Kitty: NO! NO! NO! Omg I'm going completely off track here! The whole point of the story was for Vash to work at K.K and make an ass out of himself with the bagels! Also the pills from chpt.2 will be wearing off soon.. It's just not working right :( dammit also Meryl was suppose to be the detective, but then I didn't want to make her stupid or anything.. On with Fic..
Psst.. I was really high writing this chapter so yeah.. anyway school is almost here.. aww! but i'll TRY to update.. i also hope cheerleading wouldnt get in the way since i still love anime! School can change ya.. yu kno?
Disclaimer: dun own trigun.. Blah or the songs from Dora the Explorer.. which have been changed a lil..
TRIGUN: Wolfwood the Explorer.
Meryl pulled her hair with rage. "I can't believe this! Me, FIRED? Meryl Strife is never fired!!"
"But Meryl, we didn't err I mean it's all Tifa's fault!" Vash cried trying to calm the shorty down.
"WHAT!? No way! You guys were the one's with all these weird theories or whatever.. I didn't get a chance to talk!" Tifa spat.
"Excuse me but you had so many chances to talk! Instead you were too busy chomping on the donuts from Dunkin Donuts!" Vash exclaimed firing back to the crazed brunette.
Meryl and Legato sat there munching on the donuts Vash stole while they watched the other two go at it like little monkeys.
"So Legato.. " Meryl started, still watching Vash and Tifa throw lame excuses and insults at each other. "What really happened?"
Legato looked at her innocently and frowned. "I was the only one doing the work, thanks to me.. I was asking all the questions. Vash's dumb boss did nothing but sit there and eat donuts, Wolfwood was just there smoking, while Vash himself stood there talking to the ceiling. Also, he said the that guy killed his own daughter so the man got mad at Tifa and fired her."
"Thanks for telling me Legato! I will see to it that they face my wrath.. Which is later.." said Meryl smiling happily.
Legato started to tremble nervously. "Umm.. You're welcome my Lady Meryl.."
"Lady Meryl huh.. I like that.." Meryl mumbled tapping her chin. "By the way, where's Wolfwood?"
"I believe he's in his room." Legato replied.
"I see."
Suddenly the door flew open with Kaite standing there shaking. "You guys, you know that really tall girl, she's been kidnapped!" he cried.
Vash and Tifa stopped their fight. "KIDNAPPED? WHO!?"
"Are you talking about Milly?" Meryl asked quite shaken herself.
"Yeah I think that's her name. Also the she left a letter!" said Kaite holding out a piece of paper.
Vash rubbed his chin. "The letter 'C'? What could that mean?"
"I know huh!" Kaite agreed. Then he held out another piece of paper. "She also left a note!"
Meryl took the note and read it out loud.
Dear Everyone,
Some guy with weird glasses has kidnapped me! Take a hint. Anyway I'm tied to a chair right now so you better hurry if you want to rescue me! Even thought I could easily take the guy out myself, wouldn't really mind if you come. I mean he is expecting you and all, hey bring pudd- wait NO PUDDING! NO PUDDING! Bring cookies and the guy says he wants an apple. Make sure it's green! Gosh what a picky fellow.. Oh yeah, HELP ME!!
- MILLY
After that, everyone stood there with a sweat drop.
-Why is it that I don't feel bad for her??- Meryl thought.
"So Kaite, why didn't you stop the guy?" Vash asked.
"I'm sorry.. It was just that I was in the bathroom and I couldn't hear a thing!" Kaite murmured.
Tifa cocked an eyebrow. "What were you doing in the bathroom? And why is your nose all powdery?"
Kaite covered his nose. "I was doing uh.. STUFF!! Plus, we should be worrying about that woman!" he cried trying to defend himself.
"Does Wolfwood know about this?" said Vash scratching his head.
"I do now.." said Wolfwood bluntly. "By the way, can you believe someone was messing with my stash!? Err I mean stuff?"
Hearing this, Kaite hid behind Vash, hoping Wolfwood wouldn't see his ashy nose.
"ENOUGH!" Meryl interrupted. "We're here to get Milly remember? Let's go!"
Unexpectedly, Legato took Meryl's hand and held it to his face. "My dear Lady Meryl, I wish to accompany you on rescuing this Milly person to repay your kindness on me."
A huge blush formed across Meryl's cheeks. "Umm.. I uh.. S-sure.. L-Legato.." she stuttered.
-WHAT!? MERYL KIND TO HIM? Since when did he start being so.. ButtkisserISH? Asshole..-Vash thought sending Legato a cold stare.
Kaite tugged on Meryl's sleeve. "Hey you think I can come too? I feel really bad I didn't get to stop the guy and everything.."
"Oh it's really no problem! I'm pretty sure Milly is doing fine, and I've been with her for a long time so I would know." said Meryl optimistically.
As the five headed out the door, Kaite turned to Tifa. "So sis, you're not coming?""
Tifa shook her head. "Nah.. I feel bad for getting Meryl fired and all so I'll be watching this place for her. Anyways Kaite good luck!"
"Thanks sis.."
Once the five were outside, Tifa slowly closed the door behind her. -Well Tifa, the place is all yours! Now that they're gone time to partay! Wow.. Just like college all over again.. HEY! WHERE'S the phone?-
Suddenly Knives stood a few feet from her twirling the phone in his hands. "Looking for this?"
---Meanwhile.. To Wolfwood and the others!!--
Meryl looked at everyone. "Got the cookies?"
"Got 'em" said Kaite.
"Apple?"
"Here!"
Wolfwood lit his cigarette. "You guys ready?" he asked.
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.
-I'm coming Milly..- Wolfwood thought.
As Wolfwood and them started walking, out of nowhere a song started to play..
W-W-Wolfwood! W-W-Wolfwood! Wolfwood, Wolfwood, Wolfwood, the explorer!! WOLFWOOD! Meryl and super cool explorer Wolfwood!
Vash: -looks to your screen- We need your help! (not really..)
Wolfwood: grab your crosses!
Meryl: Let's go!
Kaite: Jump in!
Legato: On we go!! (don't know Spanish so none in here..)
All: YOU CAN LEAD THE WAAAYYY!! (No you cant..)
W-W-Wolfwood, W-W-Wolfwood! Wolfwood, Wolfwood, Wolfwood,
"VASH TURN THAT OFF!!" Wolfwood screamed.
Vash turned his radio off which he had been holding all this time for no apparent reason. "Great! I hired all those us look-alikes to sing that song for no reason? Jeez Wolfwood thanks a lot!"
"So what do the directions say Meryl?" Wolfwood asked ignoring Vash.
Legato put his hand on Meryl's shoulder. "You seem tired Lady Meryl! Maybe I should read the directions for you!" (AN: uhh.. Lady Meryl crap is making me gag lol u.u; )
"But we just started walking.." Meryl mumbled.
"That's why I should read them for you!!" said Vash pushing Legato out of the way.
-Is it me or is that woman getting taller?- Kaite thought.
Suddenly the directions magically jumped on Meryl's hand and started dancing. "If there's a place you gotta go, I'm the one you need to know I'm the directions! I'm the directions, I'm the directions, If there's a place you gotta get, I can get you there I bet, I'm the directions!! I'm the directions, I'm the directions, I'm the directions, I'm the directions, I'm the directions. I'm the directions, I'M THE DIRECTIONS!!" with that, the directions soon turned back into its old normal dead self. Apparently no one was surprised so they just continued on.
Meryl held the directions to her face. "Okay so it says first we go to the four hills in front of Augusta. There we will meet a guy who claims to be 'Donut Man' Please kill him if you want to see rescue 'her' quickly."
-WTF!? What does that have to do with getting to Milly!?- Meryl thought.
"Wait no!! We can't kill Donut Man!! I love Donut Man! We practically have a million things in common!" Vash cried.
Kaite cocked his eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Well, he makes donuts, and I eat donuts! Also, he does impossible errands, and my favorite movie is Mission Impossible!" Vash babbled.
--Meanwhile--
Knives growled at the television screen constantly flipping through the channels with the remote control. "GAH! Why is it that every channel I flip to, somehow there's always a human there!?" Then he turned to Tifa who stood beside him holding a tray and wearing that black and white maid uniform. "Hey you human Tiffany, fix the damn T.V! I want to see more butterflies than humans!"
"Hey! The name's Tifa, not Tiffany!"
"I'll call you what I want now fix the damn T.V!"
"Excuse me but I don't own the Discovery Channel!"
"JUST FIX IT!"
-What have I gotten myself into? Asshole..-Tifa thought.
"Hey I heard that!!!"
(A/N: Told ya pill's wearing off.. Hey let's see how Milly is doing!)
Milly pointed to a shiny object nearby. "Hey mister, what's that?"
"A gun.." a voice replied.
"Oh."
"Hey mister what's that?"
"A gun."
"Oh."
"Hey mister, what's that?"
"A GUN!!" the voice barked sounding really ticked off. Obviously..
"Oh." -These ropes are making me itch..-
(AN: … umm ok.. Back to the guys I guess..)
The five stood before the four hills in front of them.
"We're here, but Donut Man is nowhere in sight." Meryl mumbled scratching her chin.
Wolfwood clenched his fist. "DAMMIT! I think the directions were just a load of bull to piss us off! .. And it's actually working!"
"Look, the directions are the only way to get to Milly. If not, how else can we get to her?" Meryl exclaimed trying to calm the priest down.
"She does have a point there.." Vash muttered.
Legato stood in front of Meryl holding his arms out. "Do not blame her for this. If she's wrong, it's your fault you listened to her."
Meryl nodded in agreement. "Yeah! … wait WHAT!?"
While a fight went on between the three, Vash and Kaite stood there watching.
"Uhh.. Vash?" said Kaite tugging his coat.
"What is it Kaite?"
"I just realized there's all these footprints around us.. Kind of freaky isn't it?"
Vash gave him a strange look. "Kaite those footprints are ours.." Then he raised his finger. "Hey let's follow and see where they lead us to!"
"Why do I even bother?" Kaite mumbled covering his face.
All of the sudden, a geeky guy in a donut costume walked up to the five. "Sorry for my interruptions but do you know where I can find a donut convention around here?"
Meryl, Wolfwood, and Legato stopped their fighting and glared at the guy in the donut suit. "GET HIM!!"
Wolfwood tried to reach for his Cross Punisher but suddenly; it magically jumped away from him and started dancing. -WTF?- Wolfwood thought.
"If there's a place you gotta go… oh wait wrong song.. CROSS, CROSS, CROSS, CROSS! CROSS, CROSS, CROSS, CROSS! I'm the cross that's loaded up with bombs and bullets too! Anything that you might need I got inside for you! CROSS, CROSS, CROSS, CROSS! CROSS, CROSS, CROSS, CROSS! YAY!"
Unaware that Vash was right behind the cross, Vash held the cross to his chest. He was going to hold it over his head, but the thing was way too friggin heavy.
"Vash no… swiping.." Kaite cried trying to stop him.
Vash let out a cheesy sinister laugh. "You're too late! .. You'll never kill now!"
Meryl, who was still holding on to the guy in the donut suit stomped her foot. "VASH! You put that thing down right now and give it back to Wolfwood!" she shouted.
The dude in the donut suit straightened his glasses. "What's going on here?"
Vash resisted holding the cross tightly to his chest. "NEVER!!" he roared.
Wolfwood slowly walked up to him. "Vash.. Milly is out there and we have to get her! Who knows what's happening to her. I swear to God you don't know how much I want to kick your ass right now!"
----------------
Milly glared at her cards and glanced at the man sitting across her doing the same. "Got any 3's?" she yawned. -jeez what's taking them so long!-
----------------
"You can't stop me Wolfwood!" Vash barked. Then he flashed a no-smoking ad to Wolfwood's face. "Feel the wrath of the no-smoking ad! Did you know a cigarette contains nicotine that can damage your lungs which causes -
Wolfwood covered his ears. "STOP IT!" he cried falling to his knees.
"We've lost him.." Kaite muttered.
Meryl turned to Legato. "I guess we're going to have to kill Donut Man ourselves."
"Yes but where is he Lady Meryl?" Legato inquired.
Meryl scanned her surroundings and indeed, the geeky guy in the donut suit had escaped her evil grasp leaving a trail of.. Leaving a trail of.. Ahh who cares! Realizing this, Meryl angrily jumped up and down pulling her hair. "Arrgh! This is .. PERPETUALLY INSULTING!!"
"Please do not feel indignant. Just read what's next in the directions, and we'll just do them.." said Legato trying to calm Meryl, which at the moment seemed impossible.
Meryl took a few deep breaths and took out the directions. Luckily it didn't sing or dance because if it did important or not, she would have ripped the whole thing in pieces. It was a good thing Legato was there to keep her a little sane. It was kind of weird she was with him, after all he was a psychotic freak. "It says.. JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE FIRST DIRECTIONS!?"
Before she could reach her anger to a whole new level, Legato once again tried to calm her down. "Why is it that you didn't see that before? Just read the next directions."
"When reading directions, I have a habit of just focusing on the one that needs to be read. Once I've finished that, I move on to the next one. By the way; there's no more directions. Just the crappy lyrics to the song 'Oops I Did it Again' " said Meryl calmly. You could tell it didn't feel right. Somehow Meryl had managed to suppress all her anger; but how?
Sensing this, Legato backed away from her giving Meryl some space. It was impossible for her to just suppress all that anger. The poor thing must have felt the need to kill someone right then and there.
Meryl calmly cleared her throat and turned to Vash's direction who was still flashing no-smoking ads to the priest. "VASH THE STAMPEDE! Are you happy now that your friend has escaped? Come here." said Meryl motioning him to walk up to her.
Hearing the "would-be" love of his life call out to him, Vash dropped the Cross Punisher on Wolfwood who sat there in the sand rocking back and fourth rambling about how healthy smoking was for him. He walked happily up to Meryl but soon stopped halfway thinking about the situation. Why was Meryl so calm? Just seeing her standing there and smiling at him lovingly with a calm face didn't feel right. The Meryl he knew would have already threatened to kill him or at least nag on him; But why wasn't she like that? Was Legato controlling her? No. Seeing that Legato had backed away from her, he guessed Legato was feeling the same way he was feeling. Vash took a good look at her; loving eyes, calm face. - Wait there it was! He knew that Meryl wasn't being nice for no reason, especially in the circumstances they were in, but there it was!
Meryl tilted her head to the side. "Well? Aren't you going to come here?" she asked still with a calm tone.
"U-um M-Meryl, y-you're no g-g-gonna hurt m-me a-re ya?" Vash stuttered shaking tremendously.
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk?" said Meryl with a playful look on her face.
At this point, Vash didn't want to play her evil game anymore. "MERYL come on! I know you want to hit me cause I can see that mallet you're holding right behind your back!!"
Meryl cursed under her breath now showing anger. How were they going to get to Milly if that idiot stampede was just going to get in her way! Of course, she did have feelings for him but it was just that her best friend in all of Gunsmoke was kidnapped! She was ready to throw the mallet at him until an interruption came.
"Sorry to be rude but I hear Vash the Stampede is here?" said an extremely huge man with all these colors on his coat.
Vash, Meryl, and Kaite (who had been lazily doing nothing all this time) gawked at the man in front of them. "B.D.N!?"
Legato and Wolfwood (now at normal self) stood there having no clue of what was going on, stared at the guy with the colorful suit wondering who the hell he was.
The man in the colorful coat tipped his hat up showing his face. "Yes! B.D.N as in Brilliant Dynamites Neon!.. But you can call me Tim!!"
"Uh.. B.D .. or Tim, what brings you here?" Kaite asked.
"Kaite.. Long time no see! Anyway, I'm here to settle a duel with your friend here Vash the Stampede. I do hope he remembers the promise I made." he replied
"W-WHAT!? Dammit I thought he forgot!" Vash cried
"No I haven't Vash. It's time we settle our fight here.. Oh yes have I forgotten to introduce you my new friend here? His name is Alga the Glass Eater!" said B.D.N pointing to an ugly short man next to him wearing nothing but a pink girly tank top and navy blue shorts. His monobrow was completely bushy and straight, and you could see his nose hair growing 5 inches from his nose. Also his clothes didn't match.. GASP! Yes.. That hideous.
Kaite raised his eyebrow. "Is he your new side-kick or something?"
B.D.N or should I say 'Tim' shook his head. "No he just stands there for no apparent reason eating glass.That is why he is called 'The Glass Eater'. You see, I took him because when I stand next to him, he makes me somehow feel even more beautiful! Come on, compare me with him!" he said standing next to Alga while flexing his extremely huge muscles.
"Well.." Vash started. "Alga is obviously hideous since his clothes don't match, and you seem kind of different."
B.D.N smiled. "Yes as you can see I've been working ou-
"No I was talking about your shoes." Vash interrupted.
"Oh." B.D.N muttered looking down. "Well my shoes are very new! Look at the evil flashy colors in my shoes! Don't they make you squirm? Also, can you believe I got a discount on these from Gucci?"
Meryl rolled her eyes. "No way!" she beamed sarcastically.
"Yes it's true!" said B.D.N. Then he took out more colorful flashy stuff from his coat. "I'm the only one in all of Gunsmoke with this items! As you can see, my colorful flashy coat, my colorful flashy gun, my colorful flashy rubber duck 'squeak squeak'." Then he took off his shoes and waved them high in the air. "Alas, my extremely colorful and flashy shoes! Now no one will make fun of my like they used to in fashion school since everything I wear matches! Thanks to my pretty pink high-heeled boots! … wait.. PRETTY PINK HIGH-HEELED BOOTS!?" he cried realizing that someone had replaced his extremely flashy and colorful shoes with pretty pink high-heeled boots.he looked around and saw Vash prancing around Wolfwood and Legato in his extremely flashy and colorful shoes.
Vash let out a sinister laugh. "Hah! I, Vash have swiped again! Whoa these look good on me! But then again, anything looks good on me!" Vash sang.
B.D.N tried to go after him but realized the hot sand burnt his feet so he couldn't move. "Gah!! I, seeing that I'm not wearing any socks on have no choice but to wear these pretty pink high-heeled boots!" Once he slid them on, he wobbled over to Vash but at the same time trying to gain his balance.
"Bet you cant catch me!" Vash teased purposely running in slow motion.
"How dare you mock me!" B.D.N barked still struggling to get to Vash.
By this time, Meryl had realized she had forgotten about Milly. -Oh no I forgot about Milly!- see? She cupped her hands over her mouth and called out to B.D.N. "Hey Tim! Have you seen a man with a really tall woman around here!? If so, where did they go!?"
B.D.N paused for a while and nodded. "Yes.. I think I did. They went to that cave over there!" he shouted back pointing to a cave behind him.
Wolfwood dropped the cigarette in his mouth. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE SEE THAT BEFORE!?"
"Who cares, now let's go!!" Meryl yelled running towards the cave.
"What about Vash?" Kaite asked running to Meryl's side.
"Leave him with his duel buddy!" Meryl exclaimed passing Vash and B.D.N who were still chasing each other in slow motion.
Once the four got to the cave, it was empty except for the abandoned items that lie inside.
"Are we too late.." Wolfwood whispered falling to his knees. (AN: god he has a habit of doing that!)
"Hey there's a note!" said Kaite pointing to a piece of paper on the floor.
Meryl took the note and read it out loud.
Heh! What'dya know?
The guy was expecting for Wolfwood to come, but seeing
that you haven't come for me yet, he thinks I'm the wrong person!
So I guess I'm going home after all! See ya at home!
If you ever get this letter, Hi!
-MILLY
"WHHAAATTT!!!???" Wolfwood roared banging his head on the wall.
Kaite grabbed his hair. "Are you saying we did all this for nothing!?"
Legato calmly shrugged. "Look to the bright side, we got something out of it."
"And what would that be!?" Wolfwood growled.
"Have you noticed that Lady Meryl got taller? I think she's back to her original size."
Meryl examined herself. "Hey! You're right! Hey Knives you're.. Wait.. Knives isn't here.."
Wolfwood cocked an eyebrow. "You didn't know that?"
"That must mean Vash's boss is watching the place with .. Knives!" Meryl gasped.
"What are you guys saying?" Kaite questioned suspiciously.
"Oh nothing.." Meryl mumbled.
"So what we got out of this was that Meryl just got taller throughout this seemingly short adventure?" said Wolfwood making it sound more like a statement than a question.
"Oh yeah, how come I'm tall again when the pill says I have to wait two months?" Meryl inquired.
Legato cupped his hands. "You see, we not only got to see Meryl grow back to her old self, but we also got sand in our pants, dust on our clothes, and not to mention the feeling of stupidity; but seeing how Meryl grow taller in just a matter of days is something you nor I can decipher. Not even the almighty up there.. Now that I have said such a unique word, I would like to say it again. Decipher.. There! Can we go home now?"
"Dammit!" Wolfwood cried. "Well.. at least I get to see my Milly home safe. I wanted to to piss that guy off, cause he said he wanted a green apple and i got him a red one!"
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Kitty:.. .. .... that was... weird? yupp.. I would like to thank these fellow reviewers!I LUV YU GUYS!! psst more chapters to come!!
Tug: lol hmm i think I know what you mean x-D
MSkyDragons: Why thank you! i didnt really think people would think that it'd be hilarious xD
browneyed: Well at least you got see more pink portal goodness in chapter three! But i dun kno if you would call it "pink portal goodness"
SapphireWhiteTigress: hmm Milly didnt really change much huh? I mean yeah she was just talking "differently" and also her hate for pudding.. didnt take much effect. But I'll try in do that in the next chapters.
Hotaru Bluesummers: Yes you're right i should have stuck to the cased closed idea, but at least i did! .. err well yeah didnt really last long tho lol
Vash-fangirl4life: I actually thought people wouldnt laugh much on chpt. 2 , but thanks! Cause i actually laughed more on chp.3 but it's good to kno =]
Danielle: uhh thank you!!!!!! -hugs- i feel special now lol
Sephiroth1Ripley8: Yeah same here, dont really get the last two words on "flooty-tooty-tabooty-catooti" so i just made up some crap to make em sound , you know?
Tortured-Soul-so-Young: wow everyone? -interested-How many ppl are you talking about? lol I'm just weird! psst to tell you the truth.. psst.. i never tried the donuts at dunkin donuts so i dunno whut they taste like 0.o;
The Amazing Tsu-chan: As you can see, I've already continued it :)
Needle-Noggin: Oh yeah! he/she says it's AWSOME and they luv it! WOOT!!!
TwistedAngel111586: woo hoo! more people luving my fic!!!
WolfbanesHybrid: whoa Awsome author and an inspiration? OH YEA! THANKS!!YAY! x-D
vashluver1: aww! thanks =] (i know i suck at thanking pplz but dunno whut else to say :( i want to say more tho )