Disclaimer: I do not own it at all. You see, I don't think anyone who writes on actually ownsanything. The key word is "fan" here, people.

A/N: Sorry for the bitter disclaimer. But they get so boring sometimes. Anyway, here goes chapter one.

Chapter 1

"Umm, Ed? What are you doing?" Al asked quietly.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm tying her up," Ed said devilishly. "So that she can't escape. "

"With a slinky?" Al was a little concerned. If Ed thought that a slinky could hold the Silvertongue alchemist...

"Is he always like this?" The Silvertongue alchemist asked, ignoring Ed, who was fervently wrapping a pink slinky around her ankles.

"Not always," Al answered, "Just...most of the time."

"I see..." The Silvertongue alchemist muttered.

"Hey. Silvertongue alchemist," Ed remarked, "What is your name anyway? I'm getting sick of saying the Silvertongue alchemist. It's too long."

The Silvertongue alchemist sighed, "My name is Karinaithminervaumvaliseandromechelynnhelenkatrinaumbriel."

Ed's jaw dropped. "I think I'll call you the Silvertongue alchemist instead."

Karinaithminervaumvaliseandromechelynnhelenkatrinaumbriel smiled. "You can call me Karin for short."

"Well that's a relief," Al said. "Why did you get such a long name?"

Karin replied, "A lot of people ask me that. Well, my mother always used to tell me that I was too good to be described with a normal-length first-name. But I think she was just a bad decision maker."

"Kinda stupid, really. I mean, how the hell could you learn to spell your name? Took me long enough with only six letters..." Ed remarked. He tied the slinky in a final knot and said, "Well, that should hold you."

Karin looked at the slinky skeptically. "Yeah. I'm certainly not going anywhere..."

"So what do you do?" Al asked. "My brother hasn't been himself lately, and I was kind of hesitant to ask..."

Karin nodded. "I can see what you mean. Well, I'm the Silvertongue alchemist, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. If I say something, it immediately becomes true. But there are a few things that have to be around me for it to work. Otherwise, talking would be hell."

Ed cackled. "Uh-huh. And I know exactly what those things are."

Karin grinned. "Really? I've never told anyone, so..."

"You need to be standing half in shadow, half not, and be in the presence of at least three psychopaths. That's why I brought here, to the insane asylum."

Karin looked surprised. "Oh. I thought you were a patient here."

Ed snarled, "Ha ha. Very funny. Anyway, step in halfway into the shadows, please, and read this." He handed her a napkin on which words had been scrawled in green crayon.

"Why should I listen to you?" Karin asked.

"Because I won't feed you chocolate until you do," Ed said evilly. Karin's eyes widened in fear at the very thought. She hastily jumped into the shadows, and barely avoided tripping over the cumbersome pink slinky.

She looked at the napkin and quickly read:

Tall MacEdward had a farm

E I E I O

And on his farm he had a Mustang

E I E I O

With a neigh neigh here

And a neigh neigh there

Here a neigh, there a neigh

Neighs everywhere

Tall MacEdward had a farm

E I E I O

And on his farm he had some military dogs

E I E I O

With a woof woof here

And a woof woof there

Here a woof, there a woof

Woofs everywhere

Tall MacEdward had a farm

E I E I O

And on his farm he had a Scar mouse

E I E I O

With a squeak squeak here

And a squeak squeak there

Here a squeak, there a squeak

Squeaks everywhere

Tall MacEdward had a farm

E I E I O

And on his farm he had an Al barn

E I E I O

With a clank clank here

And a clank clank there

Here a clank, there a clank

Clanks everywhere

Tall MacEdward had a farm

E I E I O

Karin finished the song, deeply disturbed. This would turn out really weird...She wanted to change what she had just said, but it was too late. The world spun, and she knew no more.

OOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: Yep. Kinda weird. I would like to formally announce that this story does not have a pre-defined plot. I am open to any suggestions, as long as they're funny. But, as usual, you have to tell them to me in a review.