Negative
Chapter Seven: Back to the Stronghold We Goes
"So Beatrix..."
"Just let me pee."
"What's goin' on"
"I'm TRYING to PEE"
"...So Beatrix..."
"Oh for Christ's sake"
"... I can see your pubic hair"
"Oh my God that's IT"
Something tells me that inviting the bazillion plus characters into this game wasn't a good idea. We passed BloodRayne and Alucard duking it out just because they wanted their share of the Sarafan, we saw a million guys from Vice City shooting up and blowing up the place with AK-47's and grenade launchers, and to make it better, some crazy ninja chick stole Miku's herbal medicine. We found her some time later throwing it all up. And we had to stop for a pee-break for Beatrix... so far this trip wasn't turning out very well, espcieally considering Raziel had to eat half of the freakin' ghosts in Fatal Frame.
"Hey…" Miku tapped me on the shoulder. "How come you don't have a shirt on?"
You know, it wasn't until she reminded me that I forgot I was running around in my bra.
"I was stabbed in the shoulder but some psycho bitch and had to use it for pressure… besides, it's probably ten sizes too small now." I responded.
When Beatrix zipped up her suit and was done taking a whiz, she socked me in the back of the head for being an ass. Yeah, I deserved it, so I didn't say anything mean back to her and rubbed my head. Raziel came back after another nice long fight with Miss Broken Neck, who randomly popped up everywhere we fucking went. He growled as he approached us.
"Shall we carry on?" he growled.
"I'm not swimming through that damn thing again!" I snapped. Raziel crossed his arms.
"How do you suppose we return to the Stronghold then" he growled. I cracked my neck and looked up.
"Sis... put in your stupid X-Men Evolution DVD. I know I hate that fucking show, but we could use Nightcrawler for this one."
Raziel and Beatrix looked at me oddly. Miku didn't look surprised. Suddenly a guy came charging in wearing a weird ass costume and punched Raziel in the chest with metal claws coming out of his fist. That was enough to make all four of us scream at the randomness. Raziel then responded by stabbing him with the wraith blade and devouring his soul. Then the little blue guy tried to sneak up on the Emo-Man, but Beatrix charged over and grabbed him by the tail. I followed.
"Hey, we need you for like, two seconds. Transport all of us to the Sarafan Stronghold so we don't have to SWIM our way there, and all will be good." I said.
Of course Nightcrawler wasn't going to cooperate, up until Raziel threatened him with the Wraith Blade. Then he cooperated. We all touched him and he disappeared... and then we all landed in the lake infront of the Stronghold. Go figure. So we swim over to the cliffs where I first appeared and Raziel said he had some unfinished business to attend to, so he left us there while he ran off into the Light Forge. I looked over at Beatrix, Miku and Nightcrawler.
"So... anybody up for a game of Bullshit" I asked, just as the Pacman came flying by, falling into the lake, and chasing a fish. Everybody gave their own classic v v face at that.
"I'm taking a nap." Beatrix hissed.
"I'll be on the look out for ghosts." Miku said.
"I'm going after your friend." Nightcrawler stated.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. He'll get around faster with your teleportation shit." I said, then sat down, kicking my feet in the water.
Beatrix walked over towards the cliff and laid down on it, hoping to get some shut eye while Miku paced around the place with her camera. Nightcrawler disappeared. And... we just waited. And waited some more. And... yeah. Eventually I found myself leaping into the lake and swimming around, humming "Stories to Tell" from the Trigun Soundtrack out of the clear blue sky. So far things were starting to look up. Traveling with Emo-Man sucked, but as long as Miku, The Bride and Nightcrawler were here for the trip, hell, all looked good to me! before fifteen minutes were up, Raziel and Nightcrawler appeared back near the cliffs, Raziel weilding the Light Reaver this time.
"Did you have to come back so soon? I was enjoying my nap while it lasted." Beatrix muttered. Miku ran over towards the newcomers and I swam in.
"What are you gonna do with that" she asked, looking at the reaver. Raziel looked up at a great big door with a pink crystal and took aim.
"I'm going to open the door." he said, then fired energy from the Reaver onto the crystal.
Bigger then shit the doors opened up. Usually we would have to swim in, but hey, we have Nightcrawler, right? He just teleports us in. Yup... so here we are, the happy bunch. I'm soaked and squeaky, Miku's paranoid as shit, the Bride is confused and Nightcrawler doesn't know what the fuck is going on. So yeah... we walk through the Stronghold. We run into guards. Beatrix cuts there weapons right in half with her Hattori Hanzo sword and then sends them running for cover. We run into another battle with like eight other guards and Nightcrawlers pulls these badass moves like he did in the X-Men 2 movie. We open a door. Blinded appears. We all scream. Miku takes a photo. Problem solved. So... we keep moving. And we end up in this great big room and end up in another room.
THERE IS A FUCKING CORPSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
"Oh THAT's pleasant..." I mutter as Miku tries to keep herself from gagging. Raziel shakes his head.
"Show yourself, Kain." he growls. Beatrix looks over and sees Kain in William's tomb and yells something along the lines of "LOOK AT THAT BIG FUCKER" or something similar. Kain... gave her a weird look.
"I see you've made a small army of your own, Raziel." Kain said. Raziel shook his head in annoyance, and Kain turned his head back towards me. "Pleasure seeing you again, young lady."
I gave him a peace sign. "Groovy baby."
Kain chuckled then he and Raziel started talking. Then... they started giving history lessons. Then they started yelling. Then something was going on that I really didn't care about because it was taking too long. So I just turned around and started walking away. After about five minutes of watching the nonsense, Beatrix rose an eyebrow as well and followed after me. Miku shivered, then followed. Nightcrawler was the only person who stayed behind. "We blue guys gotta stick together", it would seem. I dont' care. So we walk around... and we walk some more. Then we go into this one room that has a bunch of pictures of Vorador. And guess who's there!
"Where is Raziel"
"Oh I'm so happy to see you too, asshole! How's your nose"
"Hold your tongue"
Yup. It was Moebius. I stomped my way towards him and he did the same, both of us giving each other the meanest looks ever.
"What are you doing here without Raziel? AND WHO ARE THEY" he shrieked. I growled.
"All's not going according to plan, is it? Now would you mind telling me why you PULLED ME INTO THIS FUCKING GAME" I shouted.
"I'd like to know too, Grandpa" Beatrix snapped. Moebius ignored her.
"You are impossible! I thought you would enjoy my gift of the freedom to alter this world and it's history as you see fitting and you don't like it in the least bit! You were correct, I SHOULD HAVE chosen your sister" he shouted, sticking his face close to mine.
I stuck my face closer. "YEAH! MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE! NOW TAKE ME HOME YOU FUCKING LIZARD" I snapped.
"Don't call me a lizard you sow"
"PIG"
"DOG"
"SNAKE"
"HAG"
"RAISIN"
"Raisin"
"YEAH, RAISEN"
We glared at each other. We growled at each other. Had this been an anime you would've seen those electrical sparks build up between us. We were too pissed to notice that Raziel and Nightcrawler had walked in.
Then suddenly... the most random thing in the world happened. Well really, most random thing to happen in this game besides Wolverine punching Raziel. In fact it was so random... it made... randomness look logical. I guess.
Moebius and I moved our faces in close and we made out.
Yes. We made out. Lips on lips. Tongue on tongue. And only one noise was heard after that happened. Beatrix, Raziel, Miku, and Nightcrawler, all together made this one sound:
"...EEEWWWW"
That was enough to make mine and Moebius's eyes snap open and to pull away from each other. Moebius made an odd face. I gave a glare.
"Damnit! Damnit Damnit Damnit" I growled. He lifted an eyebrow.
"I liked it too..." he said with sarcasm. I wheeled on him.
"That isn't funny" I snapped.
...Then we made out again.
Raziel, already tired with the making out, grabbed me by the shoulder and threw me across the room, then grabbed ahold of Moebius. He started yelling at him, then other stuff happened, then we were all taken into this one Time Streaming room where we were supposed to go somewhere. And before we left, Moebius moved pass me. And we made out again. Beatrix socked him in the head, called him a pedophiliac asshole, and then he was on his merry way as Raziel turned the handles of the the thing and the Time Streaming Device began to work. Then the room filled up with an odd color that stunk like hell, and I turned over towards Nightcrawler.
"Did you fart or something" I muttered.
"It's probably your breath from making out with the old man." he snapped.
"Shut the fuck up."