Author's note: Woo! The second installment! This probably would have been up sooner... but I eh sweatdrop got distracted. Y'see, I found this clip of the Diru boys (I'm a huge Dir en Grey fan) and Totchi and Shinya kiss! So I watched it about 100 times 'cause it was just that funny :P Yes, that was my sole source of distraction. Sad, nu?

Warning: Nothing too bad this chapter. Just language. Lots of bad language. I tend to give certain characters my bad habits. Swearing is one of those habits!n.n;;

A brief look ahead: Sora becomes intimate with the kitchen floor, lulls Squall to sleep, and has second thoughts. A violent confrontation, and Riku goes completely insane. :D

Don't say Goodbye Chapter 2: Embracing Denial

The oven wailed, startling Sora so bad that he fell from the stool he had perched on. He landed on the linoleum floor with a loud smack, stars dancing in front of his eyes when his head contacted with the counter. Squall's unmistakable laughter run from the doorway as he watched the scenario. The boy rolled over, he head pounding, and he found himself only able to see the man's legs as he walked towards the still-screaming object, quickly shutting it off. He took a few more steps until he stood right in front of Sora and looked down at him with a bemused expression. "You okay?" He asked, shifting his weight to one leg, grey eyes alight with fondness.

"You look funny." Sora stated, raising an arm to weakly point up at his companion before giggling wildly. The way that Leon's hair draped around his face caused odd shadows to form by his eyes and mouth, making him look really creepy. Arching an eyebrow, Squall fixed Sora with an appraising glare.

"Hasn't even been staying with me for a day and he's already gone insane." The brunette blew out a pseudo-exasperated breath and threw his arms up in an overly exaggerated fashion. Sora did not seem to notice, however, as he was rolling around on the kitchen floor, holding his stomach and shaking with laughter. Leon prodded the cinnamon-haired boy with his foot, though it seemed to have no effect. "Well, I guess you don't want your pizza then." He stated as a last ditch effort to get Sora off of the floor.

"My pizza!" The youth shrieked, launching himself from the floor and onto Squall's back all within the space of a second. Unprepared for the added weight, he almost fell, but managed to grab the counter to steady himself. Sora remained steadfastly attached to his back and the elder was reminded of a bloodsucking parasite commonly called a tick. Though the boy did not suck blood, he was surely doing a good job of siphoning all of Squall's dignity.

"Well then, get off me and go get it, you kamikaze midget." The elder jeered, shrugging Sora off of his back and retreating into the living room where he fell onto the couch, finding himself rather exhausted. Having spent most of the day setting up Sora's room had left him tired. Not to mention wrestling and joking with the boy, which happened to devour what was left of his energy. He'd sleep well tonight, that was for sure, especially if he made it to his bed. No sooner than Leon had gotten comfortable when he was interrupted by a loud squeal and the blue-eyed males voice yelling.

"Shimatta! That's HOT! OwOwOw!" A smile tugged at the corners of Squall's mouth as he watched Sora shake his hands and blow on them through the opening of the breakfast nook. Shaking his head in an 'I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that' sort of way, he called back to his new, rather dense, roommate.

"Oh, Sora! Be careful. It might be hot!" Sometimes teasing the boy was a little too fun.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sora shouted back, occasionally puffing on his hands.

"For such a little boy, you sure have a naughty mouth!" The cinnamon boy could almost hear the grin in Leon's voice.

"Fuck you, Squall!" He hissed back, sticking his hands in the sink and turning on the cold water.

"Do I have to wash your mouth out with soap?" Squall said after failing to stifle a yawn.

"Yamuf... arffm...maumm...um!" Was his reply, Sora sticking his head out the opening, pizza stuffed in his mouth.

"Speak English," Yawn "Sora." By this time, all playfulness had been sapped from his voice. A devious idea popped into the youth's head as he snatched another slice of pizza. Grinning from ear to ear, the boy bounded into the living room and threw himself onto the couch. Well, more specifically, Leon. When the brunette opened his mouth to complain, Sora stuffed the food into the waiting chamber. Choking, Squall threw the boy from him and coughed, trying to clear his airway.

"I win!" Sora began to dance madly, laughter interrupting his cheers of supposed victory. Indignantly, Leon chucked the pizza at his roommate, and as luck would have it, it stuck directly onto the cinnamon-haired boy's rump while he was in mid-dance. Now it was the brunette's turn to laugh. Shocked, Sora whirled around, hand exploring his bum for that which had offended him. He pulled the pizza from his backside and fled into the kitchen to dispose of it. Before returning to the living room, he shovelled the rest of the pizza into his mouth. Squall took advantage of the silence to lie back down. Gods, he was tired.

Sora trotted back into the living room, tummy full, and content. He sank to the floor by the couch that Leon lay upon, leaning his back up against it. Maybe it was because he'd just eaten a whole pizza, or maybe it was because Squall was radiating 'relax waves', but the youth felt considerably unwound. Absently, the brunette reached his hand out to affectionately rustle the boy's hair. Both of them remained silent, simply basking in the glow of each others company. Each lost among the mysteries of their minds, toying with memories and imagining the future. Leon had grown so accustomed to the silence that he began to think he was alone, even though his fingers were still twined in Sora's hair. He almost jumped when the boy's voice reached his ears.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" There didn't seem to be any emotion in his voice, it was very monotone. Even though he knew conversation on this topic was inevitable, he really didn't want to address it tonight. He was sleepy, after all, and the couch was very comfortable. Squall teased the boy's hair a bit longer before withdrawing his hand. He didn't notice the pout on the youths face when he started to answer.

"You told me that you didn't love Riku anymore. I know that you still care for him as a friend, but you have to realize that letting go will be difficult. Missing him doesn't mean loving him and simply liking him isn't enough." The elder rolled over onto his side to face Sora, while the boy shifted around so that their eyes met.

"I know, Leon. It's just that I keep thinking about him. I remember how you were when Cloud broke up with you, and then I wonder if he's going through the same thing. I would feel absolutely horrible. I'm not trying to, you know, offend you or anything, but you were really screwed up. I hope that my helping you played at least a small role in making you better..." He trailed off, uncertain as to how to put the rest of his thoughts and feelings into words.

"Sora, you have no idea how much you helped me. Without you, I probably would still be in my bed, moping. I owe you so much. If my knowledge of Riku is correct, he is quite strong. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. A lot stronger than I ever was or could hope to be. I'm sure he misses you as well, but he is probably handling your breakup better than I handled mine." Almost instinctively, his hand returned to Sora's hair, playing with it briefly before realizing what he had done and pulled his hand away. He loved the texture of the boy's hair, it reminded him of Cloud's, though those cinnamon strands spiked naturally. It was so soft too, not having the build-up of gel and hair spray that Cloud's usually did. And the boys eyes, so strikingly blue, like sapphires or deep ocean waves. While Strife's eyes had been more sky blue, they were no less enticing. Without being able to stop himself, Leon's eyes trailed down the boys face, intently taking in the details. His perpetually rosy and round cheeks always gave Sora's face a boyish look, despite the fact that he was only three years younger than Squall. His lips were rather full, petal pink, and always seemed to be stuck in a pout - as they were now.

There was no doubt about it, Sora was damn cute.

"Well, I'm glad I helped, Squall. You're doing wonders for me right now. I know what you're saying is true, but I can't help but to worry. I mean, I did love him, and I'll always care for him, but it's just so confusing. Another thing is that, well, Riku doesn't really have any friends. He always got jealous when I introduced him to all of my friends. He and Cloud practically became mortal enemies when they met. And you know how he was around you. He got all suspicious when you let me call you Squall and he always thought that we were, you know, together." During his little speech, his eyes strayed towards the large bay window opposite the couch. The moon, hanging low in the sky, twinkled at him. A smile split his face, despite his predicament, as he remembered that night on the beach so many years ago.

"Sure is pretty, isn't it, Riku?" Sora asked, azure eyes fixated on the shifting sky. Behind them, it was darkening from pale blue to dusky purple, and in front of them it glowed. The last rays of sunlight warmed the sand beneath them and filtered over the ocean to the fiery horizon. The vibrant array of reds and oranges that blazed in the sky streaked Riku's hair as well. The cinnamon haired boy had rolled onto his side so that he could study the even more breathtaking sight that was his friend.

"Hnn, yeah." The other boy replied, not taking his lovely aquamarine eyes from the dying sun. Gods, he was beautiful. His lengthy silver tresses spread amongst the sand, highlighted with streaks of red, orange, and blue. The salty breezes that ghosted across the ocean swept on shore and captured several of those ethereal strands and sent them skittering over the older boys pale skin. Sora felt an odd pang of jealousy. He wanted to be the one to play with Riku's hair. Shaking it away, his eyes roved farther down his companion's body. From the exotic shapes of his face, to the curves of his torso and exposed hips. Ocean blue orbs studying the taut pale skin that he was just dying to touch and the intriguing tilt of his lips that were just begging to be kissed. Riku could have passed for a god, there was no question, but he remained at Sora's side at all times. He couldn't help but to wonder just what was so special about him that kept the silver haired angel around. Girls flung themselves at his feet and there were plenty of guys that would have gone gay for him, but Riku never abandoned Sora. He was always there, always. He had become the blue-eyed youth's guide, his secret haven, his reason for living.

Ah, Sora had it bad, didn't he?

"Riku, do you believe in fate?" (What do you think our fate is, Riku?) This time, he turned to face his cinnamon haired partner and Sora found his breath stuck in his throat. Those gorgeous aquamarine eyes were burning with an intensity he had never seen before. There had been plenty of times when Sora had seen Riku's eyes shining with ambition, determination, and also anger, but never had he seen them like this. Just those eyes alone sent pleasant chills up and down his back.

Riku merely nodded his head in response, those eyes never leaving Sora's. Questions bubbled up in the boys mind when his companion's face changed. What was that expression? What was he thinking? There were few things that he wouldn't give for the ability to read minds. Then again, Riku was such a deep and enigmatic thinker that the boy doubted he'd be able to understand his thoughts at all.

Little did he know, the only thing running through Riku's mind then was 'I love you, Sora.'

The scene faded from his mind and Sora snapped back into the here and now. The moon was no longer centered in the window. It had risen out of his sight. He wondered just how long he had zoned out for when he heard a soft mumble beside him. He turned around to see Leon sound asleep on the couch, his shaggy brown hair falling in his eyes and his right arm draping off the side of the piece of furniture.

Stretching, Sora stood up, his back and knees popping from having sat so still for so long. He yawned as he plopped down beside Squall's legs on the couch. He lay a hand on his roommate's shoulder and shook him gently. "Leon, wake up." His voice was soft without him meaning for it to be. Perhaps it was because the man looked so damn peaceful that he didn't really want to wake him up. Ah well, he was sure Leon would enjoy the night much better in his actual bed, and not out on the couch. "C'mon, Squall. Wake up."

"Hnnh, Sora?" His eyelids slowly fluttered open, grey eyes confused as he brought his hands to his face to wipe away the sleep. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you." He offered a sheepish smile. "But I was just so tired. You kind of lulled me right off." Lethargically, he sat up, hands sliding from his face to his hair. Grabbing handfuls of his mane, he opened his mouth wide for a yawn. How long had he been out for? It sure looked pretty late.

"Hey, it's okay. I kind of zoned out, myself." Sora mimicked the motion, sliding his fingers back through his sloppy cinnamon tresses. He stood from the couch and waited for Squall. "I woke you up because I figured you'd rather sleep in your bed than on the couch." The taller male swung his legs off the couch and rose to stand next to the boy. Ruffling his hair again, Leon headed down the hallway, followed by Sora. When they reached their respective doors, they said their goodnights.

"G'night, Squall. Thanks again!" Was Sora's.

"Sleep well, Sora. You are very welcome." Was Squall's.

And with that, they both retreated into their rooms, doors clicking shut at the exact same time. Squall stripped off his clothes before sliding into his warm cotton sheets, snatching a pillow and pulling it tightly to his chest. Having spent so many years with Cloud had left him with the inability to sleep unless he was curled around something. Almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. Sora, however, was faring much worse.

He did not go to bed immediately, merely sat on the edge of the mattress and looked out the window. His mind was racing with the events of the day. Sure, Leon had provided quality entertainment that had kept his mind, for the most part, away from Riku. But now, he was alone and left to his own devices. He wondered how Riku was doing, what he was doing, and if he was, at all possible, thinking of Sora.

x.x.x

He almost collapsed as another spasm of coughs ripped through his body. The harsh, cold, night air wasn't doing anything to help the fact either. With every cough, he felt as if his throat was being torn, it hurt from his mouth to his chest. He couldn't complain, however, as he had brought it upon himself. He had decided to flee from the house that teased him with its memories, practically throwing himself outside into the darkness. He knew the consequences when he took that first step. Had he cared? No, not one bit. He needed escape, and he got it all right. Escape with a side of a cold.

His feet pounded on the cement sidewalk, subconsciously, and he still hadn't a clue where he was going. All he knew was that he didn't want to go back to that house. Ever. He could never go back there knowing that Sora would not be there. It just wasn't supposed to be like this. They were meant for each other, dammit! Riku and Sora, Sora and Riku. It just fit. It had to be. And yet, here they were, no longer Sora and Riku, but two separate people. Their union had been broken by a few simple words.

Sora... his mind was racing. He wanted it to stop. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? He brought his hands to his temples, rubbing them. His head was pounding, aching, almost as much as his heart. What am I going to do without you? I don't know who I am anymore. I can't be Riku without Sora. Who am I now? What have I become? All these thoughts and questions and insults were whirling around in his head like a tornado. The kept building on one another, each dividing into more and more possibilities. Whenever he dismissed one, a multitude of others would take its place. Would this suffering ever end?

"Enough! FUCKING ENOUGH!" He roared into the still night air. And as simple as that, blissful clarity was blessed to his mind. He breathed out a deep sigh and stopping jogging, hugging himself tightly. Is this what his life was going to be like from now on out? Would he forever be wandering, never knowing where he'd end up, always looking back on the past...that would suck. Riku furrowed his brow and stared intently down at the cracked pavement. No, I won't let that happen. I don't need Sora. There are plenty of other people out there. Maybe I can't be Riku without him, but I can be someone else!

Aw, shit. Do we have another Squall-turned-Leon kind of deal going on?

With newly born determination, Riku(Or whoever he was now) charted his course. He was going to start off this new life doing something no one that even remotely knew him would ever think to do. Yeah, that's right. He was headed to Cloud's house.

Standing in front of the door to Cloud's house, he knocked on the door, figuring that he would have to wake the blonde up. It was rather late, after all. He had a very, well, Riku-like smirk on his face, even if he didn't want to be Riku anymore. To the boys surprise, the door opened not long after he knocked on it and a half-dressed, incredulous Cloud stood in the doorway.

"The fuck are you doing here, Riku!" He growled, blue eyes flashing dangerously. True, everyone that knew Cloud and Riku knew that they hated each other. They would hate each other within an inch of their lives. Hell, they abhorred one another so much that even when they were dead and buried, they'd probably have 'I hate Riku' or 'I hate Cloud' on their headstones. Not that it mattered now, as Riku wasn't Riku anymore.

"Don't call me that." Riku hissed back, eyes narrowing, boring into Clouds. A flicker of confusion skittered past those baby blues. It left almost as soon as it came, but danced back a few moments later. A slender blonde eyebrow arched over those icy eyes, his body outrageously rigid.

"What the hell are you talking about? Riku is your fucking name isn't it?" The eyebrow fell back into its place as he stared at the male standing in the doorway. It was kind of odd how neither of them knew just why they hated each other so much. It just happened to be one of those 'I hate you at first sight' deals.

"I'm not Riku anymore. I can never be him again. He was a weak, pathetic fool." His voice was low with... self-hatred? No, it couldn't be. As he had stated so himself, he wasn't Riku anymore. Blowing out an exasperated breath, Cloud slapped a palm to his forehead. If he didn't calm himself down, he'd end up killing "Riku".

"You're not making any god damned sense! You still look like the same bastard to me!" He was tired, he was frustrated, and he was pissed. He didn't want to deal with any of Riku's crap. Dammit, he was confused and he HATED being confused. Almost as much as he hated Riku.

"Riku... he's gone. He disappeared when Sora left him. I am not Riku. I am his opposite, his shadow. I am strong where he was weak." His voice was dead serious, confusing the blonde even more. Gods so help him, if only he had his sword...

"Are you fucking crazy! Are you drunk or delirious, or what? Riku, the hell's wrong with you?" He only wanted to go back to bed, not deal with all the crazy shit the boy was spewing. Why did he even open his door in the first place?

"I told you not to fucking call me that! I am NOT Riku!" Okay... maybe he shouldn't have gone to Cloud. He should've known that the blonde wouldn't know what the hell Riku was talking about. Did he really blame him though? It was rather early... or late. Whatever.

"OKAY! So you're not Riku, just who the hell are you, then!" Impatiently, Cloud ran his fingers back through his hair. "And why the fuck did you come to my house in the middle of the god damned night!" That little question had been nagging at the back of his mind for a while, as it made absolutely no sense.

"I...I don't know who I am anymore, but... I'm not him. Riku exists only with Sora..." It seemed he just now noticed that the lights in the neighbours houses had been turned on. They had been yelling pretty loud, probably waking several people up. He also got the feeling that they were being watched. Sacrificing his pride, he drew his eyes back to Clouds. "Look, I'm sorry for bugging you, okay? But, may I please come in? I'll explain everything. I just... I need someone to talk to."

Cloud shifted around, studying Riku's face closely, weighing his words until deciding that he sounded sincere enough. With a soft 'pfft', he stepped aside and let the silver-haired boy inside, pushing the door closed behind him. "Whatever." A brief, gracious glance towards the blonde, who had already turned his back, stalking into the open living room.

The room was so... beige, as if the swordsman had been afraid to leave any traces of himself on the house. The colors were neutral, there were no decorations. The walls, white, were bare of any pictures, trinkets, mementos, anything. The furniture was a light tan color, looking as if it had hardly been used in its life. Sinking down into one of the chairs, he quickly noted that under-use was not the problem. He had forgotten that Leon and Cloud had lived here, not at Leon's new house. Well, technically Leon's new house. Leon had lived there before Cloud and he moved in together. A slight smirk pulled at his lips, Where the hell are these thoughts coming from? He shook them away as the blonde claimed a chair opposite the room.

"Well, whoever you are, please, do tell me what it is you need to talk about. I'm all ears." Sarcasm was dripping from his voice, though Riku paid no heed to it. That's just how Cloud was; sarcastic, pessimistic, cynical, temperamental. He leaned back into the cushions of the chair, crossing his legs at the ankle and brought his fingertips together underneath his chin. He looks like a damned psychiatrist.

"You really want me to explain? It may take a while..." He had a lot on his mind and he figured that if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop until he got it all out. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to make Cloud suffer through all his emotional turmoil or not. The last dying Riku bit of him did, while this new part of him didn't.

"Seeing as you woke me up just to," air quotes, "talk," end air quotes, "I guess I could listen to what you have to say. It's not like I have anything better to do." He swiped a few stray strands of his blonde hair away from his eyes. Since he had planned on actually sleeping that night, it lacked it's normal spiked up-do and fell softly around his angular face.

"Well, okay. It all started out earlier this evening..." He started, launching into explanation of Sora's and Riku's breakup, which was technically his. Seeing as he no longer wished to have any attachment to his former self, in his descriptions, one would think that he was speaking in third person point of view. From the point of Sora walking out, his breakdown on the floor, and escape into the darkness, he remained talking like that. Sparing no details, his story proceeded to the point where this new person was born. Where Riku disappeared and left this alter ego, and that's who was sitting in Cloud's living room right then, not Riku. Upon finishing, he returned his eyes to the blonde's, waiting on a response.

"Ohh...kay." The swordsman breathed out, blinking slowly a few times. His prior suspicions of Riku's insanity were confirmed by that point. "So... what you're saying is that Sora broke up with you - I mean, Riku," he added quickly after seeing the glint in the others eyes. "And because of that, Riku's gone. There can't be a Riku without Sora?" His reply was a curt nod. "So you, whoever the heck you are, practically pulled a Squall, hm? Because of your failures, or Riku's failures, that persona 'died. Instead of facing those mistakes and fixing them, you've chosen to avoid them completely." He groaned, planting his bare feet firmly on the floor, placing his elbows on his knees, and resting his forehead on his upturned palms. "Agh. You're really screwed up."

"Maybe I am, but it's my life to screw up, is it not?" Riku sighed, sliding farther into the chair until he was just plain uncomfortable. I don't know what to do with myself. Hell, I don't even know who 'myself' is anymore. He pushed himself back up into a sitting position and drew his knees up, feet resting on the edge of the chair. He beat his head into his lap for a moment before resting it there, realizing how tired he was.

"Yeah, guess you're right. Just one question, if you're not Riku, then what the hell am I supposed to call you!" Good question indeed. Cloud lifted his face from his hands and glared at the silver-haired male across the room from him. Being unable to see the youths face did not deter his glare, however. Riku pondered a bit on that before mumbling into his thighs.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

More Author's Note Stuff: ehehe. Just. Don't. Ask. This is not at all how I wanted this chapter to be, but...uhh, I guess the guys kind of took it and ran. n.n; Anyways, please review!

Cloud: Mouu... what is it with my hair?

Riku: -points to author(ess?)- It's 'cause yer blonde. Da'Ni is a blonde too, no matter how many times she dyes it.

x. Threatens Riku with bodily harm .x Dare ye mention my secret! I shall remove your vital organs and feed them to my dog!

Riku: -cough- Ehm... what 'vital' organs?

That thing between your legs, mister! And other things too, like your heart and brain 'cause they're, y'know, cliche.

Riku: Ulp. x.x;;

Sora: -skips by in a pink sundress- Review! Tra la la la la!

(Da'Ni wants to take this moment to thank her two lovely reviewers... You're thanked! Flatterers.)