Title: I Have to Say I Love You in a Spell
Author: Along Came the Spider
Summary: Remus has something to say

Part Three: All Alone in a Sea of People

Diagon Alley hadn't changed much in the time since Sirius was last there, at least not physically. The people, however, had changed almost to too much. The students who came to pick up their stuff for Hogwarts seemed younger than ever, and the parents looked more and more worried. The kids were being hustled about, they weren't allowed to stray, not even the older ones who must have been in Seventh Year. There was an air of desperation around, as if the witches and wizards of England expected Voldemort and his Death Eaters to come and attack at any moment.

'Which they could.' Sirius allowed. 'It is just unlikely that they will do something like that in broad daylight. Terrorists like that tend to prefer the shadows, thriving on the fear they create.'

He was passing Ollivander's when he was reminded of the dream he'd had a week ago. He stopped and looked at the window, half expecting Remus to come out and dismiss him. The door to the shop opened, and a new first year exited excitedly with his mother. Behind them Ollivander was standing with his back to the door, there didn't appear to be anyone else in the shop. Sirius had to control the impulse to rush in with a finding spell, he was pretty sure that the wand maker wouldn't appreciate him doing that.

Sirius groaned and turned away from the storefront. Something black moved in the corner of his eye and before he could even think about it his hand reached out and grabbed at the movement.

"Unhand me Black." Sirius's quick movements had netted him a nettled Severus Snape.

"Sorry Snape," Sirius said as he released his grip.

"Sorry?" Snape blinked at Sirius. "Are you feeling well Black?"

"Not really," Sirius said before he could stop himself.

"Are you up to something?" Snape eyed him suspiciously. "Is one of your cronies going to jump out at me any moment? Potter is probably tied up with that wife of his, but that leaves Pettigrew and Lupin."

"I really must be going," Sirius shook his head. Peter's words were running through his head again. 'Not Remus, he wouldn't do that.'

"Wait!" Snape called after him as he moved away.

Sirius turned back to the man a questioning look on his face.

"Why did you come here Black?" Snape asked.

Sirius felt his brow crease. "I don't know."

"I think you should get help, and soon." Snape said with a slight upturn in his voice. "Let me call Potter for you."

"I'm fine," Sirius backed away from Snape.

"I don't think you are," Snape shook his head. "You admitted as much to me."

"I'm fine," Sirius repeated. He turned around to make good his escape only he crashed into something decidedly human.

"Remus!" His mind screamed briefly before his nose took over telling him that the body did not belong to the werewolf.

"Gee Sirius," James said peering down at him. "I don't think you have to bow to me or anything. I could be wrong though, do you know something about my ancestry that I don't?"

"Good thing you're here Potter," Snape said as James helped Sirius up. "I don't think the mutt is well."

"I'm fine," Sirius said, feeling like a broken record.

"You are pale, shivering..." Snape began.

"Thank you." Sirius drew himself up and wrapped himself in his dignity. "Snape. Potter." He drew out his wand and apparated before either man could stop him.

"Damn them both!" He said firmly as he made his way up the hill that the had apparated to.

Sirius groaned as he opened his eyes. He heard movements in his kitchen, though he wasn't sure who it was. He ran through his options, he could shift into Padfoot and sniff out the intruder, or he could just lie here and wait for whichever friend of his it was to come and look for him. Since self transfigurations always took so much energy he decided to just lie there.

The sound of glass shattering on the kitchen floor had him up and through the door in an instant. He had only one piece that would make that much noise shattering and it was perfectly safe. Lily was standing in the middle of his kitchen casting noise charms.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked her with a raised brow.

"You might want to put some clothes on." Lily suggested. "We're taking you out for lunch."

Sirius glanced at his clock which told him that it was indeed time for lunch. "James skive off work?"

"No," Lily said looking him up and down. "James is not part of the we in that statement."

"Lils," Sirius said patiently. "You're making no sense."

"Sirius," Lily said with a serious note in her voice. "Severus Snape, of all people, called me last night to tell me that he believed you were going off the deep end. He thought that I should have you carted off to St. Mungo's for the rest of his natural life."

She held up her hand as Sirius began to protest. "I didn't take him seriously because, let's face it, you two haven't gotten along in years. I thought he was just complaining about you and doing it to me to make James upset."

Sirius opened his mouth again but she glared at him until he l to worry. Especially when he mentioned that Snape was there as well. Snape is a very observant man, that is one of the things that makes him a good spy, James is less observant, yet he saw some of what Snape saw."

"And this has what to do with lunch." Sirius finally got his say in.

"We are taking you out to lunch," Lily repeated her first statement. "If we can't resolve your problems by the end of lunch, then I'll be suggesting a counselor you can go visit."

Sirius made a face at that. "No Black has ever needed a counselor. I will not be the first."

"Your prejudices find odd times to pop up." Lily noted. "Now go get changed for heaven's sake. Or I'll be telling James that you've been exposing yourself to me."

Sirius looked down at himself, he didn't normally sleep with anything on. There was nobody home to care so why would he need too. "Fine, but no counselor. Not even if we can't resolve the issue."

"We'll see." Lily smiled.

Lily's we consisted of his cousin Andromeda, Alice Longbottom, and ever formidable Professor Dumbledore. Sirius was a little unsure of how the Headmaster of Hogwarts had gotten involved in this little excursion but was somewhat thankful that he wasn't to be the only male present.

"You haven't been eating enough." Andromeda stated the moment she laid eyes on her cousin.

"How is Nymphadora?" Sirius quickly said, hoping to distract her with the topic of her daughter.

"She's just as fine as always." Andromeda raised an eyebrow to tell him she wasn't fooled. "You should come and visit. Maybe for a week or two."

Sirius merely sniffed and sat down at the table.

"Really Sirius," Alice smiled. "One would think that you don't like spending time with children. Yet we all know that you adore baby-sitting for Molly."

"In fact," Dumbledore brightened. "You've been mentioned as Minerva's replacement."

"McGonagall's retiring?" The group asked in near unison.

"Yes," Dumbledore smiled. "In about twenty years or so. Just the right time for some one like Sirius to complete the requirements he'll need."

Sirius felt a little stunned at this. "Requirements?"

"You'll need to be an Animagus of course." Dumbledore said patting Sirius on the back when the other man choked on his drink.

"Of course," Sirius said weakly.

"See?" Lily said suddenly. The rest of the group turned to her. "You have a future Sirius!"

"In twenty years, Lily." Sirius replied.

"What is twenty years to a Wizard?" Lily asked. "Is that what has been bothering you?"

"No." Sirius sighed. "My future has not been bothering me. If I wanted to do something I would have gotten a job. There are plenty of people who wouldn't mind hiring a Black to tutor their kids or something."

"When Narcissa produces a heir she'd probably be overwhelmed to have a cousin come teach it." Andromeda pointed out.

"But he might taint the poor child!" Alice gasped. "How could anyone allow such a thing."

"There are other things I could be doing as well." Sirius said with a glare at his cousin. "I didn't exactly fail all my NEWTS."

"I heard that Borgin and Burkes is looking for another Staff member," Lily grinned. "You might even get back into your mother's good books that way."

"Or we could use you in the Auror Corps." Alice put forward. "I think you and James would make a great team. If you want I can mention it to Smythes when I report for duty tonight."

"I don't need to work," Sirius pointed out.

"And we're just suggesting that having a job might keep your mind off whatever it is that is making you act weird." Alice replied. "Everyone's been remarking on it."

"Sirius," Dumbledore leaned toward the younger wizard and looked at him in a conspiratorial fashion. "You might just take one of these jobs to get them off your back."

"Sir," Sirius replied. "What do you think of my behavior. It is by your leave that I am in the Order, and if you have a problem with the way I've been acting I would appreciate it if you didn't tip toe around."

"These are hard times," Dumbledore said softly. "No one is quite certain whom to trust anymore. The Order has been breached according to Severus, and that means we need to be on the look out for potential dangers. Meanwhile, you seem to be slipping farther and farther away from us."

Sirius looked at the four faces. "Did you all come to this conclusion in your own separate ways, or is this instigated by one person."

"You mean me," Lily said, "By way of Severus."

Sirius didn't say anything but gave her a look.

"I came to the conclusion on my own," Andromeda spoke up. "You've been withdrawing, you don't come to see Nymphadora half as much as you used too."

"Frank and I were just finishing supper with Lily and James when Severus called her the other night." Alice admitted. "I wouldn't be here unless I felt there was some validity to the statements."

Sirius turned to look at Dumbledore expectantly.

"I will admit that Severus did call me and talk to me about you," Dumbledore nodded. "He wasn't the only one though. Someone else called me the other day and told me that they thought you were becoming a little introverted."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't see how this is a problem for anyone. I'm young, I'm rich, and I can do whatever the hell I please. Just because I am not out partying, and I have a few eccentricities doesn't mean I am dangerous."

The other four didn't say anything just looked at him with varying emotions on their faces.

Sirius turned to Dumbledore, "If you all think that I need something to occupy my time why don't you assign me something to do with the order. You know I can protect myself, you know I can cast most charms. If you're worried give me something to do."

"It's not that easy," Lily said softly.

"You can't all seriously think I would do anything to endanger myself or the order." Sirius asked. "You can't think I'm the spy."

Something passed between the four others. Alice, Andromeda, and Lily all stood up and made their excuses. Lily gave Sirius a hug and secured from him a promise to come for dinner the next day. Andromeda repeated her assertion that Nymphadora would want to see him, and Alice gave him a hug.

As soon as the girls were gone Dumbledore cast a spell so he could be sure that they wouldn't be over heard. He then leaned closer to Sirius. "Would you be willing to take Veritaserum to prove that you are loyal?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"Of course!" Sirius bit off. "I've nothing to hide."

"No one is suggesting you do." Dumbledore said soothingly. "Would you like to know the reason the order doesn't send you on too many missions?"

Sirius looked at him enquiringly.

"How many Death Eaters do you know?" Dumbledore asked.

"How do you mean?" Sirius replied.

"How many people who have joined, supported, or in any other way helped Voldemort," Dumbledore said slowly. "Do you know."

"Quite a few," Sirius shook his head. "The Purebloods are a close knit group and we've all known each other since childhood."

"Exactly!" Dumbledore pounded the table. "Most of the Death Eaters have known you since birth. You all know each other and your ways. You've also made very public assertions that you will have absolutly nothing at all to do with their cause."

"Their cause is evil," Sirius stated. "Of course I want nothing to do with it. That is why I am a member of the order."

"I know this," Dumbledore murmured. "They know this, and that means you aren't any good to the order. You're to well known amongst the Death Eaters, and you're well known for being against them."

"Aren't there other things I could do?" Sirius asked.

"Not in the order," Dumbledore said sadly. "What the order needs most is information, and you can't provide us with that."

End Notes:

I have to apologize. I have no clue where the time flew too, so this update is a little late. Oops.

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