Sin

Chapter 8

The first change Al recognized was the way that Ed moved. Years had been finely sliced from his memory, but he could still see the way Ed had lifted his shoulders and locked his knees... It wasn't the same. His brother was perfectly silent as Winry concentrated on connecting his nerves to a fresh new auto-mail arm and leg. His expression barely changed Al and Shiezka looked on. It occured to Al suddenly that somewhere in the hole of his time, Ed had learned exactly what pain was, and he now knew exactly how to deal with it.

His movements were no longer overbearingly arrogant - they were confident, but thoughtful. Intellectual. His eyes didn't wander or close to distract himself from his own vulnerabilities, he watched Winry closely as she did her work, throwing his prosthetic leg away with disgust.

"How in the world did you manage to survive on that thing?" She grumbled bitterly.

"I had to," Ed replied simply.

When Al wasn't looking, Ed had transcended to adulthood. And now he felt alone as a child.

"It's good to have you back," Shiezka said quietly.

"It's good to be back," he replied, releasing a sigh as Winry completed her work, and he looked up to smile at her.

He bent and straightened his knee and elbow when she asked, and she nodded and turned to pack away her tools with Shiezka's help.

"How long has it been, Al?" Ed asked over his shoulder as he proceeded to remove his jacket with his newly grafted auto-mail. Watching him, Al could see how much reliance Ed had learned to place on his left hand - and how awkward it was for him to have his right hand now ready and able to keep up with it. "Four years?"

"Eight," Al corrected.

"Eight?"

Al nodded, averting his gaze as Ed turned to look expectantly up at him, denying the look on his brother's face for the gray sky hanging low outside the window. "I'm sorry, Ni-san. I've fallen too far behind. I woke up one morning and four years were gone along with you. I've been looking for both ever since."

Ed stared at him for a long time. Al had been trying to find Ed for so long... While Ed had found himself.

And now Al felt completely useless.

"I'm sorry, Ni-san... I've been trying." He turned back to look at his brother. "I trained with Sensei for three years, and I came back to Central and became a Nationally Certified Alchemist. She hates me now, but I thought the best way to find you would be to follow in your footsteps..."

Al hesitated, noticing that Ed had turned away with a strange expression on his face. Al panicked. "I wanted-"

"You don't remember anything?" Ed asked quietly.

"...Not much after we returned from Sensei's training... But everyone has been telling me since then everything they know. About you... about everything I used to be." Al bit his lip, taking Ed's expression as disappointment. "I'm sorry, Ni-san..."

"Forget it, Al," Ed said, sitting up in his place and putting his hand on his brother's shoulder supportively. "That isn't your fault. Right now, there are other things we need to concern ourselves with," Ed patted Al's shoulder and looked down to observe his new auto-mail hand as he flexed it. "We have to get rid of the homunculus in Hughes' house."

"Ni-san!"

At the other end of the room, Shiezka dropped the toolbox she was holding directly onto Winry's foot. As the blonde mechanic wailed in agony, Shiezka apologized quickly before turning back to Edward. "Ed! What are you implying!"

"Shiezka-san," Ed said, his face straight. "That man is a soulless shell that Alicia created in order to replace her father."

"So?" She shook her head in dismay. "What does that matter! Who are you to say who lives or dies!"

"Because I'm the only one who knows what that name really means," Ed challenged her.

"That doesn't give you the right to kill someone!"

"You're not my Papa," she said, sitting on his lap and pinching his cheeks. "But I love you anyway!" And then she threw her little arms around his neck and hugged him.

And he didn't know what to do, so he just hugged her back.

Gracia spent the day walking on air. She made them a gigantic breakfast with all of Alicia's favorites - buttermilk pancakes, strawberries, apple juice, toast with jam... Sin tried to help in the creation process, but she refused adamantly and Alicia spent most of the morning giggling while hanging onto his leg as he walked in circles around the house.

"You don't have to work today, do you?" She asked, staring up at him from where she was perched on his foot.

"No," he said, somewhat perplexed.

"Okay," she beamed. "Papa always had to work, but you can stay here with me forever!"

He barely had a shred of a reason to be happy living the life that another man had created, and he tried to stay solemn about the idea, and everything else that was going on. But in spite of what had happened to Sin the night before, everything was bright and exciting for the two original members of the family, and Sin was caught in the middle. When Gracia smiled, or when Alicia laughed, he could hardly stand it. His face hurt until he gave in and finally started smiling along with them. His arms grew tight with the desire to squeeze the girl against his chest. By the time dinner came around, he gave up trying to fight it.

He couldn't help but love the girls.

She feigned awe as she peered off into the distance through her paper-towel roll. "First mate Chucky! Do you see what I see?"

"I might if I had a scope, Captain!" Sin/Chucky responded, pouting and using a hand to shade his eyes as he pretended to squint off into the distance. "Is that..." He gasped, "it is!"

"There you have it, Chucky! As I told you, the floating city does exist!" She stuck her chin into the air confidently, the hair of her pigtails catching the light as they curled against her shoulder. "Now you will know to trust the word of your great captain!"

"Yes ma'am!" Sin/Chuckt said, sitting up in the sandbox in order to salute her. "I will never doubt you again!"

"Alright!" She said, swatting her scope into the palm of her hand. "Then you will do as I say and eat all of my lima beans at supper!"

"But..."

"No buts, Chucky! Now that I have proven trustworthyness to you, you must prove yourself to me by putting your life at risk for my sake!"

"I wasn't going to cook lima beans with supper, but now I am, and no one is going to eat them but you, Captain Alicia!" Gracia called from the back door. "This is by order of Mama, the Fuhrer!"

"Ha!" Alicia barked a laugh in her mother's direction. "But there is no more Fuhrer, Mama! So you can't be it!"

"Prime Minister, then!"

"Damn!" Alicia swore, recieving a look from Sin.

"No swearing or no dessert, Captain Alicia!"

They sat at the table, savouring Gracia's fantastic cooking in silence until Sin suddenly lunged over the table to take a stab at the pile of lima beans on Alicia's plate, stuffing them into his mouth. Gracia didn't have a chance to react, even in shock, before he made a gagging noise and fell from his chair onto the floor. Alicia laughed loudly and jumped from her chair to throw herself on top of him.

"Chuckyyyyyyy!" She tried to cry, grinning and giggling. "Noooooo!"

"Only... for you... Captain Alicia...!" And he gagged once more before allowing himself to fall limp against the dining room floor.

"Come on now," Gracia sighed, trying very hard to be angry, but having a hard time to mask her own undeniable amusement. "No fun allowed during supper."

After playing the day away with Alicia a lot harder than he had realized, Sin found himself refreshingly exhausted. With his dwindling energy, he managed to lift Alicia and her book from the couch, and carried them both to her room. She had been reading him fairy tales about princes and princesses after discovering he couldn't read. She shared with him all of her favorites until she had fallen asleep doing so.

Gracia watched him as he came down the stairs, smiling. Embarassed over the things he had done that day, he smiled meekly as he scratched the back of his head. "I adore your daughter," was his apology.

"You're allowed," she said, meeting him at the bottom of the staircase. Surprising him, she tucked her arms under his and embraced him, resting her face against his shoulder.

He had been getting hugs from Alicia all day, but he hadn't expected this from Gracia. He hesitated a moment before responding with his arms around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she sighed.

He was about to ask her why when there was a timid knock on the front door. Gracia lifted her head and they exchanged close glances before releasing each other, and going together to answer it.

"I need to talk to you," Alphonse Elric said, standing in the doorway, staring directly at Sin and overlooking Gracia's prescence. "Let's go for a walk." And, as an afterthought he added "...if you don't mind."

Sin and Gracia exchanged glances again, and Gracia just smiled at him. "I'll be just fine here on my own," she reassured. "Go on ahead."

Sin nodded without another word and, shuffling into the shoes that had once belonged to Maes Hughes as well as all the rest of the clothes he wore, he stepped outside in silence with Al.

"Take care," Gracia called quietly after them into the night air before she closed the door, leaving the cool dark step to burrow in the darkness of the night once again, before she remembered to snap on the outside light moments later.

"I'm sorry for taking you out into the cold so late," Al said quietly, following Sin out onto the street.

"Not a problem," Sin dismissed. It wasn't that cold, and although he was tired, he was fascinated with how perpetually his energy had lasted when he had spent time today with Alicia. Spending time with anyone else didn't have the same effect, including Al.

The blonde boy sighed and continued walking him aimlessly down the street. Sin found himself observing how different Al looked in the moonlight - all of his bright features darkened with the black canopy of the sky, his highlights brightened with the contrast of the moonlight, both of which fluctuated with each passing lamplight. Sin wondered if, out in the darkness of the night like this, he looked any less like Maes Hughes.

Not like it mattered anymore. Everyone now knew what he was.

"I think I kind of understand how you feel," Al began finally, after they had strayed far from where they had been. "I had another life once, too. A life I can't remember. A life everyone else lived in. Even without my memory, all I really wanted was to have my brother back. Every day of my life I've felt alone without him. I still don't understand how that gap between what I know and what I don't got there, or how I'm supposed to get rid of it. People talk to me about things I never knew actually happened. I thought he would be able to help me fill that hole. Not the hole in my memory - but the one in my life." Al sighed, and he stopped as he looked up at the sky between streetlights. "But now things are just bigger. He doesn't know what to do about me and my memories. Right now, he just says he feels glad that I can't remember all the horrible things that happened. Right now, he just..." Al took a deep, strengthening breath and he spun to face Sin. "He truly wants to kill you!"

Sin couldn't think of anything else to do than to stare blankly at the boy, so that was exactly what he did.

"Don't you understand, Hughes?" The name itself stunned Sin, like he had run straight into a brick wall as Al advanced on him, grabbing onto his arms. "You're a homunculus! He believes you don't have the right to be living that man's life!" Tears of frustration began pouring down the boy's face. Sin took it in, but he found himself still reeling by what Al had called him. "He doesn't understand! You and I are the same in all the ways that he hates you! If you aren't Hughes, then how am I his brother! What right does he have to believe that he's justified enough to kill you, and keep me alive?" He began shaking Sin rather powerfully as he turned his face to the ground. "He just doesn't understand that this Al - me - was just as good as dead for four years! Is there any difference between you and I? How could he want to kill you? How could he possibly..."

The boy descended into his sobs, leaning forward into Sin's chest. The homunculus - once more that day - went along with his impulse to embrace the boy, wrapping his arms around Al's trembling shoulders. Sin could understand his frustration. In Sin's entire lifetime of several weeks, he had grown used to things that he understood that Al must have been forced to go through as well. People talked over you about the person that you were supposed to be. People assumed you were that person - assumed that you knew everything. He had felt so useless and helpless that he couldn't understand; frustrated at the fact that he couldn't remember anything. Al had been suffering with this for four years.

And now, his brother - who he had loved and idolized for his entire life - had come back unaware of the pieces Al had been missing. Al was confessing all of this to Sin because he could never confess his feelings to his brother now. And he felt guilty - because he knew he wouldn't be able to stand up to him.

"I've tried so hard to keep up with everything," Al choked. "I can't stand this anymore."