Hey ho rodeo, yep guess who…ME with an update, because once again I'm righting drastically important scenes in like chapter 23,002 and I need a quick break (though I try to have happy music on when I right a sad scene Maybe by Emma Bunton just ain't doing it for me (thought I remember when I drew Sawyer as her LMAO that was a good time (Ba da da da da) That music video is sooo funny… Wow I got off topic way to fast…

All hate mail can be sent to… ha just kidding. Seriously if you wanna be all mean and give a hate review, go ahead, just remember I'm a Canadian convict with 30+ fake ID's and the pure rage of listening to Emma Bunton all day long…

Pangs of Guilt

Chapter 16

Sweet Goodbyes

"So are you nervous?" Claire asked as she gently bounced Alex on her knee, he had just eaten and needed to burp.

It had been almost two months since the cold epidemic, it passed through your system in about a week or so, but everyone seemed to catch it. Now only one person in the camp still had it, and that was Jack. He was now sleeping in their cave while Kate sat with Claire by the fire.

"Am I nervous about what?" she asked, pulling back the top of the banana, and breaking off a small amount. Cravings had gotten worse, and she now missed simple things like chocolate, and Mountain Dew. But she also wanted different things, like milk and pickles. Anything was fine as long as it wasn't a banana; it seemed all she ate was bananas.

"About giving birth," Claire replied still bouncing Alex, until he let out a small burp. Kate smiled, Claire and Alex were so adorable, "Claire," Kate paused, "Can I ask you a question?"

Claire brought Alex to rest against her arms, and he cooed almost silently, "Ask away," she replied smiling.

"Was Alex an accident?" Kate asked quickly then placed the piece of banana that had gone mushy between her fingers into her mouth, in hopes to avoid answering if Claire questioned her.

Claire smiled and stroked Alex's face as he closed his eyes, "He was, but I've learned that most accidents often have some good in them," she paused, "His name was Thomas, and he was a painter."

"An Australian painter named Thomas, I can see the attraction," Kate smiled and forced another piece of banana down.

"We met through a mutual friend; he was a really nice guy. He helped me when my dad died, and when my mom cut off the money I was using to go to Uni," she explained rocking Alex as Kate sat intently and listened, "I didn't really want to tell him I thought I was pregnant, but after six weeks you kind of know. He was with me when I took the test, and said we should try to be a family, needless to say that lasted about three months."

Kate reached for another piece of her banana, but noticed it had been entirely devoured. Claire handed her another one with a smile, "He didn't want the responsibility and the pressures of parenthood, and so he broke up with me and moved out. I haven't talked to him since."

"You were going to raise Alex alone?" Kate questioned, mindlessly peeling another banana.

"Actually," Claire paused and covered the sleep baby's ears; "I was going to put him up for adoption. But fate worked against me, when I tried to sign the adoption papers, three pens didn't work."

"That's a sign," Kate said, wide-eyed, interested to be finally learning about Claire.

"It is. I also met with a psychic, who warned me of giving the baby away, but then he said there was a perfect couple in LA, and I had to fly out on flight 815. He knew the plane would crash and we'd be stuck here," Claire said seriously.

"So it must have been important for you to raise Alex," Kate answered.

"I'm glad we did crash in a way. I wouldn't have kept Alex, and that would've been a huge mistake. I also would've never known Charlie, and I can't imagine not knowing him now," she added.

"I know how you feel," Kate smiled, and placed her second banana peel on top of her first.

"Yeah I could tell, you and Jack are basically inseparable," she told, "He's okay with the baby and all?" she asked curiously.

Kate smiled, "I think he's happier then I am," she divulged, "All he does is worry, but he has to worry twice as much, he's the father and the doctor," Kate chuckled.

"Well maybe we'll be rescued before your due date," Claire suggested optimistically.

"I doubt it, we've been here for so long, why would someone get us now?" she asked pessimistically, but she still held her smile. She got up slowly, "I should go check on Jack, I may not have any chicken soup, but I can offer him some company."

"I hope he feels better soon," she nodded in agreement.

Kate walked through the rest of the camp, as she passed Walt she waved slightly, and he smiled and waved back. She approached the dark opening of the cave and noiselessly placed her feet in front of each other as she crept in.

She had wanted to ask him a question that was plaguing her, sometimes she thought about it all day long, her mind wandering, doing laps over what his answer might be. She had an idea what it might be, and hoped she was wrong…

He was lying asleep on his side, his face turned towards the entrance, Kate didn't want to wake him, she knew what the cold felt like first hand, so she turned on her heel and went to leave.

"Hey," Jack called weakly to her; she turned around and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she walked towards him.

She sat down on the cave floor besides him and replied, "Hey, yourself."

Jack smiled, "How are you feeling today?" he asked.

"I think I should be asking you that question Dr. Sheppard," she grinned and brought her hand up to caress his cheek.

"I'm coming down from the fever," he answered closing his eyes, "I can just imagine how bad it was for you."

"It wasn't that bad, you were there to help," she replied, placing her other hand over his hot forehead, "Speaking of which, can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm okay, just stuffed up and sleepy," he answered, "Have you eaten yet today?"

"Yeah, I forced down two bananas," she replied, "Luckily I have a good control over my gag reflex."

"Do you know the way to the fruit trees?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I don't need them, it's not life or death," she excused the thought, "today's just a relaxing day. Sayid went out to get wood, and Locke's bringing back another boar."

"How's Alex?" he asked, shifting closer to her.

"He's perfectly fine, and back to his burpy, gassy, self," she answered.

"And how's the baby?" he placed on of his hands on her stomach, and she placed one on top of his.

"Good, craving dill pickles and milk and only getting bananas, so she's a little upset."

Jack leaned over and demanded nicely, "Be nice to your mother."

Kate smiled, but let it fade as he lay back down; Jack noticed this and wondered aloud, "Something wrong."

"I wanted to ask you something, but if now's not a good time, it can wait," she replied.

He cleared his throat, "No, now's not a problem, what's the matter?"

"I just," she sighed, she had to think of the right wording, "What happens if we get rescued?"

"I guess we get into a boat or a plane…" He joked.

"Seriously Jack," she sighed, "What will happen to us?"

He sat up at the feeling in her voice, "What do you mean what happens to us?"

"I can't live in the United States, Jack. I'm a Canadian citizen still," she explained, "If I go for my citizenship test their going to recognize that I'm a convict," she was worrying, "I mean if they didn't already, by the time we were rescued, they're likely to have a list, and my names going to be on that list, highlighted, underlined and starred."

"Kate," he said softly, "It will be okay…"

"Jack, it won't," she retorted, "As soon as they find me, I'll be shipped to whichever State they want to charge me in first, and thrown in jail, baby or no baby. Even if I do only get minimum sentence of community service or something, I might not be allowed in America," she explained.

"Then we'll live in Canada," he informed, "Or England, or Australia, or Jamaica, or wherever you want."

"So you'll just up and leave your job, you family, your friends, your life, just for me?" she asked skeptically.

"Kate," he lifted her chin with his hand, "You are my life, and as long as I'm with you, none of the other stuff matters. And if you get sent to jail in twenty different states, I'll follow you and help you through each one, because I'm not leaving you and I never will."

"Jack," tears were gathered in her eyes, "You say that now, because you've never dealt with it. And maybe you will follow me, and maybe you will help me, but sooner or later it's going to get boring, and you're going to want to run off."

"Kate, I wouldn't leave you," Jack stated again.

"I know," she cried grabbing his hand, "you'd stay with me, because you promised me you would, because you want your child to have a good life, but you'd be sacrificing your own just for me."

"Kate," he his lower lip quivered a bit, "What are you trying to say?"

Tears were sliding down her face, "I'm saying that I love you Jack. I love you so much, that I couldn't stand to see you in that situation. I could handle the guilt if I ruined you," she explained getting up.

"Kate, don't do this. Don't walk out of here, Kate please, I know this is scary. Being pregnant alone is terrifying, but when you add in being stranded on an island, with a monster, it just makes it ever scarier. Which means you depend more on others, which you're not used to. But Kate, don't walk away, please, it's not what you want," he pleaded getting to his feet and grabbing her arm.

Kate leaned into him; he was trembling, she didn't know if it was the sickness, or if she had done this to him. He sighed still shaking, as she leaned up and pressed her lips to his gently, as tears streamed down her face, falling onto the larger sized shirt she was forced to wear now.

She pulled her lips away from his and looked into his eyes; they held worry, confusion and didn't shine as brightly as she was used to. She placed one of her hands on the side of his face. Over the stubble that grew back within five days no matter how much he shaved.

Part of her was screaming to cry perpetual apologies to him, as he held her close and comforted her, like she had become used to. It seemed like the world could explode and she wouldn't even be phased as long as he was with her. She didn't need to breathe, or eat, or sleep all she needed was Jack.

The other part of her was scolding her violently for being selfish; she shouldn't be thinking about herself, becoming egotistical was what made her rely on Jack for so much. She should let him have his own life; he didn't deserve to be thrown into her used one, just like she didn't deserve him. He was the last thing she deserved: pleasant, intellectual, noble, humorous, comforting, and passionate. He was everything she had always dreamed about finding in a man, but she new that she would never be worthy of him.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered, her voice almost being drowned out by the chatter of survivors over three yards away from their cave. Then a thick silence fell between them, which seemed to last an eternity.

"Kate…" he whispered back to her, not understanding what she meant. He was breathing so lightly; afraid if he inhaled too loud, he'd drown out her voice, or portray being agitated.

"Goodbye Jack," Kate whispered, she blinked as twin tears slid down her face, grabbing her bag, she walked from the cave, leaving Jack standing in pure shock.

Alright, now remember what happened back in like chapter 11 when you all hated me then? Yeah I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Just reminding ;) And yes I know this chapter was up early but I had an early dinner of fish and chips (Or in my case just chips).

FanOfLOST Pssh French is okay, I've been in it since I was in grade one, and even though neither of my parents speak it, they're all "Don't give it up" unlike my older sister who now takes Italian and Greek. And when I return to my studies its easy classes all the way! And I never have to take math again! FREE BALLOONS FOR ALL! And yes here's that cliffhanger I've been warning you about, I'll let you rate it…

Whirlwind-2005 I can honestly tell you that without any strings attached (or cliffhangers) it's a girl. Why? Because I cannot picture them having a boy child. I dunno my mom says that the baby's gender is determined by the more dominant parent, and I think in a fight Kate would have the final word, so it's a girl. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Cool put up the story! And I'll read the first chapter though I might not review (my computer sucks at letting me review).


standardblack Hey I read your story too, and I have to say I'm absolutely in LOVE with it, like if your story was a real person, I'd be like "Can I have your number." Seriously it's one of the best Jack/Kate stories I've read, and I try to review it's just like I say this computer doesn't let me, but you're on my favorite's list, and keep up the good work!

GQSecondAct This story will never be finished lol I'm on page 105 and I'm still not even halfway done writing what I want to. And I promise not to stop writing Lost as long as the writers of Lost don't kill off Jack or Kate because if they do, the production of this story will be put on hold and all my spare time will be spent on writing hate mail to them lol. Ha my food of choice to do damage is Count Chocula, you have to love that guy, I mean what little kid isn't afraid of vampire and then you just put one on a cereal box… Anyways don't explode either (my fish did RIP). Next chapter will be up tomorrow

Lara Chubb of Deephollow I just became aware that I'm probably spelling your name right every time I respond to your review and I'm sorry for that. Just bare with me, I'll get it right…..eventually. Drawing takes some time, I've practiced a lot (during bio and math…) and it's good until you have the exams lol. I didn't see the preview but I'm pretty sure I know who gets axed and it's not Charlie.

JasmineHR Sadly I didn't kidnap him my mom did; because she's so obsessed with him it's not funny. And it's gross, lol so I refuse to watch Lost with her. Kate and Alex are all better, just better enough to break poor Jack's heart. You won't have to wait long (if forever isn't long! Ha just kidding) No next chappie as usual will be up tomorrow. Looking forward to your hate mail.

CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88 I hate Sawyer for three reasons, he is the sole thing standing in the way of Jack and Kate, he is sexiest and racist, and my mom is in love with him and some of the words that come out of her mouth are disgusting (I don't know why my dad puts up with it lol) And here is your cliffy, did it knock you on you butt?

Oreata Alright they're giving up on the Backstreets Back, and have moved into Loose my Breath by Destiny's Child. And guess what, Charlie's the one teaching all of them.

Charlie: Now thrust your pelvis
Ethan: Are you guys doing Pilates?

Locke: No…
Ethan: Well can I dance with you anyways?
Charlie: Sure
Everyone: groans
Charlie: You can be one of the background thug dancer fill ins. Jack what about the background, we need a dank alleyway.

Jack: I'm on it yells Hey Kate

Kate: WHAT!
Jack: How's that Alleyway coming?
Kate: I hate you!
Jack: chuckles She's a feisty one.

Pink Pinker Lol every time I get Lost withdrawal symptoms (or LWS if you will) I make a New MSN picture with to do with Lost. This time it's shirtless Jack and it says 'I wanna touch his outback.' HA I'll join you on stage and we can get booed off together.

Leigh I would so do the same thing as you, but we all know Kate isn't like that. She always has to take care of things for herself. I hope the cliffhanger didn't disappoint you.

Evermore Nope this story is completely AU it follows no story line but my own, there's no others or polar bears, but there is a French lady they just don't care about her so they've never found her. So the names Alex and Liam are mine for the taking.

Freckles-101 There's some Sawyer Kate interaction in the upcoming chapters, like how will he react when he finds out what just happened, will he make a move? Will she make one back? Uh oh… And don't explode please (My fish did that:( ) The next chapter will be up tomorrow.

MusicMonkey88 I will hurry and update, as soon as tomorrow comes!

Bucky Come on I'm not as mean as those real Lost writers, I just make people wall in and out of love more times then the word 'the' is used in the story.

MegaWriter The good work is being kept up and the updates will continue to be steady until Monday when I have to return to hell…erm school.

Next Chapter Jack races against time to find Kate and sort the crap out (in laymen's terms that is, but you know it's all going to be fill with imagery and angst and personification, and humor, and onomatopoeias).
And what about Kate and her backdrop progress
Hey Kate how's it coming?
Kate: Gives me the finger
Yeah she's feisty alright
Check in with us tomorrow and we'll once again have a ball (like the party not the object (You know like that song Ballroom Blitz by Sweet))