Kitty: yikes.. this is kind of longer than the other chapters.. anyways recap.. Milly talks differently, knives is nice, Meryl is short, Wolfwood is here, hmm oh yeah Legato and Midvalley appear! Anyways i feel stupid puting Tifa in the story, but just to remind you, she's just a 'side character' sho yeah, she aint goin to be fallin in love with any of the original characters since that's just stupid.. (sorry but that's just whut i think..) again, 'side character' oh yeah remember to REVIEW!!

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TRIGUN: Uhh.. Chpt. 5!

"Vash watch out!" Meryl yelled trying to alert him.

Vash was unaware that Midvalley was already charging in with his sax holding it like a club. Before Vash could do anything, Midvalley had already whacked him in the head with his sax.

"Vash!" Meryl screamed.

Vash rubbed his head. "Oh shyt dat hurts!!!"

Wolfwood turned to Legato. "Hey why isn't your friend blowing on his sax to make those wave things?" he asked.

"Because when you're dueling with instruments, you cant use the instrument's true power." said Legato still keeping his eye on Vash and Midvalley.

Milly scoffed at the thought. "That's the dumbest thing ever next to celebrities showing up here."

Everyone watched as Vash and Midvalley whacked each other like cavemen. Honestly it was an embarrassing scene to watch..

Kaite raised an eyebrow. "You call that a duel!?"

As two hours passed by, the fight went on with Vash and Midvalley STILL whacking each other like cave men. Everyone was getting bored including Meryl who was ready to pull her hair off in any minute.

Knives scratched his shoulder. "This is ridiculous! I'm getting a Donut.."

"Aye Tifa you gotz a room around here?" Milly yawned.

Tifa shook her head. "I don't think so."

Milly frowned and kissed Wolfwood on the cheek. "Aww, sorry Nicky!"

Tifa stood up and slammed her fist on the table. "Ohmigod they're still at it like cave people and it's been like 2 hrs!!

"Hey my b-flat!!" Midvalley cried

Kaite leaned over to Meryl. "Hey does b-flat mean your but becomes flat or something??"

Meryl shrugged. "Ehh whoo gives.."

As Vash and Midvalley continued on with their "fight" Tifa snuck behind Midvalley and kicked him in the 'sensitive spot'. Midvalley bit his lower lip and fell to his knees while Vash pointed at him laughing like a maniac. Who wouldnt?

"Hahahahahah! You got served by a girl!!"

Midvalley grunted. "Hah, you got SAVED by a girl!"

Vash paused while Tifa did a victory dance. "Yeah! WOMAN POWER!"

Milly stood up and raised her fist. "For shizzle my nizzle yo!"

Vash developed a vain in his forehead. In frustration, he picked up Midvalley and threw him head first to the portal making it disappear. "Well, that's that!" he said happily dusting his hands.

"NOO! MARK!!" Kaite cried falling to his knees.

Tifa walked up to Vash and held out a deck of cards. "You play 'duel instruments' too? Well, I bet you can't defeat my Happy Harp card or my Ultimate Flute of Melody card!"

Vash smirked. "Actually I can.. I have the five puzzles to the Legendary Piano card and I can always use my Flute capture card to take your Ultimate Flute of Melody."

"Duel Instruments is boring now!" Tifa scoffed throwing her cards at him.

"Hey!"

Knives came out of the kitchen with his pockets stuffed with donuts. "Uhh.. Did I miss anything?"

"What now.." Legato wondered scratching his head.

Vash grinned evilly as he took out a three-buttoned remote control. He pressed the first button and the lights became dim. Next he pressed the second button and a disco ball appeared from the ceiling. Finally, he pressed the last button and a random disco song came up.

"Come on people! I know you guys want to!" said Vash doing the Hokey-Pokey.

"This is a disgrace.." Wolfwood muttered slapping his forehead.

Tifa stared at the disco ball in the ceiling. "Hey how did he -

Milly interrupted. "Who cares, let's dance!" she shouted as she gestured everyone to join her.

At first, everyone else was unsure of what to do, but watching Milly and Vash have fun themselves wasn't really fun, so soon they gave in and joined including Wolfwood who was last to surrender. (a/n: psst picture them doing the Hokey-Pokey side-by-side at the same time to a random disco song..)

----Hours Later..----

"Thanks a lot Knives!" yelled an extremely pissed Vash who was covered in bruises along with everyone else.

Knives shook his arms. "Hey I said I was sorry!"

---Flashback---

While Knives was doing the Hokey-Pokey like everyone else, a donut fell from his pocket and rolled under to table; Knives went under the table and crawled out with the donut in his mouth. Unaware that Knives was right in front of him, Vash tripped over Knives and fell on Meryl who accidentally grasped on Wolfwood's leg, making him fall on Milly. Both of them landed on the three-buttoned remote control breaking it, which caused the disco ball to drop on Tifa's head making her collapsed on Legato. Kaite who was unharmed felt left out, so he punched himself in the face passing out on top of Vash. (a/n: whew!)

------End Flashback------

"Arrgh! He says he's sorry Vash! Now can we have something to eat!!?" Milly whined.

Meryl stood on the table. "I declare a donut party!" she announced.

Everyone cheered. "Yeah!!!"

"As long as there's no dancing.. " Knives huffed.

Tifa tapped on Meryl's shoulder. "Hey didn't you say that you took a pill that makes you follow the low carb lifestyle for two months?"

Meryl shook her head. "That crap never works! The plan does, but the pill doesn't.. I mean look at Knives! He's been stealing donuts from you all this time!"

Knives sunk to his seat. "Hey I said I would pay for them!"

"Uhh no you didn't.." said Kaite glaring at him.

"Excuse me you human ASS! Were you there when I said that? Were you? Were you? Huh? Were YAH!? I DON'T THINK SO!!" Knives spat.

Kaite: O.O;

Tifa looked at Meryl. "Didn't you say that guy was nice??"

Meryl shrugged. "He was hours ago.."

Tifa sighed and went straight to the kitchen. Minutes later she came back with a tray filled with fresh cooked donuts and bottles of beer. Once she placed the tray on the table, everyone grabbed as many donuts they could take hoping the person next to them wouldn't have more. Sadly it was Vash who got the most.. u.u;

---Moments later..----

"That was gooooodd!" said Wolfwood. He chugged his beer and threw the bottle at Vash.

"Hey who did that!?"

Wolfwood pointed to Tifa. "She did it! Jeez Tifa what's your problem!!"

"WTF!? I didn't throw the bottle, you did! You must be really drunk to be that fcked up!!" Tifa spat

Wolfwood waved his lighter in the air. "I swear to drunk I'm not god!"

"Are you okay Nick?" Milly asked.

Wolfwood leaned over the table. "Milly,, I'm doing you tonight!" he shouted in his drunken tone making sure everyone heard.

Legato scowled at him. "I'm not Milly.."

"Nick I'm right here.." Milly whispered who sat next to him.

Vash hopped off his seat. "Weellll.. Time to go home! C'mon Meryl.. Bye Tifa, bye Kaite!

"WAIT! Where am I staying!?" Legato cried.

Vash paused for a second. "Hmmm.. Well I guess you could -

"No! Where would Wolfwood stay then!?" Milly interrupted.

Vash scratched his head. "Yeah you right.. Hmm Legato I guess.. You can stay with them!" he said pointing to Kaite and Tifa.

Before Kaite could say anything, Vash and them we're already gone.

Tifa leaned over to Kaite. "Guess he's sleeping with you tonight!" she chuckled.

----Next day (finally!) ---

It was early in the morning and everyone was asleep except for Milly and Meryl who stood in the kitchen making coffee.

"You need a chair there Meryl?" Milly asked looking down on her.

"Why would I need a chair Milly?"

"Well,, you're making coffee on the floor, and you're spilling it everywhere,,"

"…"

"Oh by the way Meryl, there's a letter for you" said Milly handing her a paper.

Meryl eyed her. "And you opened it already?"

"I kind of thought it was mine, but at least I didn't read it!" said Milly rubbing the back of her head.

Meryl read the letter. "It says here the sheriff of Augusta wants me to work for him."

"Oh goody! What do you have to do Meryl?" Milly chirped clapping her hands.

Meryl's eyes widened. "It says here I have to work for him as.. AS A DETECTIVE!?"

Milly waved her spoon in the air. "That's so great Meryl! Ohh.. You'll be just like that Conan kid!"

Meryl collapsed on the floor showing disinterest. "Why.. A .. detective.." she groaned.

"What's wrong with being a detective?"Milly asked

"I'm not really good at solving things and remember, it took me a long time to realize Vash was.. Vash the Stampede.."

Milly sipped her coffee. "Well at least being a detective is better than being a waitress at some stupid bar.."

Meryl hung her head low. "I guess you're right.. But Milly, HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED I'M A DWARF!!"

"Well, just fck with them! Make them feel bad that's your short, and maybe they'll give you a bonus from their sympathy." Milly suggested

"Milly!!"

"Just a thought."

Minutes later, Wolfwood and Vash entered the kitchen still feeling half asleep.

"We want fooood.." Vash grumbled.

Meryl glared at him. "Why don't both of you sit your ass down and wait until food's ready!"

"You're not even cooking!" Wolfwood exclaimed.

Before Meryl could say anything, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it.." Vash mumbled walking to the door.

Vash blinked as he opened the door. "Tifa? Kaite? LEGATO!? What are you guys doing here?"

Kaite cleared his throat. "Vash, I've never loved a man in my whole life until now!"

Vash fell on his back. "WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME!?"

"You idiot I was just kidding! Anyways I just wanted to tell you that.. I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP OUTSIDE ANYMORE!" Kaite cried punching Vash in the face.

Vash turned to Tifa. "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME!? AND DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOUR BROTHER JUST DID??" Vash cried rubbing his face.

"He slept outside today cause Legato kicked him out of his room.. It's your fault he had to sleep outside, I mean you did tell Legato to stay at our place. Anyways we're just here to stop by cause we took Legato out for ice cream. By the way, Krispy Kreme will be closed for a while since somebody damaged it!" said Tifa softly smacking Legato in the back of his head.

"I see.." Vash mumbled.

Legato tapped on Tifa's shoulder. "Now I want hot dog."

"Uhh,, so do you guys want to come in and stay for awhile? "said Vash motioning them to enter.

Once they entered the house, they all went to the kitchen only to find Meryl with a sullen look on her face.

"What's wrong Meryl?" Vash asked.

Meryl sighed. "Sheriff just called. I start today.."

"Start what?" Tifa asked raising an eyebrow.

"I start today.. As.. A detective." Meryl answered.

Everyone gasped except for Milly. "You're a detective!?"

Wolfwood twitched. "Well, If anyone says I have a stash hidden around here, then they're just being assholes and their souls are full of shit!" he cried waving a small cross around.

"Aww I cant believe you get to be a detective! People are suckers these days, they'll believe whatever you say.." Tifa sang.

Meryl looked at her with wide eyes. "What are you talking about!? Being a detective isn't always like that! You have to be really smart, logical, and all these things I'm probably not."

"Well, at least you know how to follow people.." Vash teased trying to cheer her up.

"I know that for sure.." Meryl giggled.

Tifa cupped her hands. "You know, if you don't want to take the job… Maybe I could .. Fill in for you? I mean.. Until you're ready." said Tifa hoping Meryl would accept since it was always her dream to be a detective next to marrying the richest man in the world.. Or at least being the richest person in the world but marrying and extremely rich person was also an exception.

Meryl looked at her with glee. "You'd do that? But.. There is a catch to this isn't there?"

"Nope" said Tifa in an honest tone.

"Yes there is.."

"No there isn't."

"Uh huh! You're hiding something!"

"Mam! I used to work for Saturn so there is certainly no catch!"

"Yes there is!"

"No there isn't!"

Kaite interrupted. "Omg sis, just tell her the catch!"

"Okay so I guess you can call it 'The hidden catch.." said Tifa scratching her head.

"See! I knew there was a catch!" Meryl spat.

"It's not a catch! It's a hidden catch!" Tifa corrected.

"But it's still a catch!"

"You mean a hidden catch.."

The conversation was now annoying Meryl. "OMFG! Just tell me what the catch is!!"

Tifa fiddled her fingers. "We want you guys to take Legato."

Wolfwood and Milly glared at her. "WE'RE ALREADY FULL HERE!!" they yelled.

Tifa hung her head in defeat. "You guys owe me. Anyways since I start today -

"Don't worry, I received a call from a family saying that their daughter was missing. Their place is just three blocks from here so I'm guessing you better get going." Meryl interrupted.

Tifa, who was for some reason dressed like Sherlock Holmes (a/n: did not know how that happened o.o;) was ready to leave until another interruption came.

"Wait, how would they know it Tifa's you?" Kaite asked.

Meryl shrugged. "Well if you think about it, she kinda looks like me. Just with long hair and black eyes.

"Uhh can I go now?" Tifa muttered raising her hand.

Meryl shook her head. "Hold on.."

-------Outside---------

Tifa dragged her foot in the sand. "I can't believe you guys are going with me." she muttered.

"This is weird.. It's like I'm babysitting my boss!" Vash groaned.

"Are you kidding me? I have to baby-sit both of you! Or should I say three.." Wolfwood grumbled coughing on his cigarette.

"Why am I here?" Legato huffed.

"Leaving you with Knives and the girls, well.. That didn't feel right." said Vash innocently.

"Don't forget my brother.." Tifa added.

Wolfwood stopped in front of a small house. "We're here.." he said bluntly.

Suddenly the door opened and an old lady about 4ft tall came out. "Oh dear! Detective Meryl is here!"

An old man about the same height as the old lady stood beside her holding out a knife. (a/n: dunno whut he's doing with the knife. Carving something? Slicing meat? Nobody knoes o.o) "Which one do you think is Meryl, Helen? He asked looking at the four in front of him.

"Oh I think it's the one with the blue hair George." The old woman answered.

Tifa shook her arms. "No I'm detective Meryl!"

"Then who are those three behind you?" the old man asked.

Tifa rolled her eyes. "My designated followers." she mumbled in sarcasm.

The three scowled at her. "HEY!"

Helen, who happened to be the old lady gestured the four to enter. "Come inside! We have Donuts and tea." she smiled.

Vash beamed. "D-D-D-DONUTS?" he stuttered.

Once inside, the six of them sat in the living room munching tea and donuts.

"These are good, where'd yah get 'em gramps? Err.. I mean George." Vash asked.

"We got them at Dunkin Donuts." George answered.

Tifa choked on her tea. "No! Don't buy any donuts from there! Their donuts are so bad their main ingredient is shit! You should get your donuts at Krispy Kreme! They have better donuts there."

"But you we're just enjoying them." Helen stated

"It's true!" said Vash sticking his thumb up in agreement.

Wolfwood, who was somehow getting irritated spoke up. "So.. About your missing daughter.. Can you describe her to us?"

Helen cupped her hands. "Her name is Mary. She's 6 yrs old with long brown hair. She has a very pale face and her eyes are dark green. She's also about 5ft tall.

Vash dropped the donut in his mouth. "WOW.. That's really tall for a 6 yr old.." he said in amazement.

"When was the last time you saw her Helen?" Tifa questioned.

Helen frowned. "To tell you the truth, Me and George don't remember a thing!"

Wolfwood slammed his fist on the small table next to him. "Then how would you know if your child is missing!?"

"How do we know George?" Helen asked.

"She's not in her room." George responded.

"Did you even bother checking the whole house?" Wolfwood asked raising an eyebrow. (a/n: whoa.. It seems Wolfy is doing most of Tifa's work..)

The old couple shook their heads. "No."

Wolfwood was ready to pull his hair off until Legato spoke letting out a small laugh.

"It's obvious that George killed his own daughter!" he said.

Everyone gasped. "WHAT!?"

Legato smirked and continued. "George killed his daughter with the bloody knife he's holding right now! The motivation? Pleasure. Yes, the pleasure to kill. But no way, he didn't stop there, he didn't want Helen to know so he snuck behind Helen and decapitated her and buried Helen's remaining outside next to Mary's.

The five stared at him with their mouths open.

"But I'm right here.." Helen mumbled raising her hand.

"And my knife isn't bloody!" George cried out.

Wolfwood covered his face. "I'm surrounded by idiots.." he muttered.

Vash looked to the screen (a/n: as in he's looking at you! Yes you!) "Hey can you help us find their missing child?"

Tifa stared at him. "Like that's going to work Vash!!"

Suddenly a blue arrow appeared and pointed to a sleeping figure in a room next to them.

"Forget what I said.." Tifa mumbled.

Vash ran to the sleeping figure. "I think this is your daughter!" He pulled the covers revealing.. A dog.. "What!? I was for sure it was their daughter! Damn you readers!!"

The old man sighed. "Meryl, I expected more from you. It was a good thing I did this."

Tifa blinked, "What are you talking about!? They didn't give me a chance to speak! They're just trying to take my job, I know it!"

George pulled out a badge. "I'm the sheriff of Augusta. This was just a test.. I thought you'd figure out by now that we didn't really have a child! You played.. Not too well dear Meryl.. Sad to say that.. YOU'RE FIRED!"

Wolfwood lit his cigarette. "This doesn't make any sense.." he muttered.

--------Meanwhile-------

Meryl sat in her bed thinking. -I wonder how they're doing right now..- she thought.

Suddenly he door flew open and there stood Vash, Wolfwood, Tifa, and Legato holding what seemed to be wrapped gifts. The four entered singing the 'Happy Birthday' song.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!! Happy birthday dear Meryl!!! Happy Birthday to you!!!!!"

Tifa walked up to her and handed her a mug. "It's a Krispy Kreme coffee mug! Hope you like it!"

Meryl blinked. "Uhh thanks Tifa.. I guess.."

Next it was Vash's turn. "I got you a shirt Meryl!" he said happily holding out a black shirt with white letterings.

"It says.. 'Blondes do it Better' .. umm okay.. Thanks Vash.." Meryl mumbled.

Then Legato approached her, which sent chills up her spine. "Uhh.. I was forced to give you a gift so I got you a banana!"

"A banana,, wow.." said Meryl sarcastically.

Finally it was Wolfwood's turn. "I got you a sword!"

Everyone in the room gasped. "A sword!?"

Wolfwood handed sword to Meryl. "Here you go!"

"Hey why is the sword white and has fur on the handles?" Tifa wondered.

Meryl swung the sword around. "This is great Wolfwood, but it's not my birthday.." she frowned.

"Uhh.. Get well soon!!" Tifa shouted.

"I'm fine though.."

"Merry Christmas?"

"It's not Christmas.. Okay what's going on here??" Meryl asked glaring at the four.

"Wegotyoufiredbyemeryl!" Vash cried.

Before Meryl could say anything, the four ran out the door.

---Meanwhile in a different world..-----

"You idiot! You lost the Tetsuisaiga!?(sp?)" Miroku shouted.

"It wasn't my fault a pink swirly thing swallowed it!" Inuyasha spat.

Kagome fell to her knees. "How do we defeat Naraku now?" she cried.

Inuyasha twitched his ears. "I knew this would happen somehow.. Kagome, get the paper hearts.."

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A/N: OMG! THAT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO WRITE!! Anyways I was too lazy to explain whut Milly, Knives, and Kaite were doing when Vash and them got back.. PLEASE R&R!