Disclaimer: Characters belong to JKR.
Sirius leaned in.
Before he knew what he was doing, Remus placed a hand on his friend's chest to hold him off. The sudden touch seemed to shake Sirius out of the trance. He straightened himself and backed away, flushing and looking horrified.
An awkward silence rang in the air around them. Sirius was watching his friend with a mixture of alarm and trepidation. Remus looked away, unable to gaze into those eyes any longer. They were both breathing heavily, as if they had just sprinted a race.
"Remus, I…" Sirius trailed off, apparently unsure how to phrase his explanation. "I didn't mean—"
"It's okay."
"I'm sorry." The pain in Sirius's voice made Remus look up.
He hitched a smile into place. "It's okay, Padfoot. It was just a little—too soon, that's all." He cleared his throat, looking around as if expecting the furniture to supply him with the change of topic he desperately needed. But help wasn't far off.
Sirius's stomach growled loudly, making them both laugh nervously. A sheepish grin overtook Sirius's face. "Sorry about that, mate. I haven't eaten since I left Hogwarts either."
Remus smiled. "I made dinner. Once you're changed, we can eat."
"What, you made dinner already?"
"Of course. You were in the shower for nearly two hours. I unpacked and made dinner and fed Buckbeak."
"By the way, I wanted to ask," said Sirius as Remus made his way to the door. "That soap you gave me worked miracles. What was it exactly?"
Remus smirked. "It's a special brand of soap made for really tough cleaning. I keep it because it works wonders on stains and odors, but it's really meant for ogres and hags." His grin widened. "That must be why it worked so well on you." Laughing, he descended the stairs, leaving a slightly disgruntled Sirius behind.
x-x-x-x-x
Sirius watched Remus disappeared down the stairs. A growing feeling of dread was twisting in his stomach. He was furious at himself for making Moony so uncomfortable.
What the hell had he been thinking, pulling a stunt like that? The answer was, of course, that he hadn't been thinking at all. He had been so caught up in the moment that he had failed to see the repercussions of his actions.
He walked into the bathroom and started to get dressed. Giving himself a hard look in the mirror above the rickety sink, he scolded himself. "You idiot," he said out loud, "you just ruined everything. Like usual." He suddenly had a strong urge to bang his head into the wall behind him, but he resisted. Instead, he pulled on the red pajama pants and buttoned down the shirt. Striding back into the room, he threw a glance at the photos on the nightstand and sighed. He sat on the bed and watched the graduation picture with an indescribable sadness swelling inside him.
"Oh, Moony," he said, addressing the tiny Remus in the picture. "I wish we could go back to that time and forget the last thirteen years ever happened." Picture-Remus just laughed and turned to picture-Sirius, kissing him chastely.
The real Sirius watched, caught up in his nostalgia. Their graduation had been a time of merriment, a time when they could forget the war outside Hogwarts and focus on their friendship and love for each other. It was during the last term of their sixth year that Sirius had told Snape to go down to the Whomping Willow on full moon night. Sirius and Remus had been going out since the first term of that year, but the fight that ensued had left their relationship in shambles. Still, they had managed to put it behind them by the time their final year started. Their love had only continued to strengthen with time. That was why it had come as such a surprise to everyone when they broke off their relationship for good.
Remus had told him that he couldn't remember why they had finally broken up, and Sirius had agreed. But the truth was, Sirius knew exactly what had brought about the rift in their relationship. James's marriage to Lily had brought up the question of a lifetime commitment in his relationship with Remus. But Remus's unwillingness to tell his family coupled with Sirius's reluctance to commit had resulted in numerous fights and arguments. Remus started avoiding him and suddenly turned sullen and moody. He had refused to talk to Sirius for months. It was at that time that the Order started to suspect the duplicity of one of their members. Sirius, because of the abrupt change in Remus's disposition, had believed him to be the traitor.
How Sirius regretted jumping to that conclusion now! His uncertainty and stubbornness had led him to lose the love of his life. And now I had to go and give Remus another reason to avoid me, he thought bitterly.
Sirius didn't even realize he was crying until he felt a tear run down his cheek. He wiped it away and rubbed his eyes.
"Padfoot!" Remus's voice bellowed from the kitchen. "If you don't get down here, I'm going to start eating without you."
"Coming!"
Sirius checked his face in the bathroom for traces of tears, forced a smile on his lips, and descended the stairs.
x-x-x-x-x
Remus tapped his foot impatiently as he sat at the small table, waiting for Sirius. He heard the muffled sounds of footsteps hitting the plush carpet of the stairs and watched as Sirius emerged from the landing, clad in his red plaid pajamas. The sight almost brought a smile to his lips, but he caught himself just in time and hitched a scowl onto his face.
"What took you so long? Did you forget how to dress properly or something?"
Sirius just gave him a smile in return and sat down beside him to dine. "Wow, Remus," he said, addressing the bowls of food as much as his friend. "This looks amazing."
"So what are you waiting for? Tuck in!"
"Don't mind if I do, mate."
Remus watched Sirius eat and realized with a jolt of pain just how few real meals he must have had—both in Azkaban and on the run.
"This is bloody good food," said Sirius, swallowing a mouthful of fried rice. "You've finally learned to cook, Rem."
Remus scrutinized his friend closely. For all Sirius's pretense of joy, Remus could detect a new gloom etched in those chiseled features. It worried him. He'd always hated Sirius's tendency to bury all of his pain within himself.
"Sirius, are you all right?"
Sirius snapped his head up, looking slightly alarmed at the question. "Yeah, yeah…I'm fine." The statement would have been more convincing if it hadn't been interpolated by a hastily concealed sob.
Remus wanted to rush over and sweep Padfoot up in his arms, but he opted for placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder instead.
"It's okay, Padfoot...Let's say we forget it ever happened." They both knew what he was referring to. He tried to smile through the wave of grief threatening to overpower him. "I hate seeing you like this, mate."
"I'm sorry. I just—I didn't know what I was doing. I got caught up."
"We both did, Siri. It's okay. The world isn't coming to an end just because you slipped up." Sirius nodded to his plate. "And look at me, will you?" Remus added, somewhat snappishly. "You're going to burn a hole through my china if you keep staring at it like that."
Sirius finally turned to him, his eyes reflecting the pain he felt. Remus slipped an arm around his shoulder and drew him close. Sirius leaned into the embrace.
"You know, Padfoot," he said after a moment of quiet, "you've really matured." Sirius lifted his head off Remus's shoulder with an expression of confusion. "The old Sirius would've hesitated to say sorry to anyone. But you haven't stopped apologizing since you got here." Remus chuckled and slid his hands through his friend's ebony hair. Before he could stop himself, he turned and planted a soft kiss on the top of Sirius's head.
The two of them stayed in entangled in each other's arms until Remus's stomach complained loudly, breaking their stupor. They ate the rest of the meal in silence, Remus pausing every once in a while to pat Sirius on the shoulder comfortingly.
After washing the dishes ("Scourgify!") and putting them away ("Wingardium leviosa!"), Sirius and Remus made their way to their respective beds, arms looped together.
x-x-x-x-x
Remus woke with a start. It seemed like only a minute ago that he had managed to drift to sleep. He looked blearily at his clock. 2:30 A.M. shone in luminous red letters.
A strangled shout from the other room made him bolt straight up.
It was Sirius.
Remus swung his legs over the side of the bed and all but ran to the guest bedroom. The waning moon shone through the small window, illuminating the bed on the opposite wall.
Sirius was crying out in his sleep, writhing and tangling himself further in the sheets. Remus rushed over and knelt on the bed.
"Sirius! Sirius! Padfoot!" He shook his struggling friend. "Wake up!" Sirius was drenched in cold sweat, his face twisted in a mixture of fright and pain. "PADFOOT!"
Sirius opened his eyes with a jolt, as if a shock had passed through his body. Panting, he struggled to push himself into a sitting position. He was shaking uncontrollably. Remus immediately gathered his friend into his arms and held him, cooing soothing noises.
"The…the Dementors," gasped Sirius. "Dementors and then…Harry. Everything went dark…and…oh, Moony!" Sirius hugged his friend around the waist, leaning his head against Remus's chest. Remus stroked his hair lovingly.
"It was just a dream, Sirius. Nothing to worry about." Remus rocked his friend back and forth, whispering comforting assurances all the while. Sirius gradually relaxed, his breathing slowing. His shirt was saturated with sweat, so Remus quietly unbuttoned it, vaguely registering somewhere in the back of his mind just how awkward the situation was. Sirius shrugged off the soaked piece of cloth; Remus silently thanked the darkness that eclipsed his burning face.
Sirius buried his face further in Remus's chest.
"I—I've been so alone, Remus," he murmured.
Remus was slightly taken aback at the open admission, but recovered quickly. "Don't worry, Padfoot. I'm here, aren't I? You don't have to be alone any more."
"I missed you, Moony. Oh, God how I missed you."
Remus lifted Sirius's chin up with a finger and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I missed you, too, Padfoot." He grinned shyly. "More than you can possibly imagine."
x-x-x-x-x
Sirius cracked an eye open, watching his sleeping friend. Remus's breathing was deep and even, and Sirius could feel his heartbeat as he lay on his chest. His arms were still wrapped around Sirius.
Padfoot smiled, reaching up to fondle the chestnut hair that hung over Remus's eyes. The events of the past few hours kept playing over and over in his mind.
He pulled the duvet over the sleeping form and snuggled close. The warmth that radiated from his friend made him tingle with glee. Throwing an arm around Remus, Sirius placed his lips briefly over his friend's, relishing in the smell and taste that he had missed for so long.
Sirius was surprised to feel to the hot tears on his cheeks as he settled back onto his pillow. He wiped them away quickly, trying to stifle a sniff. Closing his eyes, Sirius waited patiently for sleep to overcome him.
TBC…
Wow…this is a depressing chapter. Sirius seems to be crying a lot. That's strange considering I don't normally see him as an emotional character. At least, not around others. It was still fun to write though.
Did you think they were going to kiss? Hehe. I'm afraid not…yet. The next chapter's very horny, though. Full to the brim with fluff. I've already got the first scene done. It was uber fun to write. So watch for that update.
And for all that asked for longer chapters, this one's nearly 2000 words, which, for me, is a big deal.
Crimson-Ranger: Yes, cliffhangers. They're frustrating to read but great fun to write.
Hannio: A lot of people seemed to like the pajama thing. It was really a spur of the moment idea. Thanks for the support.
wolf:. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the encouragement.
Smorefan: Thanks! Glad you liked the pjs.
sleeper6: Thanks. I'm happy you think so. I'm always worried I'm being out of character and such.
Moonlight-is-Innocence: For some reason I seem to be unable to write extremely long chapters. I can only write so much in a week, so I always prefer to update often with smaller chapters than update once a month or something with longer chapters. I'm trying, though.
Faerie Nyx: Thanks for the fav! I appreciate it.
MinervaEvenstar: Haha! Thanks. Glad you liked the pajama bit.
Thanks for reviewing everybody. Keep at it, and I'll keep working hard.