Memory was a funny thing. It stubbornly kept Kakashi awake when he should've fallen asleep hours ago. For some reason, his mind had latched on to a particular event following Sasuke's chuunin elimination match with the Sound ninja. After performing the jutsu to seal Orochimaru's curse on Sasuke's back, and after Kabuto's attempt on the boy's life. Kakashi had taken to watching over Sasuke's hospital room and, knowing this, the nurse easily found him and requested his assistance in carrying her patient to the bath. Kakashi remembered how easy it was, once all the various tubes and wires were removed, to scoop the boy up in his arms. Sasuke was nearly thirteen then, but he felt much too light for his build. He had thought, at the time, that with the weight of the tragedy that befell the Uchiha family constantly bearing down on the narrow shoulders, that Sasuke would be a bit, well, heavier. But no, Sasuke never shared his burden. Still, Kakashi remembered how the boy, blind with the bandages wrapped over his eyes and a little drowsy from the drugs, had wrapped his arms instinctively around the older man's neck. How his small forehead had slipped perfectly, naturally, to rest in the hollow of the jounin's neck.
It's funny how the little things are remembered in one's mind. How only afterwards one becomes aware of the joy those fleeting moments possessed. The silent promises that were made. And Sasuke had trusted him so completely then. It made Kakashi wonder for the millionth time in the past three years how things would've played out if he'd done more with that trust.
A cool night breeze brushed against his face as he heard the soft click of his hospital window open and then close again.
His eyes opened slowly, the night sky now blocked from his view by the visitor at his bedside. "I thought you might come... Itachi."
In the darkness, he could not see the Uchiha's face. Even if he could, Kakashi doubted he could read the younger man's face. Kakashi closed his eyes again and sighed. "So you've been watching too?"
"I have my sources."
Silence had always been a common friend to them. Tonight, it took its usual place between the two and waited. Most of the time, it was Kakashi who would break the balance by speaking first. Only a handful of times had Itachi taken the initiative to do so. But once, a long time ago, something else had broken Silence. It had been Kakashi who had made the move then. Tonight, it would be Itachi.
He could not afford to have anyone care for him. His reasons for leaving back then were that simple. Why couldn't anyone see that? Sasuke stood in the dim entrance of the place he had once called home and hated it even more. Home was supposed to be where the heart was, and his heart had died here. So had his hopes, his dreams, his happiness.
His family.
The forsaken memories filled the place, haunted the hallways. But the hope... that lost hope... was the most painful of all the ghosts. Sasuke had protected himself from it with hate and loneliness. They were safe. He had focused on those feelings, molded his life around them, and they had never hurt him. Not in the way hope could. But that man he had once called his teacher - he was trying to bring it back. He was making Sasuke feel what he swore he could never allow himself to feel again, and it had almost cost him his life. It had been the same with Naruto. Everyone who ever tried to get close to him...
Sasuke slammed his fist into the wall in frustration. The wood splintered easily as his arm went through the thin wall. "Damn you!" he hissed through gritted teeth.
If he could choose, he would still prefer the pain of spilt blood over the slightest feeling of hope any day. Because if it was somehow cruelly taken away from him again, Sasuke knew he would not survive.
But he couldn't choose anymore, because that man had interfered and made the choice for him. Was that selfish bastard even aware of the magnitude of his actions? Sasuke withdrew his now bloody hand from the hole in the wall and held it to his chest.
"Hatake Kakashi..." he cursed. He prayed. Do you know that you've condemned me?
Sitting casually on the window seat, one leg bent to rest his arm on, the other stretched the length of the frame, Itachi was at first unrecognizable to Kakashi. Illuminated by a cloudless night sky, Kakashi could now see that the Uchiha was wearing neither his large Akatsuki cloak nor scratched forehead protector. Instead, he wore a simple t-shirt and pants with his hair hung loose and free over his shoulder. This was how Itachi had slipped undetected into the village and into his room. He laughed internally when he thought about what the ANBUs assigned to watch the hospital must have concluded when they saw the rather lithe, nimble figure with flowing dark hair climb into the room. Even now, Itachi mocked the ANBU hidden in the shadows surrounding the building by sitting in plain view, his head bowed just low enough for his hair to conceal his full face. Slowly, he drew a small wooden instrument from his pocket and held it to his lips.
A soft, sweet melody permeated the silent darkness. Quiet at first, as if it were a creature gently being awoken from a long slumber. Kakashi knew the sound intimately. It was similar to the one he had played to Sasuke several nights ago. But then, had he not taught the older Uchiha that song too? But his solo, though it carried the same sense of loneliness and what could only be described as a haunting melancholy, was tinged with something darker. More anguished.
As expected of a young man who was skilled in everything he did, Itachi played so that every note of his tragic ballad was hit with marked precision. Almost playful yet mourning, fleeting like a summer breeze yet possessing an inherent strength. So beautiful, so assuring, and yet so profoundly sad. It stirred something deep within the soul and gave goosebumps to everyone who heard it.
But only the two men in that hospital room knew why such a song, when they played it, resonated so powerfully in others. Only they knew how the music gave voice to souls that longed to be heard.
Itachi stopped suddenly and hopped gracefully from the window, back to Kakashi's bed side. "He's coming," he said simply. Kakashi nodded and raised his hand, just slow enough for Itachi to pull away if he wanted, to tuck some of the dark silky hair behind his ear. Blood red eyes darkened beneath the loose bangs that partially concealed the young man's face. "The next time we meet," Itachi spoke, not bothering to mask the regret in his voice, "will be to fight."
Kakashi's hand fell quietly back to his side and he closed his eyes. "I understand," he whispered sadly. He felt the cool night air brush against his skin as the window opened once more.
Itachi spared one final glance back at the jounin. "He's grown stronger," he spoke softly as a shadow appeared in the hallway. "Kakashi, I hold you to your promise."
And as quietly as he slipped in, the true Uchiha heir melted back into the darkness.
"Kakashi!"
The man turned his head just in time to see the younger Uchiha burst into the room. Both eyes glowed with the power of the sharingan, glaring first at the window and then at the white haired man sitting up in bed. "Where is he?" he demanded, his eyes narrowing as he glanced back at the window. Sasuke ran towards it.
Kakashi raised his hand in warning as the boy passed the foot of his bed. "Sasuke, wait." From the corner of his eye, he saw several blurry shadows move swiftly in pursuit. The ANBU won't catch him, he thought. And neither will you. Not yet. "You're not ready to go after him again."
Sasuke snorted in disgust, but relaxed his fist and made his way reluctantly to the bed side. For the second time that evening, Kakashi felt a pair of blood red eyes scan the length of his body. "I'm fine," he assured his young ward.
"What was he doing here?"
Kakashi sighed and brought a hand to his forehead. What was he doing here? "I'm not sure." A second passed before he let his arm fall back to his side and his eyes met Sasuke's. The sharingan no longer glowed beneath the unruly bangs. "What are you doing here?" he asked softly.
Sasuke lowered his eyes. "I heard the music."
I came to see you.
Kakashi studied the profile of the younger Uchiha against the clear night sky. The resemblance to his brother was striking. "You've grown strong." Sasuke looked up, and their gaze held. "He wanted me to tell you that."
He watched carefully as the expression on Sasuke's face fell and he turned longingly, unconsciously, towards the window. His voice was distant when he spoke. "He said that, huh?" Kakashi noted how the boy's hands curled into fists once more. A bitter chuckle escaped his lips, chilling the older man's blood. "The words I wanted him to say..." Sasuke looked down at his clenched fists and willed them open. He stared at his palms as they shook ever so slightly. How much blood had he spilt to hear those words? How much more was needed to hear it from his own lips? "I don't know anymore," his voice betrayed a desperation.
Two larger hands folded over his own and pulled Sasuke closer to the bed. Kakashi laid his and Sasuke's hands against his chest and caught the younger man's eyes in a steady gaze. "Sasuke," he called in a smooth, deep voice. He felt a shiver involuntarily course through the Uchiha's body. "Sasuke," he called again, and this time the young man's eyes cleared long enough to return the steady gaze. Kakashi reached up and brushed at the unruly bangs once more. His fingers lingered momentarily to trace the delicate Uchiha jawline.
The hand then folded once more over Sasuke's own, keeping him close, as the dark eyes hardened and continued their silent scrutiny. Sasuke did not know how to react to the jounin's strange gesture. "Why?" he managed to whisper as yet another shiver coursed involuntarily through his body.
Why do I feel this way?
"Because you love him, " Kakashi stated simply, watching as the younger man's eyes widened in surprise.
"No." Sasuke began to pull away. "That's impossible."
"There is no shame in loving your brother."
Sasuke's whole body visibly trembled with denial. "You're wrong! How could I? After all he --"
Something clicked in his mind at that moment, and all of a sudden Sasuke couldn't fight. Denying the truth to oneself for nearly half a lifetime was one thing. Denying the truth before another person who somehow figured it out was another. A single tear rolled traitorously down his cheek.
Father. Mother. I'm sorry.
Kakashi let go and watched as the young man fell backwards, his shoulders slamming hard against the wall. How could it be that after all this time, after all he'd been through, the person he cursed at night was still the one person dearest to his heart? Where did that hate begin and the love end? It really didn't matter now. The truth he'd been running from all this time had finally caught up to him and could no longer be denied. I've betrayed everyone and sacrificed everything for you, brother.
As he slid to a sitting position against the wall, a familiar head of white-hair appeared before him and drew him into a dark, comforting embrace. There was simply no will left in Sasuke to resist. He'd been fighting so hard and for so long that in that moment, his entire body yielded completely to the older man. He was just. So. Tired.
Kakashi stumbled back a little as the young Uchiha collapsed into his arms. For once, Sasuke was heavier than he expected, and he was glad. It meant that he finally trusted Kakashi enough to share his burden.Lips brushed lightly against the young man's ear. "It is not a crime to love your family." Kakashi tightened his grasp on the fragile creature in his arms to try and still the trembling. "Sasuke..."
I made this promise a long time ago.
"You don't have to run anymore."
Author's Note: Here I attempted to answer some questions. The key word, of course, being attempted. In doing so, I fear I may have actually raised a few more and quite possibly suckered myself into sentimentality and a bit of OOC-nees. At any rate, I'm pleased with what came out. Hope you were too. pets poor broken Sasuke I'll probably be able to wrap this up in the next chapter.