Yami-Muse: (Rolls in riding Cosmo) Zoe doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, MTV, the cable company, Dr. Pepper, The Cherry Pit, Gwen Steffani—
Yugi-Muse: (Cutting Yami off) Basically, she doesn't own anything. Oh, and if you dunno, Bakura is Yami Bakura. Not Ryou. The Yami. Not the Hikari. Happeh?
Zoe: And…well, if this is the first ficlet of mine that you read, I really hope you're not insulted by my sense of humour. XD I seriously mean no offence, if anyone is. Now, on with the ficlet!
Yugi bounced happily into the house, throwing his jacket and backpack in a pile next to the door. "Yami, I'm home!"
Yami grunted from the couch. His normally magnificent hair was straggly and greasy, and had the occasional tootsie roll paper in it. He was wearing only boxers (something Yugi seemed not at all bothered by) and he had a slight beard and moustache going on. He also put on close to 10 pounds.
Yugi groaned. "Yami, have you seen yourself lately? You're a complete mess. Alls you do all day long is laze about, never lifting more than your Dr. Pepper can. You need to get a job or clean the house or something."
Yami leaped from the couch, instantly sexy again. He glared at Yugi for a few seconds, before declaring, "You stupid mo' fo' cracka!" and stormed into his room, with his right hand cupping his crotch and his left swinging haphazardly beside him.
"AND NO MORE RAP VIDEOS!"
Muffled yells came from the bedroom, which sounded like they included bitch, whore, nigga, and Wes' side. Yugi rolled his eyes. Mental note to self: Call the cable company and add MTV to the block list.
The next day as Yugi got home, he threw his stuff in the usual pile in the usual spot by the door and ran into his room. Yami pounced on him from God knows where, knocking him to the ground with a crazed grin on his face. "AIBOU! AIBOU AIBOU AIBOU! GUESS WHAT! I GOT A JOB!"
"That's great, Yami! Where? …and how did you get sugar! I have the key with me, and you're banned from every convenient store in town!" Yugi raised an eyebrow at his normally stoic other half.
Yami just smirked at him and skipped away happily, humming Rich Girl by Gwen Steffani.
Two weeks later, Yugi still couldn't find out where Yami was working, and he refused to tell him. Alls Yugi knew was that it was a night job, because Yami would leave around 8:00 every night and not come in until Yugi was waking up the next morning for school, around 5:30. He sighed softly, just a tad jealous of Yami's new job because he only had a few hours with his love once he got home before he was off to work. Not that he complained aloud, especially since had been showered with wonderful presents: a Dark Magician lamp, countless new booster packs, a trampoline, a new book that he had been wanting for months (Famous Little People in History), and a sparkly new tiara. That one was a gag gift…he reminded himself, grimacing as he polished it.
A knock on the door brought Yugi to his feet. Then he went to the door. Because, when someone knocks on a door, you're suppose to answer it. He had barely opened the door a centimeter when it was thrown the rest of the way, and Yugi was knocked on his sitapon.
"YUGE! I got tickets to the new gay bar that just opened up in town: The Cherry Pit!" Jounouchi practically screeched.
"…and how would you get tickets to that place? You're only 17! You have to be 17.3 to get in there…" Yugi grumbled as he got to his feet.
Jou just smirked evilly, with an evil glint in his eyes. Because, when you're smirking evilly, your eyes are evil too. It's in the rule book, people, geez.
"Oh…I have my ways, Yuge, I have my ways…"
Yugi shook his head. "I don't wanna know…"
(Flashback)
Jou and Kaiba were in detention (Kaiba for making out with Otogi in the janitor's closet between classes; Jou for sneaking a Playgirl in his math book. If he was smart enough to realize he was in history class, he might have gotten away with it…)
"Hi, Kaiba. Can I have some illegal tickets to The Cherry Pit?"
"Sure thing…love…" Kaiba wriggled his eyebrows suggestively before pouncing on Jou and practically molesting him.
(End Flashback)
Yugi throwing a bucket of ice water on him brought Jou back to reality. "WELL, ARE WE GONNA GO OR NOT!"
"Hell yeah mother fucking cracka bitch! W00T!"
Yugi shook his head…again…because it's funny when Yugi shakes his head, because his hair goes, 'bounce, bounce, bounce' and makes all the little people giggle.
"You need to stop hanging around Yami so much."
"Your face needs to stop hanging around Yami so much…now, let's go!" And he grabbed Yugi's arm and dragged him out of the house, and threw him in the trunk of the car.
When they got to the Cherry Pit, it was packed. Malik and his yami were off in the corner…doing things that they shouldn't be allowed to do in public, gay bar or not, but they were sexy so the managers let them get away with it. Plus, they were getting a lot of business since the horny gay guys kept buying Malik and his other more drinks. "WHOOO! TAKE IT OFFFFFFFFFFF!" they hollered.
Yeah, well, as much as you're over there, wherever you are, far away from me, probably about to jack off at the thought of a naked Malik, and while he is incredibly sexy, this isn't the reason why we're here. We're here so Jou can get laid—I mean, err—get a lap dance. Yeah, get a lap dance…
Jou and Yugi took a seat up at the front (after it took fifteen minutes to get in because the bouncer had to check Jou's hair-point-thing for a weapon…and Yugi's five-plus points for weapons…) and waited for the show to start.
About 5 incredibly hot…humans…came dancing onto the stage. I say 'humans', because, this being a gay bar, you can't be sure if they're female or not. There were poles, and all of them took one, doing pole-dance-ish things…because that's what you do on a pole in a gay bar. You pole dance. And get ones put down your skirt. Because that's just the way it is, bitch.
Once they caught sight of the one dancing on the pole nearest to them, Jou and Yugi's mouths dropped open.
It was none other than Yami B. Motou. (1, bitches.)
(There was one other pole-dancer-stripper-whore they would have recognized, Bakura, but sadly, this story is about Yami and so we won't mention it…save for this little insert thing…)
"Y-y…yami?" Yugi choked out, choking on his martini. Because when someone chokes on something, they must have had something in their mouth. Bakas.
Yami's face turned beat red. "Yugi? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! I mean…I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL, LITTLE PERSON!"
Yugi stared at him, astonished. And shocked. And every other synonym of the word 'astonished'.
Jou stared as well.
Malik and Marik looked up from what they were…ahem…yeah. And stared.
Yami screeched like a little girl, everyone within a 5-mile radius defenses were sharply lowered, and he ran offstage.
1 – (Insert snicker here, because is evil and won't let you do the cute little star thingies…that's shift-8…) I have a picture of the dress Yami pole danced in! If anyone wants to see it, just leave me a review saying you want it, and I'll email it to you. Or you can email me yourself asking for it.
Zoe: Mwhahaha. I hope you all liked it! I wrote it after, oh, I dunno, 6 cans of Dr. Pepper…(7 over my legal limit), so, yeah. And all that crap.