Disclaimer:
Novinha has just received a grant from EU to continue her research on the mysterious connection between the platypi and disclaimers. Some ignorants claim that the connection was established after the commercial success of a certain "Dogma" film. This seems to be a total and utter bullshit, as the scientist herself saw the aforementioned picture and it contained no platypi at all.
No platypi were harmed in writing this story. Harry wouldn't be mine even if he made an appearance.
Written by Novinha
Beta-read by Lara and Siren
Personal Reasons
Epilogue
"Well, Severus, I am sorry I kept you waiting."
The younger wizard enters my office in a flurry of black robes and closes the door with a loud bang, causing an offended murmur to rise from several of the portraits.
"No offence taken, Headmaster," he answers, and sits down across from me, projecting total nonchalance. I know him too well, however, and immediately recognise it as a gesture of weakness; under normal circumstances, he would remain standing, if only to make me ask him to sit. I always suspected that the 'fight or flight' instinct I so often inspired in him, as well as the advantages of looking down, were also his reasons for standing before me.
By sitting down, he tells me he's too tired to remain on his feet.
"What did Madam Pomfrey say?" I ask, and add, before he has a chance to reply, "I will know as soon as we meet, so lying is pointless, Severus."
He sighs dramatically.
"The meddlesome witch has an annoying habit of exaggerating."
"What did she say?" I press.
"She claimed that, to quote: 'Such overuse of your magic could very well kill you, Severus, what were you thinking!'"
"And you happen to disagree?"
"And I happen to disagree. I can very well judge my abilities, Headmaster. The day a few spells are enough to kill me, I will commit suicide."
"Severus, I've known you to overestimate your… abilities. The fact that Voldemort is drawing power from your body, combined with the torture you've endured is more than enough for any Healer to tell you to stop casting that many spells at once."
"Many… what is many? I only-"
"I've just heard from Miss Granger that you disarmed Mr Malfoy, confused or otherwise retarded Mr Gibson, and stopped Mr Hartley from exiting the forest too early. Add the joint Apparition-"
I stop, as I notice a gleam in Severus's eyes. There is something he isn't telling me - I know him far too well not to see, and he isn't as wary as he has to be around the enemy. The exhaustion factor might be at work as well. Either way, I know he is hiding something.
"Severus… Please, don't tell me you killed Mr Gibson!"
"No, but I doubt very much that they will find him."
"Transfigured?" I ask.
"Just one more mosquito for the forest."
"Unless it's already been eaten by a bat," I state with a small scowl. "Severus, you are of tremendous help to the cause, but I really do not want you repeatedly risking your life just to prove you hold it in such high a regard."
"Headmaster, the day I feel the need to prove such utter nonsense to anyone-"
"Will be your last, yes, yes, I've heard that often enough. Severus, you are overdoing it. If you continue to behave in such a manner, I promise you I will strap you to a bed in the Infirmary and have some giggling Hufflepuffs help Madam Pomfrey tend to you."
"I am capable of taking care of myself, sir. It's been a long while since I needed someone to wipe my nose for me," he spits, with that scowl of his.
"Severus, I promise you that I will have someone bathe you if I see fit."
"My health is perfect, Headmaster."
"Yes, of course. Then why are you so green?"
He does indeed look terrible. There is a good reason why I never gave him the DADA position; whenever he casts too many spells at once, his body suffers terribly. Still, he would never admit any weakness, even, or perhaps most of all, to himself.
"If I may have a cup of tea, Headmaster?"
"Of course."
The tea appears - strong, black Earl Grey with two spoons of sugar. He takes a long sip of near-boiling liquid and puts the cup down.
"I would like to say that I'm glad I have you safely here," I declare calmly, preparing for a storm.
"It… it was simply inexcusable! What was that stupid girl thinking!"
"I have no idea, Severus. I suppose that she might have some problems with seeing herself as an outsider. Her need to belong got the better of her."
My Potions master chokes on his tea, and I smile briefly at the desired effect. He recognised my words as those I had once said about him, many years ago.
"Now, I have a few questions I'd like to ask you today, Severus. For one thing, do you think that this could compromise Mr Malfoy's position? With you gone, we need him more than ever."
"I am aware, Headmaster, that you do not trust him to work for us without supervision. But I will repeat - Lucius is a pragmatist. He realised that the future in which Voldemort wins is not the best prospect for the Malfoy family. He is fed up with kissing the boot that kicks him. He will remain loyal, because this is what he knows to be most profitable. As to this event compromising his position - I am sure that even right now he is wondering how to twist what happened into a story of his cunning plan to uncover the spy among the Death Eaters."
"This I can believe… My other concern is the existence of Mr Thatcher. So far we've only known about him from Mr Malfoy, so we couldn't attempt to kill him without endangering our spy. Now that Miss Granger saw him, we have to make our move, and fast. I want that man dead, Severus. He is very dangerous."
"I agree, Headmaster. He seems to be more skilful a Legilimens than the Dark Lord himself."
"And now, my last question," I say, slowly. "Why did you save Miss Granger?"
Obviously, he has not been prepared for me to ask this question. His face falls and he is suddenly very much interested in the state of his fingernails.
"Isn't that obvious, Headmaster?" he replies casually. "She is aware of many more Order matters than it would be advisable to let the enemy know."
"That is what you have memory spells for, Severus."
"Obliviate can be easily broken by a skilled Legilimens."
"I am not talking Obliviate here, Severus."
"They would instantly guess there was magic at work."
"They would think that it was a result of the torture inflicted by Dolohov."
"Are you telling me I was supposed to kill her, Albus? Taking all her memory away would be the equivalent of that," he nearly shouts, leaning towards me agitatedly.
"I am just saying that you chose to save her, when I am sure you wouldn't have done the same if it was, say, Miss Abbott in her place."
"I do not know what you are implying, Albus," he hisses, visibly tensing.
"I am sure you do, Severus."
"She is a brilliant student and will certainly be a great asset to our cause. I didn't want to waste that. Besides, I decided to take your advice and retire from the spying service."
"Bullshit." I resist the urge to smirk as Severus's eyes widen slightly at the uncharacteristic curse.
"I knew otherwise you'd never begin to trust Malfoy-"
"I will repeat myself, Severus. That is utter bullshit. I've known you since you were eleven, and I know when you are lying. I needn't use Legilimency to tell."
"Headmaster, if you are suggesting that I behaved in an inappropriate way-"
"Severus, you are not listening."
"If… if there was any other reason why I saved the girl… if I had a personal reason…"
"Then I will respect it as personal."
"You aren't accusing me-" he begins, disbelief clear on his face.
"I would never suspect you of behaving inappropriately towards a student, Severus," I state firmly. A short silence follows, one that he breaks with a question.
"Then why-"
"I wanted to let you know that I know and… and that I do not judge you. What you feel… I know you are a man of honour, Severus. I trust you to do what is right. I trust you."
He falls silent for a moment, and then, suddenly, blurts out in an uncharacteristic show of emotions.
"I would never abuse your trust, Headmaster."
I nod, and stretch my hand to put it on his fist. It takes a moment before he meets my gaze.
"I want you to know two things, Severus."
He studies me intently, and I continue, carefully choosing my words.
"I think of you as the son I never had."
He shrugs and shakes his head, as if he wants to deny my words, to stop me, but I do not let him.
"And I want you to know that I wouldn't think any less of you… if, one day…"
He seems to tense even more, waiting for me to finish.
"She won't be a student forever," I finish, quietly.
He scowls and answers, in the tone of defeat admitted.
"But I will always be a Death Eater, Headmaster. And an old, bitter man. I believe it wouldn't be too kind of me to inflict myself upon anyone, much less someone like her."
The bitterness in his voice hurts more than anything else.
"Besides, I don't think I will live long enough to do that," he adds.
"But I believe you will," I state, decidedly. "Now, I want you to go straight to your bed - if I believed you'd stay there, I'd send you to the Infirmary, but I know you too well."
He smirks.
"Off you go. I don't want to see you out of your bed for the next twenty-four hours. I need you alive, Severus."
My Potions master doesn't give any indication that he heard or is willing to obey me. He stands up and straightens his robes. Before he exits my office, I grip his hand firmly.
"You did what was right," I say. "You made the right decision, I want you to remember that."
"We shall see, Headmaster," he answers, already at the door, his back turned at me. "We shall see."
"Albus," I say, for the umpteenth time. "It is Albus to you."
But he is already gone.
...
A/N: I a sure it's been done thousands of times, but I had to write it. I do hope my version was worth something. At least Hermione doesn't get raped and impregnated when she visits a Dark Revel. Yes, in case someone didn't notice, the tea party of the Death Eaters was a Very Dark Revel.
I would like to name my two sources of inspiration - one was Naya Snake, my fellow Polish fanfiction writer, the only writer ever who made me believe in a Vampire!Snape. Hers was the first fanfiction I ever read. And this story is inspired by her one-shot about Lucius Malfoy having to choose between his loyalty to the Dark Lord and to his son - and making the right decision.
The other source was a discussion on WIKTT about Dark Revels. From obvious reasons.
Due to its construction - a bit inspired by Greek traditional drama - it was a pleasant experience and an exercise for me. I do hope I managed to make it at least half that pleasant for you.
I am aware of the fact that I didn't keep the tone of this story dark due to my twisted sense of humour somehow managing to slip into oddest moments. Please, bear with me.
As to Dumbledore's characterisation - I have read one too many Manipulative Bastard Dumbledore stories lately and wanted to write him the way I see him. Notice he doesn't think getting involved with a student is right - he stresses the fact that he trusts Snape not to abuse his position as a teacher.
And I had so much fun thinking up another reason for Snape not being given the DADA teacher position.
Oh - and this bit about Portkeys not being sent to Hogwarts - it just seems logical to me. Why go to all the problem with Moody if Voldy could just tie a Portkey to an owl's leg and send it to Hogwarts? Have we seen any screening of mail, save Umbridge's attempts? I'd rather believe the wards around Hogwarts stop owls carrying Portkeys. More logical.
Last, not least, I'd like to thank the readers for the wonderful feedback this story received. Each and every comment was/will be answered.