Disclaimer: I disclaim
Summary/Spoilers: See first chapter
Notes: I just wanted to say thank you to those who left reviews and to: KryceksAngelDiva- yes I realize the prologue is lacking in emotion, it's only a prologue and I do apologize for what it is lacking.. Emotions were kept brief for the prologue because it was merely that, a prologue. Just something to set the stage. I'm not trying to sound defensive, just trying to explain things. I appreciate the C.C. more than you know.
…….
Chapter 1: All In My Head
While Trish, Lisa and Lillian were more than eager to see Jeff; Randy, John, Jay and Chris lingered towards the back of the cluster. But then they realized, when the blonde Canadian Diva was ready to enter the hospital room- Jay was nowhere in sight. Chris frowned a touch, letting them all know that he was going to look for the missing individual in their party. At that, Trish nodded, indicating that that they would all be here when he came back. As it were, the blonde Canadian wrestler had a harder trek before him than he thought. Chris had half expected to find Jay in the lobby, or even perhaps in the stairwell. But he was not, and thus Chris exited the hospital to continue his search. First he checked the parking lot, and when that turned up with nothing; he continued to check the outer perimeter of the hospital building. It wasn't until he turned the corner did he find his friend; his back pressed tightly against the wall. His face held in his hands, shoulders slumped.
"Jay?"
"Just leave Chris."
"Look, man, I know-"
"Chris, just go away."
"Jay," Chris inwardly sighed, his arms crossing over his chest as he stood before him. "You aren't the only one who-"
"I know that Chris," his hands slipped from his face; bloodshot eyes glancing upwards. "I know I'm not the only who's worried, I know I'm not the only one who's lost something. But can you just go away?"
A small frown creased at the corners of his mouth, "Hell no, I'm not leaving here without you."
"Damn it Irvine, just go away and leave me alone!"
"Look Reso, we're all worried about Jeff, we're all worried about Amy, we're all worried about what this is going to do Gil, but-"
"Just go away! Amy is fine, Jeff is fine!" Jay shook his head, his hands fisting tightly in his hair. "Matt is fine! He's sitting at home, with Jeff and Amy. He's gonna show up later, and say 'ha ha, I can't believe you all fell for it.' Matt is fine!"
A short sigh escaped Chris's mouth, the blonde man forcing himself to stay calm. "Jay, dude.. Matt's gone."
"No he's not, Chris. Matt is fine."
Chris raked a hand through his hair, "Jay, come on .. You gotta come with me. We're waiting to see Jeff."
Jay shook his head, "Don't you get it? Jeff is at home. I already told you that, he's at HOME."
Chris knelt down, "Jay.."
"Leave me alone Chris!"
Chris gritted his teeth, "I already told you man, I'm not leaving this spot without you."
"We shouldn't even be here Chris, Matt .. Jeff, they're probably waiting for us."
"Jay-"
"They're waiting for us, I know it. Lisa and Trish .. They're lying, this is all a joke. Just a sick, twisted joke."
Chris fell silent, his head bowing slightly.
"Jeff is fine, Matt is fine. Amy's laughing it all up with them."
"Matt is gone."
"NO HE'S NOT!" Jay clutched at the ends of his hair, "Matt is fine."
"Jay, dude, you have to accept it .. Matt is gone."
"If he really is gone, how the hell can you be so calm?" Jay snapped then, his eyes glinting accusingly, "How the hell can you be so calm? He was your friend too wasn't he? How can Trish be so fucking calm?"
"You think I'm not hurting?"
"You sure as hell aren't acting like it."
Chris grasped his friend's shoulders. "Jay, snap out of it! Matt is gone, there's nothing-"
Jay wrenched away from the grip, "You're lying Chris. Matt is fine, just fine. Matt is fine."
"Matt's-"
"At home," Jay looked to the side, "We shouldn't even be here, we have no reason to be here. They're going to leave without us."
"Jay-"
"We should leave… they're waiting for us."
"Jason.."
"They're waiting for us Chris," darkened blue eyes snapped back to the man in question, "They're waiting for us."
"Jay.." Chris shook his head, "Jeff is up in that hospital room, Amy's in-"
"At home." Jay turned his face away again, "they're at home.. Waiting for us."
"Matt is gone," Chris ground out through clenched teeth, "He's gone Jay."
"No he's not!" Jason's eyes snapped dangerously, "HE'S NOT GONE!"
"Jay-"
"Shut up Chris, I'm not listening to your lies. Matt is fine! Jeff is fine, Amy is fine, this is just a joke .. A dream, .. It's all a dream.."
"Jay-"
"Go away Chris, I have to leave, someone has to meet them .. Tell them we're on our way."
"As your friend, Jay-"
"If you're my friend, why are you lying to me?" Jay's body started to rock slowly, his legs curling before him. "You're lying, you .. Trish and Lisa. You're lying."
A low sigh escaped the Long Island native, "Jay, come on .. They're waiting for us upstairs and-"
"Just go away."
Chris shook his head, moving so he was sitting next to him. "Jay, you-"
"You need to leave ME alone! You need to STOP lying to me."
Chris opened his mouth to speak, but cut himself short when another body appeared on the scene.
"Son," Gilbert Hardy stood before the two, his eyes focused blankly on Chris. "Just leave him be."
Jay's eyes snapped to the source of the voice, "They're lying to us Gil, it's all lies.. Just lies. Matt is fine, and so is Jeff .. And Amy's with them, we still need to call Adam and let him know that there's still time for him to join us on the camping trip."
Chris sighed, "Jay-"
"Son," Gilbert shook his head, "leave him be."
The blonde man just shook his head, his own emotions boiling just beneath the surface. Yes he was mad, yes he was concerned and yes .. He felt an overwhelming sense of loss, hell Matt was his friend too. Part of him wanted to believe it was all just a dream, that they would wake up any moment now and see Matt's face, see Jeff's smile and Amy rolling her eyes. Part of him wanted to believe that Matt would be with them any minute now, to say the joke was on them. But they needed to be strong for Jeff, they needed to be strong for Amy..
"Son, come take a walk with me." Gilbert's attention fixated on the still rocking body, "Jay.."
"It's just a dream, just a bad dream .."
Chris raked his hands through his hair, moving from his spot on the wall then. He glanced back over his shoulder, his steps slow as he made his way back inside the hospital.
"Only a dream," Jay's voice continued to rasp, "It's only a dream, I just have to wake up."
"Jason," Gilbert's voice was low, his own eyes bloodshot, "Jason, come on son, take a walk with me."
"We have to see Matt," Jay glanced up to the elder man, "Matt's at home, we have to see Matt."
"Son.." Gilbert rubbed his hands over his forearms, "let's take a walk."
"Only a dream.."
………
The elder man waited, stood off to the side until the blonde Canadian moved from his spot against the wall. In silence, they walked along the perimeter of the hospital building. Jay keeping close contact with the surface of the wall, his shirt catching on a few rough spots as they walked. The blonde man kept to himself, withdrawn from the world .. In the same state as he had been when Chris had found him. It was only a dream, just a sick and twisted dream. Matt, Jeff and Amy were all fine. It was a mistake, his friends were fine. They were at the hospital for nothing. Jeff was sitting on his front porch, Matt would be with him .. And Amy too. They'd all be laughing about how they pulled off the best joke in history. A twisted, demented joke, but a joke none the less. They were fine. They had to be. None the less, they walked on in silence, circling the building twice before they went back inside. Neither man uttered a word, content or seemingly so, in the silence of their sorrow. For his part, Chris made his way back upstairs; the blonde man met with the sight of Lisa and Lillian sitting in the waiting room. Two others had joined them in his absence, the slumped and dejected form of Shane Helms being held close by the blonde ring announcer. Chris glanced towards the hospital room, making his way over there only to stop in his tracks. Shannon Moore was currently in there, along with Trish. From the looks of things, Jeff was still asleep while Shannon was keeping a vigil over his friend.
Chris lingered in the doorway, waiting until Trish had acknowledged his presence. "Jay's .."
"Where is Jay?" Trish wiped away a few tears with the back of her hand, "Chris? Why isn't Jay with you?"
The blonde man sighed, "Why don't you give Shannon some privacy and-"
The Canadian Diva nodded, gently squeezing Jeff's hand before she moved from the hospital chair.
"Jay.." Chris began, the two walking past the group in the waiting room, only to turn the corner. "Jay's not taking this very well.." 'understatement of the year' "He's with Gil."
"Well," Trish sniffled, "Matt and Jeff.. They're like family to him and-"
"I know that," Chris raked a hand over his hair, "Jay doesn't want to believe that Matt's gone.. That Jeff is just down that hallway, that Amy's at the hospital in Durham. He keeps talking about how, we have to leave .. They're all waiting at Matt's house or Jeff's house.." he shook his head, "It's like he's gone Trish, I mean he keeps saying that we're lying to him and-."
"Jay's hurting.." Trish stated quietly, "which is understandable and he should be but-"
"And I'm not? And Shane and Shannon are perfectly okay with this?" Chris slumped down, leaning heavily against the wall. "And Gil is just going to walk away from this like nothing happened? You're telling me that, when Adam finds out .. He's going to be okay with this? That's bullshit Trish."
The Diva sighed, "I'm not saying you guys are okay with this, I'm not saying that everyone is going to be fine… it's just, we need to be strong and-"
"How?" Chris whispered brokenly, his own eyes bloodshot now. "How are we going to be strong, huh? Matt's .. he's never coming back.. Matt's gone.." the blonde man's shoulders slumped dejectedly, "he's gone.."
"Chris-"
"Just leave Trish," his head bowed, knees drawn to his chest, his arms wrapping protectively around his legs. "Just leave."
The Diva bit her lower lip, tentatively reaching out a hand. "Chris-"
Chris jerked away from the touch, "Go away," he hid his head in the crook of his arms. "Just go away."
"You need-"
"I need to be left alone, alright?" his voice faltered then, his shoulders rising and falling with a heavy sigh. "So just leave me alone and go away."
Trish blinked through the tears, "It's okay to cry Chris.."
"Just leave, please."
Her head bowed, the blonde Diva complying reluctantly with his wishes. She wanted desperately to help him, but he wouldn't let her. They were all hurting right now, not just from the states of Amy and Jeff, but the overwhelming fact: Matt was gone.
Lisa glanced up through a curtain of raven locks, the woman seeking out two forms only to be met with the sight of one .. "Where's Chris?"
Trish glanced back to the corner, "Chris wanted some time alone."
"And Jay?"
A sigh escaped the blonde Diva, Trish slumping into a nearby chair. "According to Chris.." she paused to wipe away her tears, "Jay's with Gilbert right now."
The raven haired Diva nodded, "I can't.."
"I know Lisa.." Trish smiled half heartedly, "he lost his son.. Jeff's laying in that hospital bed."
"Matt.." a broken voice whispered, the two women turning their eyes to Lillian and Shane. "Matt cain't be gone.."
Lisa sighed, "How's Shannon?"
"The same," Trish whispered then, "hasn't said a word .. He's just sitting there.. Like no one else is here, I mean, he's watching Jeff, but I don't know if he can see Jeff.."
The California resident nodded, "I think .. I'm going to get a cup of coffee or something.."
The blonde Diva nodded in turn, lifting herself mechanically from the chair. "I'll go with you .. I could use a change of scenery or whatever.."
Lisa nodded, draping an arm over the blonde woman's shoulders. "We'll get through this .. No matter how long it takes."
Trish could only nod in response, tears continuing to trickle from her eyes; some soaking into the fabric of her shirt, others falling silently to the linoleum floor.