By: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
INT. KACL Radio Station – Day
Frasier sits in his booth. Roz enters.
Roz: Frasier.
Frasier: Is it time to go on the air?
Roz: No, you still have two minutes. I just need to ask you a favor.
Frasier: Sure, what is it?
Roz: I've got these tickets…
Frasier: The answer is no.
Roz: You don't even know what it's for.
Frasier: I'm not interested in your rock 'n roll concerts or another one of Alice's fundraisers.
Roz: It's not. It's for a broadway show.
Frasier: I don't car—
Roz: All expense paid.
Frasier: (perked interest) I'm listening.
Roz: I slept with this guy who has a friend who works for the ticket office. (smiles in a trance) God, he was incredible. He does this thing with his…
Frasier: STOP! I don't need to know this. What's the show?
Roz: Oh, my, God.
Frasier: For God sakes, what's the show?
Roz: We're on the air.
Frasier: I don't recall…
Roz: The radio, you idiot!
Frasier: Why the hell didn't you tell me?
Roz: (before going to her booth) I just did.
Roz runs inside her booth and shuts the door.
Frasier: Hello, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane…
Fades to:
INT. Frasier's Apartment – Day
Daphne enters carrying a large duffle bag. Martin exits the kitchen with a beer and a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich.
Daphne: (commanding tone) Drop it, old man.
Martin: It's just my lunch.
Daphne: And those are just your arteries you're clogging.
Martin: (puts down his lunch on the table) Are you happy?
Daphne: (annoyed) Time for your exercises.
Frasier enters. He slams his keys down on the table next to the door.
Daphne: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Daphne. (he crosses the room and hangs his coat up)
Daphne: How was your day? (asks regretfully)
Martin quickly grabs his sandwich and beer and runs into his room before Daphne can bring him back.
Daphne: Double exercises, you old sod!
Frasier: Daphne, have you ever been to a broadway show?
Daphne: I've seen some here in Seattle, why?
Frasier: Today, at the station, Roz forced these tickets on me. (hands them to Daphne)
Daphne: (face lights up) Oh, "Wicked"! How did she get these?
Frasier: Well, that's not important.
Daphne: Did she win them?
Frasier: In a matter of speaking. Would you be interested?
Daphne: Of course! (hugs Frasier) Thank you, Frasier! Wait until I tell Niles. Won't he be surprised?
Frasier: (sarcasm) Oh, he'll be surprised.
Scene Three
INT. Niles and Daphne's Apartment – Night
Niles arrives from a day of psychiatry. The lights are low and soft music plays in the background.
Niles: Daphne?
Daphne appears from a dark corner.
Daphne: Hello, darling.
Niles: Daphne, you…
Daphne comes into the light of the fireplace. She's wearing a black lacey negligee. Her hair is amiss, but to Niles, she is perfect.
Daphne: I've got a surprise for you.
Niles: Are we pregnant?
Daphne: No. (kisses him and hands him the theatre tickets) Here.
Niles: Ooh, you got tickets. (smiles happily; looks at them) "Wicked"?
Daphne: Yes. It's playing in New York City. You know I've always wanted to go there.
Niles: But, darling, it's…
Daphne: It's musical about the wicked witch of the west.
Niles: "The Wizard of Oz" witch?
Daphne: (hits Niles on the back of the head with the tickets) Yes, silly.
Niles: I don't know about going to see that show.
Daphne: Come on, Niles. You dragged me to the opera so many times this month, why can't you come see this show with me?
Niles: Well, I suppose.
Daphne: You won't regret it. I've heard the music.
Daphne takes Niles by the hand and leads him to their bedroom.
Niles: Are you going to be playing the music upstairs?
Daphne: (stops on the stairs) I had something more than music on my mind.
Niles: Ooh.
Niles and Daphne kiss.
Scene Four
EXT. New York City
INT. Gershwin Theatre – Night (After the show)
Daphne: Oh, Niles, that was a lovely performance.
Niles: Yes, it was. (looks flushed)
Daphne: Are you alright?
Niles: I'm fine.
Daphne: Let's go to the stage door and get their autographs.
Niles: Well…
Daphne: Come on. (drags Niles away)
EXT. Stage Door
Kristin Chenoweth (Galinda) and Idina Menzel (Elphaba) are standing around talking.
Kristin: Can you believe I went the whole show without messing up a line?
Idina: I know. It's like some sort of freakin' miracle.
Kristin: But, oh, my, God. I almost peed my pants on the stage. Seriously I had to go.
Idina: You hopped around during "Popular".
Kristin: I didn't have to go then. Are you saying I was bunny hopping during that song?
Idina: No. Oh never mind.
Kristin: I may be 4'11, but I'm not stupid - and don't "never mind" me.
Idina: (points to Niles and Daphne) Look. Fans.
Kristin: Hello.
Daphne: You were wonderful. I loved the show.
Kristin: Oh, my, God, you're british.
Daphne: Manchester.
Kristin: Oklahoma. (laughs)
Idina: Kristin, you're not funny.
Kristin: Shut up.
Daphne: (to Idina) Are you the wicked witch?
Idina: Not unless I miss my coffee in the morning.
Kristin: Elphie…Oh my God, did I just say "Elphie?"
Daphne: (laughs) This is my husband – Niles.
Kristin: So, how'd you like the show?
Niles: It was…(looks at Idina; voice cracks) must you stay that color?
Daphne: Niles, are you alright?
Niles: Daphne, I never told you this before but I have a phobia for…(high cry) The Wicked Witch. That's why I never watch "The Wizard of Oz."
Daphne: Oh, sweetie. She's not real.
Idina: Hey! I am so real.
Taye Diggs (Idina's husband): Hey baby, are you almost done?
Idina: Honey, am I real?
Taye: As real as they come.
Niles: I didn't mean it like that.
Taye: Are you saying my girl's not real?
Niles: No.
Taye: Are you calling her a liar?
Niles: Please, let me explain.
Daphne: This is all a misunderstanding. Niles is afraid of the witch.
Taye: My baby is not a witch.
Niles: Thank you, Daphne, um, can we go now?
Daphne: But I still need Idina's autograph.
Niles: I'm sure she'll mail it to you, along with a giant law suit if we don't leave here right now.
Daphne: Well, goodbye. Nice meeting you all.
Kristin: Nice to meet you, too.
Niles and Daphne walk away.
Daphne: They were nice people.
Niles: Yes, very nice. Let's hurry.
Niles and Daphne exit the threatre.
Scene Five (One Week Later)
INT. Niles and Daphne's Apartment
Daphne enters the apartment with the mail.
Daphne: Niles, we got something from Kristin and Idina!
Niles: Oh, let's not open it.
Daphne: Niles, there's nothing to worry about. (opens the letter) Oh, how nice.
Niles: What? Is it a death threat?
Daphne: Of course not. Idina Menzel sent an autographed picture and Kristin wrote us a letter, thanking us for teasing Idina and Taye.
Niles: We were teasing?
Daphne: Apparently. I told you they were nice people. (gasps) We've been invited back to see another show. Front row seats!
Niles: I think you should take Roz on this trip.
Daphne: Niles Crane, you're a psychiatrist, for heaven sakes. Are you going to let one little witch scare you?
Niles: I'm over that.
Daphne: Then what are you so afraid of?
Niles: That big man – Taye, what's his name.
Daphne: Taye Diggs – oh honey. (hugs him, kisses his head) He won't hurt you.
Niles: You didn't see my letter. I got it out of the mailbox before you came home.
Daphne: Let me see it.
Niles hands it to her. She reads it.
Daphne: Oh dear. (walks over to the phone) I'll call Roz and see if she'd like to go.
Niles slumps down on the couch, as we:
Fade out.
THE END