Chapter 15

Gibbs sat beside Abby's bed, his heart seeming to beat in time with the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor, his eyes flashing to the screen periodically, checking her stats, before looking back at her face, usually so animated it lay pale and lifeless, a large bandage covering most of her head, a tube in her nose, another in both arms, a catheter sneaking out of the blankets, and the shunt in the head draining the fluid build up. That was the tubes; his eyes then followed the wires, one on her finger and more to her chest. She looked like some kind of lab experiment she herself would carry out on a manikin or inflatable doll, she didn't look like his Abby, and worst was they couldn't tell him if she would ever be Abby again.

Gibbs dropped his head to his hands, tears forming in his eyes for the first time in so many years, he honestly couldn't remember the last time he had shed any. This was his fault his mind screamed as they forced the tears away, he should have done something in the car park before they got to the car, he should have acted, not waited for Abby to act.

His mind wandered back to that day, was it really three days ago? He thought in despair, three days of hoping she would wake up, hoping there would be some improvement, but there wasn't; she continued to lay silent, locked in a world no one seemed able to reach or understand, locked within herself. But whenever he thought of that day, all he could remember was seeing Abby covered in blood, her scalp a bleeding mass, convinced she would die, he didn't remember shooting Simpson, or giving Abby CPR but he was told later that he did both of those, that he had saved Abby's life, but all he saw was that he had caused this by not acting sooner, by being to concerned with her safety to see that that concern had in fact put her at the most risk.

Gibbs stood and stretched crossing over to the window and noticing that it had started to rain at some point, he remembered Abby telling him at some time or other that she loved the rain, loved the way it felt on her face, he wished she could feel it now. He crossed back to her bedside and gently took he hand, careful not to dislodge the canular in it. He laid his head down on her bed beside her hand and closed his eyes.

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Kate and Tony stood with Ducky outside of Abby's room talking quietly amongst themselves, their eyes shooting periodically to the door as if fearing that Gibbs would immerge.

"He needs to be told" Kate said again "He needs to know why she did it" she reiterated, "I know I would want to" she turned and looked at the door again, as if trying to see into the room.

"I believe that Caitlin is right in that he needs to know, but I have to say I am not sure if now is the time" Ducky said, shaking his head in worry "I am not sure that he can take much of anything at the moment" he said sadly.

"No I think it's a really bad idea to tell him anything at the moment, when he wants to know he will come out demanding in his usual Gibbs style" Tony said, not agreeing with Kate "And who wants to tell him? Gibbs without coffee is scary, Gibbs scared of Abby dying is downright psycho" he said in his usual unthinking but not uncaring way. Kate glared at him and Ducky shook his head sadly again.

"I'll tell him" Kate said, "He needs to know" she said stepping towards the door, Tony's arm shooting out to block her way

"No way Katie, no way are you going in there" he said angrily "Leave Gibbs the hell alone" he snarled at her, the stress of the last few days telling on him, he was as worried about Abby as the rest of them, and he was down right terrified for and of Gibbs at the moment. "Leave the man alone" he said pushing himself in front of the door and physically stopping Kate from entering

"Now, now you two" Ducky said calmly trying to ease the situation, knowing that this wasn't so much about Gibbs as it was about the fear and helplessness they were both feeling

"lets not get too worked up about this, I believe that this is not urgent information, it should perhaps be left until he is not in the room with Abigail" he paused looking at the two of them "The hearing is often the last thing to go and the first to return in patients in a coma" he told them "And I really do no think Abigail needs to here why that woman did what she did, not at the moment." He took a deep breath "Caitlin my dear, tell Jethro when he comes out" he said gently, taking her by the shoulder and leading her to the waiting room across the hall. Tony watched them go, hearing Ducky murmuring words to Kate as if she was one of his bodies.

Tony slumped against the door, wishing this nightmare would end, wishing that they had not all gone home when they did, that they had checked the wife out sooner, that they had…he stopped himself angrily, pushing himself away from the door. He needed a drink he thought sourly, but headed across to the waiting room instead joining Kate, Ducky, McGee and Abby's family.

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Abby lay in her nice warm coffin, it was really dark in there and for some reason she couldn't seem to move, but at least she was warm and comfortable, something pulled at the back of her mind, something about pain and cold and …

She stopped the thought, not really wanting to remember what had made her cold and hurting, she drifted slowly back to sleep, suddenly halting at the feeling of someone stroking her hand, she tried to see who it was, but her eyes didn't want to open. Who would be in her coffin with her? She wondered sleepily, she frowned and tried to wake up but the effort seemed too hard and once again she drifted back into her nice warm cocoon.

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Gibbs didn't know how long he had slept, but he knew that his neck was killing him, he opened his eyes slowly and checked Abby's monitor, no change there, he though sadly. He sat up and stretched out he kinks in his neck slightly. He supposed he should go so that her parents could come in for awhile but he really didn't want to, he didn't want to ever leave Abby, not for any reason.

He picked up her hand again and stroked it as he had been when he drifted off to sleep

"Come on Abs wake up" he said, trying to make his voice sound normal, when normal was far from how he felt. "Damn it Abby, enough it enough will you damn well open your eyes" he told her his fear turning to anger and frustration, all he wanted was for her to open her eyes. But there was nothing, no reaction, no smart come back just the beeping of the machines. Gibbs sighed and rubbed his head, then gently placed her hand back on the bed and turned to leave. He never saw the way her hand fluttered as if reaching out for something.