Here's a new chapter full of crap that has nothing to do with the island at all. And a special guest star! That's right! Lizzie joins us as SWAK, to help Boon out because we're 'picking' on him to much.
Disclaimer: We don't own any of them. Well Ethan Jr. we do own and if you don't believe us take us to court and do that genetic testing thing. We'll make a day of it.
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Turned the island into one big Pokémon match
Love II
PS verses Kikauras in ten minutes
Dear Diary,
Today II and I got extremely bored and since this is a
magic island, we turned it into a Pokéisland. Now comes the
tough part of thinking names
PS I'm Kikauras
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Damn Kikauras beat me. I guess my Kikashit moves didn't
work so good. Oh well.
Preggachik is pretty good
Love II
Dear Diary,
Sexuup is demanding to challenge me to a match; doesn't
he know I have my awesome squirrel throwing powers?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Preggachik beat Boone...his name is Upmiselph, Sexuup
also beat him, as did Kikauras and just about everyone else
Love II
Dear Diary,
Freekeechild also beat Upmiselph, who basic attack
is...bawl
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Bored of this game. Everyone can beat me as my only
attack is nekedness.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Decided after the pokématch to turn everyone into
rap ganstas
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Yo' wassup! Me and Sexasaurus...and 25c and polar bear
have started a little club. I'm the nights designated stripper.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Since I'm Canadian I get to be head bartender (since
it's a compulsory credit in Canadian high schools) But my rapper name
is Me. pretty (like p. diddy)
PS love 25c song, 'you wanna make a call you need 25
cents!' pure genius
Love PEL HO!
Dear Diary,
Sawyer tried to give me money...I kindly told him he
could take his money and shove it up his ass.
he did
Love II
Dear Diary,
Sawyer offered me a tip, I did not take it. However I'm
pretty sure I'm going to get fired soon. I drink more then I serve...
PS LSGTS put out a new add for strippers, really hope
Boone doesn't try out
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Boones the new stripper. We paid him to keep his clothes
on
Love II
Dear Diary,
Sawyer wanted to strip, I told him to think of the
puppies
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Sawyer stripped. He's expecting his next litter in June
Love II
Dear Diary,
I told Jack to spay/neuter Sawyer. He said there wasn't
enough booze/money in the world for him to do it. And really? I don't
blame him. We'll just get LSGTS to do it
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Sawyer's depressed. No more puppies for him. And oh
god...I'm pregnant.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I just found out the good new that II is pregnant. Now
two mysteries need to be solved. One is who dun it, and two is she
going to have puppies, kittens or humans?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I'm going to kill Charlie! Him and his bloody twister
mats! I've been sitting on my ass all day.
Ethan is very happy...he's pulled out all his baby
toys.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I knitted II a blanket out of Boone hair (I told her not
to light any candles by it) and LSGTS made her a cradle from homemade
glue, that I took and used in place of Charlie's smack
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
It's a human. I know this because so far it's only
kicking with two legs not four.
Ow…damn baby when you get out I'm going to feed you to
Locke!
Love II
Dear Diary,
I helped Ethan set up a nursery in the lair, he wanted
to paint it pink, I wanted to paint it blue. The nursery is now blue
and pink.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL and Ethan painted the nursery pink and blue...a bit
late to tell them I wanted purple right?
Love II
Dear Diary,
II said she wanted purple, at this point Ethan and I
both had a Bitchfest and then left the lair. Let the polar bear deal
with her, I'm going to get some passion fruit and some Jack
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Bitchfights...Jeez I'm supposed to be the one with
crazy hormones. Oh look a beetle…That so sad...Oh god I'm crying.
Love II
PS Locke cried at beetle too...
Dear Diary
Found out earlier today that Locke's little brother
was crushed by a meteor. His name was John Paul but they used to call
him Beatle. His mom then saw a beetle and it slept in Beatle's old
room on Beatle's old bed, until it was accidentally eaten by
Jeannie the golden retriever.
Love PEL
PS WTF?
Dear Diary,
Ok Locke had an excuse for crying at the beetle. Guess
what...His brothers was the pope!
Love II
Dear Diary,
As Locke tells it, he has a secret family member in ever
country in the world. I wonder who Canada's was. I better ask
Ethan...And Kate...and by ask I mean beat with a stick
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Sayid asked me today if the baby was his.
WTF? I didn't even know who Sayid was until five
minutes ago! PEL says I sleep walk.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Today Sayid asked me if my baby was his...I think
Shannon gave him gonorrhea and since there's no cure he's going
mentally insane...
Love PEL
PS II sleepwalks
Dear Diary,
Sayid is bonkers. Oh damn it damn it damn it. Gone into
labour. Either that or I ate too many berries.
Love II
Dear Diary,
II ate all my flippin' berries, ha serves her right now
she's got indigestion
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Thank god it was only indigestion. Gave back PEL's
magic markers.
Love II
Dear Diary,
YUSS! GOT MY MAGIC MARKERS! Where's Sawyer...god I
hate him...
Love PEL
PS I'm worried about when II goes into labor. I'll get
to see Jack working his DR. Magic and I might not be able to keep my
hands off him
PSS Where is Charlie?
Dear Diary,
Dumb ass Charlie ran off and left me. PEL's getting a
little excited about Dr Jack showing up.
Ok that's it am never eating berries again. THAT WASNT
BERRIES
Love II
Dear Diary,
I told II she should be careful what she's eating, with
Sawyer's pups going to the bathroom where ever they please...
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Gone into labor. Charlie is a dead man. VERY, VERY DEAD
MAN
Love II
Dear Diary,
II went into labor, Jack is a sexy man, a VERY, VERY
SEXY MAN!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Bastard Charlie…gorgeous kid. Named it Ethan. He's
sooo proud. PEL jumped Jack like two seconds after he handed me my
kid.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jumped Jack, it was sweet.
Ethan junior is beautiful, Charlie still has not been
found. I suspect that we'll find his remnants some time soon
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Charlie's back. But the kid isn't his. It has
eyebrows.
Love II
PS Oh wait…that was just dirt never mind
Dear Diary,
II scared me there for a second, I thought she might
have had Boone's bastard child. Well Charlie's back but he has
competition, seems every guy in camp (save my Jack ;)) wants to help
raise the baby.
Love PEL
PS tomorrow we're having a Bachelorette with II
Dear Diary,
Loving this attention. Bachelorette starts up soon.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I get to be that person who hands II the roses,
sweeeeet!
PS OWE SINCE WHEN DO ROSES HAVE THORNS?
PSS I told Jack that I was thorny-he took it the wrong
way
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL's gone to the infirmary seems she's got thorns
in her fingers.
Jack said he needed to help her.
Damn this squealing baby wont shut up. Ethan took him
for a walk
Love II
Dear Diary,
I told Ethan before he took Ethan Jr. For a walk that a
leash wasn't needed...he didn't listen
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Ethan and Ethan Jr. are not back yet...slightly
concerned.
Love II
PS Charlie wants more kids. NO WAY IN HELL
PSS Pregnant again
Dear Diary,
II is the most fertile girl I've ever known
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL wants a mini Jack.
We could use another doctor
Love II
Dear Diary,When I said I wanted a mini Jack I didn't mean it in
that way. I was talking about the mini bottle of Jack Daniels we have in the fridge
PS I keep hearing music, could it be true? Are we
getting our own soundtrack?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
We have a theme song!
Love II
Dear Diary,
Apparently Charlie built a recording studio at the caves
when no one was looking.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
PEL offered to teach me how to play Poker. So I can
effectively loose
Love II
Dear Diary,
I had to do anything to get away from Locke's Shiny
head, I mean it's like a bug zapper for human's, it's so luscious and
it makes you want to ask "mirror mirror of Locke's head, who is
the sexiest of the undead..." So I ended up how to teach II
how to loose at poker.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Ethan and Boone have taken their relationship to the
next step. Boone's moving in with us. Did you know his eyebrows have
their own suitcase?
Love II
Dear Diary,
I woke up and there was hair everywhere. I couldn't thin
of a good explanation until II told me that Boone had moved in. Ahh
the capital of hair has crossed over tot he dark side. We're in
trouble
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Boone's still in the shower! If it weren't for Ethan I'd
unleash a can of whoop ass on his butt. Ah Ethan the things I do for
you
Love II
Dear Diary,
I went in the bathroom after Boone was done and holy
crap! There was so much hair on the bottom of that shower I could've
made a shag carpet, a parka for Sun (at Jin's request), two
backpacks, a throw pillow and a quilt.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I left the lair...The hair was beginning to strangle me.
PEL's been knitting.
Me and Polar bear went to play hide and seek with the
French lady
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm knitting a whip, so that when Boone gets to close...
Hee hee hee. II left to go find Danielle, I don't know why, it's
Thursday and she's supposed to be having supper at our place tonight.
Filet Migon, Agneau Evangeline, and French Fries. The perfect French
cuisine.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
French lady won again. Damn it. Polar bear told me a
secret. He loves PEL.
I told him to tell her of his feelings...He said can't I
just give her a dead fish. Whatever floats her boat...
Love II
Dear Diary,
I received a dead fish this morning, with an attached
not that says "luv ur seekrt admirar" Damn Boone, I thought
he was in love with Ethan?
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Polar Bear is depressed. PEL gave Boone a black Eye.
Ethan is secretly dating Charlie. Damn it Charlie! He keeps breaking
it off...Fine then...Two can play at that game…
Love II
Dear Diary,
Boone cries too much, and he always takes over the TV
during the Spanish Soap Opera's. What a little princess. Well guess
what, I'm sick and tired of it, I'll juts have to call in Danielle to
give his ass a whooping. I mean French ladies are scary, but add in
16 years of loneliness, island stench and crazy and you be playin'
with fire fool!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Charlie came back. Seems Danielle killed his boy friend.
I told him sorry, but I'm seeing Shannon.
Love II
Dear Diary,
I'm so tired of this incest island crap. Everyone is
dating everyone and I'm not getting any! Well screw them all, because one
day they'll all come crawling to me and my sexay boday and I'm not
going to! So ha! I'm becoming the nun of the island (minus all the
religious stuff)
Love PEL
PS Made a vestment and one of those hats from Boone hair
Dear Diary,
Jack showed up today, said Kate was keeping him prisner,
He was shocked to see Pel is a nun.
Love II
Dear Diary,
If I only still had my Cat of nine tails whip I'd teach
everyone who's boss. But alas no.
PS I no longer have my nun clothes, apparently Boone
hair though a delicacy is highly flammable
Love PEL
Dear Diary,Seeing as PEL's nun outfit burned..(lemme tell ya, it
was funny) her and Jack are having a 'haven't been shagged in a
while' party. So me, Ethan, and polar bear, the singles are gonna
watch Spanish soaps.
Love II
Dear diary,
I had to beat Kate off with a bat I fashioned out of
Boone hair, finally got alone with my Jack. How you ask? Simple I just
pretended I was drowning
Love PEL
Dear Diary,PEL and Jack have been in that room doing CPR for days
now.
Caught Charlie showing Shannon how to play twister. Good
for nothing bastard
Love II
Dear Diary,
II set fire to all the twister maps on the island, and
the quant lil' factory on the cove that was making them. (sigh) well
I guess it's back to fashioning everyday items out of Boone hair
PS I really wish II would give me my damn markers back!
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today I washed up on shore and passed out.
Love SWAK (super, witty and krazy)
Dear Diary,
Did not succeed in shaving of Boone's eyebrows. SWAK has
stopped me. DAMN THAT SWAK!
Love II
Dear Diary,
I saw that new girl today, SWAK was it, man she didn't
look bright at all, I mean for one thing she just talks gibberish and
another she just keeps following Boone around like little lost puppy
PS wait that was on of Sawyer's puppies
PSS I don't like her that much
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today I met some new people, I'm stuck on a pretty
island, and they seem nice
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
It is impossible to get within a two meter radius of
Boone. IMPOSSIBLE!
Bribed the polar bear with two weeks marshmallows if he
keeps her busy long enough for me to get to eyebrow boy
Love II
Dear Diary,
That SWAK girl is mighty weird, she kept talking about a
down to stairs or something? I dunno Boone seems to be the only one
dumb enough to communicate with her
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
I met a really pretty boy; he seems really nice and
super interesting
Love SWAK
PS I think he likes me
Dear Diary,
Sawyer's hurt, seems Boone and SWAK want to have
little eyebrows together... So I am babysitting the puppies.
I've been feeling to go to Las Vegas, but my probation
isn't up yet...OH SHIT that dog just peed on me!
Love II
Dear Diary,
I wish I could go to Las Vegas too, but I don't trust
Boone and SWAK on the island together, if we came back everyone's IQ
combined would be at - 500000
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I think that band guy's going out with that pregnant
girl's going out with that band guy, aren't they brother and sister?
and i think that curly haired girl is going out witht hat bald
guy...aren't they brother and sister, and I heard that Boone had sex
with Shannon and their brother and sister, I think that Korean lady
and that Korean man are going out and brother and sister
Love SWAK
PS I like Incest
Dear Diary,
PEL and I kidnapped SWAK and tied her to a tree. We left
little biscuits and lured Boone all the way to Melbourne, on our
flying elephant. There is no way out of Melbourne. Ever. Once you go
in…you never go out.
Love II
Dear Diary,
The Boone desensitizing has begun, we showed her
millions of hours in footage of Boone getting out of the water
topless, but it only seemed to make her want him more
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today we are playing a game, it's called "kidnap me
and make me watch naked hot man" I wish I had popcorn
PS this is a very fun game
PSS my hands hurt
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
Step one failed. SO we pulled out all the blankets and
jackets made out of his eyebrow hair.
OH and in other news! Shannon's adopting Ethan JR!
We're a family!
Love II
Dear Diary,
We had a luau for Shannon Ethan Jr. and II, I showed
SWAK where to steal the best food...I mean catch the best fish...
Then I taught her how to get a piggy back ride from Hurley without
him knowing it.
PS I miss my bed comforter of Boone hair.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Some chick just had a baby named Ethan Jr. Seems really
big for a new born. Today i found a butterfly, and I chased it all
the way up the hill, when I caught it I called it Boone, after my
long lost lover. Then it died by flaming Boone hair comforters
PS I'm hungry
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
Ethan Jr. looks like Ethan. Am very worried. Shannon's
having an asthma attack, I'm screaming, and I think Boone got out of
Melbourne.
Love II
PS HOW THE HELL DID HE GET OUT OF MELBOURNE!
Dear Diary,
Sun administered that eucalyptus crap with her hands of
healing or whatever to Shannon. She's taking a breather now.
I heard Ethan went out to Melbourne to save Boone
because some crazy girl kept beating him at Mortal Kombat
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today I found out I was good at Mortal Kombat. I like
that characters who does those things with their stuff. Some ugly guy
told me to stop playing. I want cheese
PS my ears hurt
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
Broke it off with Shannon...PEL was all happy because
Jack had to play doctor today, when Ethan Jr fell over and broke his
bones.
I told him that you break other peoples bones...not your
own. A couple of concepts to pick up there...
Love II
Dear Diary,
Jack got to play doctor, he was like "Yeah I am the
Sexy!" but then Locke came and went "NO ME" and stole
Jack's sexy all away. It's a good thing I had some in reserve.
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today I went around and felt people's heads. This is
what I have so far: Locke's goes "Eeee Eeee", Jack's goes
"Krh Krh" (but some nice girl came along and tried to use
me as a baseball) and my favorite is Sawyer's that goes "Whoosh."
I think I'm going to make a song
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
SWAK got that Eee Eee Krh Krh Whoosh song stuck in my
head. In other news Hurley ate Ethan Jr.
Love II
Dear Diary,
When Ethan Jr. passed through Hurley's system we will
have a memorial
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
I finally made my new song it goes a little like this...
"Oh Boone" Eee Eee "My Boone" Eee
Eee "You have eyebrows" Krh Krh "As big as the moon"
Krh Krh "But I still love you " Eee Eee " for you are
my Boone" Whoosh
Love SWAK
Dear Diary,
DAMN BOONE …SWAK is at the point of no return, making
up songs about Boone...I remember when I passed that point with
Ethan...a happy day.
Ethan is very sad we discovered that he was in Las Vegas
to...so Ethan Jr's parentage is explained.
Love II
Dear Diary,
Today Me, II and SWAK went out on the mission to find
Danielle. We sent the polar bear after her sometime ago but he
frighteningly did not return.
PS Friggin' SWAK and her Boone songs seems she's felt
more people's hair
Love PEL
Dear Diary,
Today I felt more people's hair this is what I
discovered: Michael's goes "Boing Boing" (like a bunny) and
Jin's goes "Ewww" and Hurley's goes "Loop Loop"
and Sayid goes " Ekeh Ekeh" I think it's time for more
songs!
Love SWAK