You're Through To KEITH
A Documentary
I do not own Keith (although I wish I did. He's awesome.) or any of the characters from The Office.
shot of Keith wearing pajamas
Hello. I'm Keith. Today is Thursday, April ,the 21st 2005. You are going to follow me around for the next week. I think we are going to have some fun. I usually start my day with a nice shower. But you can't look. Sorry ladies. I'll be back.
shot of Keith in a bathrobe
Alright I'm back. I know I disappointed you by telling you not to look. I really hope you turned off the cameras, though. Maybe I should give you a look around. This is my bathroom
shot of a painted, expensive looking, well kept bathroom.
This is my bedroom
shot of a messy bedroom. A few pictures of Dawn hang on the wall. A picture of Tim is scribbled on. Clothes all over the floor.
I haven't gotten around to cleaning it yet. He he. That picture of Tim. That's a joke. Ha ha ha. The clothes on the floor. If you're wondering, I'm a large. Alright, an extra large. Ok, an extra extra large. Heh heh heh. That was a joke. It was funny because I wouldn't admit my actual size. Heh he he. Not that I'm embarrassed to be overweight. I'm not really. I know tons of people bigger than me. And I'm extremely lucky with the ladies. Now sorry, single women, but I have to change and these blokes can't film it. Again, I apologize.
shot of Keith in a T-shirt with the words 'Chasers Night Club'
Usually, I start my day by going to work. But today, I am going to be sick. And hopefully my boss Neil won't watch this. He heh. He might get mad at me if he finds out. That's bad, you know. It's like cheating the system.
Today I will go to the market to get some flowers for my mother. It is her 70th birthday tomorrow. She is coming over tomorrow. I will not go to a neighbors garden for them, though. That might get me chased down the street. And maybe a dog will chase me again. Heh heh. That was a long day. Alright. Here's the flower store.
Keith: I'd like to purchase a dozen tulips, please.
Florist: Alright, sir! That will be $20, please.
Keith: Oh. That's pretty expensive for flowers.
Maybe the grocery store will have some inexpensive flowers. Here are some: $17. Wow, that's still a lot of money. But my mother is worth it.
Alright. Wait, I should probably get some for Linda, my girlfriend, as well. We're going down to Chasers tonight, I'll give them to her.
There. Speaking of Chasers, I'm a DJ there. I'm quite good. I have seen people liven' to my rhythm. I get lots of applause. I wonder if I should volunteer my services tonight.
Wow. Can you believe it is 2:00 already. I think I'll go home and take a nap.
It is now 5:00. I'm getting ready to go to Chasers. With my girlfriend. First, I'll shave, seeing as I forgot to this morning. When I shave, I have to be careful that I don't ruin my beard.
There. It is 6:00 and I'm going down to Chasers now. I am meeting my girlfriend Linda there. I will have fun.
It's 6:30 and I'm at Chasers waiting for my girlfriend. She wears lots of tube tops. She's very pretty. I'm not sure where she is at the moment, but she will come, I know she will.
Oh look. There's my old boss, David. I wonder if he recognizes me. Mr. Brent!
David: Oh hi! You're one of the blokes who used to work for me! Before I was made redundant. But we all know why that was!
Makes money sign with fingers
Just cause Neil has a little more than I do, they think
Mocking voice
"Oh, Neil's better at his job than David!"
Oh, but it will be so funny. It will be so funny because in a year or two, they'll say to me, they'll say
Mocking voice
"Oh, David, we were wrong about Neil, he's too strict, we need someone who's more of a laugh than him, funnier than him, better as an all around person than him, and we think you're the man for the job!"
So, you know, no worries. Don't worry, wide load, you won't have to come to work being sad for much longer. And don't worry, because-
Keith: This is David Brent. He got made redundant and I no longer work for him.
David: Are we on television?
Keith:…Yes.
David: We are?
Keith: Yes.
David: I'd just like to take this opportunity to promote my CD, just called 'David Brent', featuring the smash hit, "Free Love Freeway". It's excellent. I'm lead singer, lead guitarist. In my opinion, it's right up there with The Beatle's Help, but that's just me. We tend to see ourselves as worse than other people see us, so other people would probably say it tops them.
Keith:….
David: It's a smashing CD-
Keith: Thank you David.
I'm glad that is over. I don't know where Linda is, though. She said she'd meet me by the DJ table. By the way, I'm much better than this DJ. He's playing mostly rap music. But I promise that I'd put in the perfect blend of rap, sprinkle it with some Kylie Minogue and Black Eyed Peas, then play some older songs as well. This bloke is rubbish.
I don't know where on earth Linda is. She's stood me up for the past two dates, so I really hope she hasn't stood me up again. I was going to ask her to go steady tonight. I hope she comes.
Well it's been two hours and I'm going home alone. I'm seriously considering dumping Linda, however. If a woman can't appreciate me, I won't stay with her. I'm sorry, but I can do much better than her.
Well, I'm going to bed now. Please do not film me sleeping. I can't imagine it would be too exciting for all the viewers out there. Thank you and good night.