Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing from Resident Evil. Or Prada. Or the show 'Blind Date.' Or Gilligan;s Island. Or Star Wars.
Luna: YAY REVIEWS! Because of more wondrous reviews, I'll add in a special Wesker scene! Hoorah! And w/ Steve's 'video' the words in italics will be Alexia speaking.
Chapter 4: Steve & Ada?
Alexia skips on stage with Leon, holding his hand. She smiles brightly and says, " Welcome to Blind, Deaf and Dumb Date! The birds are singing, the sun is shining the flowers are pretty and everything's HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! Soon, I shall rule you all! But first, meet my new toy-er, boy, Leon!"
Leon waves to the camera like an idiot.
" Isn't he pretty?" asks Alexia, petting his head.
" My wondrous sister!" screeches Alfred.
Alfred runs out, dressed in Leon's beloved jacket and a plaid mini-skirt. He has tomato stains all over the beloved jacket from angry audience members.
" You wouldn't believe this! There was a creepy voice that kept MOCKING me! And then the audience threw vegetables at me! Rotten tomato vegetables!" ranted Alfred.
" Actually, tomatoes are a fruit," I stated.
" You!" screamed Leon, suddenly, " You have my jacket! ARE THOSE TOMATO STAINS?"
" Who the hell are you?" asked Alfred.
Alexia ignored her cross-dressing twin and said, " What do you mean he has your jacket?"
" From Spain! With the INFECTED people! I was knocked out and then my jacket was gone! And I can't find a replica!" whined Leon.
" Okay," said Alexia, " Alfred, give the man his jacket."
" But-"
" Let me re-phrase that. GIVE HIM HIS JACKET BEFORE I FEED YOU TO THE ANTS!"
Alfred handed over the jacket to Leon, grumbling.
" Unfortunately," said Alexia, remembering her show, " We couldn't get interviews with Ada or the accursed Steve. When we tried to interview her, she'd scream my name then throw exploding sunglasses at me. It annoyed me. Anyway, I made up a little something as a tribute to Stevey-poo!"
Steve's sorta interview
A clip shows Steve with twin Luger pistols, shooting.
He is a whiny brat with Daddy issues.
" Fatherrrr!" screamed Steve.
So I infected him.
Shows Steve infected as that muscular thingy, he has an axe. And is running after Claire.
" Fatherrr!" screams Steve.
" I'm not your father!" screamed Claire.
He's whiny. Very whiny-
The tape is cut short. Alexia taped over something, and that something resurfaces. It shows Alexia as a baby, who seems to have soiled herself. She cries and Alfred says, " Alexia go wee-wee!"
" Cut!" screams Alexia, " CUT!"
Alfred snickers, and Leon is spaced out. As usual.
Meanwhile…
Wesker is in an underground-secret lab-that's-actually-his-mother's-basement-because-Umbrella-hasn't-been-paying-well. He's accompanied by William Birkin.
" I can't believe that idiot figured out that Spanish resturant was actually our main hideout for the Plaga virus. If that Kennedy man hadn't interfered, we'd have a load of test subjects right now…" said Wesker, annoyed.
He was sitting on the bean-bag chair that was almost empty, watching reruns of 'Gillgan's Island'.
" We need another discreet way to infect others, besides a Spanish restaurant," countied Wesker, thoughtfully.
" You'll never have the G-virus!" screamed Birkin.
" …We're talking about the Plaga Virus, now, aren't we?" said Wesker, calmly.
" Yeah, BUT YOU STILL CAN'T HAVE IT!" shouted Birkin.
" Pity, because I was looking forward to taking it," said Wesker, rolling his eyes, " Take this paper and write down any ideas."
" YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PRECIOUS PAPER EITHER!"
Wesker sighed. He resisted the urge to kill him, because that would decrease half of his pay. Besides, the episode was getting to the best part; when Gillgan screwed up. And it never got old.
Birkin stroked the paper and when Wesker glanced over to him, he clutched on to the paper with an iron grip. The man had serious attachment issues.
" We can always use an old people home," said Birkin, suddenly.
" And have deadly Ganados swinging around canes and dentures. Fine idea," spat Wesker.
" Albert!" a voice sang from upstairs, that voice of his mother.
" What! How am I supposed to plot world domination with you breathing down my back every 5 seconds?" Wesker shot back.
" I just wanted to know if you and William would like some pizza bagels, their your favorite!" she said.
" No, mother…" said Wesker, cursing Umbrella's lack of pay.
" And your friend is here!"
" Who?"
" Some nice young girl. Ingrid Hunnigan, I think."
" …Okayy…"
A figure came down the stairs. It was none other than Hunnigan.
" What are you doing here?" demanded Wesker, magnum in hand.
" I want to join Umbrella and exact vengeance on LEON KENNEDY," said Hunnigan, " Thanks to him, I lost my sanity on 'Gilligan's Island' and now have a spilt personality called 'Insane Ingrid.' When I resort back to my Island self. That stupid, ADD, Pez chomping cute but dumb agent is the root of my problems!"
"…Erm. Okay, why not?" said Wesker, " We'll destroy the agent at dawn tomorrow."
" You!" said Birkin, " Can't have my G-virus!"
" Sure…" said Hunnigan, " Is this…NO!"
Gilligan's Island triggered a change reaction to her becoming 'Ingrid the Insane'. She giggled manically as she sang the theme song, and as Birkin screamed that she'll never have the theme song.
Wesker cracked open a juice box, since his mother didn't allow alcohol. It was going to be a long. Long. Long day.
The Date
Steve and Ada are in an Spanish restaurant.
" Father! I blame everything on my father!" cried Steve, angrily.
" Uh-uh…" said Ada, " Now I'm going to be all mysterious and run off. Normally I'd only appear if you needed your ass saved, but your annoying. And whiny."
" But my father is a national scape goat!" protested Steve.
Ashely appears with a Rocket Launcher. Ada notices this and says, cooly, " What are you doing?"
" Assassinating you then blaming it on a Random person," explained Ashley.
" Hey!" cries Random, " That isn't fair! I was beginning to have a normal life and you just come and take it all away! Well fu: bleep: you!"
Except it all came out in Spanish.
" Oh." said Ada, casually.
In slow motion, Ada took two steps back and the Rocket by passed her. The rocket lands in a wall, exploding it. Several waiters began shouting at the dumb blonde known as Ashley, who says in defense, " It wasn't me! It was him!"
She points to Random accusingly.
" What? You can't possibly believe her!" he shouted.
Sadly for Random, everyone did infect believe her. And it was around this point Ashley noticed she had only one Rocket Launcher shot and she wasted it.
Ada pulled out her Punisher, and aimed it at Ashley's head.
" Wait!" screams Steve, " It wasn't her fault! It was my father's! And violence is not the answer!"
" Shut up Steve! It is the answer!" I said, " Don't miss, Ada."
Ada blinked, and Ashley cried, " Save me, Leon's conscience!"
" What? No way! This is revenge for all those times you got killed and I had to start the game all over!" I shouted, " Thanks to you, my beating the game took longer than normal!"
" Game…?" asked Ada.
Ashley yelped as Ada fired 3 rounds. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the pain. But it never came. She cracked open and eye to see her favorite pair of Pradas, riddled with bullet holes.
" NOOOO!" screamed Ashley, sobbing over the lose of shoes.
" I have a question," said Steve, " Father, where have you been? Where? In a bar? With a new family in New Zealand? WHERE?"
A figure cloaked in black appears and says, " Steve, I am your father."
" You are?" asked Steve.
" UH…" said the black cloaked, nasally person, " No. Is this the Star Wars convention?"
" No…" said Ada.
" Oh, sorry dudes!" he said, and hurried off.
Ada began to walk off, leaving Ashley with her deceased boots and Steve rambling about his father. Until something caught her eye on the T.V. It was Leon in a tux, and some blonde girl in a wedding dress.
DUN DUN DUN!
Luna: CLIFFHANGER! MWHAHAHAH! Ahem. Next Chapter: Ashley v.s Ada v,s Alexia v.s Hunnigan. And review!