Fallen Angel

Chapter 5

"Fuck off," I told her. Spitting the words out like posion.

"Cruz," She said gently.

"Fuck off!" I screamed, getting piercing looks from late night strollers.

"I just don't get it Cruz. I just don't get it,"

"Thats too fuckin bad!" I screamed, "Now leave me the hell alone!"

"You have split personalities Cruz. One minute your going to prison for me and the next...the next your screaming your head off like a fuckin banshee!"

I shook my head and laughed, "What the hell are you trying to say?"

"I just don't get you Cruz."

"You don't have too,"

"You have a point."

I bit the tip of my tongue, pinning it down.

"Why Cruz? Why the hell didn't you take me down? You had a chance Cruz! You had the chance of a lifetime to bring me down!"

I shook my head. She was acting like she wanted me to dob her in. Now I don't get it.

"I would of been charged as well," I told her.

"Don't give me that crap. We both know damn well you could of lied your way out of that one. Now tell me the truth!"

"I don't rat out on fuckin cops okay!" I screamed.

"We both know theres more to that!" She screamed right back.

"Look, we both know that were never going to be friends. So why in hell are you doing this?"

She stopped. Short of breath. Right then and there drops of rain fell from the sky. It started getting heavier.

"I don't rat out on cops," I said.

"No matter what you do. No matter how nice you are to me or to him. It will never make up for what you've done,"

More drops of rain fell down my face. Silent and cold. It took me a moment to realise that the rain on my face wasn't rain at all.

"I don't know what your talking about," I lied.

"Look. I never asked you to cover for me. I know why you did it and I'm just saying. You had weeks to vist him. Months even. But did you? Nah. And this might make up for everything in your mind but not in the real world Cruz. Not in the real world. Bosco's like a brother to me and those days when he was seeing you. He was like a puppy on a leash. It wasn't love. It wasn't even close to it. But anyway Cruz, I appreciate what you did. I really do. Yeah, I know you didn't do this for me but I know where your coming from. "

I laughed.

"Don't think for one second that you know me. You don't know me Yokas. I've seen more then you'll ever see. I know more then you'll ever know. I don't like you. The whole fuckin world knows that. But don't you fuckin think for one second that you know my whole life, front to back!"

"My life is shit right now Cruz! My partner nearly died, my husband left me, my kids don't even want to know me and I got promoted for killing someone. But don't you walk around thinking that you have the worst of it. You don't know what its like."

"Fuck you Yokas! Why are you turning this into a fuckin competition? You don't know what its like and all that crap. Your not worth it."

I turned my back on her. Heading in the wrong direction.

"Not worth what Cruz? Come on, give me all you got."

I turned around. Storming right up to that bitch's face.

"Your not fuckin worth it!" I screamed. Tears rolling down my face, "Fuck you Yokas. Fuck you,"

Wind wrapped around my face as I pushed the window shut. My hair fell loosely around my face and I collapsed onto my chair. Was Faith right? Was that the reason why I covered for her? Did I do it for him? I never really thought about it like that. I just don't rat out on cops.

But if she was right.

If.

Would that mean that he never really cared about me. It felt like he did. Sometimes it did. During one night. I seriously thought he cared about me. Like there was one person that actually cared about me. So, was I wrong? Was what I did wrong?

Well I suppose I deserved every word she spat at me. I deserve allot of things. But thats just me.

"What happened to Cruz, Monroe?" Faith asked.

Monroe put her bagel down, "What are you talking about?" She asked.

"What happened to Cruz?" Faith asked again.

"She got sent to prison for murder, remember?"

"Before that."

"Well, she had a kid sister who got killed by drugs," Monroe told her.

"No, after that,"

"Oh," Was all Monroe managed to say.

'Sasha, its just that I think I said some things that I shouldn't of said,"

"Oh,"

"Please? You owe me," Faith joked.

Jolts of guilt iht Monroe for the first time then and there.

"When Cruz was working undercover. To um...put these guys behind bars she got...um...she was...Look Faith, I really can't!"

"She got what Monroe? She was..." Faith said.

"She was raped." Monroe said quietly, "Undercover. She was..."

Faith put her hand up.

"Its okay. Thanks Sasha. I'm so fuckin stupid,"