Chapter Four
Avril Lavigne – "Nobody's Home" I couldn't tell you Why she felt that wayShe felt it every day
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes againWhat's wrong what's wrong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes, broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you've left behind
Be strong be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes, broken inside
Her feelings she hides,
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind, she's falling behind
She can't find her place, she's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place
She's lost inside lost inside
She's lost inside lost inside
The full implication of what her daughter had just told her had not hit her until right now. As Donna left Katie's room, she suddenly felt like she'd been hit by a ton of bricks and she had to sit down. Putting her hand on her chest, she crouched down right in the middle of the kitchen.
Why did we put so much pressure on her? Why didn't she come to us? How could she? How dare she? Is she okay?
These thoughts kept running through Donna Lyman's head as she began sobbing, trying to stay quiet so her daughter Audrey wouldn't worry. She needed to stay strong for all of them. Oh, God. How was she going to tell Josh? This is going to crush him. She had to stay strong for him. After a few minutes on the floor, Donna managed to pick herself up and walk ever so slowly to the kitchen sink and get herself a drink of water. Suddenly, things starting clicking in her head like they had for Audrey a few minutes before. All the warning signs had been there. Even though Donna wasn't an expert on the effects of Ritalin and withdrawal, she should've known enough to spot what was going on. Katie was her daughter, for crying out loud. Sure, they weren't too close, but she's her mother! She's supposed to detect these changes in her child. Had she been so caught up in work that she'd missed it? Donna looked again at the plastic bag containing five Ritalin pills and wanted to crush them in her fingers. Instead, she slipped them in her back pocket. Katie wouldn't be home until around 6:30 from ballet class. Josh should be home before then. She needed to tell him and give him time to calm down before their daughter returned. She wasn't sure whether Josh would be furious or empathetic, or a combination of both. Donna guessed it would be the latter. He'd probably lose it at first, but then he'd realize his daughter needed him to stay strong and he'd pull it together. Donna wanted him to get home and stay at work both at the same time. Just a few more minutes until his life was altered by this news. But she didn't want to feel alone like she did now. This must be how her daughter feels all the time. Stop being so selfish, Donna.
Donna went through the motions of cooking dinner, not really thinking about what she was doing. Luckily, the dinner turned out all right. Hamburger Helper was all she felt like cooking. She pushed the pasta around mindlessly for what must have been fifteen minutes. Finally, she heard the garage door open a little after 6:00. Josh was finally home. Audrey heard him too and decided she didn't want to be around for this.
"I'm going for a run, mom." She told Donna with a blank expression on her face. Running always helped her take her mind off of whatever was going on in her life. But could it take her mind off this? "I'll be back in about 45."
"Okay, sweetheart." Donna's face was painted with worry and she knew her daughter picked up on it. Audrey sneaked out the front door, avoiding contact with her father.
Seconds later, Josh came in through the garage door, taking his sunglasses off as he did. His posture and the way he walked indicated he'd had a good day on Capitol Hill. He'd probably gotten a couple more votes for that environmental bill. But that wouldn't matter in a matter of seconds. It would seem as important as hearing news about Britney Spears when an asteroid was hurdling towards Earth.
"Hey, gorgeous." He called to his wife, who had reluctantly pried herself from the couch and turned to face him, wiping a few tears from her eyes. He set his bag down on the floor by the breakfast bar, not yet looking at his wife of twenty years.
Josh turned to face his wife, expecting that she'd come over and give him a kiss and they'd chat joyously about their days. Instead, he found Donna standing by the sofa, arms crossed, with red puffy eyes like she'd been crying for the past hour.
Immediately his face changed. This wasn't the normal 'I had a bad day' Donna. It was something worse.
"Donna, what's wrong?" Josh closed the gap between their bodies within a couple of seconds, taking her in his arms. Donna refused to look at him in the eyes, even when he tried to angle his head to do so. She felt herself about to break down again. Something about the way he rushed over to her, not even knowing what was really going on. He was so filled with love and concern for her and their two daughters. Donna knew what she was about to tell him would make him break down.
"Tell me what's wrong, baby." He probed gently, lightly gripping her wrists, pulling them up to his chest.
Donna moved her head, as if to say, 'If only it were that easy'. Come on, Donna, you need to be strong, she said to herself.
"Josh, it's…I…" And then she started crying. Josh inferred it must be something to do with the girls. They were the only thing that got her this emotional.
"Hey, hey, let's go sit down on the couch." He caught her as her legs fumbled beneath her. Josh took her hand and gently lead her to sit. He took the spot to her left and started stroking her hair, never taking his eyes off her face.
"Now calm down and tell me what's going on."
Donna started nodding, overcompensating for her lack of self-control with large, decisive head movements. She took a few deep breaths and finally felt as if she could talk.
"Josh," She began. She knew she had his full attention. "Audrey found something in Katie's room today. Just a few minutes ago."
"Okay. What is it?" He was rubbing small circles on her back because she still seemed nervous and on-the-edge.
"It's…It's Ritalin." She finally managed to say.
"Ritalin?" Josh repeated, puzzled. "Why would she need Ritalin? She's not ADHD."
"That's the thing, Josh. She bought them from someone. Some kids use them as a study aide. They help give you extra energy so she was taking them to stay up late to do homework. Josh, I think she's addicted. She tried to quit last week. That's why she was so irritable and she snapped."
Josh looked away, unsure of what to think. Katie? Abusing Ritalin?
"You're joking, right?" Josh asked, knowing already full well what the answer was going to be judging by his wife's body language and facial expression. But he prayed to God she would say yes.
She didn't.
"No, baby. I'm afraid not." Donna had finally calmed down after she'd gotten that off her chest. The roles were reversing, she felt, as Josh stopped his hand movement on her back and had now placed his forearms on his legs and looked down at the floor.
This was some kind of sick joke, right? Donna was pulling his leg.
Donna pulled the small plastic bag from her back pocket and tossed them on the coffee table in front of them. The little white pills stared back at them, saying, 'I gave Katie the support you couldn't.'
"Huh?" He asked stupidly, turning his head slightly but not looking at Donna.
"Josh. Our daughter has been using Ritalin to help her study. She may be addicted to them." She tried to spell it out for him, knowing that he was hoping she was lying.
"Why would she need them to study? She's smarter than both of us. She's got a friggin' 3.95 G.P.A. Why would she think she needed help?" He was rubbing his own thigh uncomfortably.
"I don't know, Josh." She told him honestly. "That's what we need to find out."
"But…" He started, but couldn't quite finish his thought. Donna put her hand on his shoulder supportively and that set him off. He didn't want his wife to acknowledge that he was feeling out of control, a rarity in his life. He didn't like the feeling of needing help.
"No!" He shouted, standing up immediately at his wife's comforting touch. Donna flinched a little. She knew he wasn't upset with her, but she didn't like the feeling of being pushed away. Another unfamiliar feeling to her. Josh started pacing, putting one hand in his pant pocket and his right hand by his temple and nervously rubbing it. Donna looked up at him, worried, from the couch.
"Josh…."
"Donna, just wait." He cut her off. He was still trying to process this.
"Ritalin?" He stopped his pacing, putting his hand in his trouser pocket, looking at his wife seriously.
Donna simply nodded and kept her eyes focused on her husband. The pacing started again.
"Why?" He said, stopping again.
"I don't know, honey." Donna repeated patiently. His concern, confusion, anger and temper were starting to build, like a can of soda that had just been shaken up. And Katie's hand was on the pop tab.
"Josh, come sit back down." She suggested, patting the sofa next to her.
"No."
"Okay. Then talk to me. Stop pacing and talk."
"I'm sorry, Donna. I just can't comprehend this right now." His voice was edgy with confusion. His fingers gripped the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I mean…" he chuckled humorlessly "City kids get into shit like this. This is why we moved to the suburbs to keep them away from this."
Donna knew it wasn't just city kids. The last few years they'd heard a lot about kids abusing drugs like Ritalin and Adderall. They'd seen bills. But she was with Josh - their daughter?
"Josh, it can happen to any kid. She's under a lot of pressure, you know?"
"What do you mean? She's sixteen years old." With the amount of pressure he was always under, it was sometimes hard for him to remember exactly how hard it was to be a teenager. And, of course, he didn't understand what it was like to be a teenage girl in the 21st century.
"Exactly, Josh. She's a junior in high school trying to get into the Ivy League. She's got two parents who are politicians. Members of the United States Congress. That's enough to send anyone down the wrong path. Plus, she's got a twin sister to compete with. She's so hard on herself."
"I still don't…." He started, then shook his head, looking up at the ceiling. "She was doing just fine without it."
Donna shrugged in agreement. "We don't know how long she's been using them."
That set Josh pacing again. How long had she been using? Two weeks? Two months? Two years, even?
"That's why we need to talk to her."
"I can't talk to her. I don't know if I can face her. What can I say to her, Donna, what?" He said, irately, desperation in his face.
"Josh, you first just need to calm down." Donna finally stood up and walked to where her husband was standing and put her hands on his forearms. "We've dealt with tough stuff before. We are the parents and we need to be a unit."
Josh looked down and took his wife's hands in his, thankful she was thinking straight. Their wedding bands twinkled simultaneously in the dwindling afternoon spring sun. They were married. They were a unit and they were going to get through this. He ran his thumbs over the top of her hands.
"You're right." He said, finally looking up again right in Donna's eyes. "We're gonna get through this."
Donna closed her eyes, thankful he had finally come to his senses. Now they were in this together, just like she had predicted. He'd had his spout and now he was back. They rested their foreheads together for a few moments before Josh pulled away and kissed her gently on the lips.
"I love you, Donnatella Lyman." He whispered.
"I love you too."
Both parents washed off their faces to refresh themselves from the shocking news that had suddenly sent the family spiraling downward. Donna reapplied some makeup to her alabaster skin and Josh stirred the Hamburger Helper, turning the burner down to low, not knowing how long this would take. They both had butterflies in their stomachs, like they were waiting to see the principal after being in a huge food fight. But they weren't. They were waiting for their sixteen-year-old daughter to return home to confront her about drug use.
At 6:32, Kaitlyn Marie Lyman walked through the garage door after being dropped off by a friend who was also in the class. She'd had a good day. Sure, she was probably the worst ballerina ever known to man, but she just loved the sound of the music, the sound of the point shoes against the wood floor, and lately, the pain that shot through her toes that let her know she could still feel.
She reached the kitchen, her face fresh and bright and her hair pulled back into a dancer's bun. She wore black athletic pants and a white v-neck top over her leotard.
Josh sighed from the kitchen, hearing his daughter's voice, knowing it was time. He made eye contact with his wife across the room, silently encouraging one another as they prepared for perhaps the most difficult conversation they'd ever have with Kaitlyn in her life.
"Hey, guys." She greeted them cheerfully, putting her dancing bag down next to her father's work bag. She stood and pulled her hair out of the dancer's bun it was in and then rebound it into a more comfortable ponytail. It was then that she noticed her parents' faces. "What's wrong?" She looked back and forth between them.
"Kaitlyn, why don't you go back to your room and your mom and I will be back there in a minute. We need to talk." Josh told her seriously.
"Okay…" She said nervously. Her heart started pounding a little harder and her mind started racing as she turned and walked back to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and immediately went to her jewelry box. Katie opened it and frantically started looking through it for her pills. They weren't in there. She searched every corner and crevice for about 20 seconds and finally gave up, slamming the top shut. They knew. She turned around a few times, not knowing whether to burst out her room or just to stay there or jump out the window. She finally decided to sit on her bed. Katie put her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands. This was going to suck, she thought to herself. She didn't want to see their faces.
Just outside the bedroom, Donna and Josh had met halfway between where they were each standing a minute ago. Josh took his wife in his arms and rubbed her back supportively.
"You ready?" He asked her.
Donna nodded, pulling back. Of course she wasn't ready for this, but it had to be done. Josh took her hand and they walked to their daughter's bedroom. He politely knocked on her door.
"Baby, can we come in?" He called, waiting for her permission to come in.
Katie paused for a moment. "Yeah." She called back, staring at a spot on the wall. Katie avoided eye contact as they came in. Her mother closed the door behind them in case Audrey came home. She wouldn't want to hear this conversation.
"Katie, we need to talk." Her father began. They both stood before her, in judgment in her mind. Josh had his hands in his pockets and Donna's arms were crossed in front of her. They were both still dressed in their work clothes, in contrast to Katie's much more casual athletic wear.
"About what?" She said, on the off chance it was something besides the Ritalin.
"I think you know what, sweetheart." He said delicately.
"Tell me." She demanded.
Josh sighed and looked over at his wife. She looked back at him and he knew she couldn't speak. He'd have to do it.
"Well, we've all been really worried about you lately. You were pretty down for a few days."
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, Audrey was so concerned that she looked through your room and, uh, Katie, she found these." He said, holding up the evidence in his right hand.
Katie looked at the dangling pills in her father's hand. Her best friend and her worst enemy all in a tiny little white pill. Suddenly, she felt angry. Betrayed.
"Audrey was in my room!" She suddenly changed her voice, standing up. "What the hell was she doing in my room? You need to punish her for going through my stuff. That's not fair!"
"Under the circumstances, I don't think that will be necessary." He told her. His eyes were drilling into her, making her very uncomfortable.
"Stop looking at me like that. Like I'm a freak." She demanded as she began pacing, one of the habits she'd gotten from Josh.
"Katie, we don't think you're a freak. Now why don't you sit back down." He walked over to her and gently gripped her wrist, pulling her towards the bed. She snatched it back.
"No, I want to stand."
"Fine." He didn't want to set her off and he stepped back to stand with his wife.
Donna stepped in. "Katie, we're not trying to judge you. We're just trying to find out why this is happening. You don't need those pills."
"You wouldn't know!" She snapped, pacing once again. Katie was getting edgy. "You don't know the kind of pressure I'm under! Neither of you had politician parents and I have two! And you expect perfection! What the hell else do you think was going to happen?" She glared at her parents, her eyes darting back and forth between the two stiff, upright bodies.
"I know, Katie, we may have pushed you too hard. We just want to make sure you're the best you can be. But if you were feeling too much pressure, why didn't you come to us?" Donna tried to understand.
Katie let out a dismissive, annoyed sigh. "Yeah. I'll tell you I'm under too much pressure and then you'd say" she changed to a sarcastic, chastising tone "'You can handle it, Katie, maybe you should cut back on the extracurricular activities.'"
That hit both Josh and Donna like another ton of bricks. Oh, God. It was their fault. They expected too much. People had been telling them to cut the girls some slack for years, but they hadn't listened. High expectations yielded high results, they'd been told. But not without a few side effects. Katie stared at her parents for a few moments and they stared back at her. Tears were forming in all three sets of eyes. Donna was the first to break down.
"Oh, Katie…" She walked over to her daughter, her arms outstretched.
"Momma…" Katie started sobbing, accepting her mother's warmth. Donna wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her to sit on the bed where they both continued to sob. Donna rocked her daughter back and forth. They were a heap of clothes and hair and sobbing bodies on the bed as Josh watched, not knowing whether to join them.
His emotions soon took over and he sat next to Katie, now sandwiched by her two parents. Josh held her but just stared at the floor, not knowing what to say. Had he really done this to his baby girl? Had he forced her to turn somewhere else where she could get the comfort she needed without fear of being reprimanded for not trying hard enough? God, Josh, what have you done? You idiot.
From the other side of Katie, Donna reached her hand over and touched Josh's right. He responded to it, finally feeling needed. He gently gripped the forearm that was attached and then rested his head against the brown, curly-haired one sitting next to him, taking in the smell of her hair, thankful she was there safe with him. They remained like that for several minutes. The sobs were finally subsiding and Katie at last peeked her head out from behind that veil of Donna's golden blonde hair she'd been hiding under. Donna lovingly stroked her daughter's head, looking at her in the eyes as she did so. Then she wiped the tears from under Katie's eyes.
"Katie, we're going to take you to a therapist tomorrow afternoon, okay?" She kept one hand on her daughter's face.
Katie nodded, accepting the help. Though she'd been dreading this confrontation that she knew would eventually happen, she felt a huge weight being lifted off her chest. They knew and they didn't hate her. They didn't think she was a freak.
"Okay." She affirmed. Then she felt her father's arm pulling her to him as he kissed her head several times softly.
"We're here for you, okay? Don't you forget it." Josh told her. Katie turned her body and hugged her father warmly.
"Thank you, dad." She whispered. He patted her back supportively and then pulled away, taking a look at her.
All three simultaneously dried their eyes and stretched a little from the long, emotional ride they'd just taken.
"Well, how about some dinner?" Donna suggested, trying to be upbeat. "It's been simmering for about an hour."
"Sounds good. I'm starving." Katie told her parents. They all got up and walked to the door, streaming out to the kitchen. Though they still had mountains ahead of them, it felt good to take the first step.
"Where's Audrey?" Josh finally noticed. He hadn't even had time to realize she wasn't there. The three Lymans gathered around the breakfast bar in their kitchen.
"Oh." Donna said, looking away uncomfortably. "She went out for a run. She should be back any minute." She didn't want to mention to Katie or Josh that Audrey didn't want to be in the house during the confrontation.
Katie leaned on the bar, resting her chin on one hand as she stared straight ahead, thinking. "She's really mad, isn't she?" She finally said, knowing her twin well.
Donna frowned and shifted her weight. "I don't know, honey. She was just really concerned. She left before we had a lot of time to talk about it. But if she is, Katie…"
"I know." Katie cut her off. "She's just looking out for me."
Donna smiled slightly, acknowledging her daughter's inference.
And she was. Audrey came through the front door about ten minutes later. Judging by the slam of the door, she wasn't feeling particularly forgiving. Her run hadn't really helped. It may have even fueled more feelings of hurt, concern, and anger, mixing together in a dangerous cauldron of emotions.
She wordlessly walked through the living room with a decidedly angry posture, not making eye contact with any of the three family members staring at her, waiting for her to say something. Audrey continued to look straight ahead until the last second, during which she shot her sister an evil glare. Ouch. She punctuated her expression by slamming her bedroom door closed.
All three of them let out a sigh of frustration. Katie nervously tucked a piece of dark fallen hair behind her ear and then began examining her fingernails.
"Well, why don't we eat first and we can talk later, okay?" Donna suggested in the most optimistic way possible, not at all helping the mood or situation. She began dishing out the hour-old Hamburger Helper onto plates and Katie began to take them to the kitchen table. Josh took it upon himself to go coax Audrey out of her room. Her sister needed her.
He knocked politely on the door like he always did before entering one of his children's rooms.
"Audrey, are you decent?" He asked, not knowing if she was changing.
There was a pause and he heard an angry sigh. "Yes!"
Josh came in and closed the door behind him, immediately putting both hands in his pants pocket. He didn't say anything. He merely studied his daughter as she moved about the room, putting various items away quite fiercely. Josh knew Audrey was aware of why he was there. He wanted her to come out to eat dinner with the family and be a sister to Katie. But why should she? Katie had done something insanely stupid and she needed to know it. She'd brought shame to their family and had caused her parents' hearts to break. Now it was Katie's turn to feel a little rejection.
"I'm not eating out there." She finally said, breaking the silence. "I don't want to eat with her. I don't want anything to do with her right now."
"Audrey…" Josh tried to begin.
"Don't 'Audrey' me! She fucked up and now I'm sure you and mom are all 'Oh, poor Katie. She needs our sympathy'. She should have come to us with this!"
"Watch your mouth, please. Are you saying you don't think Katie deserves to get any help?"
"No!" She stopped what she was doing and threw a pair of socks angrily to the floor. "She needs all the help she can get, but she needs to know the pain she's been causing!"
"So now this is about you?"
"I didn't say that."
"Audrey, she needs your help now more than any other time. She's not going to be able to heal when you're down her throat and trying to make her feel guilty. She was there for you when you had your emergency appendectomy." He walked closer to where Audrey was standing, now with her arms crossed defiantly across her chest.
"That wasn't by choice. She chose to do this. I'm not prepared toY do be all 'It's okay, Katie' right now." She told him honestly, looking away. "And why the hell isn't she in trouble with you and mom? I couldn't handle the pressure and got an F and got grounded and she started to frickin' do drugs and you're all concerned? What the hell is up with that? That's bullshit!"
"Audrey, these are totally different circumstances. Katie is in serious emotional and physical disarray. You had a minor slip-up."
"So she should get grounded for, like, two months if you're applying the same rules, which you never do because you've always liked her more."
"Audrey, you're treading on thin ice." Josh could feel his blood starting to boil, being accused of liking one daughter more than the other.
"You know it's true!" She argued, "She's your favorite. You never punish her. You wait for mom to do it!"
"Audrey!" He wished she would stop or he might snap.
"Maybe next time I'm feeling a little pressured I'll just pop a few pills and then I won't get in trouble!"
"Audrey Elizabeth Lyman, stop this nonsense right now!" Josh bellowed, using her full name so she knew he wasn't fooling around if she couldn't tell already. They both stood quietly for a moment, their minds trying to absorb the emotion, breathing heavily and staring each other down.
Josh lowered his voice and began again.
"Sweetheart, I know it's hard to understand, but believe me, your sister does not need to be punished. She has enough guilt to deal with already. And it would be the same if, God forbid, it were to happen to you. She needs our support, not us scolding her. You will not stay in your room and ignore her. I won't permit it." Josh told her, straight up.
Audrey let out an annoyed sound and raised her voice, still not convinced that her parents' treatment of her sister was fair. "Then you'll have to drag me out there."
"Oh, grow up, Audrey." He snapped.
"Screw this! This is bullshit!"
Josh grabbed Audrey's upper arm angrily. "Audrey, your sister and your family needs you." His voice was edgy, but he tried to whisper so his wife and other daughter couldn't hear. "You WILL NOT turn your back on her."
He stared at her for a few moments, letting her know how serious he was as she continued to look straight ahead. Josh finally let go of Audrey's arm and stepped back.
"Now I'm going back into the kitchen to eat dinner. I expect to see you out there in two minutes. If you're not, I will come back and drag you out." Josh couldn't believe how forceful he'd had to be to get Audrey to show a little support for her own sister. He knew Audrey was upset and could understand why, but Katie really needed her support right now. Josh turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him again.
Donna could tell there'd been confrontation in Audrey's room when Josh came out and rubbed his nose, looking down as he walked to the kitchen table. He pulled the chair out from the table a little more forcefully than necessary and sat down to eat. She decided not to ask him what had happened.
A reluctant Audrey came out of her room at what must have been one minute and fifty-nine seconds later. She debated staying in there to see what her mom and dad would do, but decided to give in. Her body language communicated what Josh had just witnessed: disgust in her sister and a refusal to talk about it or support Katie. She kept her eyes on her food as she poked as angrily as possible at her carrots. Josh glared over at her but she kept her gaze focused down. Needless to say, it wasn't a very pleasant meal. It kind of felt like a meal after someone had died. No one wanted to bring anything up in case it could spark the delicate emotion in the room.
After Audrey had eaten about 1/3 of her meal, she began to get up to go back to her room.
"Audrey, you're dishes tonight." Josh told her, taking a sip of his water.
"Excuse me?" She paused with her plate in one hand.
"You're dishes." He repeated, knowing she had heard him the first time.
She glared at him for a few seconds. "Fine." Audrey walked with as much attitude as the situation allowed over to the dishwasher, slamming her plate down. Katie had been feeling the tension all throughout dinner and knew she was the cause of it. She just wanted to get out of the situation.
"I'm gonna go to my room." She whispered. Josh and Donna could swear they saw tears just about to brim in her eyes.
"Okay, sweetheart." Donna smiled up encouragingly at her. "I'll be back in a few minutes, alright?"
Katie simply nodded and took her plate to the kitchen, placing it as quickly as possible on the counter next to where her twin sister was angrily putting items into the dishwasher. She almost jogged back to her room and shut the door firmly behind her. Donna exchanged looks with her husband, both not in the mood to deal with yet another issue of the household this evening. She then silently got up and took her plate over to her daughter. Donna started stroking Audrey's blonde hair, identical to her own.
"Audrey." She started. "I know you're not in the mood to hear this, but you really need to think about the kind of signals you're sending out. Katie needs to heal, and it's hard to do that when you've got what seems like an enemy in your own house."
Audrey stared straight ahead, letting her mother know she wasn't happy about this lecture by shoving forks and knives into the dishwasher with vigor. When she got no verbal reply from her daughter, Donna simply replied, "Think about it." and walked away. She walked calmly out of the kitchen and into Katie's room.
Josh was hardly in the same mood about the situation as his wife was. Donna had tried gently encouraging Audrey to change her attitude, but Josh had never been patient enough for this type of exchange in a situation as such. As he began to walk to the kitchen, he told himself to calm down and remember to stay the adult in the situation. He couldn't snap at her or he'd lose the credibility of all his arguments with Audrey. Josh stood beside his daughter, placing his plate on the counter, pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath. Then he turned to the side, leaning against the counter with his left hand and putting his right on his other hip. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off before the words left his lips.
"Don't start with me, dad." Audrey said directly. She scrubbed at the pot the Hamburger Helper had been cooked in. Maybe she'd break some plates tonight.
"Don't start what? Telling you how completely inconsiderate and downright hurtful you're being?"
"I have the right to express whatever feelings I possess."
Josh chuckled grimly. "Not when it involves your sister's health."
"Why are we so concerned with her health when she could care less?" She stopped and looked at him. "She didn't care what she did to her body, dad."
"She made a mistake Audrey. You make them too, I can remind you."
"A pretty damn big one."
Josh sighed, frustrated and then shifted his stance, leaning his back against the counter. He dropped his voice.
"You give people second chances all the time. Why won't you give your twin sister one?" He asked seriously.
Audrey shifted uncomfortably at her father's excellent point. She looked down and then finally met his gaze. He raised his eyebrows, as if asking her to answer his question.
"She's scared out of her mind right now, and so am I. And so are you."
Josh heard his daughter sniffle a little. It had sure been an emotional evening.
"Okay." He put his hands on her shoulders. "I know you'll do the right thing, sweetheart." Josh told her seriously. Josh smirked a little bit and then took her head in his hands and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Good girl." He said as he walked away. Josh headed back to his bedroom for some much-needed rest time. He had no more energy left to go check on Donna and Katie. He was sure his wife had it under control.
Donna was still talking with her daughter Katie about the day's events in her bedroom.
"You just have to give her a little time, sweetheart." She tried to dismiss Audrey's cold behavior at dinnertime. "She's just really scared right now, you know? Just like you." Katie sat on her bed with a pillow hugged to her chest and Donna sat facing her with one hand on her daughter's knee.
"I know, mom. But it still hurts." A single tear fell from her eye and she quickly wiped it away.
"Yeah." Donna agreed. "We just need to be patient, she'll come around." Audrey's treatment of her sister was tearing Donna up inside. Katie desperately needed her best friend to be behind her 100, and Audrey wouldn't even acknowledge she was in the room. She couldn't get through this without Audrey. They'd grown up together, protecting each other from bullies, celebrating each other's accomplishments, being goofy together, and probably, though she didn't want to think about it, covering for each other. There were countless other gestures, hugs, encouragements and strictly 'sister only' conversations they'd had over the years. No one, not even Donna herself, could compare to that sort of bond.
A knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Donna asked.
"It's me." Came Audrey's voice from behind the door. Donna looked back at Katie, who had a hopeful but scared look on her face.
"Come in." Katie said after a short pause.
Audrey entered the bedroom looking somewhat sorry. As she closed the door gently, Donna could tell by the way she carried herself that she was ready to be supportive of her sister. Feeling the chemistry was safe, Donna decided to leave her two girls to it to talk things over.
"Well, I'm going to go see what your father's up to. I'll leave you two alone." She glanced first at Katie, then at Audrey, raising her eyebrows to encourage her new thoughtfulness.
"Thanks mom." Audrey said. She waited until her mother had left to begin speaking.
"How are you feeling?" She asked, taking her mother's place on the bed.
"Like crap." She said honestly, chuckling a little. The Ritalin was starting to wear off since she hadn't taken any in a while.
Audrey smiled slightly at her sister's chuckle. She knew Katie had forgiven her instantly for the way she'd treated her earlier. Katie was so selfless when it came to things like that, like their mother. Suddenly, she wanted to take back everything bad she'd ever said about her sister. Because she was a better person.
"Katie..." She began.
"You don't have to say anything, Audrey." She cut her sister off. "I know you're scared. I would hate me too if I were you." The right side of her mouth turned up a little bit.
"That's the thing." Audrey could feel herself getting choked up. "You would've been there for me. And I was too selfish." She sobbed. Katie looked sympathetically at her twin and instantly reached over and put her hand on Audrey's shoulder.
"It's okay, Audrey." She whispered. "You're here for me now. That's what matters."
Audrey continued to cry, partly in relief that her sister didn't hate her for being so cold. Katie shifted herself from her spot on the bed and hugged her sister warmly.
"Why didn't you come to me, for Christ's sake, Katie? I'm your best friend." Audrey questioned her sister tearfully.
"I know. I can't explain it. I just felt so…alone."
"Come to me next time. We can be alone together."
The twins stayed glued in their embrace for a long while, comforting each other the way only they could.