Title: Fallen Angel
Chapter 5: Bitterness and resentment
Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl
Date: 6 may, 2005
Disclaimer: (insert standard rant here)
Warnings: Strong language, violence, may contain certain triggering material. So, don't read, if you can't handle such stuff. You've been warned!
Summary:
She lost herself because of the pain she had to endure. A once, innocent, and pure little angel forever tainted by the touch of darkness. Her little brother blames himself for losing her. She thinks she's beyond redemption. He believes she can still be saved. The true Ailish Kaiba is hidden somewhere deep inside. But who will be able to find her? Her brother didn't know how, and therefore he didn't succeed. For who can save a fallen angel?
A/N:
Wow, this chapter didn't take me nearly as long to write as I thought it would at first. And I updated pretty fast. Especially since I'm such a slow writer. The plot of this story is also slowly, bit by bit coming together. I now know almost for sure where I want to go with this baby of mine: P
This chapter was really hard for me to write. Especially since the biggest part is about Ailish emotions and feelings. Since my character is based on the Seto Kaiba we all know and love. The only difference between the both of them, is that Ailish is just the female version of Seto Kaiba: D
I try to keep her in character as much as possible. But, damn, Seto Kaiba is a complex individual to write about, you know. Even if this is the female version of him. I hope it did a good enough job at it………..
?-?-?-?-?
Strolling down the school hall way with her almost always ever present graceful stride, she pushed herself through the crowd of students, emotionless gaze fixed dead ahead, determined and succeeding in ignoring everyone around her.
There was murmuring all around her, pointing fingers in her direction. Some boys actually fainted when they got "blessed" by the mere sight of her here.
She may have been keeping up an effective poker face until now, but she was just wearing that as a mask for hiding how she truly felt.
Inside of her reigned pure turmoil at this point in time. This crowd, she felt like she was being suffocated by it.
There were so many people, all around her age.
It had been so long, that she had actually dealt with anybody close to her age.
As a child she already despised crowds. It was not that she was scared of people, quite the contrary actually. They made her feel uncomfortable, vulnerable? It was something she couldn't really explain. But that was mostly the old Ailish talking, that Ailish had died a long time ago.
The old Ailish had been slowly dying ever since her parent's death, replaced by the person she was today.
Suddenly, she felt almost unexplainable rage start to brew in her, just waiting to come to the surface.
Sick, twisted envy settled in her gut, slowly worming its way up into her consciousness, seeping into every fibre of her being, taking over her.
Oh, how she despised, just pure and simple loathed the humans she had to tolerate the presence of right now.
They were all laughing, cheerful, and happy.
She spit out the last word like it was pure venom inside of her.
Who gave them the right to deserve it?
Nobody!
Then why did they have it, and she did not?
They all wanted something from her, loved her, admired her or hated her.
They saw the person she wanted them to see.
But who she deep inside hated to be.
Why was she the one to go through all this pain. Why was she even enduring it, letting it slowly drive her insane.
For once she wished, she could be one of them. Let someone else walk in her shoes.
But those were just empty wishes of her sub consciousness, of the old Ailish, who had decided to surface again after a long time.
Trying to force that part of her back into the confines of her mind it was previously trapped in, the other, dark side of her that was created, mostly by her stepfather was trying to regain control, but not succeeding, but slowly winning, that was for certain.
People didn't know her, and she intended to keep it that way.
Nobody knew her, they wouldn't understand.
And she wouldn't even give them a chance to.
For how can you understand, if you never went through the same thing, experienced the same thing.
Not even her brother understood, at least not fully.
So, the burden was hers to carry, and hers alone.
In a world filled with disregard for anything that lived or breathed, she knew that the people in this building didn't care what happened to her, which pain she had to endure, still had to endure.
She was marked forever, inside as wellas outside.
She was scarred, left broken.
And did they care?
No, nobody did.
They only pitied, but did they act?
They pitied both Mokuba and her when they were left orphaned.
But did someone come to get them, no they didn't.
They just left them both there to rot.
Pity was like most emotions a worthless one. An emotion she could do without.
That's why she didn't need it from the people around her.
They could keep it to themselves.
Everything she had this day she fought for.
It wasn't handed to her on a silver platter.
She was hurt along the way, but she barred her teeth and accepted it. If only for the promise she made to her brother for a better life for both of them.
She sacrificed herself, emotionally as well as phsycically to protect her brother, to allow him the life she never had.
Only for him did she push on.
Or did she?
Maybe she also remained along the living till today, because he trained her to?
She could still hear him say those haunting words that kept coming back to haunt her, in her dreams, in her head……
"Survival of the fittest…..Destroy or be destroyed………..Never leave open a vulnerable spot to your enemies, or they will use it against you….Keep your "friends" close, but your enemies even closer…………"
She heard his voice over and over again in her thoughts, repeating the same sentences over and over again.
She had enough of it.
"STOP!" she cried out, her voice carrying all the pain and anguish she felt inside out into the open, without it being her intention.
Hands gripping her face, her knuckles turning white, and her metal briefcase fell with a thud to the floor.
The thud echoed down the entire hall way, almost all students had stopped talking and were staring intently at her.
Her face was down, chestnut tresses shielding her wide open sapphire eyes from vision.
Luckily nobody saw the turbulent emotions whirling through her eyes at a rapid rate.
They only wondered what possessed the young, beautiful, intelligent, and famous CEO who was known to most people to be calm and aloof, to suddenly behave so uncharacteristic.
That was what Jou and his friends also wondered, as they had been witnesses to the scene.
They had just passed through the school's entrance doors, to see the CEO's mental breakdown.
Anzu was baffled to say the least. This behaviour definitely didn't befit the famous CEO.
Jou didn't know what to think and the rest of his friends just watched the scene play out, with dumbfounded looks on their faces and mouths wide open in shock.
But whatever made Ailish behave like that, it ended as quickly as it had started, as she composed herself.
Standing up straight again, rigid and stoic again like always, let her again cold and emotionless orbs fall on the people around her.
Her stronger side had won out in the end, and the weaker side had been defeated again.
Disgusted with herself at what had apparently happened, she just stood here for a long time, motionless.
How could she have let this happen? This stupid slip-up of hers could have cost her everything.
She would never allow herself to get out of hand like that again.
This mistake could have been her downfall!
One girl who was brave enough to inch forward, dared to tap Ailish on the shoulder.
In Ailish turning around, she wished she hadn't.
"Don't you dare touch me….." she hissed dangerously.
"I was only making sure you were alright!" She replied.
"I didn't ask for your sympathy, simpleton." Ailish threw at her acidly, her penetrating gaze and cold, snide voice making the girl back of.
'Yes, be afraid……' she thought to herself, her lips forming a malicious sneer, making the girl even more afraid, and succeeding in unsettling the crowd that had formed around her.
Whispering ensued again, as the crowd started up again, people going of to their lockers, to classes or wherever there business led.
Bending down and picking up her metal briefcase, Ailish straightened herself out.
With her head out of the past, she was back into the present.
Emotional control lock firmly back into place, she calmly, consciousness now devoid of any thoughts at all, was again focussed on the destination ahead of her.
Walking of, trench coat billowing out behind, she walked away, head held high, metal briefcase in her left hand, glistening in the morning sunlight, a defiant bounce in her stride now.
After swallowing a huge lump down her throat, Miho was the one of the group to dare to speak up first.
Although her voice came out as a mere squeak, more then anything.
"How can anyone be so…….." she trailed of, her voice failing her.
Anzu decided to finish for her.
"Cruel?" she tried "Was that the word you were looking for?"
Miho looked up to meet Anzu's gaze fixed on her.
She couldn't really tell what Anzu was thinking, but maybe she didn't want to know.
Sighing, Anzu turned around to face Jounouchi who was staring after his role model, with a shocked face.
"How?" he started, unable to voice what he was supposed to think.
"Do you understand now why I told you to stay away from her?" said Anzu, her comment directed at the blond haired boy standing next to her.
Whipping his head around, he met Anzu's gaze fixed at him.
He didn't reply to her comment, didn't try to defend her actions.
She had no right to do something like that. Maybe, Anzu had been right.
But, there had to be a reason for her to act the way she does.
No sane person would behave like that.
But then again, maybe Ailish Kaiba was anything but normal.
He didn't understand.
Why was she like this?
'Your bitterness and resentment towards humans in general must run deep for you to be like this……'
Katsuya Jounouchi was only guessing, but he couldn't be more right.
She hated humans. She loathed them for what they had done to her, what they had and what they were able to be.
?-?-?-?-?
A/N;
Okies, that's chapter five for ya….
So, what did you guys think?
Good, crap?
Let me know by giving me feedback!
I would really appreciate it
: uses the puppy dog eyes on readers:
BTW, don't hate me if uhm, Seto Kaiba, I mean Ailish Kaiba seemed OOC, or just too mean?
:sweatdrops:
As I said at the beginning of the story, I try to keep her as much as in character as possible.
And yes, Ailish Kaiba in my story is very cruel, when she wants to be….
She could also be considered a little insane?
And maybe schizophrenic, with the two different personalities and all.
Interesting possibility actually. And maybe plausible.
In this chapter you found out that she is actually two different persons. The old Ailish, the one that "died" along time ago, and the Ailish she is today, the person that she created, to survive the world she has to live in, and because she can't live any other way.
Well, anyways, enough rambling on my part……..
I will leave you with two last requests:
Please read an review! I love getting feedback on my stories. Especially reviews that have tips, comments on how to better my writing skills or to improve my storyline etc overall.
Since Fan fiction net has prohibited further posting of song fics, I've decided to move my songfics/ one shots to media miner, so that I don't risk being kicked of off fanfictionnet, just because I posted a songfic. I would really appreciate it, if you would check out my song fics there! You can find the link in my bio, just click on the link that says homepage/website and you are redirected to my media miner account. And if you're a fan of the SXS pairing, you will definitely like them!
And just one other thing. A warning to all you readers as well as writers out there. I got a review from someone saying that I have to spread around the word that writers should be careful about posting song fics, or if you have already posted some of them, you should consider taking them of. If ffnet staff finds out you have stories like that, you will be expelled or in the worst case banned from the site. Well, I thought I should let you know. Do what you will with this information. Just consider it a friendly warning from this modest writer: P
CMG, signing out