Author's Note: A bit of a boring chapter. Right now I'm building the foundation for more interesting shit to happen so you'll need to bear with me. Long big sappy paragraphs and shit, not my favorite chapter but whatever. And I'm sorry it took me so long to get it up but as you know FanFiction had been being a bitch lately so I had to wait until it was under control and not PMSing. Also I might change the title of this fic just because I get bored easily so puh lease add it to your favorites. Yeah. Yeah. Well here it be.

Tear Yourself Down

"Fuck." J.J muttered from across the room. He ripped a piece of parchment into pieces and dropped his guitar pick on the ground

"Jay, just play it." Laura moaned, "You're really started to piss me off."

He just shook his head.

"It isn't done."

"I figured, you dumbass. I don't care. Play it."

"No." he repeated stubbornly

"At least play it for Gin." Laura persuaded, as Ginny entered the room "I mean, I could tell you if it sounds good, but Gin actually knows something about music. She actually plays gui-."

Ginny gave a snort and collapsed on the ground next to Laura.

"Hardly."

"Well you don''t suck"

"Thanks La."

"You know what I mean!...fuck Jay just play it!"

"No." he said hotly, fingering different chords.

"What are you writing about anyways J.J?" asked Ginny gently

He looked up and let his dark eyes drift around the room, as though thinking.

"Maybe...maybe I should go in a different direction..." he muttered more to himself than anyone else, as his hand immediately jumped to a quill lying on the floor. Ginny listened to the scratch of the parchment against the quill as J.J's eyes flew up and down the page. It was difficult for her not to burst with curiosity. J.J had never been this frustrated over a song before, and she desperately wanted to hear it, but she didn't want to bug him especially when he seemed so pissed off already.

"Yeah fine, you do that." Laura wrapped, breaking the silence. She rolled her eyes and gave a reasonless snort. "So are we going to Diagon Alley today, or what?"

"Oh yeah, that''s right." noticed Ginny, glancing at her watch. "Well sure, I guess. I don't really think I need much though."

J.J looked up at her.

"Don't you need a bunch of honour's shit or something?"

"Eh?"

"Didn't you say your mom was going on about all the new shit you'll need for those smart kids classes?"

"Oh, well yeah but I mean really I do''t need that much it just seemed like a lot." answered Ginny. She was telling the half truth. She didn't want to spend too much of her parents money. As much as it embarrassed her, her family needed every penny they could get their hands on. They were poor. And she was not the world's greatest daughter. They shouldn't need to be wasting their money on her.

What''s that now? Lost who you are? Can't really see straight? Well you're wrong, and you're worth more than that shit, but of course, you're far too blind to see it

"Really?" Laura asked, "Are you sure?"

Ginny could feel herself growing red, wishing they would look away. Their eyes were burning into her and it hurt. Why did they care about her so much? It made no sense.

"Yeah, so are we going or what?" she answered quickly

Laura shrugged

"Sure."

She stood up, and crammed the last of a chocolate pop tart she'd been munching on into her mouth. Dusting herself off she waltzed into the kitchen, as J.J stared avidly at his guitar as if trying to read its mind, and find the potential of the secret song that was putting him through so much hell.

Ginny glanced at Laura who was now jingling some bronze coins around in her hands, half her attention on counting them. She stretched her arms up in the air briefly revealing her gorgeous tan stomach. Had Laura lost weight? No. Ginny realized she hadn't. But she was so thin, and beautiful. That had always been Ginny. It had always come easy. Laura had always been small too, but Ginny was the smallest. The thinnest. Freakishly so. Now not so much. And it began to creep up on her, that as awful as it was she was extremely bothered by this. And it wasn't just Laura, she knew. Maybe everyone had always been just as pretty as her, just as slim, and she Ginny had simply never noticed because she was so self- involved, stuck up, immediately convinced that she and only she was-

"We'll go in a bit, I guess." J.J grunted. "No point in leaving right away."

"Yeah." Ginny agreed without hearing him.

Well it wasn't going to be like that anymore. Everyone was better than her? Yes. Everyone was prettier than her? Yes. Horrible thoughts she had never known before were flowing into her mind. But she refused to let it happen. She needed to catch up with that girl everyone thought she was. She would be the thinnest and prettiest and smartest once again. She had to be. She refused to disappoint her family, her friends who knew her as this girl she supposed she had once been. Why was she losing so much control? How had she gained this weight, lost all of her charm and wits? She had, had them before hadn't she?

But nothing about her had changed except her view of herself.

Worn and worked it was becoming skewed and blankly wrong as she stupidly brought new untrue thoughts into her head.

It was her fault, completely her fault, she realized tears welling up in her gorgeous eyes. And soon the world would realize that she had become, stupid and ugly and annoying and fat. Well she wouldn't let them. She wouldn't disappoint her friends and family. She wouldn't disappoint herself. She had always been this girl. This pretty, thin, charming, funny, sweet, smart perfect girl. If she wasn't that girl anymore it was her fault. If she wasn't that girl...then who was she?

What''s that now? Lost who you are? Can''t really see straight? Well you''re wrong, and you''re worth more than that shit, but of course, you''re far too blind to see it

Well, no. She could be that girl. She would be that girl. It wouldn't be fair to Laura and J.J if she couldn't be. They would leave her, she knew they would. And she would miss them terribly. If only she could stop them. And then it hit her. Everyone was going to leave her. Everyone was going to hate her. Everything was caving in. She had changed. For the worse.

And she had changed for the worse. But not the way she thought. She'd changed so much she was, staring, horrified at flaws that weren't even there. It was getting to her, the weight of her life and it never occurred to her that maybe she wasn't a terrible person if she wasn't smart, or thin or pretty or sweet or perfect.

But she was all these things.

She just hated herself too much to see it.

Ginny took a deep breath to calm herself down. All right, perhaps the brief blissful joy of being back with her friends was over. She had things to think about again. Things to work on, things to do...things to improve.

"Hey!" Laura exclaimed suddenly. No one looked up. She stomped her foot trying to grab their attention. "Hey!" she repeated.

Ginny jerked out of her horrific trance

"Eh?"

"Want one?" Laura asked, now holding up a new package of pop tarts

"I'm good." she replied automatically.

J.J glanced upwards at her, eyes twisted strangely, then quickly scribbled something onto his parchment.

"What the hell is with you two?" Laura demanded.

Oh no. It was happening already. Laura was realizing she was no fun anymore.

"J.J!" Laura screamed stomping her foot again.

She hated being ignored. Annoyed, her brother snapped his head up and glared at her.

"Seriously, would it kill you to fuck off for five minutes Laura?" he growled

"That was cold."

"Well good."

"J.J!-" Ginny began

"Forget it!" he exclaimed, tossing his quill aside "Are we going?"

Laura scowled cooly

"Whatever I don't care."

"Oh go chew your fucking ear off painter girl-"

"Hey!"

"J.J what-" Ginny attempted again

"Screw it, I''m going to the basement." Laura yelled

"We aren't allowed in the basement."

She jumped as though burned from the knob as turned stone cold eyes to her brother.

"You promised." she told him disgusted

"I promised what?" he asked confused

There was a brief pause before Laura shook her head furiously as though giving up and started down into the basement.

"Forget it, I don't give a shit." she said simply slamming the door behind her.

It was silent again.

"Jay that was so not rock and roll." Ginny ventured quietly

He took a long frustrated breath but said nothing.

"If this stupid song is pissing you off so much, why don't you just forget it? It doesn't need to be perfect."

Wrong thing to say and Ginny knew it.

"Yes it does."

Well, she'd seen that coming.

"Why don't you just give up for a while? Let the words come to you. Would you at least play it for me Jay?" Ginny let her voice fade away near the end of the comment.

"No...I...I''ve just gotta keep working on it...but...later I guess...I mean I guess we can go now."

"Okay..." she said slowly "After you apologize to Laura."

"She doesn't care-"

"I care." said Ginny sharply.

He ran a hand through his dark hair

"Fine."

She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Hey...you okay?"

And then he smiled

"Yeah."

Slowly, they stood up and began to make their way towards the basement calmly, until they heard a loud scream issue from somewhere beneath them and they stopped in their tracks locking eyes before immediately bolting forwards and yanking open the old wooden door. Ginny took the steps four at a time, reaching the bottom and spinning all around searching for the disturbance.

"La!" J.J exclaimed exasperated when he met with Ginny.

Another shriek issued and Ginny turned her eyes to wear J.J was staring.

"Fuck!" Laura screamed turning around to see them. She had been sitting at a desk with an odd muggle invention that reminded Ginny a bit of the TV her father had explained to her.

"What is up?" J.J demanded making towards his sister and resting his hands on her shoulders.

"I was so fucking scared." replied Laura blankly

"What is that thing?" Ginny asked

"It's a computer." J.J answered her. "We have a bunch of muggle shit down here...because...well I dunno, I guess we just got used to having it when we lived with our dad-"

"Oh my GOD Jay it was so scary!" Laura repeated. She had obviously forgotten their spat rather quickly. Ginny peered blankly at Laura.

"You. Scared. Of what?" she asked disbelievingly

"Of the fucking demon child from hell!" she bellowed defensively gesturing to the screen.

J.J gave a loud bark of a laugh.

"Laura it's a movie!" he howled after realizing what she was talking about

"What's a movie?" Ginny asked

"I was watching this movie trailer...about this...this..this girl...and she's all like "Charlie did it!" and then she kills everyone!"

"Oh please, they wouldn't show if she killed everyone, it's supposed to be suspenseful!" J.J argued

"Fuck you! She kills everyone!"

"All right Laura. She kills everyone. D'you guys wanna go now then?"J.J said shaking his head

"Yeah okay." Ginny agreed "Hey...why aren't you guys allowed down here?"

Laura shrugged somewhat awkwardly

"I dunno...she's never really told us...we just...aren't." she said stiffly.

Ginny caught J.J's eye as they made their way up the stairs. She didn't know why. But it felt good to lock eyes with him. He had grown, she noticed. He was nearly a head taller than both girls and even his eyes looked slightly different. There was fire inside them. Determination. He had grown in wisdom, she could see. And somehow, something about his dark eyes seemed to be sending her the message that everything was going to be alright.

But then he blinked.

And she knew she'd imagined it all.