Chapter 3

Saved by Grace and Destroyed by Naivety

Marissa looked up at her name, it had sounded, choked somehow. What was wrong. She took in Alex's face, the eyes boring into her, looking deep within her own. She read the fear in them, the nervousness, but could she read the desire? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was a reflection of her own. Alex still hadn't stopped moving forward. She was wasn't she? Marissa shut her eyes. She couldn't stand to look anymore, not at those perfect lips as they moved towards her. It wasn't going to happen she told herself, that wasn't why Alex was moving, she probably was going to say something or, do something or…
The feel of warm breath across her lips made her head reel, and her stomach lurch. Finally giving in to herself she leant forward, catching the other girls lips on hers, pressing against her in a passionate kiss. Feeling the heat of the others' mouth as their hands grasped at each others bodies. Desperate but gentle. Twining her fingers in the blond hair she felt Alex deepen the kiss, probing with her tongue against her lips, letting her in she moaned softly into Alex's mouth.
Alex's heart skipped a beat at the sound of that moan, her skin pulsed at the feel of those fingers on her scalp and where her own hands grasped Marissa's neck she felt the other's goose bumps. Air was becoming a problem and Alex reluctantly pulled back slightly, their foreheads and noses still touching. Both of them gasping for breath. It took more courage than she ever knew she had to open her eyes and look at the girl who she had longed for day and night for the past three weeks.

Marissa was watching Alex carefully. So far the girl hadn't looked up. They'd been frozen, foreheads pressed together for the past few minutes. She had been content to just stay like that, letting their breathing slow in unison and feeling the soft hands on her neck and back, and her own stroking blond hair gently. But now, now she was worried.
Why hasn't she looked up, why doesn't she open her eyes? Did she not want this? I must have done something wrong, please, look at me. Tell me what you're thinking, Alex, please, don't do this to me, don't leave me hanging here.
Alex's eyes fluttered open, grey blue eyes piercing as ever. Searching Marissa's face for some reaction, something that would tell her whether she had been wrong or right. Just something. Sighing in relief Marissa smiled back at her, and Alex knew then, that it had been real. Not faked or unintentional and not unwanted. But mutual.
Marissa's hand slipped out of Alex's hair and gently stroked her jaw line, drawing her forward into another kiss. Less needy this time and more gentle. Taking Marissa's hand in hers Alex broke the kiss and leant her head against Marissa's collar bone, trying to calm her racing heart and to prolong the moment for as long as possible. Inhaling the sweetness of her skin, still tasting her lips on her own, she held on to her friend, and her what, her girlfriend? She didn't know. Worry flooded back to her.
What if it was only an experiment for her, she's straight, she dates guys, she dates Ryan for gods sake, handsome, kind Ryan. This was probably only a small thing for her, just, experimenting.
She couldn't bear to think about it, so she clung to Marissa, desperate to keep this moment, this stunning creature in her arms, and tried not to think about what would happen when she had to let go.

It was Marissa who eventually broke the embrace. As hard as it was for her, the band had stopped playing and she knew it was only a matter of time before one of the other barkeeps came in looking for Alex. Whatever her feelings were she still wasn't willing to be caught like that.
"Alex?" Her hesitance made her voice tremble.Silently Alex let go, knowing that it was time and that she would have to let the moment slip away. She backed off a few paces, wanting to see what Marissa's reaction would be and how she would want to deal with this.Suddenly, seeing Alex back away, and losing the warmth from her touch Marissa was terrified.What happened there? Does that mean, I'm not gay, I'm straight. I wanted it, without knowing what it meant. But it felt so…don't think it. I have to get out of here, have to work out what just happened .
"I have to go"The words were no sooner said then the office door swung shut leaving Alex startled and alone.I knew it, it was only a kiss. Only an experiment. Why did I let myself into this? It's not as if I didn't want it, but I just know it, I'm going to be hurt.

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