"Windows To The Soul"
by darthelwig
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I do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated T. SLASH Warning.
A little drabble of Sanzo's thoughts on the monkey and trust.
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The eyes are the windows to the soul. Sometimes the truth may be somewhat hidden, but you can always find it if you know how to look.
And then there are some people who simply cannot shut people out that way.
Son Goku was one of those people.
The man they called Sanzo never needed to search for Goku's true feelings. They were always right there in his eyes for anyone to see.
It was… refreshing. In a world full of people who lied every day, Goku was an anomaly. His sincerity and honesty were utterly guileless, making him seem almost child-like to other, more worldly people.
People like him.
Yes, he was guilty of underestimating Goku as well. It was difficult not to. And yet, sometimes… when Goku looked at him, he was aware that the monkey had some very… adult… wants and needs. Sometimes he could see desire directed at him, and it made him uneasy. If anyone would be foolish enough to attempt to break through his carefully placed defenses, it would be Goku.
It was uncomfortable knowing that one day he would be forced to confront the situation. He had no desire to do so.
And yet… that was a lie, wasn't it?
The intensity of Goku's golden eyes when they looked at him that way sent shivers up Sanzo's spine- but they weren't unpleasant, now were they? It was rather a thrill to have the boy silently worshipping him that way.
If he was to be honest with himself, hadn't his heart yearned to throw all caution to the winds and let Goku try to erase the stains on his soul with his pure, burning love?
Yes, every secret, longing look Goku sent his way taxed his fraying willpower. So he bolstered his lagging defenses with a façade of jaded bitterness, hoping his walls would hold against the onslaught of those shining, golden depths. It was a battle he fought with violent passion, but one that he didn't really want to win.
If Goku could finds the hidden truth in Sanzo's shuttered eyes, he would know of the man's desperate longing for his love. Luckily for the monk, Goku did not have that skill. The only person who had ever seen the truth in Sanzo's heart was Hakkai, and that man did not share secrets.
Sanzo could never let Goku know how he felt. The monkey would need to figure that out for himself.
Until then, he waited… waited for the day Goku finally came to him, eyes full of the knowledge, so he wouldn't have to hide anymore.