Negative
Chapter Four - Sympathy for My Lungs
"Here's how it works, I'll stick my hand in the slot oozing out the blue shit, and pray to God that when I pull out my hand, it's not melted off or covered in gross shit. THEN I'll be on my merry way."
I am well aware that in order to open the great big door with the big blue guy on it that I would need the Wraith Blade.
I just felt like pissing off Raziel at the moment.
When we regrouped, I was at the great big door after looking at Vorador's little vultures that kept spying on us. When I passed, I flipped them all the finger, 'cause I knew the big green Grinch was watching. Raziel appeared out of the Spectral Realm, muttering how much he was "intrigued by Kain's words" and what not and growling about how much I was a pain and possibly a backstabber and other bullshit. He was watching me the whole time.... I knew it too, which was why I kept messing around with the lock with my hand. When i pulled it out the door wasn't open, I grabbed a rock and jammed it in there, trying to twist it to open it. Naturally, no cigar. So then I stabbed the slot with a big stick.... and broke it. After that, I began to hurl insults at the door for not opening, and the whole "attempt" lasted for about an hour when Raziel stomped his way over, grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me on the ground.
"You are the most annoying person I've ever met!" he snapped, drawing his Wraith Blade.
I sat up on my butt. "Oh boo freakin hoo! Go write a song about it, Emo-Man!" i snapped. I turned and growled at me.
"AND WHAT IS THIS EMO YOU SPEAK OF!?" he shrieked.
"IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR TIME THAN FEEL SORRY FOR THEMSELVES AND BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING IN A DEPRESSING MOOD!! AND THEN THEY WRITE SONGS ABOUT IT!! DAMN YOU SUCK!!!" I yelled back.
We stared at each other for some time...... then we blinked.... then I stood up and he opened the door. I ran ahead of him and he strolled on in. There was a great big hall that led into a great big cave, right? Those who've played this game know what this place looks like. Anyways, remember those big hot springs with the green water in 'em? I ran right into one of those, threw off my clothes and jumped in. After being in the mud and ice cold water for over four hours, you tend to get frikkin COLD. So I did a cannonball and splashed thick green shit all over the place, and then started chillin.
"Human!! Human, where did you go!?"
Emo-Man's voice bellowed throughout the cave. I gave a smirk and slid under the water, just a little bit, so I could still hear him coming and yelling. When he came closer, I took in a mouthful of that water… or mud… whatever it was… and then sprang out of the spring, spitting a mouthful of the stuff at what was supposed to be Raziel…
Instead I managed to spit all of it on those ghost things with the sparkle in them. I made a classic vv face and let my shoulders sink.
"Well what the fuck…" I muttered.
The monster let out a roar and swung a claw at me. Of course I let out a scream and booked out of there, running full speed into Raziel, knocking us both down. He glared at me.
"What are you doing!? AND WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" he snapped. I glared.
"Because I'm a nudist and I felt like going for an evening streak." I responded. He growled.
"I'm going to-ARGH!!" Raziel flew over my head after a stream of green fire hit him in the back from one of those things. I ran back and snatched up my clothes, then leaped behind a rock, putting my clothes back on (did Imention that that liquid water thingy is like... mashed potatos in a pasty form? It stuck onto my skin, it felt weird with my clothes over them...)
As I did with the warriors, I booked again and left Raziel to fight. Hell, we would end up meeting up at the same place anyways. So I went running down the halls, those shadowy things popping out from hell, spitting this gross shit at me while I tried to duck and dodge them. Well to put it bluntly and straight forward, my agility is shit. I was hit in the back, the thigh, the head and the ass, and went rolling down the steps half a second later. Then I landed on my face. Go figure.
So I get up, dust myself off, walk to this great big open room with the Pillars under the ground, blah blah blah, players of the game know what I'm referring to. There's water surrounding the thing and there's a big black thing squirming around. This gave me the best image of what those devilfish looked like in Island of the Blue Dolphins.... big... dark... and ugly, and with those long squiggly arms. I crouched down next to the water and tossed a stone in.
"Hey stupid! Wake up!" I snapped.
There was no response. I threw another stone in.
"Asshole, wake UP." I growled again.
Still no response. I threw a BIGGER stone in.
"If you don't respond RIGHT NOW I'M GON-"
"AHHHHH!! MY EYE!!!"
THe vioce bellowed from the water and the room shook. I looked down and saw one of the huge freakin eyeballs turn a puffy red color.... probably where my last rock hit him. I glared adn stared down at the water.
"Well what the hell!? Why didn't you respond before!? And goddamnit, that spring water shit got on my thong and it's giving me a major muddy enema!" I snapped.
Just as I stated the uncomfortable fact involving my rectum, Emo-Man came charging in, yelling something about me running away and what not. Then the Elder god began to talk. Then Emo-Man began to talk. Then I stopped caring and jumped in the water. After seeing my sister play this stupid game over and over and over, I had an idea as to where to go. Strangely enough, air pressure didn't build up in my ears and I could swim as deep as I wanted without pain. There was one problem. The huge squid creeped me out. All of his tentacles were wrapped around the pillars and it looked like a bunch of giant snakes. The huge eyeballs were a creepy sight too, but I couldn't help but release the air from my lungs in insane laughter as I passed a huge red eye and the large rock I had thrown laying beside it.
OBviously I forgot I was underwater I needed air. Yes, this sucked. The surface was too far away for me to swim up with these baggy ass pants and no air. Inside I was saying "Well shit, what a fucked up way to go.", then eyed a huge underground cave. Any other time I would've been scared shitless that it would lead into a dead end and I'd die. This was not one of those times, as I knew where it lead. It was also not one of those times because my lungs felt like they were about to explode. Frantically I started swimming towards the cave, those damn pants holding me back and slowing progress, making me panic more. Any other time I would've ditched the damn things and swim like hell. But seeing I wasn't alone on this trip and there was probably a bunch of slimy green spring stuff in my crack, AND since I was wearing a thong, I figured I'd keep the pants on and at least die with some dignity.
Swimming.... swimming... swimming faster... not very fast.... I hate these pants...
The cave was a HUGE relief for me. I couldn't feel the relief though as I was close to sobbing my eyes out underwater by the throbbing pain in my lungs. In a split second, I felt a claw grip onto it's normal area on the back of my pants, and if I had the air to do so I would've groaned.Raziel went rocketing out of the water and we landed on the rocky ground. Just as we pulled out of the water and practically screamed out for air. Raziel dropped me onto the ground as one of those monster things attacked us, and I found myself choking out water and gasping for air at the same time. It didn't take Raz very long to defeat the monster, but I didn't have time to care. I passed out on the ground.
Is it just me, or is this just getting worse and worse as it goes along? Damn game...
And to answer Earthworm Jim's question, I did it for that reason. I was tired of seeing all these stupid fantasies these dumb fangirls make about Raziel stroking their throbbing vaginas and sucking on Kain's holiest of holies. It was time for something different, and I decided to go Anti-Fangirl. Not to mention I thought it would be pretty amusing if a few fangirls got pissed and decided to flame. Just for laughs and entertainment pretty much. And that's all. Flames are welcome, reviews are treasured. See ya when I see ya.