A/N: This is just a one-shot that I had in my head, and since I missed a weekend to update A.C.E, this is to make up for it. If Sesshoumaru is OOC, that's because these are supposed to be his thoughts.
Dedicated to April-nee-chan.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Inuyasha, except some of Sesshomaru-sama's thoughts.
"Halt," I called to the young green and brown dragonet, Ah-Un. They obidiently stopped. It had taken me forever to get them trained right, but now that I carried a young ward with me, it was well worth it.
Speaking of, a young girl with muddy brown hair and even dirtier brown eyes turned. A smile was always on her cheerful young face. The first time I saw her, I was immediately reminded of a young kitten. Always curious, always ready to play. Rin, for that was her name, never took off the yellow and orange checkered kimono I had dug up for her a few months ago. It had been an exceptionally cold night, and the old threadbare one she had had did nothing to protect her from the biting wind. When I had presented it to her, her semi-toothless smile she gave me could've lit a temple for years. It still stunned me. If I weren't a youkai, maybe I would've chased after her.
If. It always crossed my mind. If I wasn't a youkai, maybe I could've lived a normal life. If I wasn't a lord, maybe I could allow my emotions to flow. If, if, if. If didn't come into play in my life. It couldn't because it had no place. The fact was, I was born a youkai. Youkai and humans weren't meant to mix. I would've lived in poverty, working all day to bring home a few measly scraps of throw aways from the overlord's mansion. I was born a lord. I couldn't allow any emotion to show, excepting of course anger and twisted joy. Showing emotions like love, fear and sadness gave the many enemies that I had or would make find people or objects to use against me. A lord couldn't afford that.
Oh, but if I could...
I would find a woman like little Rin. Rin was so full of life and energy. How would anyone keep up with her? I would build her the grandest home ever seen by youkai and man alike, with my own two hands. We would be married by the local priest, a fine and jolly chap that, like Rin, always wore a smile. He would give us a blessing, and I would take my new wife to our house where we would spend the best night of either our short lives. We would have kids roaming our property, so many that we would need to build onto our origional house. Our eldest son would become a samurai, bringing honour and fortune to him and his family. Our second son would take over the house and all our property. Our third eldest would marry a daimyou's daughter so as not to feel left out of the loop. Our other seven or so children would all be girls, the most precious people to me besides my wife. And all of them would hold the grace and beauty of their mother.
How I longed for love. To have someone to hold, to have someone who cared for me as myself. So many times in my life I had been betrayed and hated, it would be a nice change to feel wanted. Needed. Like my father and my step-mother. I growled at the thought of their child. Inuyasha. Oh, how I hated him. It was bad enough that he was an arrogant and selfish hanyou, but he also had everything! It just wasn't fair, dammit. How could I have been forgotten so easily when he was born?
That's was the complete basis of my hatred. Jealousy, rather. When Inuyasha had been born, I took second place -no, third- in my father's heart. Now the entire time was taken up by baby Inuyasha. He had everything a taisho's son should have, without the responsibility of ruling the west. No, that was left to me. Little Inuyasha was too precious to risk in the games of treachory and betrayal that went on in the youkai courts. No. Little Inuyasha was always going to be a warrior, just like his father. A kind and loved man, just like his father. A heartbreaker, just like Father...
For that was what he was. He was truly our father's son. He had all the qualities that I lacked to make him instantly attractive. I envied him, and that was that. No, it wasn't. If I wasn't already committed to keeping up my appearence, I would actually have considered caring for him. Like a brother should. At least back then, when I was still soft-hearted and had a chance of finding room to care for my younger hanyou brother. Too late, I hardened my heart, for father died while trying to save his human wife and half-breed son. I wasn't even on his mind then. All he could think about was how much danger they were in. It never occurred to him that young youkai like myself might have been terrified for their family members, even if said family members weren't related by blood.
My mind snapped back to the present when Rin spoke next. "Where are we going to, Sesshoumaru-sama? Rin is curious." She smiled another one of her sweet smiles that made my heart ache.
She reminded me of that other girl, the miko that traveled with Inuyasha. That priestess was a puzzle. She walked around in the oddest looking kimono I had ever seen. It defied all the laws of decency, dammit! And her attitude! How could his half-brother put up with that kind of personality? Of course, it seemed to be balanced by her kind disposition and looks. I smiled then. My younger brother always was the type to go after women like her. And that priestess he had been with, what was it, seventy years ago? Less? I couldn't remember. Time just seemed to fly by for me. I began to wonder if that young kitsune felt the same way.
As far as I knew, he was an orphan. I couldn't remember why, how, or when, but I did know. He seemed to carry around as much pain as a well seasoned samurai. It saddened me. No child should carry that much greif, even Rin didn't hold on as much as that young kit did. My curiousity ate at me. What had happened to affect him so? At least he seemed better and better every time I saw him. That was a small improvement, probably helped along with the miko and her friends. He seemed to spend a lot of time with the firecat and her partner, the slayer.
The slayer and her companion were even more wrought with grief. At least I knew this much; something had happened to the slayer's family and her brother was now under the control of Naraku. I growl at the thought of that baboon even as my heart wrenched for the despair that filled her eyes. She also was getting better with her grief, as long as she wasn't around her dearly departed sibling. The monk seemed to be helping a lot.
He was another puzzle. He never showed his emotions around me, but from what I gleaned from my personal spies, he was very social. Especially with the ladies. How one man could flirt with so many was beyond me. You'd think that the monk would stay chaste, celibate and completely honest. I supposed he had good reason for doing the things he did. However dishonest he was in dealing with others, however, he was a worthy opponent; more so then my insignificant brother or his other puny friends. His wind-tunnel and spiritual abilities put him in the highest distinction of them all. Yet another curse from the baboon.
He was the reason for all of my blood-rages and anger. Nobody dared go against me, not even my underlings! What made him think he had the right to? He walked around all day, sending his pathetic incarnations and manipulated beings out to attack people who went against his will. That made no sense to me; if you're going to try and kill someone, you don't send anyone to do it for you! It just gave them a chance to power themselves up, eventually defeating you and making you look pathetic. At least if you went yourself, you and they gained experience. And if you had other opponents you faced, then you went farther then all of them. Plus, if you sent your underlings and they didn't respect you or hated your guts, then that helped them become more formidible and gave them a chance to get rid of your sorry ass.
And that was only the leader.
His underlings were worse. That one albino had good control of her emotion, but it was a little much. She didn't use any emotion at all in her attacks, which weakened them considerably. If she were to use, say, her anger along with her mirror, the power could be limitless. Her younger sister, the wind sorceress, had no emotional compose whatsoever. She went overboard with her abilities, effectively diminishing her power to nothing in no time. She wore her emotions on her face like a young pup, it was pathetic to watch. All the rest of the baboon's underlings were killed too fast for me to make an analysis. It was humiliating to everyone, myself included.
My eyes focused on a short, green imp. He wore the colors of my grandfather's house -horribly, I might add. His high pitched, vexatious voice always grated against my ears, nearly causing me to wince. He carried the staff of two heads, both the man and the lady's heads dangeling in disuse. As I watched, he lifted the stave and began to wave it around emphatically. "You insolent human, do not speak to Lord Sesshoumaru that way!"
I resisited the urge to roll my eyes, but only just. Jaken was an amazingly loyal underling, which was one of the only reasons I kept him employed. He had been serving me for the better years of my life, just after my father died. At the time, I was numb with loss and paid no heed to his hero-worship. After I hardened my heart, it became somewhat flattering -not that I would ever tell him that. Now, it was downright annoying. The second reason I kept him around was to keep an eye on Rin when I went off. There were places that a human couldn't go, and no matter what he said, Jaken was warming up to the young lass as much as I was. The third and final reason he was kept around was because he was easy to take my anger out on.
Speaking of, I saw his staff flying down towards Rin's head and my hand shot out to catch it. Jaken turned to me and his eyes grew wide. I smirked inside, comandeering the staff. Without further ado, I assulted his bald head. He screached and I cringed slightly at the pitch. I slung the staff to the moss covered ground and glared at him.
Turning heel, I snarl "You are going to stay with Rin. This Sesshoumaru is going to find his brother." My brother who had it all...