Title: You Get What You Deserve
Summary: Set during and after the episode "Say Goodnight, Gracie". Jess takes Luke up on his offer.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Early morning
Jess was busy packing his stuff while Luke was preparing the diner for its morningrush. He threw in his shirts, not even bothering to fold them. He was in a rush; needed to get out of here before Luke would see him leave and he was forced to either say his goodbyes or reconsider. He wanted to be gone before his head would start reasoning with his heart. There was no way he could stay. Not when he had screwed everything up so big. He wasn't graduating. And he had no one to blame for it except himself and that stupid car he had been saving for. One day of skipping school had turned into several, and eventually into those 31 days that made him lose the right to graduate. And of course he had seen the warnings, known this couldn't work out. He had wanted it all: Rory. Money. A car. A diploma. And now look what he had: nothing. He stood empty-handed with nothing to call his own except for the things he was throwing in his duffelbag.
He picked up a book Rory had given him in exchange for meeting her grandmother. Well, that had gone superb hadn't it? Looking back the cracks in their relationship had already been visible but they'd both tried so hard to ignore them. Too hard. Each and every one of their conversations had been painful. Rehearsed. They both acted like he was the ideal boyfriend, when it was obvious that he was anything but. Yes, it was true, he had treated her like dirt. Part of him honoured her, adored her like some princess. The other part kept blaming her for everything he felt. If he hadn't been her 'boyfriend' he wouldn't have these guilt feelings over not graduating or taking her to the prom. If she hadn't come to visit him in New York they never would have been together. But she had, and they were. And he loved her, god he did. So much that he couldn't bare to hurt her, corrupt her more.
Sighing, he took up the bag, looking at the room that was strangely neat and empty without his stuff all shattered around it. Like he had never been here. Like he didn't exist. Jess took out an envelope he had been keeping in his pocket. Holding it for one more moment, he was once again unpleasantly reminded of his new feelings. The old New York Jess would never have left money, even if he owed it to someone. They'd been stupid to lend it to him in the first place. He did not feel good about keeping money from Luke however. Luke had helped him out numerous times, no matter what. He'd even helped him out a couple of times that Jess didn't want to be helped. It made him feel guilty for lying to his uncle, skipping school, knowing the consequence of not graduating. It hadn't made him feel guilty enough though.
He wanted to leave. Wanted to flee so he wouldn't hurt them anymore. He couldn't stand the disappointment in their eyes. The same disappointment he felt when he took a long hard look at himself. He did not want to stay and feel this way. He wanted to run, to a place and time where none of this would matter anymore. Though, deep inside, he knew she would always matter.
Sneaking out the backdoor like some criminal, Jess lit a cigarette and watched Stars Hollow from the shade. He saw her, talking to her mom, who went ahead, turned around and shook her head. It pained him that she wouldn't come in when he was there. He knew her so well and he did not want to string her along anymore.
Emerging from the shade he took a deep breath, flicked away his cigarette and twirled another around casually while walking over to her. Lorelai had already stepped inside.
Jess knew she sensed his presence before she had turned around to meet his eyes. He felt a smirk plastered on his face, his whole attitude showing nothing of the plans he had, the duffelbag that was hidden in the corner. He pretended nothing was wrong, like they usually did. They both played a part, silently falling into the roles they had rehearsed into perfection. You smile, I nod. Take two. I treat you like dirt. You let me. Scene five. We pretend we don't see the truth, that I don't know you know I'm leaving. You ask me to call you and I promise I will. I know I won't, and you know that too.
"Hey"
"Hi"
Rory didn't quite meet his eyes, which meant that she was either angry or shy or both. He loved that about her, how he always managed to read her mood by just a quick look in her eyes. She hated that she couldn't do the same with him.
"I'm sorry I ran off. Was Luke hard on you when he found out?"
She suddenly said when they both knew it was his turn to speak. He simply shrugged, wondering why she decided to improvise instead of keeping to those safe old screenplays. She nodded at his shrug, both falling silent while trying to figure out the direction of this new play they were suddenly acting in.
"I'll pay you back"
She looked at him, determined for the first time.
"It was my fault you got into this stupid fight. I shouldn't have run off. I didn't mean to. I just got..."
"Confused"
He added and she nodded again. It was his turn to speak now.
"I understand. I should have listened to you. I was just..."
"Upset"
She finished his sentence for him, something he both loved and hated. It was scary that she knew exactly what he was trying to say or do. He didn't want to be figured out.
"Luke told my mom you weren't graduating. He said he offered you another year here, to finish highschool."
Rory looked around, as if she was trying to find the bag she was sure had to be hidden somewhere. He smirked sarcastically. She really knew him well. She knew about his plans. And yet she said nothing, didn't persuade him to stay. She didn't even ask.
Review please!
A/N: Okay I have the idea this sucked big time, at least parts of it did. I'm just confused. Do I want Jess to leave and then realise he has to come back, or do I want him to stay. It probably shows that in this story. I'm also a little confused about Jess' feelings, how to write them and what I want him to feel. Please tell me if I'm doing okay and what to write :). Thanks!