Charon: It's time for Who's Line is it Anyway? TWO!
I choose you, Krystal!
Krystal: (sticks out tongue and rolls eyes)
B-Bop-A-Luna, thundershock, now!
B-Bop: (flexes muscles)
I shall defeat you with my Jack Skellington!
Jack: (sneers evilly)
And the fangirls go crazy, it's Ash Ketchum!
Ash: (looks bored)
Charon: I'm your host, Charon the Sabercat, come on, let's have some fun!
(Audience applaudes as camera pans over set, the actors waving exaggeratedly.)
Charon: Hello and welcome to "Who's Line Is It Anyway?", the game where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points don't matter, just like the spell-check button to a newbie writer.
Audience: (mixed assortment of laughs and mocking boos).
Charon: Gah, I'm terrible. Anyway, for you folks who've never seen the show before, what I'm gonna do is pull suggestions for odd situations out of nowhere, and these four... uh...
(Camera switches to actors, which are waiting expectantly for her to finish.)
Charon: ...Iinnnndividuals are going to act them out off the top of their heads. After each game, I give out points, which don't matter. And the end of the show, I pick a winner. The winner gets to do a little something special with me, and-
Audience: WoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!
Charon: Aaand the looser has his eyes held open and is forced to watch.
Audience: (laughter)
Jack: (to Charon) You remember I'm engaged, right?
Charon: Right, right, whatever. Okay, the first game we have here is Party Quirks, and it's for all four of you! Okay, Jack is hosting a dinner party, and Krystal, B-Bop, and Ash are his guests.
Ash: (reads his card and rolls his eyes)
Charon: The thing is, each guest has a particular identity or quirk that Jack has to guess by the end of the round. Start on the doorbell, and go!
(Ash, Krystal, and B-Bop move to one side of the stage, leaving Jack in the middle.)
Jack: (holds hand to his ear in the "phone" shape) Oh, I was supposed to put them in AFTER I baked the cake, oopsie...
(Audience roars with laughter. Charon rings the doorbell.)
Jack: (opens the door to Krystal) Hey, Krystal, how are you?
Subtitle under Krystal: Michael Jackson.
Audience roars again.
Krystal: (strikes a pose) I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it! (spins and tosses her head back) Weehee!
Jack: Um, did you find the house alright?
Krystal: It was easy as A-B-C! (moonwalks away)
Audience is screaming with laughter.
Charon: (pounding the desk, choking with laughter)
Jack: You do th- (doorbell) Um, I need to get the- (opens door) B-Bop! Hello!
Subtitle under B-Bop: Old Timey British Comedy
Light chuckle from audience.
B-Bop: (in a thick British accent) Hey, Jack, how are you- oo, gotta go! (starts humming fast-paced music and shuffles around stage. Audience loves it and laughs a lot.)
Jack: O-kay. Hate to see you eat and run. (doorbell) Oo, there's Ash-
Krystal: (bumps Jack's hip) Da-chamon-nuh!
Jack: (puts hands on hips) Don't you have a court appointment?
Audience screams.
Jack: (opens door) He- I didn't invite you.
Audience goes nuts.
Subtitle under Ash: AstroWorld Dancing Guy
Ash: (immediately starts humming "Venga Bus" and dancing)
Jack: Oh good, the entertainment is here.
(Krystal is doing fancy dance moves behind Jack. She goes to do a complicated move as B-Bop shuffles behind her, and they smash into eachother. Audience guffaws and applaudes the madness.)
Jack: What th- geez louise!
Charon: (stands up behind desk) Are you guys okay! (Krystal gets up, raises hand) If you say "I'm bad", I will kill you!
Krystal: (snickers) Why you gotta be like that, that's ignorant.
Audience dies laughing.
Charon: (button-mashes buzzer) That's it, that's enough! Jack! Can you guess who they are?
Jack: This blue one (points to Krystal) is Michael Jackson. That blue one (points to B-Bop) is one of those old time movies.
Charon: Correct! Old timey British comedy, Jack.
Jack: Ah.
B-Bop: (is now shuffling through the audience, receiving more laughs)
Jack: And that one.. (points to Ash, who is still dancing)... is a maniac, that's for sure.
Laughter.
Charon: No, no, think advertising.
Jack: Um...
Charon: Nothing?
Jack: No.
Charon: He's that guy in the AstroWorld commercials.
Jack: Oh.
(Actors sit down. Audience applauds.)
Charon: Okay, let's see... a thousand points for everybody, except Krystal, who gets twenty-three and a half.
Krystal: (raspberries)
Charon: Okay, time for the next game, the next game is called Questions Only, and in this game, the players have to act out a scene while only asking questions. This is for all three of you. Krystal and B-Bop start out, and Jack and Ash come in later. The scene is: Krystal has just entered B-Bop's pet store, and is looking for a suitable pet. And, begin!
Krystal: Are you the owner of this store?
B-Bop: Who else would I be?
Krystal: Do I need to find out?
B-Bop: (leers) Would you like to?
Audience: (laughter)
Krystal: (blushes and walks offstage)
Ash: (enters stage) You do realize that the dogs have escaped?
B-Bop: Oh no! What sho-
Charon: (buzzes) Ah ah, questions only, B-Bop.
B-Bop: Dang it! (walks off)
Jack: (walks onstage) You do realize that the dogs have escaped?
Ash: Where should I hide?
Jack: Where should I hide!
Audience: (laughs)
Ash: (trying hard not to laugh) You are a skeleton, right?
Jack: (confused) Isn't this a little off topic?
Audience roars with laughter.
Ash: I'm out!
Krystal: (enters stage) You do realize the dogs have escaped?
Jack: Did you just get a weird sense of deja vu?
(Audience eats it up. Krystal sighs and walks away. Charon hits the buzzer.)
Charon: Okay, that's enough. Thousand points to Jack for pulling a "Mario" from chapter one.
Audience: (applauds)
Charon: Okey-dokey, I think we have time for one more game before the Hoedown, whadda you guys wanna do?
Audience: PROPS!
Charon: I CAN'T DO PROPS! YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WOULD BE?
Audience: Song styles! Props! Skip to Hoedown! Three headed Broadway star!
Charon: Three headed Broadway star! Three headed Broadway star is a game where three of our actors get up here and sing a Broadway tune as a three-headed monster, one word at a time, to the tune played by 2-T-Fru-T on the piano.
Audience: (applauds hello)
Charon: Okay, for our three actors, I want B-Bop, Ash, and... let's make this interesting...
(Charon walks into the audience, where all sorts of random pop culture references are raising their hands to volunteer.)
Charon: Okay, I choose... OMG, Mario!
Mario: Hello!
Charon: Everybody, welcome back Mario from chapter one! Let's give him a hand as our third Broadway head!
(B-Bop, Ash, and Mario all grabbed eachothers shoulders and snuggle close while the audience cheers.)
Charon: Okay, we need a theme for the musical.
Audience: Doctors! Going to the movies! South Park! Star Wars!
Charon: STAR WARS! It's the Star Wars Three Headed Broadway Star! Take it away, 2-T!
(Piano Begins.)
Ash: When-
B-Bop: Darth-
Mario: Vader-
Ash: Attacked-
B-Bop: My-
Mario: Pet-
Ash: Poodle-
B-Bop: I-
Mario: Couldn't-
Ash: Help-
B-Bop: But-
Mario: Be-
Ash: Sad.
B-Bop: I-
Mario: Swore-
Ash: That-
B-Bop: Someday-
Mario: I-
Ash: Would-
B-Bop: Get-
Mario: My-
Ash: Revenge-
B-Bop: On-
Mario: Darth-
Ash: Vader.
B-Bop: But-
Mario: Once-
Ash: I-
B-Bop: Saw-
Mario: Darth-
Ash: Vader-
B-Bop: I-
Mario: Ran-
Ash: Away.
B-Bop: I-
Mario: Ran-
Ash: Very-
B-Bop: Very-
Mario: Very-
Ash: Very-
B-Bop: Very-
Mario: Very-
Ash: Very-
B-Bop: Far-
Mario: (big finish) Away!
Audience loves it. Actors take their seats.
Charon: (biting lip to keep from laughing) Okay... (choke) Okay... Million points to Mario.
Mario: Thank-a you!
Charon: Okay, and 20,000 points to Ash Ketchum for being in Pokemon 4ever.
Ash: YES!
Charon: Ash is the winner, so now it is time for the Hoedown! Give us something to sing about!
Audience: Boyfriend-girlfriend! Holidays! Star Wars!
Charon: Okay, it's the Star Wars... Hoedown! 2-T!
Hoedown begins.
Krystal: I've got my cape, I've got my helmet, and my favorite "T". I've got my plastic lightsaber, I feel so Star Wars-y. I would've seen the movie if I had gotten a good chance. I didn't go 'cause I couldn't find my Star Wars underpants!
Audience: (laughs)
Jack: I went to the Star Wars at the local theatre show. It was the first time I had seen it, wouldn't you-ou know. I went in kinda angry, and I left there angry too, 'cause the staff screwed up my popcorn and I watch "Episode Two".
Charon: I love the aliens, there are no ups or downs. When I look at Chewbacca, I never wanna frown. One day my love aliens came to an end. I said, "Look at that alien!" It was Hayden Christensen.
Audience: (goes crazy with laughter)
Ash: Oo, burn!
Charon: (licks finger, then touches thigh) Ssssss! Hot!
B-Bop: There's a robot, there's a Jedi, there's a Wookie, too. Kaminoan, Genosian, and some guy who's blue. Jabba the Hutt, some bounty hunter, downing some root beer. It's not the move, it's the line the week before premiere!
All actors: Week before pre-MIIIIIEEEEEEEEERRREEEE!
Charon: And that's all, thank you everybody, goodnight!