Well I've decided that this will probably not get taken any further than this chapter but I had this one written already and I thought I'd stick it up with this authors note. Basically although people kept giving me reviews I read through the full version of this and it's crap. I know it's the same as everything else and I don't want to disappoint. Anyone who still wants more to this can get to me by e-mail at the address i've got posted up on my profile page. sorry if i've dissapointed anyone...i didn't mean too.

Chapter four; Loving Lust

Lust? Love? I find that it is lust that finds itself most common in this day and age. For the meaning of love has been lost over the years, and from it being a feeling of special significance there is now no-one who cannot claim to have experienced love, but very few who have experienced love to its extent. You say you've felt love, but have you really?

Lyra's world

"Did you have fun then?" David asked, and Lyra nodded.

"It was good, but I'd hardly call it fun. I felt a lot closer to him today than I've felt since he died." She smiled, thinking back to the memory of her and Will's brief conversation. There hadn't been much they could really say, but they had said it all anyway. All about how they were working on the republic in their own individual worlds, and then about their travels together, and then, finally, about Gonséither, the subtle knife and the prospect of leaving their homes and seeing each other again. They never spoke of Lydia or of David.

"I'm glad, but I still wish you would let me go with you."

"I know, but this is a time for me and Pan. If we could take anyone else with us then we would." David nodded.

"I've never seen anyone with such a strange connection to their daemons as you." David spoke, the thought entering his head at the mention of the Pine Martin that was Lyra's daemon. "Its like sometimes you are the closest I've ever seen anyone, but you both seem to have secrets from each other, or he has secrets from you anyway."

"I don't see why he shouldn't. We're both people, just because we're part of a whole doesn't mean that we can't keep secrets from each other." David was very close to his daemon, they wouldn't have even thought about keeping secrets from each other.

"Claskinda never keeps secrets from me." David explained. "We're the same person so she doesn't feel we should have to keep secrets. It's not like one of us has ever done something the other hasn't seen." The brown cat beside him nodded her head gently, but didn't speak. She was unsettled, but David was sure she would stay as the brown cat she loved being so much. Lyra had never once heard Claskinda speak, but she assumed she could speak without even asking. There was no such thing as a daemon that couldn't speak.

"Where do you want to go for lunch?" Lyra asked, changing the subject before it moved onto an area she didn't want to discuss.

"I don't know, China's maybe." David suggested, and Lyra knew that was where they would go. Once David got it into his head to go somewhere then that was the end of the story, they were going there. Unfortunately his favourite place at the moment was a large coffeehouse on the edge of the posh side of Oxford, nowhere near Jerico or anywhere Lyra's friends were likely to be.

"Hmm, China's sound good." Lyra murmured. How was she supposed to tell David about her decision to leave Oxford? It would have to come out, and it would be easier to tell him in an environment he liked.

They crossed the busy high street and walked along to the coffeehouse in silence. When they were seated Lyra spoke gently.

"I'm going away next week, Davie. I'm going to go looking for Ma Costa and Billy tomorrow and go with them on their boat." David looked up from his coffee, not really taking much notice of what Lyra was saying. She regularly took some time off to go and stay with her Gyptian friends.

"Oh, how long are you going to be?" He asked, his voice perfectly calm, confidant that it would be only a week at the most.

"I don't know, I need to talk to Farder and John about something…"

"Good. It won't take long then. Maybe after today you'll grow out of these friends of yours and start to settle down as a proper young lady. I'm sure it's not right for someone like you to go running off with the Gyptian families all the time. What will people think of you!" Lyra looked at him with disgust.

"I will never grow out of my friends. How can you possibly suggest something like that? They're my friends David; I don't think anything could ever change that. Anyway, I don't know if this will be only a short while. I have to decide on something while I'm away. Farder Coram will help me, and when I've made my decision I'll send word."

"So you're leaving me? Is that it?"

"Yes…No…In a way…I don't know…Pan, can you explain to him. I don't think I'm able to." Pantalaimon nodded his head.

We don't want to leave you, but we feel we must. We've told you of some of our travels, and this is another case of them. We've always trusted our instincts, and our instincts are telling us to go to Farder Coram and ask for his help. He was like a father to us. All the time we were travelling he was there for us with his daemon, until we got separated and lost our friend on the ice by Svalbard. It was a case of bad luck that we were separated but that doesn't stop us loving him with all our hearts. Please don't hold it against us that we have to go away, its something that we feel we need to do even if we don't really want to.

David looked at the Girl and her Daemon sitting opposite him, and then gave in.

"Okay, but I need you to send word as soon as you know what's happening, promise you'll do that?"

"We promise."

Will's World

"So you understand then? It's not our decision, it's something I have to do."

"Yes, I understand. I think so anyway. You need to go away and find your sister, and you don't want me to go with you."

"It's not that. It's just, well; I don't want you to go through the hardship I went through when I lost Lyra. It will be dangerous, and I don't think you'd like where I'm going anyway."

"Did you ever ask me? I don't think so. You just assumed I wouldn't want to go." Her voice was quiet and made Will fume. Sometimes he just wished she would flip out. Life would be a lot easier if she did, because then the air could be cleared and they would be able to talk easier again.

"I can't ask you, it's just hard for me okay. Today, well, I found some news about my sister. She might still be alive, and I've got to go and find her."

"So take me with you."

"I can't, I just can't. Lyra and me need to be reunited, but we need to be reunited privately. It's not something I can take someone else too; this is the sister I haven't seen since I was eight. Part of me feels I don't even know her anymore."

"Of course you know her, she's your sister. Hey, I'm sure you won't be long. I'll meet you when you've been gone for a week and we can catch up. Maybe you'll have found her by then and you can introduce me."

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe I will, but where I've got to go is going to be hard. There won't be any planes or trains or even roads. I'll be out in the middle of no-where looking for her. It might be a bit hard for you to get to me."

"Are you just saying that to avoid me?" Lydia asked, her voice filled with hurt.

"No." Will replied. "I'm doing this because I don't want to see you hurt. I've got to go and you can't stop me. I'm sorry Lydia, I promise I'll write to you and tell you how things are."

"When are you leaving? I'm sure it won't be for too long you're going away, we'll meet up again soon."

"I'm going next week, I don't know when I'll see you again, because this could take either weeks or years, I don't have any idea how long I'll be. Maybe with luck I'll find Lyra soon and we'll be able to see each other again, or maybe it will take a long time to find her and I wont see you for ages. And then there's that Lyra might not want to come back here. I'm sorry Lydia. I just couldn't leave her after finding her again. I'll try and come back here after, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it."

"So you're definitely leaving then, you don't care about me at all and you're going off on some made up trip so you can get away from me without me feeling bad? Is that it?"

"No, I just need to see Lyra again. I do love you, but it's not the same as my love for Lyra. You have a sister, you know how it is."

"Yea, but I'd trade both my sisters and my brother for you Will. They mean a lot to me, but not half as much as you do." Will looked at her, disgusted by what he had just heard her say.

"You stupid cow!" He screamed. "How dare you say that type of thing about your family! You don't know what it's like not to have someone who you can talk to, someone close like a family; you will never understand the pain of loosing your sister! Get over it will you, I don't want to leave my friends here, not you, Mary or anyone else, but I need to find Lyra and all you can do is try and guilt me out by saying that I'm more important than your family. I'm sorry Lydia, but I was obviously wrong. You don't understand the meaning of family, so maybe we're not right for each other." Lydia went to speak, but Will stopped her.

"No, I'm not listening to you. I'm leaving next week and you can't stop me. Maybe I'll see you before I go, maybe I won't, but all I know is that before I want to see you again you're going to have to learn the meaning of family." With that he turned and walked out of the café they were sitting in, slamming the door. Behind him on the seat Lydia Andrews put her head in her hands and wept, she had loved William Parry but he had never felt the same way to her. His heart had always belonged to someone else.

Yet again, this is going to stop now because it's crap. There are more chapters, but only if people want them. This is useless and I'm ashamed of it so sorry for wasting your time by making you read it.

The author would like to apologise for all the pain she put people through when they thought this might actually develop into something, she hates to disappoint but the rest of Gonséither was even crapier than chapter one through four. Please forgive me for writing this crap, hopefully you won't judge the rest of my writing on what you've just read through. Love and peace as always, Stargazing Maiden.