Standard Disclaimer. I do not own FFX or the characters in it. They are owned by Square-Enix. I do own this story, and my original characters. The song "Hurts So Good" was written by John Mellencamp and George Green, and performed by John Mellencamp, "Song for You" was written by Leon Russell, performed by the Carpenters, and "Go Insane" was written by Lindsey Buckingham, performed by Fleetwood Mac, and I don't own them, either. The title of this chapter is from a song used in chapter 6, originally performed by Carly Simon.

Auron stared up at the stars, and wished suddenly that he could drink himself into oblivion. He knew that there was no possibility that he could keep these memories from coming back to him now, but he wished desperately that there were. He sighed heavily, and let his eye drift shut. Very well, he decided. Let the memories come. They are all I have left.

…Zanarkand…two months ago

The dreams came more frequently as the time grew shorter. Six sennights, one month, three sennights. When they had only two sennights left, Jecht appeared to Auron in yet another dream. It was Sixthnight; they were in the city for Sennight's End.
"I've decided. I think it ought to be near the Stadium. Has the kid got a game at the end of the month?"
That's in two sennights. That's too soon. Too soon, Auron thought desperately. "I don't know, I'll have to check." He tried to keep the betraying emotion from his voice, his expression.
"You're supposed to know. You're supposed to be keeping an eye on the kid. Or are you too busy?" Jecht almost exploded with anger.
"He's seventeen now. He doesn't need a nursemaid, or a babysitter, anymore." Auron tried to keep his tone flat, unemotional, in the face of Jecht's outburst.
"Lucky for you, I still think he does. Meantime, you better memorize that schedule." Jecht's mood had completely changed. He was laughing now, but it was a harsh, bullying kind of laugh.

Auron woke, cursing. Then he got out of bed to look up the Blitz schedule. He was still mostly hopeless with machina, and Mercy ended up finding the answer, the Jecht Memorial Cup, in sixteen, no, now fifteen, days. Firstnight, two sennights from tomorrow night. Their five years had been reduced to two sennights. The screen had gone black, and their eyes met in the reflection. Although she tried to stop them, tears spilled down her face. He bent, and lifted her easily in his arms, hers around his neck as he carried her back to their bed. For the rest of the night, they were able to help each other to forget what the screen had showed them, how little time they had left together. A sennight later, in another dream of the nightmare Zanarkand, Jecht again demanded the schedule from Auron. The idea of using the night of his own memorial cup appealed to his ego. The date was set.

Later still, Mercy lay awake, thinking dark thoughts in the middle of a black night. She listened to the sound of her husband's breathing, and knew that he was also awake. "Auron, when you return to Spira, will you know whether or not I have made it to your Farplane?" Her voice sounded infinitely sad and distant in the darkened room, although she was lying right beside him.
"No, but it does not matter," he answered patiently. "You will reach the Farplane," he insisted. You must reach the Farplane, he urged her in his thoughts. I just wish I could make you believe in it, but that is one argument that I lost…too many times to count. But it still pains me to have you parade your disbelief in front of me. Especially now.
She sighed. "In any case, when you get to Spira, I will be…" she stopped. I can't say it. I know, I will be dead, but I can't say the words. Whatever happens with this Farplane thing, I…will…be…dead. "You will be," she turned, and reached blindly for his left hand, and began to play with his wedding ring. "You will be," she repeated, "a widower." There, I said it, more or less. "You will be free…you might find someone else…" her voice faltered, as he took her hand in a grip that was too tight, as pain exploded in his head, and his heart.
"No, my lady, I will not," he rasped, as he pulled her over to face him. He searched her face in the dim light. Why are you saying these things? You should know there will never be another for me, not under any circumstances, not even these.
She shook her wrist until he loosened his hold. "But love, I just wouldn't want you to be so alone, not again…not if you might find comfort, at least, with someone else…after I'm gone." Her eyes filled with tears and he heard the hitch in her breathing as she tried to hold them back.
He finally realized that it hurt her as much to make this 'offer' as it wounded him to hear it. "I will do no such thing," he stated firmly. She opened her mouth to argue with him, and he clapped his hand over it. "And before you continue this discussion any further, my lady, no, not even on the Farplane, not even if you do not reach it." He wanted to make love with her now, not fight with her, but he never wanted to have this particular argument again. This was much too painful to go through a second time. He took his hand away from her mouth, but left one finger pressed against her lips, motioning her to continued silence, but more gently now. "Mercy, please stop. I will not change my mind, or my heart. Any further argument would be a waste of time. I believe we have better things to do. Do you agree?"
She did not answer him in words, she just closed her eyes, then took the finger he had resting on her lips into her mouth, and began to kiss and lick it so provocatively that he was on top of her almost before he had finished speaking.

The next afternoon Mercy placed a call to her brother. It was a call that Dafydd had been expecting for some time now. "Daf," she began, as soon as he answered, "We've got just the one gig this coming 'End, right?"
"Yeah, sis, that's right. On Sixthnight. What's up?" he asked, but there was resignation in his voice, as though he already knew the answer.
"We'd better make it a good one. I'm sorry, honey, but it's time. You and Marko need to start packing." She started crying, and she felt Auron's hands on her shoulders.
"No, Merce, don't be sorry. I'm glad you told me when you did. These last three years gave us a chance to do all the things we dreamed of, before it was too late. Don't cry baby. I hate it when you do that." Daf paused and inhaled sharply. "Look, Mercy, are you sure you won't come with us? It would help us a lot to have you out there in the wilds with us, and you know you'd have a much better chance in the hills than in the city."
She twisted her neck to look up at Auron, then answered her brother with resolution in her voice. "No, Daf, you know I won't go with you. You two will just have to manage without me. And please stop asking, will you? You're just making it harder on all of us. By the way, it's all going to happen on the Firstnight after our next gig, would you believe, during," her voice dripped sarcasm, "the Jecht Memorial Cup? He's planning to snatch his kid during his own memorial tournament. The man's ego still knows no bounds."
Dafydd tried to laugh, and nearly ended up coughing instead. "I guess some things never do change. Okay, Merce, we'll be ready. We can get together later to put together a playlist, but right now, I need to talk to Marko." He was silent for a long moment, then his voice sounded shaky as he spoke again over the 'link. "Sis…we did all right, didn't we, girl?"
"Yeah, bro, we did all right," she replied, equally shaky. "Now go talk to Marko, before we both get all weepy, 'kay? We'll talk again soon. Bye, hon."
"Bye, Merce. Soon." He ended the call, and she leaned back into Auron's embrace, lacing her fingers with his, and holding on as hard as she could.

She took some time to pull herself together, then she checked the Blitz schedule one last time, crossing her fingers as she did so, hoping that she had remembered it right. After that, she called Tidus on her 'link.
"Hey, Mercy, how ya doin?" he asked cheerily, as soon as he heard her voice.
"I'm doin' just fine, honey. How about you?" she replied, keeping her voice equally bright.
"Can't complain. What's up?"
"Hey, Tidus, why don't you come to the club Sixthnight and catch the show?" she hoped that he didn't hear the same pleading note in her voice that she heard.
"I don' know," he drawled, "I might have something goin' on that night."
"Well, whatever excuse you give me, don't you dare tell me you have a game. I already checked. I know there's no game that night. So, will you come?" she asked again, hoping against hope that he would say yes.
"Give me a minute, okay? I gotta check my schedule. See if there's a practice or something. I might have a date, you know," he spun out the words, stalling for time. I wonder what the big deal is, he thought. This is the first time she's made a point of asking me to come to a show in like, forever. I mean, Mercy almost never asks me to do stuff for her, and I'd do almost anything she asked me to. This is such an easy thing. I'm not gonna turn her down, no way. She's done so much for me. She's always been there for me, and she made sure the old man was, too. He used to show up pretty damn quick whenever things went wrong. And if I screwed up, well, he'd sure be there to give me a good, swift kick if he thought I needed one. But he was never around for the good times, not before Mercy came. She doesn't need to know…how I feel about her. But if she wants me to come to the show Sixthnight, I'll come. But I don't want to make it seem too easy. After all, I have an image to maintain now.
After making a show of rustling through some papers, he picked up the conversation again. "Looks like I'm free Sixthnight. What time and where?" he asked, in a breezy tone. Behind his back, a small boy in a purple hooded cloak stood in a corner and smiled, then faded into the shadows and disappeared.
Mercy made a fist so tight her nails bit into her palms, as she answered him. "We'll be at the Rialto this time. We open at eight, and Auron and Marko will probably be there ahead of you, so just look for their table. I'm looking forward to seeing you," she finished, total sincerity in her voice.
"Me, too. I gotta run now. Practice. See you then. Bye." He ended the call abruptly, leaving her dangling emotionally at the end of the line. Not sure whether to laugh or cry, she threw her hands up in exasperation.

Now that Mercy's arrangements for Sennight's End were out of the way, they deliberately tried to put them out of their minds. They had this one last sennight to prepare themselves for a long separation, and they were both determined to make the most of it. They chose to spend their time in the city, storing up memories. As they returned to all of their favorite places for one last visit, Auron was repeatedly reminded of Braska, of the expression on Braska's face as they would leave each town or village, as though his friend were saying farewell to places he would never see again. Now I understand, Auron realized. I only thought I did before, but now, I truly do understand. He and Mercy were in the City Botanic Gardens, sitting on a bench contemplating the nearby 'Island of Perfect Happiness'. This was possibly their favorite place in the entire city, outside of their own apartment. The construction of the Gardens was such that 'Island of Perfect Happiness' could not be actually be reached, only studied from either near or far points within the Gardens. It was intended as a metaphor for life, Auron knew quite well. Perfect happiness could not be achieved, only approached. As he sat in the Gardens, and stared over the water towards 'Perfect Happiness', he looped his arm around Mercy's shoulders and drew her close against his side, content to feel her arm steal around his waist in return. These past five years have been the closest to perfect happiness I have experienced in all my days. He brushed a kiss on her hair. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too, Auron," she whispered back, her face turned in against his shoulder. Looking out to the island herself, she spoke softly. "I think we got as close as it's possible to get, don't you, love?"
He slid his other arm around her, heedless of any passers by who might see them, and drew her into his arms. "Yes, my lady. I believe that we did," he replied, as he leaned his head against hers.

All too soon, Sixthnight arrived, and they met Dafydd and Marko for a farewell dinner, before the four of them went on to the Rialto. When Tidus finally slipped in to the club, just before the opening of the first set, he found Auron and Marko at a second row table, with a chair waiting for him. Neither man spoke to him, although Auron raised an eyebrow to chide him for the lateness of his arrival, as the manager came on stage immediately after he took his seat to welcome Mercy and Dafydd to the stage amidst loud applause.

Since they knew this was their last hurrah, they had decided to perform all of their own favorites. Mercy just had one song in the first set and two in the second set that she had prepared for this night; the rest were the old standbys. They opened, as they often did, with 'Anticipation', followed tonight by 'Desperado, and then went through a lot of their usual numbers for most of the first hour, including Dafydd's own 'Your Song'. But to end the set, she had written something special. She had always wanted to show Auron how much his presence in her life had meant to her music, and had never found the words to tell him properly, until now, when it was almost too late. But this seemed like the right moment. The spotlight focused in, until Mercy's head and shoulders were the only brightly lit features in the room, and then she began to sing softly, in her deep, haunting voice:

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you.

Auron, from the night we met, I always sang for you. You have been my friend, my lover, and my husband, and you have made all the difference in my life, even if we did do the first two parts of our relationship…slightly out of the usual order. But even knowing what lies ahead, I wouldn't change a thing that has been between us. Remember me, my love.

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

Then the spotlight closed slowly as she repeated the last line, and the set ended. At the break, Mercy and Dafydd came down to the table, instead of retreating to the Green Room. There was an intense emotional undercurrent amongst all the adults, but Tidus didn't quite pick up on it. But as he watched Mercy with Auron, he had the craziest idea, when I finally do meet someone, I want…what they have.

Mercy was trying to keep it together until the show was over. No, until after Tidus leaves, she thought to herself. I can't let go until then. The second set opened with 'Fire Down Below', 'Slow Hand', and 'All I Want is You'. They sang their hearts out, and each song was a gift to the audience. Both she and Daf knew they were nearing the end of their long run, and that it had been a very good one. Dafydd struck up the chords to her first big sale, 'Hurts So Good'. Tidus didn't know any of the history behind the song; he only heard the lyrics, the words telling the story of someone older, in love with someone younger than they were. As Tidus heard Mercy sing, he thought she was singing about herself and Auron, as she often did, since she was ten years older, but as she sang,

You don´t have to be so excitin´
just tryin´ to give myself a little bit of fun, yeah
You always look so invitin´
you ain´t as green as you are young…

she looked straight at him, Tidus, and winked, and his brain froze solid, then his thoughts started flying like crazy as he blushed scarlet to the roots of his hair. Does that mean…? She doesn't know, does she? She couldn't. She can't. It's my secret. I never did anything. I never said anything. How could she know…I have a crush on her. Then why did she wink at me like that, just then? He looked up at her through his lashes, and saw that, just this one time, she was looking at him as she sang. She knows, he decided. I wonder how long she's known. Oh shit, I wonder if that means the old man knows, too. No way I'm going to look at him to find out. Besides, he probably does know. I know she tells him everything. Can the floor please just swallow me now? Tidus closed his eyes in miserable embarrassment, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear the end of the song.

Mercy watched the boy, saw his face turn to flame. I'm sorry, Tidus. I'm so sorry, honey. I don't know if this was the right thing to do, or not. I hope that, knowing that I know… makes it easier for you, later. I just hope you know someday…that I tried my best. Maybe you'll remember this next message, eventually.

The machina began the next song, in a minor key. It was a strange, sad song, she'd written specially for this one night. The first verse was for Tidus, telling him to let go, hoping that he would find someone some day:

Two kinds of people in this world
Winners... losers
I lost my power in this world
Cause I did not use it
So I go insane
Like I always do
And I call your name
She's a lot like you

Tidus heard the words, but they didn't really register. He wouldn't remember them until much, much later.

Her second verse was for Auron:

Two kinds of trouble in this world
Living... dying
I lost my power in this world
And the rumors are flying
So I go insane
Like I always do
And I call your name
She's a lot like you

One last time, she offered him his freedom. She watched him as she sang, and he understood her message. He shook his head, and mouthed the word, "No," over and over again. She bowed her head in acknowledgement of his answer. She would not ask again.

Dafydd did one last solo performance of 'Moondance', to give Mercy a chance to pull herself together, then they closed, as they always did, with 'Seven Wonders'. But when the performance was over, only Dafydd, Auron and Marko heard that she said "Goodbye" to the audience, instead of her usual "Goodnight". The concert was over.

They all went to the Green Room, but Tidus wanted to get away as fast as possible. He was embarrassed down to his toes, and he just wanted to leave. As soon as the five of them were all alone, he took Mercy aside. "Look, I have an early practice in the morning, I have to get some sleep. 'kay?"
"Sure. Goodnight, Tidus," Mercy said.
"'Night, Everyone," Tidus replied in relief.

She let him almost get to the door. "Wait." Tidus stopped, waited for Mercy to reach him. She looked up into his eyes. She had been just slightly taller than he five years ago, now he was quite a bit taller. I can't bear it. I have to do… something. She hugged him, tight as she could. He was stunned into immobility for several seconds, then he hugged her back, just as fiercely. Her face was buried in his shoulder. He heard her muffled voice whisper, "Love you." And all he could do was whisper, "Love you too," as his face turned bright red again. She let him go, and he fled in complete confusion, almost slamming the door behind him. Mercy slowly dropped to the floor, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, her face in her hands, weeping. Tidus, I didn't know saying goodbye to you would hurt so damn much. When we met, I wasn't sure we would even like each other. Now, I do not think I could not love you more if you were…my own son. And I'm so sorry I'll never get to tell you that. So sorry that I'll never get to see you again. I hope someday Auron tells you. I hope someday, somewhere, you understand. She wrapped her arms around herself, and tried to summon up some self-control. She finally looked up from the floor, to find Auron and Dafydd each offering a hand to help her up, concern etched on their faces. Her right hand slid easily into her brother's slim, long-fingered left hand, the calluses from his guitar playing as familiar to her as if they were her own. Her left hand reached just as automatically for the grip of her husband's strong, sword-scarred right hand, and she let them help her rise. There were still more goodbyes to be said this night, and quickly. Daf and Marko needed to get on the road.

Auron remembered Braska's words from the beginning of their pilgrimage, "Too many goodbyes, people think twice about leaving," and wondered how long this was going to take. Mercy looked to be near the breaking point, but he had learned that she was always stronger than she appeared.

Mercy wasn't planning to take long. Everything that needed to be said, has already been said, she thought. Dafydd asked her, for the last time, "Are you sure you won't come with us?"

Tears were streaming down her face, and her brother's, but she shook her head. "You already know the answer. And you promised me you wouldn't do this again." Her voice broke, and she had to stop for a second or two. "Now let's get this show on the road. You two need to get a move on." Please honey; don't make this any harder than it already is. I have to stay, and you have to go. Pretty soon, before I have a nervous breakdown again right here. I need to stay here with Auron and you need to get out of here, and be safe. So I can try to die in peace and maybe do this Farplane thing that Auron believes in so much.

Marko dashed tears from his face, and Auron realized that he was blinking rapidly, trying to hold his own emotions in check. Braska was right. There have already been too many goodbyes, and we are all thinking twice about leaving.

Then Mercy hugged Marko in farewell, as Dafydd and Auron shook hands. They said almost the exact same things to each other, as she asked Marko to "Take care of my brother," and Dafydd ordered Auron to "Take care of her." The answers were so very different. Marko promised Mercy, "I will," with a clear conscience. But Auron could only respond, "As long as I can," with infinite sadness. Then it was time for Mercy, and Dafydd, to condense more than half a lifetime of shared joy, dreams, heartache and intense love into one last embrace. One last, "I love you." And let each other go.

She never remembered how Auron managed to get her home. He just did it. She emerged from a complete mental fog to find herself sitting on the couch, in their living room, drinking hot, sweet tea and recovering from what felt like it must have been shock, even though she had known for five years that what had happened was more or less what was going to happen. She looked out the windows at the night sky, and tried to get some control over the crushing grief she felt, before it knocked her out again. Dafydd and Marko are already gone, she remembered. I won't see Tidus again, her mind continued, as she stared blindly out the windows. She heard a noise, and swiveled her head to see what had caused it. Auron stood next to the door, where he had just deposited the last of the gear he would need to take with him when he left. He had strapped an extra sword to the outside of his pack, and the blade had clattered when he leaned the pack against the wall. In two nights, he will be gone. He will pick all of that stuff up, put it all on, as he leaves. He will meet Tidus, and he will return to Spira. And I will die. I think I can accept that now. I hope I can, for his sake, when the time comes.

Her eyes met his. "That sword's not quite your style," she said lightly, trying to show him with the tone of her voice that she was okay, or at least as okay as could be expected.
He forced himself to reply in an equally bantering tone. "You know me well. It's for the boy. A gift from Jecht," he added warily, wondering if the last remark would send her mood plunging downward again.
With effort, she kept the darkness away, and determined that she would concentrate on his presence here, now. "Then it's a good thing he refused to take lessons, after all. When you tell him it's from his father, he may try to use it on you." She tried a small, tentative smile.
His return smile was just as tentative. "You may well be right."
She set her mug down on the table, and stood to face him, uncertain of what to say. Uncertain if there was anything else that could possibly be said at this point. She felt a tear slide down her cheek, as she began walking towards him, her arms reaching up to slide around his neck, as his long legs ate up the distance between them in the big room.

Over the last five years, they had managed to make love on most of the horizontal surfaces in their apartment, and up against not a few of the vertical ones as well. In the past sennight, they had repeated nearly all of their better ideas, as an expression of their frenzied need to try to claw their way inside each other's skins, before they had to let each other go, possibly forever. In the wake of all the other partings, the last and final one was too close now. Love and desire were caught up with the need to comfort and be comforted in turn, and the desperate attempt to keep the onrushing grief at bay for a few more hours. They gave up on acrobatics and mostly stayed in bed. But for the brief time remaining, they couldn't bear to be out of each other's sight, or if possible, out of range of each other's touch, except for the barest amount of time necessary to take care of personal needs. Neither of them ever had any distinct memories of those last two days and nights. They weren't trying to make conscious memories of each other, or for each other. It was sensory memory that they were each trying to give each other, imprinting the sight, sound, feel and taste of each other. She wanted to be sure that she would live in his mind, his heart, while he was in Spira. That all he would have to do was close his eyes and think of her, to remember how much she loved him. She wanted him to carry her love with him, always. And he wanted to be sure that she would know, with absolute certainty, that he loved her so much that she must reach out to find the Farplane, even though she did not believe in it herself.

She tried to sleep as little as possible, to spend as much time with him as she could, just in case the 'Farplane trick' didn't work, but sometimes, she had to. He would lie beside her, watching her sleep, wishing, sometimes even praying, that there was some way he could take her with him. It was Firstday afternoon, and she'd been sleeping for about an hour. The clock showed that he had something over two hours left before he had to leave.

Auron stared into his wife's sleeping face. She was lying on her side, facing him, her head pillowed on her arm, dark circles under her eyes, showing that she had been sleeping little the past two nights, as he well knew. He started to reach out, to touch her, but he knew she would wake the moment he did so, and he wanted to look at her, peacefully sleeping, just for a few more minutes.
She is so beautiful, he thought. I love her so much. If this is what Braska had with his Jenni, I understand now why he chose the summoner's path. My heart will break when I leave here. I will do what I must, because I have given my word. Then I will go to the Farplane, and hope that Yojimbo spoke the truth. But…she is my soul. He gently drew back the sheet that covered her. His gaze swept over her naked body, and he grew instantly aroused. My lady, even in sleep, you are the most seductive woman I have ever known, he saluted her in his mind, as he brushed butterfly kisses over her closed eyelids, her cheeks, and her lips. Her eyes opened dreamily, as she woke to the familiar, much loved, and much desired sensations of his lips nibbling at her earlobe, his large hand gently kneading her bottom, his hard shaft pressed against her belly. She slid her arm from under her own head, and then around his neck and down his back, feeling the powerful muscles move under his skin they pulled each other closer. Fully awake now, her eyes were wide open and locked on his, as their lips met and fused together in desperate intensity. She arched her back, driving the hard peaks of her nipples into his chest. By turns they were greedy for each other, demanding in their desires, and then tender and sweet, alternately pushing each other to the brink of release, and then falling back, spinning out this one, last time, until they were both burning up with need, and then he was on top of her, inside her, joined with her and thrusting deep as her legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands were laced with hers as they stared into each other's open eyes as the overwhelming, intense, shared sweetness rocked through their bodies, and their souls, one last time. They drifted back to reality slowly, but by then it was time for him to take a shower, and their time was done.

As he headed for the bathing room, she bounced off the bed and went with him, saying, "Let me scrub your back," as she thought, I'll just pretend it's another hiking trip. That will buy me…another twenty minutes or so. Besides, in the shower, no one can tell if I'm crying…maybe not even me. But at one point, as he felt her hands rubbing the soapy cloth over his back, his own emotions gave way. He pulled her arms around him and he turned and held her tightly, letting the shower cascade over them both while their eyes remained closed under the water. He said nothing, but she could hear his heart pounding erratically under her ear, and when he tilted her head up to kiss her, his lips tasted of salt.
They left the bathing room and he began to dress in his Spiran clothes. After a moment's indecision, Mercy decided to maintain the pretense of a hiking trip to the very end, and started putting on her blacks. I refuse to meet death bare-assed naked, she decided, as she thrust her swords through her belt. I guess I've got too much pride. I love him so much. I will let him go and sit here and wait for death, but on my terms. I want him to remember me like this, with some kind of dignity, and not a sniveling wreck… I hope. She turned and looked into his face.
He fastened the back of his collar to his armor, leaving it hanging over the back of his coat. He would fasten the front later, when he left. Then he turned to look at his wife. She is so fierce, so proud, and so determined. And I love her so much. I have no wish to leave her here. But I must. If I could not keep my word to them, how could she trust that I would keep my word to her? Please be waiting for me on the Farplane, my lady. I would be lost without you. He saw through the window over her shoulder that it was nearly dark outside. The knowledge that he had to leave in the next few minutes shadowed his face.

They caught each other in a fierce embrace, but his armor already formed a barrier between them. She looked up, one hand caressing his cheek, her other hand on the nape of his neck, as his arms kept her close. "My lady, I love you." He tried to smile, but it was crooked, and his voice cracked.
"I love you, too, Auron." So much it feels like my heart is breaking.
"But…Mercy…I have to go." His words fell like lead.
"I know, love, I know." She was trying hard not to start sniffling.
"It is time. Or I do not know if I will be able to manage. I am…sorry, my lady." I do not know if I can manage now. In a few more minutes, it will be impossible.

"I understand." She almost couldn't speak past the lump in her throat. She didn't want his last memory of her to be of her tears, but she didn't think she could hold on much longer, either. She whispered, "Go."

"Farewell," he replied hoarsely, then he practically dragged himself from the room to the front door. He faced away from her as he fastened the front of his collar, clipped the bracer on his left arm, pulled the glove on his right hand, hefted his sword to his shoulder, and looped the pack through his arm. She watched from where he had left her, standing by their bed. With his dark glasses in his hand, he cast her one, last agonized glance, then he turned, and was gone.

She ran to the window, and stared down into the street below. From twenty stories up, she wasn't sure if she saw him stride through the crowd a few minutes later or not, but she wanted to think that she did. Then she stared out into the night, and she saw the tsunami racing toward the city. It seemed to be closing in on her building, even as she watched, firing projectiles as it advanced. She knew it would kill her, and she believed that she had accepted that. But is my knowledge, my acceptance, enough? Aloud, she cried, "I wish there was another way." Behind her, in the darkened room, she heard the sound of fingers snapping.

On the streets of Zanarkand, Auron headed for the Stadium. As he walked, he looked down, trying to gauge where he was putting his feet. His eye caught the flash of his wedding ring. He stopped in his tracks as the emotional overload crashed through him. Someone walking behind him rammed into him, apologized, then went around, as he remained rooted in place. He spotted a bench, and dropped heavily onto the seat, nearly doubled over in agony. Five years ago, I was worried that I had nothing to offer her. Now, I have to go on without her. Ten years ago, I thought there could be no greater pain than what I felt at Braska's death, and Jecht's fate. I am a fool… twice over…at least. Maybe more. Much, much more. He started to get up, to turn back, but knew that he could not; he had to go on to the Stadium, to be there to take the boy to Spira. He fell back onto the bench. Hell. The boy will ask too many questions. This will be difficult enough without talking about it. I never want to talk about it. About her. Not to anyone. That pain would be too much to bear. He stared again at his wedding ring. I gave her my word that I would wear it, always. After a moment's hesitation, he ripped the fastenings of the glove on his right hand, nearly tearing the glove in his haste. He twisted the ring from his left hand and jammed it on to his right, refastening the glove to conceal it. He buried his face in his hands for a long moment. Finally he stood, and resumed his rapid-paced journey through the city.

At the top of a concrete and metal pier overlooking the ocean, he raised his tokkuri in a salute to the oncoming tidal wave. "Hello, old friend", he whispered to Jecht. Then he went to meet the man's son, to take him home.

…Spira…Calm Lands

Yuna was troubled, so she woke again in the night, and sat up in her bedroll, intending to think about how to proceed with the pilgrimage. As before, she looked at her sleeping companions, all close around her due to the lack of space within the confines of the Agency. Again, as she looked over her sleeping friends, she heard Sir Auron talking in his sleep. "Mercy, mercy," he repeated, but this time, as he searched with his right hand, she could see his hand clearly, as the ring caught the Agency lights. So did the tears on his cheeks. He rose up suddenly, burying his face in his hands. Yuna lay down quickly and turned away, hoping he would not be aware that she had seen his distress. Behind her closed eyelids, her mind pieced the puzzle together.
Auron lay back down, praying that no one had seen him except the watchful Kimahri. The Ronso had kept his other secrets; Auron expected he would keep this one as well.

End Chapter Nineteen.