Disclaimer: I don't own anything Resident evil or Blind Date. Or Pradas.

Luna:….okay, here's Chapter 2, and Leon will appear in the next chapter! Yay Leon abuse! And those of you who haven't read my RE4 infected w/ dumbness fic may not get the jokes. The reason Alfred has Leon's jacket is because the Ganados sold it to him on E-bay and the reason why Ashley calls me Leon's 'conscience' is because in that fic I gave him hints, insulted him and generally tricked him into thinking the voice in his head was his conscience. Namely, me.

Chapter 2: Ashley and Billy

" And we're back!" said Alexia, extra cheery.

" Mighty sister of beauty and grace, may I do the introductions?" asked Alfred, " Please, Please? PLEASE?"

" No, inferior twin."

" But…Billy is a pretty man!" pouted Alfred.

" I'm going to pretend that never happened," said Alexia, blandly, " Here's an interview of the president's daughter, Ashley Graham, bleck."

Ashley's interview

" My name is Ashley Graham, yes the president's daughter!" announces Ashley, " And I'm so totally over that Leon Kennedy guy who saved me 50 times….And I'm over his muscular physic and baby-blue eyes and golden brown hair that you can just run your fingers through-"

" Get on with it!" screamed Alexia, off camera.

" Fine!" she said, " I like Pradas. Lots of Pradas!"
" Ew! You have no taste do you!" said Alexia, and scoffed.

" Yes sister is-" begins Alfred, " But I'm wearing Pradas!"

" Yes, and it sucks. Just like this show."

" This is my interview!" cried Ashley, " So let me talk about me!"

" SHUTUP!" cried both twins at the same time.

" It's trashy, just like you!" said Alexia.

" Is not!" cried Alfred, with the ever so popular come back.

" My interview! MINE!" cried Ashley.

" CUT! BEFORE I CUT HER HEAD OFF!"

Back to Alexia

Our host is staring at a helpless dragonfly that she has grabbed. It wrings in her hand, in pain.

Alexia is about to pluck its wings when a swarm of dragonflies attack her.

" Take that you sadistic :bleep:" squeaked one.

" Alfred!" screamed Alexia, while being stung multiple times, " Do something!"

" Oh! That's my cue!" said Alfred, happily.

He leaps on stage, Alexia running in horror in the back ground,

" This interview is Billy Cohen's!" said Alfred, and begins squealing like a school girl.

Billy's interview

" First of all," said Billy, " My name isn't Billy Cohen, its Willy Johen."

" Uh-huh…Willy.. Billy…YOU!" cried Alexia, " Your interests? Hobbies?"

" My hobbies don't include shooting zombies or leeches, staying in prison and cooperating with a monotone rookie." said Billy, hastily.

" Hi Billy!" cried Alfred, off screen.

" Hi…lady?" said Billy, uncertainly.

Back to the twins

Alexia's face is swollen and chock full of hives and boils. She mumbles something under her breath and stalks off.

" Hey, now I'm taking over the show!" said Alfred, " And I shall name it the 'ALFRED SHOW!"

" Oh what creativity, the Alfred show…" I mumbled.

" What..? Sister, did you hear the strange voice?" asked Alfred.

Alexia rolls her eyes.

" Right…" he said, confused, " But first, modeling!"

" Alfred is modeling a spiffy leather/ suede jacket today bought off E-bay from some Spanish people!" said a disembodied voice.

Alfred was wearing none other than Leon's jacket. He twirls, strikes a pose and smiles disturbingly.

" GET ON WITH THE DAMN DATE!" screams Alexia, mangled face turning crimson.

The Date

Billy is at a Chinese restaurant, waiting for Ashley. He's wearing black frameless eye glasses with fake eye brows pasted on it , a rubber nose with a handlebar mustache attached. Yes, our little Billy is a master of disguise.

Ashley walks in, and sees him

" Are you Billy?" asked Ashley.

" Yes-uh, no. Willy. Not Billy." said Billy.

" Do you always wear that?" asked Ashley, pointing to his little get-up.

" I'm a fugitive," he whispered, " It's a disguise so no one will know."

" Oh, a fugitive," said Ashley, " I predict much heavy on the run over time."

"…Wha?" asked Billy.

Why do I get stuck with all the little school girls? The slang is confusing…overtime?

" Over time? You mean-" he began, eyes widen.

" Yes, because I'm over Leon!" screamed Ashley, " Did you hear that? I'M OVER LEON! ..Did I mention how his nose crinkles when he laughs? Or how his eyes light up when he eats Pez?"

" You got it bad…" stated Billy.

" I do not!" she protested.

A person runs into the restaurant, frantic and carrying a Grenade Launcher. Why? I don't know…people just like to carry around lethal weapons these days. Or perhaps….the virus is spreading. The virus of Dumbness….

" Have you seen Billy?" asked Rebecca, to Billy.

" No!" he cries, surprised on how effective his disguise was.

Or how dumb Rebecca was. Possibly both.

" I have to find him," she said, as dramatic piano music played in the back ground.

" Can I ask why?" asked Billy.

" True love," answered Rebecca, with a sigh.

" How could it be true love?" asked Billy, " You knew him for a couple of hours and you shot the undead together. What does true love have to do with it?"

" None of your business!" said Rebecca, showing emotion again, " How do you know all of this?"

" ESP." said Billy, dumbly.

" Oh." said Rebecca and storms off.

"- and the way Leon holds a gun when he shots Ganados-" counties Ashley.

Billy sighed. This whole entire time she was still talking about the guy she claimed she was over.

" Look, Ashley just go to Leon already," said Billy, bored.

" But I have! I've confessed my love for him several times! But he only has eyes for Ada!" cried Ashley.

" Then-" began Billy.

" Yeah! I should assassinate Ada and…blame it on a Random person!" declares Ashley, " Thanks Billy. By the way, can I unmask you?"

" I never said-"

She takes off his disguise anyway, and shrieks in horror.

" Ew! You looked much hotter with the glasses!" she exclaimed.

" Hey! No insulting Billy! He's the only led Resident Evil character who's hot and not stupid! Unlike some people, as in Leon…." I said.

" Who? You! Your Leon's conscience!" said Ashley, " What do-? Never mind, I have an annoying woman to assassinate and blame it on an innocent bystander!"

" Thanks…..voice," said Billy, confused.

" Heheh, Hi Billy!" I said.

Back to Alexia

" Stay tuned," mumbles Alexia, " We have a great show, so WATCH IT SO I CAN GET MY MOOLAH!"

Luna: Next Chapter: Leon and Jill! Am I the only one who thinks Rebecca lacks a personality?