed working on the construction site and it was good to use the skills he'd learnt there again. The woodwork in the place was in dire need of help. The place needed painting throughout. It was good to be occupied, to feel useful.

He felt less stressed here. He didn't have to be sociable. It was a weight of his mind not to have people constantly asking him how he was. His evenings were spent finishing off jobs; Missy would keep him company, often just watching him while he worked. That's what he loved about her; she didn't mind that he wanted to spend his evenings this way. They felt comfortable in each other's company not to have to fill the silence with words.

He made the phone call every night to the Cohens' as promised, the conversations were awkward but it was getting easier each night. Ryan didn't tell them much about the refuge. The place was to personal, so he had been deliberately evasive about where he was spending his days. It was easier if they just thought it was a hostel. Seth would ring him to, often putting Luke and Summer on the line. They made him laugh by recounting their days at Harbor. Ryan wondered what rumour was circulating about his absence this time.

He went to bed early and woke early. In fact he'd say that the last three days had flown by. He looked over at his alarm clock, six-thirty. It was time to get up. He showered, got dressed and crept out of his room, shutting the door gently so he wouldn't disturb anyone else. He made his way to the kitchen and set about putting the coffee on. When it had finished percolating he filled two cups and shoved a cinnamon bun in his mouth. He could hear the other people in the house stirring, he liked to be out of the way before they all came down for breakfast. He stopped outside Sarah's office and tapped on the door with his knuckle. He opened the door and stood unsure when he realized that she was not alone. He removed the bun from his mouth.

"I'm sorry…I just brought your coffee…." He quickly handed her the cup and smiled apologetically to the young woman. She must have been the late arrival Missy had gone to pick up last night. He offered her his cup. " One going spare if you want, no sugar?"

The woman smiled and took the cup; she had the weary shell-shocked look of someone who had had enough. Ryan nodded to Sarah and mouthed 'sorry' and retreated.

He ate the bun in four mouthfuls and collected his tools. He checked his list and made his way to the first floor and opened the door. The room should have been empty but he found himself looking at a small boy of about six crying on the end of one of the twin beds. Ryan looked towards the bathroom to make sure that he wasn't going to encounter a half naked mom but the door was wide open and the room empty. The boy looked at him and hiccupped, his big blue eyes looking fearfully at Ryan. Ryan wasn't sure what to do…he'd spent the last few days avoiding everyone except Missy and Sarah. There was something about this kid that made him stop and walk over.

"Hey…. you O.K?"

The boy just stared at Ryan.

"I'm a pretty good listener?"

Another hiccupped sob escaped the boy.

Ryan walked over to the window and put his tools down.

"I've just got to fix the windows, so I'll be here if you want to tell me what's up. O.K?"

Ryan shoved the window open and closed it again, warped just like the others. He pulled the pencil from behind his ear and made some marks on the wood where it needed to be shaved. He could feel the boy's eyes on him. He started to undo the hinges when he heard a small voice behind him.

" I wet the bed."

Ryan put down the screwdriver and turned to the boy as he started to cry in earnest again. He noticed the damp pyjamas for the first time.

"Hey buddy…its O.K…do you want me to get your mom?"

"Nooo" The boy wailed "I don't want her to know…. it's not my bed and she'll be mad. I'm such a baby."

"Don't be too hard on yourself…you're in a new place and it's a bit scary. Accidents happen."

" But I'm seven…I'm not a baby anymore, it shouldn't happen…I'm so stupid."

Ryan felt his heart go out to him.

"You'll grow out of it kid…. I did."

The boy's eyes grew large as he looked at Ryan's muscular arms and torso, obviously wondering how this person who was about a hundred years old could have ever been like him. Ryan remembered being at that age when anyone over the age of ten had seemed ancient.

"Really... You wet the bed?" The small voice whispered.

Ryan nodded. He remembered it well, the frantic turning over of the mattress so his mom and dad wouldn't find out or even worse Trey.

"What do you think about this, you go and get dressed and I'll go find some clean sheets and then your mom doesn't need to know?" Ryan smiled.

" You won't tell my mom?"

"Nope. I'm Ryan…you got a name?"

The boy got off the bed and grabbed his clothes. He scampered to the bathroom and turned as he shut the door.

"Danny!"

Ryan stripped the damp sheets and under blanket off the bed and bundled them up. He waited a few minutes before tapping on the door.

" You got your PJ's?"

A small hand passed them out. Ryan added them to the pile.

" I'll be back in a second. Do you want some breakfast?"

The door opened and Danny emerged dressed in combats and a tee with U.S army emblazoned on it.

"'kay." He sounded brighter already.

"When I get back I'll show you how they make the beds up in the Army."

"Yeah…really?" Danny smiled.

"Yup, soldier." Ryan gave him a salute. Danny returned it.

Ryan made his way to the laundry; he passed Sarah and the woman from the office in the hall.

"Have we got you doing the laundry now?" Sarah quipped as he passed.

The woman's face fell as she looked to the room Ryan had just exited.

"Ohh…I'm sorry, has Danny had an accident? I'll take those." She looked embarrassed.

" It's fine, I've got it covered…He got bit upset 'cause it wasn't his bed but he's O.K now…I said that I wouldn't tell you. I don't think he wants to worry you." Ryan tried to put her at her ease. "Does he like cinnamon buns 'cause I said I'd get him some breakfast?"

Sarah looked at Ryan, then at the woman taking it all in. Ryan wondered why she looked pleased.

" He talked to you?" The woman exclaimed.

Ryan nodded.

"Thank God, thank you. We…we left his dad. We left everything behind. He misses his friends and his toys. It's all been a bit too much for him. He hasn't said one word in two days. That's what I was talking to Mrs Flint about. I've been so worried."

Sarah beamed.

"Becky…this is Ryan Atwood, he's staying here at the moment and doing a fine job of mending this place. Ryan, this is Becky Roberts. Come on I'll show you where we keep the sheets, Ryan. Then we can go and help with the breakfast Becky."

"I can't let Ryan do that…"

"I don't mind really." Ryan said "and Danny will know I've spilled if you help."

Becky looked at Ryan like she had just found her saviour.

"I can't believe he talked to you. I tried everything."

Sarah led the way, feeling pleased with herself. This might work out nicely after all.

Tbc