Disclaimer: I don't own Resident evil! Or Pez! Or anything else!
Luna::looks at last time she updated:…: blanches: I know its been about a couple of months since I updated, and I'm really, really sorry! I got side-tracked w/ my Xenosaga fics and then I thought this fic was overkill on my Leon parodies. But since I've gotten more reviews, I'm going to finish it anyway! Thanks reviewers! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 3: Leon & Jill?
Alexia is back, minus hives and boils.
" Welcome back, fair viewers," said Alexia, pleasantly, " And for those of you who decided not to tune in, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND INFECT YOU WITH A VIRUS!"
" And we have a very special home movie sent in by Leon Kennedy!" sang Alfred, extra cheery.
Leon's 'home movie'
Leon's theme from the Mercanies, ack, can't spell that stupid word! You know, the theme from the mini game other than 'Assigment Ada?' That was playing.
The lights start flashing and Leon attempts to cartwheel across the screen, he falls halfway. We get a full image of him as he stands up and rubs his hurting rear end. Our pretty Leon is wearing a fish net tank top and short shorts.
Leon backs up, and then runs full force at the camera. His face takes up the whole screen as he says, " That was the Ultimate Victory Dance Of the Century. I was in love with Ada, until she dumped. And no matter what people say, I know she wasn't using me in some sort of Umbrella conspiracy. Show this to every single woman the phone will be off the hook!"
Back to the disturbing twins…
Alfred shudders from the mental scars he just acquired.
" That was disturbing, sister. Very. What an imbelic…" said Alfred.
" I think I'm in love…" said Alexia, dreamily.
" Sister? Are you okay?" asked Alfred, waving his hand in front of her face.
" Never better. In fact, I want to track him down now and forcibly marry him."
" But sister, the man's retarded!"
" Shutup! He's perfect in every way! Now host the show so I can hunt him down." said Alexia.
" Wow, what is up with everyone suddenly being in love with Leon?" I asked.
" Alexia! Did you hear that?" asked Alfred, panicking.
But Alexia was already on her way out., ignoring him completely.
" Who are you? What do you want?" screamed Alfred, looking up.
" I'm the ghost of Christmas Past!" I said, deciding to toy with him for a while.
" You are?" asked Alfred, eyes wide, " Tell Santa I'm sorry! I don't wanna get coal again!"
" Right…"
" Here's the date…" said Alfred, " And that one time I threw that man who called me gay into a river of angry, starved gophers, it was Alexia's idea! Not mine!"
" Of course…" I said, beginning to think that toying with Alfred wasn't such a good idea.
The Date…
Leon and Jill are at a restaurant. A Spanish restaurant. Jill chose the place and had no idea about Leon's 'episode'.
" I'm Leon Scott Kennedy!" said Leon, with too much enthusiasm.
" Jill Valentine." said Jill.
A waiter comes up to them and begins speaking in rapid Spanish.
" Infected!" cries Leon, and delivers a KKD to the man's stomach.
The waiter falls back, knocked out.
" What's your problem?" asked Jill, " Do you just randomly kick people?"
" No! He was infected! In a huge conspiracy, Umbrella hired infected waiters to INFECT me!" declares Leon.
Another waiter comes up behind Leon with a food tray, and Leon KKD's the tray out of his hands.
" No infected food here!" said Leon.
Jill just shook her head, wondering why she always attracted the crazies. First it was Barry hitting on her in the piano room in the mansion, then Chris with his constant stories of his 'amazing leadership' and finally Carlos; who's accent she could barely understand.
More waiters rushed to the fallen waiter.
" No one eat the food! It's INFECTED!" cried Leon, shooting the food dishes on each table he came across.
" Are you psychotic?" cried Jill, annoyed, " Spanish food can keep you in the bathroom for hours, sure, but that's no reason to go homical!"
More rapid Spanish.
" INFECTED!"
Leon went into bad ass mode.
Leon KKD'd every waiter/employee, destroyed every dish of food as Jill swore she'd hunt down the sick person who paired her w/ him.
" Woo-hoo! I still got it!" said Leon, as he danced his little victory dance.
" You're sick!" said Jill.
" You!" said Leon, suddenly remembering , Jill existed, " You planned this didn't you!"
" Whatever," said Jill, " Paranoid looney."
" Wait!" cries Leon, and grabbed her arm.
Bad move, Leon.
Jill flips him over her shoulder and he lands, hard.
" Ouchies." he says.
Alexia arrives at the remains of the joint, and sees her love and Jill.
" Get away from him. Now." said Alexia, tone sharp.
" You can have him," grumbled Jill, and turned to leave.
" Hello, Leon," said Alexia, sweetly, " I am Alexia Ashford."
" How do you know my name?" asked Leon, sitting up.
" Let's say I'm a fan."
" Say, do you have any Pez?" asked Leon.
" Pez?" asked Alexia, but then an idea forms, " Yes, back at my house, I have much Pez. Come with me and you'll feast upon Pez!"
" Cool!" cried Leon, and follows her like an idiot that he is.
Luna: Next Chapter: Steve and Ada?