Hate Me
A Naruto fan-fiction
Scar 4: Black outs
He opened his eyes slowly, the sharp smell of citrus filling his nose. A cough racked his body at the strong smell, and he heard a quick intake of breath, and felt her dainty, smooth hand pull away from his face. The bed creaked a bit as she moved, and he squinted his eyes. Lifting his arms to rub his eyes became a hard task; he felt completely drained, and amazed at how tired he was.
"Gaara?" her sweet, simple voice seemed to echo in the room.
The room?
Where the hell did the snow go?
His eyes flew open, and he tired to sit up, but as soon as he moved, pain shot up his arm, and he gripped it with his hand and sucked in his breath through his teeth. Where the hell did that come from?
"Don't move!"
She leaned over and held his shoulders gently, helping him lay down again. His head hit the pillow lightly, and he couldn't help but sigh and close his eyes a moment.
"Why did you leave like that this morning, in shorts and a light shirt?" she asked.
He heard the dripping of water as she wrung out a rag, and began to dab his forehead with the warm water. Gaara didn't answer; he just cracked his eyes a bit, and watched her. Green eyes partly lidded, and without make up or anything. Her eyes met his a moment, and then she looked away and put the rag back into the bowl of warm water, filled it with water, and wrung it out again.
Gaara coughed. "I needed to get out."
"Why? Am I that offending?" she smiled lightly, and began to dab his forehead again.
"Does collapsing in snow always make someone this weak?"
"Gaara, you not only have pneumonia, but you have an infection in an open cut up in the left shoulder. You must've been out there in the cold for hours."
"…Then why are you doing this?"
Sakura stopped suddenly, her hand just above his forehead. Then she drew her hand back, and sighed, scratching her head. "I guess, you remind me of Sasuke and Neji. You know, Sasuke grew up with no family or clan, and Neji in an oppressive clan, and no father. You all have dark pasts, power hungry attitudes, and act as if you could kill any man."
She went back to lightly dabbing his forehead.
"Those boys never threatened your life."
Sakura scoffed. "That's probably the only line they've never crossed, that's for sure."
"…Aren't you supposed to be with Uchiha?"
"What, you thought I'd be married off by now? I'm only sixteen."
"You're living alone."
"I have no choice. My mother booted me out once I got my chunin title."
"So what happened to Uchiha?"
Sakura stopped cold again, and dropped the washcloth into the bowl on the floor with the small splash. "Uchiha doesn't love me, Gaara; and besides, that's none of your business."
She grabbed the bowl with both hands and began to exit; but she made a sudden stop when she heard Gaara's next question.
"Love you? Isn't it enough that he fights for you?"
She sighed. "Gaara, I have people who will fight for me; I want someone who loves me, who wants to be with me. Not something forced."
Then she walked out of the room.
Gaara stared out after her, his face emotionless. She had so much more than he, and she was so different. At first, she seemed untouched, but now, after long hours of thinking, after seeing her in different situations, he could see the dirt on her. She wasn't as dirty as he was, but just knowing that she wasn't that innocent, perfect child from before gave him a dark sense of satisfaction. Her purity wasn't forever either.
He wanted to sit up and pull his knees to his chin and hide his face behind his knees, but the pain in his shoulder and his exhaustion kept him from moving. He just lay there, staring out the door, until she walked back in.
She stood there, holding a tray with a steaming bowl of soup and a cup of milk.
Her feet padded softly as she entered the room, and set the tray on his legs.
Wincing, Gaara sat up, and looked at her.
"Eat; you'll need your strength, and you need to stay warm." She instructed, and then sat down on the stool by his bed.
He coughed and glared up at her. "Strength for what?"
She just shrugged, and said, "Knowing you, you'll probably be sick of this room soon, and want to get out and train. I can't have you running around still sick and injured."
Gaara was silent again, and he looked away from the beautiful girl. She seemed to know him so well, but she had only known him a day. Was it because she knew other ninja boys? Were he and the other boys that alike? And why didn't he know her as well? She always had something surprising up her sleeve; one moment, she was quiet and shocked, and the next determined and strong, and the next…kind.
"You have such deep thoughts, Gaara." She said softly, looking at his face.
His eyes cut at her, and he replied sharply, "How do you know? How do you know anything?"
She shrugged, and watched the steam float up from the warm soup. "Everyone has defining features, and yours just seems to be your thoughts. Many boys don't think below the surface unless they have to; even Sasuke spends most of his time just thinking about battle strategies. You just seem to have more on your mind that being a ninja."
"So how do you know what I will do?"
"Simple; you're male, you're a warrior. None of you boys can sit still. Now eat."
Gaara stared at the strange girl a moment, and then lifted the spoon with the hand from his uninjured arm, and began to eat. He was hungry, and although he was angry that she had commanded him, he would get back at the foolish girl later.
Sakura ran her fingers through her hair, and she said, "Look, I've got some calls to make. I'll check up on you later. Call me if you need anything." Then she stood and left, closing a door until it was only opened a crack.
He watched her leave like always, and then went back to his soup.
Was he really all that deep? How did she know what the Uchiha thought about? Why does the Uchiha not love her? Who was she going to call? Why did she need to call them? Did she have to report his insubordinance to her Hokage? Was his act of insubordinance?
"Master?" her voice rang out, and he listened intently. "Yes. I know. He's injured now, so I won't be starting anything for at least two days. Yes, I know. Can you send someone else? Because I can't! Master, I have previous duties, and I'm sure if you told Lord Hokage, she would side with me. Yes, I know this mission is important. Sir, I can't take him! He's not been even slightly assimilated! He's still a sand ninja, through and through! Sir, I can't control him. He's already run off once. I can't be held responsible for him in such a situation in the state he's in! Yes, I know sir. I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to find someone else. I-"
"No you don't."
While she spoke, Gaara had gotten up out of bed, and he now stood outside of his room, leaning on the top of the television. He seemed a bit out of breath, but his eyes spoke of only strength, determination and the normal insanity.
"I want to go on one of your missions. Tell him you will go, and I will accompany you as an assistance and body guard."
"I don't need a body guard!" she hissed, her palm on the phone. "And besides, you need your rest!"
Gaara was enraged by her comment, and he glared and snarled at her, "If you don't go and let me go with you, I'll run away again and burn your stupid village to bits, got it?"
Sakura bit her lip, disgust filling her face. "I'll kill you first."
"Hah! Like you could." He replied, "No matter how weak I am, my sand is always there." Suddenly, his sand crept out of his room and began to surround him, whirling around him in thick wisps.
The jounin leaf ninja glared at him, and pulled her hand away from the phone.
"Sir, I'll go, with the sand-nin. I want you to equip me with an instant transmission radio, so if he acts up, you can send in more ANBU to capture and destroy him."
Then she hung up the phone with the press of a button. Gaara's lip curled in disgust.
"Do you really think those clowns can beat me?" he hissed.
"Yes." She snapped, "Because Sasuke and Naruto are in ANBU, and kyuubi could kill you any day." She turned away from Gaara and began to walk into the kitchen.
Suddenly, he appeared next to her, holding on to her wrist tightly. "How dare you defy me!"
"What?" she asked, "Did you expect me to just let you have your way, to get me alone, to up my chances of dying by your hand? I'm not stupid, Gaara, and that's what's made me a jounin. Remember that."
The stood in silence a moment until Gaara let her wrist go. Sakura held her wrist gingerly, checking for bruises. Then she looked back up at him, glaring daggers.
"We leave tomorrow morning at eight. Be ready to go, and dress lightly. We'll be going into a warmer climate down south."
Without a sound, she then walked off into her room, slamming the door behind her, leaving the still weak sand ninja standing in the living room.
He squeezed his eyes shut, leaning on the television again as he felt the now familiar evil feeling fill the pit of his stomach and his chest.
Guilt.
It wouldn't leave him anymore. It was always there, gathering in his chest like a storm; a raging, thick storm that poured through him like quick disease, shutting out anything that seemed to matter to him before. He had only felt that way but a few times before, and each time he felt over whelmed and sick. Things were the way they were and he had done the things he had done; he couldn't take it back, yet the guilt welled up in him like a flood.
He leaned his forehead against the wall and held his damaged shoulder with the other hand, grimaced and let out a sharp cry.
Guilt.
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He gripped his shoulders as the morning chill swept over him, and stared out at the wall across from him. On a chair she had draped a coat with a hood, gloves, and a hat. Snow boots sat next to the chair, and he just looked at them, wondering what the day would bring him. Sighing, he held up one arm to shield his eyes from the light that was starting to pour into the room from the windows. Would he fight the worst criminals, interrogate and terrorize for information vital for his new home, or simply sit back and watch Sakura and the others tend to matters with a steady gaze? Would he be able to kill someone, and truly show all of those stupid Konoha ninjas his strength?
Suddenly, Sakura opened the door carrying a bowl of warm water, a rag, a roll of bandages and a few clips to hold the bandages in place. She knelt by his bed and set the things by it, while he looked at her as always, taking her in drop by drop.
"Your wound needs to be cleaned before we leave." She explained quickly. Avoiding his eyes, she pulled up a chair by his bed and then began to unwrap his bandages. He looked from her careful hands toward her face and back again, his face emotionless and his eyes accusing and hard as always. As soon as the dirty bandages were off, she dipped the rag into the basin filled with warm water, rung it out, and began to clean off his shoulder. She dabbed it lightly and with precision, and he only winced once. Soon, she dried it off with another rag, and applied a lotion.
"You are angry."
She met his eyes once, and then grabbed the roll of bandages. Without a word, she began to wrap his wound.
"If you are angry, why do you take care of me? You know I can do it myself."
She stopped and glared at him. "Why don't you just enjoy the luxury of having someone do it for you?"
"Because you're making the atmosphere very uncomfortable."
"And why do you think that is?" she began to wrap his wound again, stopping once and a while to put in a clip.
"Because I put you in your place, as any other stronger man would."
At this, she pulled his bandages extra tight and he winced.
"For you information, Gaara of the sand, both Sasuke and Naruto are stronger than me, but they treat me with respect and as an equal. As my guest, you should do the same plus some." Her voice was tight and obviously angry.
Gaara looked down at his lap, at his rough hands lying limp on top of the blankets. Guilt filled him again, and his face burned.
"Then how should I act?"
His question rang out in the room heavy with Sakura's anger, and she paused out of surprise. She placed the final clip into the wrap, ripped the bandage and tucked the end into the other over-lapping bandages.
"Don't threaten me. Don't treat me as if I'm not good enough for you; treat me like you would treat yourself."
He paused, and then replied, "I will not treat you as I do myself. I would throw myself away if the opportunity was there."
Then he stood and walked over to his bag. He wore only his pants, and Sakura watched as he pulled on his shirt, and then put on the boots. She stood and walked over to him.
"Why throw yourself away? You have such strength, potential."
He turned to look at her, and his eyes bore into hers. "Strength is nothing when you have it, and potential is nothing when it is all you are alive for."
Sakura paused next to him, taking in his quote.
Shaking her head, she then went and put the chair back, and then picked up everything she had brought in. Just before exiting, she stopped next to him, and said quietly, "I think that's sad." Then, with a heavy heart and down cast eyes, she left the room and padded into the kitchen.
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They were by the gates at eight sharp, and Gaara leaned against the icy gates casually. Sakura stood next to him, her face covered in her black-ops mask, her headband gleaming proudly against the black uniform. Gaara still held his in his hands, since he hated it.
Soon, two others, both in full black ops uniform, met them.
"Gaara, this is Keiko and Jin." Sakura explained. The two nodded at Gaara, and then turned toward Sakura.
"Ready to go?"
"Yea."
The four deployed as a team-Sakura walked with Gaara, Jin next to Sakura, and Keiko slightly ahead, reading over a scroll. They walked five miles, and only Sakura and Jin spoke.
"I thought you said we were going some place warm?" Gaara asked. It was the only thing he had said.
"We are." Jin replied, "We've got about two more miles, and we'll be in sand country."
Gaara looked at Sakura, but Sakura just looked back. The only portion of her exposed was her eyes and the area around them, but they told no secrets or spoke of any answers.
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Eventually, they entered the desert that surrounded the Sand Country. The team stripped off their gear and wore lighter clothing. Gaara just wore black pants, a black vest filled with weapons and sandals. With no shirt under the vest, you could see the bandaged and wounded shoulder, his shoulder blades and his well-worked chest. Keiko blushed under her mask and looked at Jin, who like Sakura and herself, kept the same basic uniform. Black pants, black long-sleeve shirt, sandals, fingerless gloves, mask.
They trudged through the sand for a mile, and then entered the Sand Country. Hidden in the shadows and Gaara hidden in the sand as he was trained, the four made their way through the homes and villages until they came to the heart of the country where the Kazekage resided.
Then they took down some guards quietly, and entered the building where the Kazekage was having a privet meeting. Sakura planted some bugs along the way, and the four finally entered the Kazekage's main office. By now, Gaara had figured that this was a mission to obtain information, so he just went along with everything.
All four hid in the Kazekage's office in different areas, and listened intently. Kazekage was in a meeting with the Hokages from sound and cloud.
"What of your young hellion, Kazekage?" the leader of sound asked, his head cocked to the side.
"Traded him to Konoha for a high price. Peace for some years, restricted foreign relations."
"Shame. I would've taken him for free. He would've made a fine puppet."
Gaara clenched his teeth.
"Yes, yes. But we all know Shukaku wouldn't have anything of your curse."
The sound leader laughed lightly, and took a sip of his tea.
All ninjas listened to their conversation, and with every word, Sakura was appalled.
"All that boy's good for is his strength, yet you handed him over."
"Yes, you may have just added an asset to Konoha. Stupid."
"Extremely. He would've done more good under a seal, using his blood lust as a guide and his power as a path."
"Hah!"
Everything they said of Gaara was about how useless he was, how evil, how insane. Every word was filled with hate, and she could only imagine how Gaara took it as he hid under the sand that covered the floor of the open room.
The conversation continued, and eventually, the men left, and the team took off toward Konoha. The mission wasn't fruitless; the idea was to figure out what was going on in the minds of the leaders of what might be or were opposing nations, and that was what they had accomplished. Keiko had recorded the entire thing, and she dropped it off at the Hokage's office on the way home.
As for Gaara and Sakura, they walked in silence, Sakura upset, Gaara unfazed and just thinking of the warm bed and room where he could rest and stare at the black hole.
Sakura walked inside the apartment and slipped off her boots and dropped them on the mat. Snow melted and lay around them, and Gaara's snow-covered boots soon joined them. He waited for his turn at the coat rack, watching as Sakura slipped off her jacket, vest and mask. The jacket was placed on the coat rack, while the rest lay over her arm. He watched her movements, how every step wasn't calculated, but very casual and absent minded. There was nothing tactful about how she moved or walked, or how she brushed her hair behind her ear.
He slipped off his coat and hat and placed them on the coat rack next to hers, while she padded into her room and put her vest, gloves and mask away.
Then he stepped back away from the coat rack, and looked at it. It had more than just his things, but Sakura's as well. The last time that had occurred was when he lived with his uncle, or when his siblings visited. It was like a symbol that he wasn't alone, that he lived with another who does so much for him. She treated his wounds, helped him rise from his sickness, housed him, and made sure he was fed, looked out for him. What had he done? Ran away, threatened her.
The disease spread again, and he looked at the rack with a pained expression.
Sakura came out of her bedroom, this time in jeans a baggy shirt, and saw Gaara's face. Her own face fell, and she walked over to him.
"Gaara, I'm sorry."
He turned to her, his once pained expression now only hinted in his eyes. "Keep your pity."
"No. You deserve it. Unlike Naruto, and even Sasuke, you never got what you always deserved. I'm sorry."
"And what do I deserve?" he asked dangerously, now staring at her like prey. "I have almost murdered your friends and you, destroyed your friend's dream, and threatened you." He clenched his fists and grit his teeth. "What the hell do I deserve?" he yelled. She had made him angry, because if there was one thing he hated, it was pity. She could keep it, and choke on it!
Sakura stepped back a bit in shock, and then regained her composure. Her eyes narrowed.
"You deserve…companionship. A friend." She explained, "You deserve what we all take for granted. No matter how many people you've killed, no matter what things you've done, you will always deserve the loyalty and love of someone else."
She strode forward, and put her hand on the tense, taller boy's shoulder. "Even a murderer has friends."
Her voice seemed to whisper like a sweet, soft kiss. He looked down, and then girt his teeth at her, glaring hard enough to burn a hole. When he spoke, it was like a horse, forced whisper. "I am worse than any murderer you have ever encountered, and even more insane and hopeless than any serial killer."
Then he pushed past her, throwing her hand away, and walked off toward his room, silent as a draft.
Sakura's eyes narrowed. What did he expect from her? He was hurt, and he needed someone. She was trying to be that someone! 'Maybe you should put it in plainer words.' Her inner voice mocked, and she just growled, and took the idea, but twisted it her own way.
She walked over to his room and threw the door open. He looked up; surprise already vanished from his face, and glared at her. In an attempt to make her fear him, he stood, tall and proud.
"What the hell do you-"
"You listen here!" she exclaimed, "As much as you hate yourself, you are an important, good person, and I know that because of what you have done. You're scarred and hurt, I know that, but you can't run away from every opportunity to be what you refused to kill, to have what you couldn't destroy." She walked up closer to him, and said in a softer tone, "You spared me that day during the exam because you saw how I cared for Naruto and Sasuke. So why don't you want that yourself?"
He paused, and then said, "Because I can't have it."
"Then try anyway. Let me try-" she paused, and then continued-"to be your friend."
Gaara stared at her, this pink-haired girl with innocent mind, hopeful eyes and a defiance and determination that separated her form everyone else. How could she ask him such a question, and then expect him to just say something, just defy everything he had believed? Sins pushed away people, not attracted them!
But it was as if she was attracted to him, and that even made him scared.
What did she think he was?
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Hey guys!
So, there you have it…and, the scar, by the way, is my biggest shocker! Before reading the scar, I do need you to think. I want you to get into the frame of mind that Gaara is not only alone, believes he is not worth anything, but also has journeyed for two years, the year before Temari approached him, for something that he still doesn't fully understand. All of the interludes with him are flashbacks to this journey, and if you read carefully, you can detect the next event that will be revealed later on. Most importantly: When people are desolate and dark like Gaara is, the simplest things change them dramatically. Try and find out what those simple things are, and you will understand the drama of the next chapter!
I told you that you have to think!
Thanks to my reviewers!
Hao'sAnjul (I like your screen name! It's almost as if it has a hidden meaning! Glad you liked this so far, let me know what you think of this chapter!)
Rowan (Thank you! You're so sweet…but honestly, I'm a bit obsessive. I think over things a million times before I even write it, and then add and correct and change it until I'm happy…it's a long process! And I'm very happy with my fan base! Ya'll are the greatest! Let me know what you think of this chapter!)
Scorpion5 (Sadly, I did not include other's reactions…mostly because I didn't really care. I thought it would be boring to write, and I know that Sakura and Gaara could probably care less… but thank you for guessing! Keep guessing! It makes it more fun to reply you guys, and continue to update!)
Queen Cow and Steak (Hey! Yea, you late reviewer! God! You always review late! Lol…just kidding! Anyway, glad you enjoyed the last two chapters. I guess Sasuke was a bit scary, but hey, what can you do? Okay, so maybe I wrote it…but whatever! Actually, Gaara's not really sick, and I think he healed pretty fast…I didn't really mention it after that segment. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and make sure to let me know what you think of these next two chapters!)
Danny (Oh, Danny-Danny-Danny! You are so off track! Reread the summary on the main page where all of the stories are listed, and then rethink it! Everything in these counts, all of it means something! Based on everything that is posted at this moment, you could probably make an exact prediction! Don't think of this as exactly like the manga, a romance, or like most fan fiction, because its not. It's more realistic, emotionally, than almost anything else I've ever read in fan fiction. Don't think of just the big things, but the small things that Gaara never received as well. Either way, thank you for guessing! It means a lot. I really like to hear people's ideas! So keep them coming! Thanks!)
Broken Angel, Forgiven Devil (You sound, well, skeptical. But thanks for the 'interesting' part, that was great! Let me know your thoughts on these recent updates!)
Scapegoat (Thank you! You're so nice! And, you know, the screen name's got to kick boo-tay.)
Valindon Warrior (Thank you so more for your compliments! I really do try to describe everything and make this the best it can be, like a book you picked up off of the shelf, and it really means a lot to me when people notice that! Thank you!)
Thanks,
Review,
Love,
-IHearVoices