This chapter is Borderlinging and R-rating because it gets pretty hot and heavy on the way in.
Enjoy
Don't own 'em, if we did then ETHAN WOULDN'T BE DEAD, MOFOS!
Dear Dary: 2
Dear Diary,
Locke's dog was found by Walt's dog, Good boy Vincent you found Boone!
Love II
Dear Diary,
Why doesn't anyone on this island have a cat?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I am Ethan's new cat
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm a squirrel...figures
PS at least I'm not a moose
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I have be demoted to moose
PS Woe
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I was with the moose...whoops PEL, she said not to call her moose...
Anyway, we went out looking for coconuts. The first ones we spotted were Boone and Sawyer
Love II
Dear Diary,
MY FRIGGIN' EYES!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL is blind again.
We really need to get her some lotion
Love II
Dear Diary,
I love my beautiful Black world
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Jeff is alive...after being digested…anyway he was there long enough to vote Swoon off the island.
Then Hurley ate him again
Love II
Dear Diary,
THE LIGHT...IT BURNS! I can see again!
Love PEL
PS When did Shannon grow the beard?
Dear Diary,
PEL mistook Sayid for Shannon, Me for the polar bear, and good lord Kate for Ethan.
Poor Ethan is sooo hurt.
Love II
Dear diary,
I hugged Kate today, EWWWW GIRLY GERMS!
To make it up to Ethan I took him snowboarding
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Kate is upset, when PEL realized who she was hugging she shrieked and had a bath. This is insulting A) because PEL hasn't bathed since the plane crashed and god knows how long before that and B) She screamed "EWWWWWW girl germs"
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm white!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL's white! And all this time I thought she was African Canadian...weird.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm white, and now I'm burned. So now I'm of the lobster race. Hey that'd be fun to watch, lobsters racing you know, but what would they race for? I dunno what do lobsters eat? I hope they don't eat people, are Lobsters around here? OMG better go warn Jack about the man-eating lobsters
PS I did NOT snort any of Charlie's smack
PSS Alright I did but only a little
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL ran off ranting about Killer lobster races she shouted very loudly "I did not NOT take any of Charles magical pixie dust" She truthful so I believe her.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I miss the good old days before we'd been on this island for a month. When Rich would walk around naked and...Oh wait that was a survivor rerun I watched on Ethan's satellite dish...Don't judge me, Spanish Soap Opera's were off, and I beat Mortal Kombat like infinity times
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
So bored...the annoying islanders game is getting tiring…they don't get angry any more just roll there eyes and say "down II" pfft. Also shagging all the men on the island is getting old too.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Where's Jack, my great Canadian Rockies need climbing
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL's getting way to much action.
Kate's even beginning to look attractive.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Today Kate decided that since II tried to jump her to carry around a gun all the time. If she wants a gun I want a gun. Operation: Steal Jack's Gun is now in session
PS Love the title
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Damn Kate has a gun. PELs trying to get Jacks gun…I seriously don't want to know which gun...I've started my own operation. Romance Kate without violence i.e. RKWV.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I finally got Jack's gun (with some coaxing and some chloraphorm (thank God for chloraphorm smugglers (I'm looking at you Sayid) and I went trigger crazy by accident I swear.
Final count?
13 injured
3 dead
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL's a little trigger crazy at the moment. It worked perfectly for my RKWV plan...when PEL came along giggling madly I shouted "Quick hide behind this conveniently placed tarp with roses and candles' she is dumber then I thought.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Shannon's pregnant, dear lord I hope this time it's not puppies
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Whoops...Shannon's pregnant...IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR...
Love II
Dear Diary,
I swear to go she's going to have a Prada manufactured baby
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Kate's preggers...
Love II
Dear Diary,
Sun's Preggers
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Ok it's kind of obvious that I stopped sleeping with the guys isn't it. Either that or Charlie's been playing follow the leader
Love II
Dear Diary,
Everyone's pregnant! Except me! Why must I be so barren! Oh well I get to watch them all have a royal rumble over the last piece of beef (cow beef)
PS Charlie asked me to play follow the leader with him
PSS I told him to ask II
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Everyone's pregnant except me and PEL! ...later: Never mind last few entries, they weren't pregnant just wanted some extra beef. Hell, Kate asked for child support beef!
Love II
PS Charlie is my match made in heaven
Dear Diary,
Today I made a Weapon of Mass Destruction out of palm fronds, and then I accidentally set it on fire when I got cold.
PS found secret trail that leads to pot of gold
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL's been in Charlie's "magic pixie dust" stash again.
Love II
PS OH shit...the fires spread start running!
Dear Diary,
I am the queen of the flames! That was I was until Jack decided to put me out. I'll have to smack him later. I miss Ethan
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Accidentally hit on PEL...I thought it was Charlie…to much smoke in my eyes
Love II
PS This is so embarrassing
Dear Diary,
II hit on my today, I wasn't mad about hat, but the fact that she called me 'it' really Po'ed me
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Charlie asked me if I was seeing PEL.
I told him no I'm seeing Shannon.
Oops
Love II
Dear Diary,
Charlie seems pretty ecstatic about II seeing Shannon, what a strange little hairy man
PS drew on Locke's head for an hour today...so soothing
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Sworn off all men. How dare he!
Stole Claire's hat today, she is horribly sun burnt!
Also stole sawyers wig…Then while he was napping drew on his head. Not quite the same sound...but good enough.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I was walking by Sawyer's tent and I almost crapped my pants. But the second I realized II just drew another face on the back of Sawyer's head. Phew for a second there I thought I was attracted to him. Those Black line eyes and that perfect semi circular smile...better go find Jack...
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL was suffering from a minor heart attack. Jack sorted that by giving her an adrenaline rush on the cliff.
Didn't need to see that.
Charlie's asking if Shannon and I are still an 'item' I said of course you twit, I dumped you not her.
Serves him right the little sod.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I have one word for you...Cliffhanger
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Stole Sawyers clothes while he had a shower.
Drew a face on his but cheeks while he napped, and then dragged him to PEL's tent.
Am now awaiting her arrival.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm just walking back from my little 'expedition' with Jack to my tent and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Laughed so hard it gave away my position. Gotta run bye!
Love II
Dear Diary,
After stoning II several times, I had her removed, which I guess is Sawyer's body...
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Ow ow ow ow ow...I found a new ow...hobby! ow
Love II
Dear Diary,
I wonder what LSGTS is up to these days?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
LSGTS had to remove the rocks from my back with a knife. While he did so we had a nice discussion on PEL's destructive behavior patters.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Today everyone gathered up and had a talk with me about my destructive behavior. I said I didn't have a problem. Boone hugged me and I punched him
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I tried to lock Jack in PEL's tent again but he cried so much! He was afraid she'd hurt him. He showed me the rather interesting bruises he received from their expedition. Seriously though, I didn't want to see them!
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack gives as good as he gets
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
The liar. PEL has matching bruises. And I didn't want to see those either! What am I? The odd bruise checker? Charlie caught on and tried to show me his boo boo... I said the only problem he had was the size of his manhood.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I like to show off my sexy bruises. And you know as soon as I write 'sexy' LSGTS appeared right behind me. I ask him how he does it, but he says "you'll learn it next week." Well when the hell is next week? He's said next week like 20 times now!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
LSGTS showed up a few minutes ago and told me the secret to sexiness...I'm going to go and rub it. Gloat to PEL. Ha...her next week is still weeks away!
Love II
Dear Diary,
I attempted suicide today by jumping off a cliff. Note to self; remember to jump off a cliff that does NOT have water underneath it!
PS now I'm wet
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Jack got rid of PEL's depression.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I love life, but I miss cheese, I wonder if Ethan would let me into that creamery of his if I paid him in WMD made of palm fronds
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Ethan's pet elephant swam us off the island, just for the night and we have to be back by six.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I came back with a tattoo and smelling like McDonalds, when Jack asked me what the tattoo was I simply replied, "Birth mark." I think Charlie's going to enjoy
II's tattoo when they get back together
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Charlie loves my tattoo. What a wild night! Me and PEL played the jungle girls to the best of our abilities.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm no longer allowed in California, drunk and disorderly my ass. Stupid and willing is more like it
Love PEL
Dear diary,
I've been kicked out of four states of America, on probation in Los Vegas and never allowed to sing karaoke again. Damn.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Las Vegas was fun, but myself and II forgot then in REAL casinos you have to bet money...not clothes
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Left my clothes in Los Vegas...Didn't seem to impressed when a nude chick with leaves and sticks in her hair came wandering through the airport.
Love II
Dear Diary,
It was hard flying Ethan's elephant back on the airplane, not to mention the fact that II would not where any clothes. IU offered her some from my bag but she simply refused.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Back on the island…good to be back. I can be as naked as I want and no one asks. Ok that's a lie. They all wanted to know what the hell I'd done with my clothes...but that wore off once we pulled out McDonalds bags for the whole group.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I've never seen Hurley run that fast in my life. He was like a cannonball or something. I swear he knocked over everyone and took all the bags. It this was bowling he'd have gotten a strike.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Hurley stole the food. SO I got my bag of chocolate bars and distributed them not very evenly. Sawyer got jack.
Love II
PS Not THE Jack...he got nothing…thought I should clarify that
Dear Diary,
I got Jack, The Jack, I walked by II's tent and all I heard was "OH god, oh yes, that's so good OMG, yes!...That's a good candy bar."
That girl needs therapy, and I'm the one to do it
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Damn that candy bar was sweet. I think I shall die of happiness
Love II
PS PEL thinks I need therapy..
Dear Diary,
I told Jack about my therapy Idea and he thinks that we all need it, so tomorrow 9am sharp, group therapy begins
PS 10:1 that Boone cries sometime during it
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I shared with the group that I had issues with men...as I said this I glared at Charlie.
I also said that Candy bars are better to have in bed then Charlie...but I think it came out wrong.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack says he doesn't want me to hang around with II anymore, I said "Well then I guess I'll just hang out with II...DAMMIT!"
Note to self: Work on the brains
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I am being shunned. Chocolate is thy downfall
Love II
Dear Diary,
Boone expressed too much at therapy. I mean he has so many summer camp stories, that make me wanna vom, I'm never sending my kids to summer camp...EVER
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Boone is a baby. I went to summer camp and it was never a group of giggling girls…I mean seriously make up parties are old.
Still not allowed near PEL. Jack has a gun.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack as a gun...Oh yeah of course I'm talking about the one that fires bullets and can kill people...not a sexual reference at all...
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
DAMN IT JACK! He shot me... I tried to give PEL some chocolate. REAL CHOCOLATE. A snickers bar. He yelled and shot at me like I was an ugly wild animal. I mean the wild animal fine but UGLY!
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack shot me today, I jumped in front of II when he shot her screaming "Noooooooooooo" and then it went through me into her. Way to Blow Jack! Now my new nickname is Holes
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL is no nice. She saved me.
Jack is still shocked. I guess someone forgot to mention that Pel can't die. Tiny detail.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Everyone was so shocked that I dinnae die, well they seemed to have forgotten then I'm Canadian and on this island Canadian's don't die...I hope
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Borrowed the elephant for a night on the town.
Asked Shannon to come with me. I'd ask PEL but she's having way to much fun with Jack begging forgiveness,
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack wants to stitch up my bullet wound. I told him to can the innuendo...then I passed out from lack of blood and when I woke up it was stitched...that bitch!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I woke up back on the island. Hey look! I've got a tattoo on my stomach! Don't know where Shannon's gone, and I seem to have misplaced my clothes.
Skinny dipping! Yay!
Love II
Dear Diary,
Damn that Boone, his new hobby is laundry. I really wish he'd stop taking everyone clothes
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Boone took my clothes. Ew he touched me. Then I remembered I wasn't wearing underwear anyway so alls good.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I made a mistake, Boone doesn't like to do laundry he likes to play dress-up, my bad
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL and me escaped the island...Boone followed. Where are we going this time?
Love II
Dear Diary,
I took II to Canada; yeah that was fun for about 3 seconds...
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Got trampled by a damn moose! Boone got eaten by a beaver. Canada isn't half bad.
Love II
Dear Diary,
we have to do back to the island now, but I'm bringing back maple syrup for all!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Started another round of strip poker
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack is still apologizing, jeez when will he learn that it's only a flesh wound!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Jack stopped apologizing when I shot him. Only a flesh wound.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack won't let me hang out with II anymore says he doesn't want me getting into the guns and because she shot him. Umm does anyone remember my little fiasco a little while ago with a death toll? Stupid red shirts
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Damn...Damn Jack and his rules, tied him to a tree and was about to gouge is eyes out but PEL stopped me. Oh well...I'll get him tomorrow.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I stopped II from gouging out Jack's eyes today, I've said it once I've said it 1 million times, if anyone gets their eyes gouged out it's me!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Fine…wont gouge out Jacks eyes. Might turn him into a woman though...
Love II
Dear Diary,
II wants to turn Jack into a woman. If she takes away his bull winkle I'll gouge her eyes out!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
What the hell is a bull winkle? And I like my eyes! Fine I will do something else...I know...Shave off Boone's eyebrows.
Love II