Negative

Chapter One - "Would You Please Go Away?"

I was sitting there.... there was really nothing else to do. I tried to climb the biggest cliff and fell down eighty million and a half times, landing each time on my head, I might add. There was really nothing much I could do but just sit there and chuck sticks in the water. I let my legs dangle over the edge of the cliff and started to swing them whistling that spiffy tune from Kill Bill, and chewing on a piece of grass. The wind blew by and sent a chill on the spots where my hair had been ripped out and my black eyes continued to swell, so seeing was starting to reach the "Damn near impossible to see" level of sight.

"Yeah... I'm in hell." I said, just as I heard an object surface from the waters below. I leaned over and looked, seeing a huge, mangle blue carcass emerge from the water. And I narrowed my eyes.

"And the biggest asshole of all just so happens to be Satan." I muttered.

Obviously my voice caught his attention for he turned towards me. I blinked, shrugged, then laid back on the grass, legs still dangling off the side of the cliff. It didn't take long for him to forget about marveling the "pretty save point" and start leaping up the smaller cliffs to reach me. I was still laying down and whistling the tune, even after he was leaning over me and looking at my face. Not like I was paying much attention anyway, my eyes were puffy and swelled and I was damn near blind. You think I'd care if some dead guy's looking over me, espcieally one as emo and whiny as this guy?

"Who are you, girl?" he snapped.

"I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to." I responded, then continued to whistle. Obviously that pissed him off, 'cause he changed the subject.

"You don't look anything like a Nosgothian... your clothes... you're hair..."

"Yeah, many Nosgothians wouldn't wear frilly thongs and halter tops and from what I've seen, most of them are bald. Obviously I'm not from around here." I hissed.

Yeah... he pretty much seemed surprised that I didn't run off screaming "VAMPIRE!!! HELP ME KIND SIR!!" and what not. Then again, he was probably too busy staring at the "Frilly thong" I mentioned, 'cause the straps were clearly visible even in these baggy pants. I went back to whistling as he continued to blabber about my features and my sarcasm and asking me for information and crap. Obviously I ignored him, went back to whistling and swinging my legs to the beat. After about three stammers, he finally screamed out, "WOULD YOU STOP THAT ANNOYING TUNE!!" and I sprang up and yelled, "WOULD YOU STOP TALKING!?"

We glared at each other, and he lowered his face close to mine. "Do you want to die?"

"Dying would sound really nice about now." I snapped back. "But first, mind getting me off of this cliff? I've been here for a freakin' HOUR."

Raziel gave an aggrevated sigh and grabbed my by the back of my pants and the frilly thong. Then he jumped up, taking me with him in the most uncomfortable way ever, and landed with ease on the next cliff. He approached a taller one, knelt down with me still in his grip, jumped up and landed on the next one as well. Then I noticed that there was a huge gap between the cliffs, and he would have to glide. How he was going to glide with me was beyond me, but I didn't complain. My ass hurt too much to be complaining about gliding. He charged forward and cleared over at least ten feet before we began to fall, but with his arm, he forced me forward and released his hold on my pants, sending me rocketing onto the cliff and him falling to the water. I got up, dusted my ass off, then walked over to the edge, seeing ripples of the water.

"Well seeya 'round, Emo-man. It's been a real slice..." I said, saluting him off and walking away. A strangely dressed woman ran my way with a huge axe in her hand and she looked at me.

"What just happened!?" she shrieked. I shrugged.

"Stray dog..." I stated, then walked away.