Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song 'Falling Away With You', which is owned and written by Muse.
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I can't remember when it was good
Moment of happiness elude
Maybe I just misunderstood
He still watched her. He loved her. He couldn't stop. So he watched. He'd taken to finishing dinner early and going out to stand in the Entrance Hall, sometimes hoping she'd come out to see him. Every minute his mind flickers back to the whispered sentence he'd heard coming down the stairs. Her voice, saying the words "I love you, Draco Malfoy." The words burned into his being. But it wasn't a particularly good thought. Happiness seemed to run from him in all he did.
All of the love we left behind
Watching the flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find
He thought about everything they had given up. He thought about how they gave up each other, gave up on love. Every moment he thought about the scant minutes they had been talking. Every moment he wished he'd been brave enough to admit he loved her. But he also tried to push the memories back and every day it got harder to remember.
So I'll love whatever you become
And forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun
He knew she was going to be an Auror. He knew she knew he would take the Dark Mark. Whether she knew it wasn't willingly, he didn't know. But with every gaze they traded, he hoped she would somehow feel that he would never harm her, not intentionally. The Headmaster made a speech about youth and its ideas one night that stuck him oddly. He thought about asking her to run away with him, to start over, to become someone else with him. But he knew she wouldn't come.
And I'll feel my world crumbling
I've feel my life crumbling
I'll feel my soul crumbling
And falling away
Falling away with you
And then one day his world fell apart. He was standing in the Entrance Hall, hoping for her to come out. She did, and for a few moments, it was just them in the world with no one else. It was broken when her dark-haired friend came out and spoke to her, smiling, saying sweet, loving things. And then the unthinkable happened: the dark-haired one leaned down and kissed her on her lips. He stared at the pair in shock and fury came over him. When they separated, and the dark-haired one left, she stared at him, looking straight into his eyes and the world fell away again. But this time he broke the moment just as she stepped forward. He turned around and strode down the stairs to his dormitory where he would take a shower, where he could cry without anyone knowing.
Staying awake to chase a dream
Tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
He dreamed of her that night. He woke up sweat-soaked and panting, the images still vivid in his mind. He lay there the rest of the night trying to fall back into the dream, to finish what had been started, to stare into her face for the entire night. But when morning dawned and he hadn't slept again, he swore never to forget the dream; never to forget the one time they'd talked, which would probably be the only time.
Promise to hold you close and pray
All of the hopes we cherished fade
Making the same mistakes again
Making the same mistakes again
He continued to see her and her dark-haired friend together, holding hands and kissing, which made him so angry he couldn't stand to look at her. But sometimes he cheered when he saw them kissing and her eyes were wide open, staring at him past her boyfriend's head, a longing deep in her eyes. But he knew it was a mistake, a horrible one, to love her. It was something that would get him killed if anyone ever knew, most especially his father.
And I'll feel my world crumbling
I've feel my life crumbling
I'll feel my soul crumbling
And falling away
Falling away with you
So when he heard she was engaged to her boyfriend, he started to make plans. He contacted friends of his mother who he knew hated his father. He made a new identity. It would be the end of his school career in two days and he planned on leaving immediately. He had no life here, not with her, and not with Death Eaters. He knew there was no one who would want him to stay, except maybe her. And he couldn't stay for anyone, especially her. He couldn't give in; he wouldn't. As he stepped onto the train to leave school for good, he hoped, in his heart of hearts, that she would beg him to stay.
All of the love we've left behind
Watching the flashbacks intertwined
Memories I will never find
Memories I will never find
When the train arrived at the station, he planned to wait until no one was left on the platform to Apparate away. But as everyone exited the train in a milling mass, his compartment door slid open and she stood there, staring at him.
"You're leaving." It sounded like a statement, but from the expression on her face, it was an accusation.
"Yes," he said, turning towards the window. "There's nothing for me here."
A hand touched his forearm. He twitched. "What about me?" she asked quietly.
He turned to look at her. "What about you?" he asked, trying not to be too harsh. She looked taken-aback. "You're marrying him. I know. Everyone knows. It's not something you can escape. And there's no life for me here." He fell silent and looked out the window again.
"We could always be together, even if I am with Harry," she said hesitantly.
"And what's Potter going to think when all of his children turn up with blonde hair and a sarcastic side the size of Russia?" he asked, laughing bitterly. "I don't want to be the 'man on the side', surely you know that."
"I don't love him," she pleaded. He looked into her eyes, which were filling with tears. "Please, don't leave me."
"If I don't leave," he said, "I'll become a Death Eater. It's inevitable. I don't want to hurt you, nor your… friends. No matter how much I loathe them." His expression softened. "You could always come with me," he offered.
She shook her head tearfully. "No. I can't leave them. They need me."
"Then we're at a standstill," he said, bitterness seeping into his voice. "I need you, they need you. You need me, you can't leave them. But one thing's certain."
"What?" she whispered, wiping a tear from under her eye.
"I'm leaving." He picked up his trunk and his owl and walked past her and got off the train, making sure the platform was clear enough first.
"No!" she exclaimed, running after him as he walked to the least crowded area, preparing to Apparate. "No, you can't! You can't leave!" She started to sob.
He set down his luggage and glanced around before pulling her behind a pillar and putting his arms around her, savoring the smell of her and the feel of her against him. "I have to," he said quietly into her ear.
"You're never coming back?" she whispered against his chest.
He kissed the top of her head and let her go. He gave her a small smile before saying, "Maybe someday. But not soon. Not until the war's over."
"How will I get in contact with you?" she asked, wiping the tears off as they came down her face.
"I'll reach you," he said, pretending to fiddle with his trunk. "When you go on your honeymoon, make sure it's somewhere in Europe. I should be able to find you."
She laughed shortly, blinking at the shining ring on her finger. "If I get married, you mean."
He snapped the trunk closed and turned to her. "Get married. Have a life. Don't become a recluse because I'm not here. Someday I'll come back and we can be together. But just try to live. And remember," he said, tilting her chin up so their eyes met, "I love you." He kissed her then. It was a short kiss, but it was full of his love for her, and her love for him. And when they separated moments later, he smiled at her, nodded, and was gone with a small popping noise.
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A/N: Songcookie originally written for the S.S. Leather & Libraries at