"Tim, hey Tim."
I jerked awake, shoving myself off the couch in one movement.
"What, is the fuzz here?"
I glanced around the room, staring into the dark corners.
"Nah, no ones here." Curly was standing next to me, his voice quiet and without urgency.
"What's the fucking problem then?"
I sat back down, feeling my temper grind against breaking point. Damn little shit, what's he thinking waking a wanted man up in the middle of the night, of course I thought the worst.
"Nothing, forget it" he said, turning away.
I grabbed the back of his tee shirt and yanked him back over.
"What?" I snapped impatiently, feeling so tense it was hard to sit still. The room seemed too close around me, too quiet.
"Shit, Tim." His voice was strained and if I didn't know better I'd think he was about to cry or something.
"Shit what?" I breathed out slowly and tried to relax, but I couldn't seem to remember what relaxed felt like.
He sat down next to me and leaned his head back against the couch.
"I'm so tired" he said.
"Then fucking go back to sleep."
"Nah, tired of this."
I knew what he meant. Tired of this life that could feel like nothing more than a whirlwind you were trapped in, sometimes it seemed like you would never be able to get out. It would just keep on going, carrying on toward some bleak future.
"We'll be okay" I told him, even though I wasn't so sure of it myself.
I hated knowing that there were things beyond my control, things that couldn't be fixed with a fist.
"How, what are you gonna do? The fuzz are gonna come, we can't hide forever."
"I'm doing okay so far" I replied, because I didn't know what I was going to do.
Clearing out was the logical thing to do, but maybe I was a little more attached to my hometown than I'd ever imagined possible. I was king here, even in hiding I was king of the streets. In another city what would I be? Just another kid from the gutter, fighting over scraps, fighting just to stay alive.
"They gonna come" Curly repeated. "They gonna run you day and night, they always win. People like them always win."
He wasn't looking at me, just staring out toward the window, but I could hear the fear laced in his voice, and it was catching. Curly believed in me like no one else did, he thought I could do anything, but he didn't think I could get out of this mess.
"I'll figure something out" I said, trying to sound convincing. No matter how I felt, I always had to look like I was in control. It was what people expected of me, and it was what I wanted them to think.
I reached into my jacket where I had tossed it on the floor and got my cigarettes out.
"Goddamnit, stop treating me like a fucking kid!" Curly snapped his head back round to stare angrily at me. "Quit saying it's gonna be okay, you killed someone if you ain't forgotten already!"
He'd never spoken like that to me before, and any other time I'd have flattened him for it, but I couldn't bring myself to hit him. Beneath his angry words was desperate fear, and I could feel the old, slow ache of guilt deep in my chest.
We had only ever had each other, me and Curly. I should have done better for him.
"I ain't forgotten the reason we're sleeping on someone's fucking couch. You want me to click my fingers and make it all go away huh?"
I stopped, realizing there was no point to my argument. I wished I could make it go away, but what's done is done. And sooner or later, everything comes back to bite you.
That sharp clear instant on a bright street two mornings ago had changed everything in a way I never wanted. My old life suddenly seemed like a distant heaven, a violent heaven maybe, but at least one I could walk free in.
"I'm sick of hiding. Nothing ever gets better for us Tim."
I laughed, not to be mean, I just couldn't believe he was fifteen years old and still expecting that life would be fair.
"Didn't ya get some idea of what life would be like for us pretty early on?" I asked him, and braced myself as the memories washed over me again.
Like seeing a movie, not like something that had ever happened in my life.
…the knife in my fathers hand falling for a second time…Curly beside me, his eyes wide and transfixed, his mouth open slightly in wordless horror…and my mother most of all, the way her eyes had met mine, a silent plea…
She hadn't made a sound, until the knife struck the second time.
"Do you remember it much?" Curly asked. He obviously knew what I was meaning, even though it wasn't something we ever talked about.
I just shrugged and looked out the window, the night sky just a darker patch in the dark room, studded with stars. I wished I didn't remember it.
"We was eating ice cream" Curly said. "I remember that."
At the table with our bowels in front of us, seeing my father approach my mother from behind, her hair swinging as she turned.
"Yeah, and I ain't eaten it since."
Curly looked at me quickly, a softness in his eyes. I never admit to stuff like that, like bad memories that could still twist me inside.
"What did he say to you?"
I leaned back, remembering everything.
"I'm sorry boy" I echoed my father's words, the tired, empty tone.
I had looked into his eyes, they were so deep and far I felt like I was falling. The sound of his body hitting the ground was quieter than I'd expected, a dull thud.
I remembered running outside onto the dewy grass, the night hard and sickly white under streetlights. I had thought if I had seen this and survived I must be invincible.
"He was sorry" Curly said softly, with an edge of amusement. "He was a sorry bastard for sure."
Curly could always cut through bullshit and get to the basic straight up truth. He would be alright, I suddenly knew. Whatever happened, he was the type that could swallow his pain and keep on going.
"Tim," Curly said, "let's just go. Let's go to New York, you remember all the stories Dally used to tell us? It'd be wild there."
I thought of my gang, my friends, the kids that worshipped me, the rep I had built in this town. What I had thrown it away for.
"It'll never be the same here" Curly said. "You know that, you can't have it all your way all the time."
His image seemed to blur before me yet again that night, a child one instant, nearly a man the next.
After selling the dope tomorrow, I would have money to burn. A car, petrol, enough to get right across the country. I had never even been out of Tulsa before, I could hardly imagine the trip.
Sleeping in the car, washing up in public restrooms, eating at truck stops. Being free again, going wherever I wanted. I wondered if it would be so bad.
"We could go anywhere" Curly said, knowing. "Go to California, or Las Vegas even."
He sighed and stretched his arms above his shoulders, then I saw him flinch sharply and slowly lower his bad arm.
"Go get some sleep" I told him. "We can't do nothing now anyway."
He started to get up, then paused. "I'm going with you, whatever happens, okay?"
"Sure you are. I'm gonna need someone to carry my bags and wash my clothes."
"You suck" he said, lifting a finger.
I lay down again and shut my eyes, and Roberts face was there in front of me, his smiling innocent school photo that had filled Buck's TV screen the night he died.
Go away, I told him inside my head. If it wasn't enough for the soc's to haunt me during the day, now they wanted to haunt my sleep too?
He got what he deserved.
The next morning was like the one before, Darry up first, grabbing the paper off the porch, yelling at his younger brothers.
I hauled myself off the couch and went through to the bathroom, busting for a piss and feeling half asleep still. Bloody Curly waking me up.
He was still asleep on the couch when I went back in, despite how loud Darry could yell. I grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head up, the fasted way to wake him.
"Owww, shit Tim!"
Darry was standing by the couch reading the paper, looking kind of stressed out. Guess that's what you get for working two jobs, I find holding down one hard enough.
He sighed and passed me over the paper, so I gathered I was the big event in Tulsa again.
"Killer Eludes Police" was the headline, and underneath it was my photo, and a few lines naming me as a suspect.
I remembered visiting Dally in hospital after he was on the front page, telling him I couldn't believe they didn't have "wanted dead or alive" under his photo. They just about bloody did under mine. Apparently I was armed and dangerous, and not to be approached.
I leaned over to show that part to Curly.
"See, stay away."
He grinned blearily at me, he hates not getting his sleep. Not like me, I'm fine on about five hours a night.
"You look like shit" he observed, looking at the photo.
That was true, it was taken just a couple of nights after the last rumble, I had a busted nose and my eyes were blackened. I figured no one would recognize me from my mug shot at least.
"What's it say?" Curly asked impatiently, hanging over my shoulder.
"You can read can't ya?"
"Hey Pony." He was distracted by Ponyboy coming in.
"Morning" Ponyboy said, looking a little surprised to see us there.
"Come on Soda" Darry yelled, then turned to Ponyboy. "Hurry up, get ready for school would ya. And go wake your brother."
"I ain't got half an hour to spare to wake him" Pony replied.
Darry smiled slightly at him and shook his head, looking at me like I was supposed to understand or something. Can't say I did, I'd always left it up to Curly if he goes to school or not. I never saw what good any of that does you anyway, not for the life we were gonna lead.
"Do you wanna coffee?" Darry asked me.
"Yeah."
I was pretty hung over actually, a coffee would probably help. I went back to scanning the paper. The second page was taken up with an article headed "Class Warfare" and pretty much just went over everything that happened with Johnny killing that soc, and me killing Robert.
Whoever wrote the article seemed to think the deal was that we hated the soc's because we were jealous that they had better clothes and flash cars. Load of damn bullshit, last thing I wanted to wear was some pretty boy sweater, and if I wanted a flash car I'd just steal one. Those middle class reporters didn't know the first thing about it.
"Who's seen my shoes?" Soda demanded, coming in with just a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Find your clothes first huh?" Darry suggested.
"Yeah, yeah." Soda shrugged. "Hey Tim, you wanna sign with your name on it for that couch?"
He gave me a big enough grin that I let him get away with the smartarse comment.
"Soda come on, don't be making Pony late for school again."
"Yeah, you got me a detention slip yesterday Sodapop."
"Tell 'em to send it to me then" Soda said cheerfully, heading off back down the hallway.
"You going to school today?" Ponyboy asked Curly.
"Nah."
"Well you are Pony, so come get some breakfast."
I listened to the heavy thud of his schoolbag hitting the floor as he dropped it before going into the kitchen. The only thing Curly ever used his school bag for was stashing alcohol in when he went out.
No one had ever been able to make him go to school. But I could have, if I had really wanted to. I thought suddenly of all the possible futures stretched out ahead of Ponyboy, and the dead end in front of Curly.
He could be my second in command, maybe. I knew that was all he had ever wanted anyway, but it didn't seem so much like what he wanted as what he had been born shackled to.
"Do you want something to eat Curly?" Ponyboy called out.
"Yeah" he got up eagerly, I remembered we hadn't eaten since lunch at Dairy Queen yesterday. I wasn't even hungry, my appetite seemed to have gone.
Darry came in and handed me a coffee.
"You read the paper?" he asked me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, had a quick look."
He seemed to be waiting for me to say something else.
"What about it?"
He shifted his weight a little, I had never seen the guy look uncomfortable before, but he sure did now.
"I can't afford no trouble. If I go up on charges the states gonna take my brothers, alright."
Yeah here we go. I sleep on his couch a couple of nights and suddenly he wants a favor, some help, someone beaten up.
He was no different from anyone else. How was I supposed to get him off a charge anyway? Did he really expect I had a judge in my pocket or something? Although, damn we could do with a bribable judge round here.
"Your brothers ain't my fucking problem" I said bluntly.
He didn't back down like everyone else did when I got pissed off, he picked up the paper and held it out to me.
"You read that bit there? If the cops find you here they charge me with aiding and abetting."
Seemed the only favor he wanted was me to get out of his house. He had some guts, I'll give him that.
"So don't tell 'em I'm here and you won't have no problem" I said evenly.
"You know that ain't what I mean." A hint of anger had crept into his voice. "I sure won't be telling them nothing, but this neighborhood is crawling with cops now. They're kicking down doors, doing searches – they're coming Tim." He stopped and looked at me.
To keep up my rep I should have knocked him out. But I can't be an asshole all the time. Thing was I could understand, I'm the same way myself. My loyaltywould always be to my brother above anyone else.
"Fuck it I'm so hungover" Wade suddenly stumbled in and flopped down beside me, unaware he'd just interrupted a standoff.
Darry looked down at his watch. "I better get to work."
He glanced at me quickly, his expression hard to read. Curly came out the kitchen and handed me a plate.
"Here Tim, I made you some ham and eggs."
I took it warily, Curly can't cook for shit.
"You should eat something" he told me.
"Where's mine?" Wade demanded.
"In the kitchen waiting for you to cook it ya lazy prick."
"Hurry up guys!" Darry was yelling at his brothers again. No wonder he doesn't smoke, his throat wouldn't be able to handle any more punishment.
"See you guys later" Soda said to us as he headed out the door.
"See you" Pony said, following behind him. He stopped and looked back at Curly. "You going to the school dance next Friday?"
"Yeah, might stop by."
School dances weren't real tuff to go to, if Curly went it would probably only be to see how much trouble he could cause.
"And don't speed!" Darry called after Soda.
He pulled his jacket on and stood in front of me for a moment.
"I'll be seeing ya, Darry."
He could take that whatever way he wanted. While I wasn't going to try and make trouble for the guy, if I wanted to stay somewhere I would.
Darry gave me a tight smile. "Anytime" he said, which I guess I could take whatever way I wanted.
"Thanks for letting us stay" said Wade.
He's always coming out with shit like that, he's gotta be the most polite hood I've ever met. I remember holding up a store with him when we were about fourteen and he thanked the guy for handing us the money.
Curly went over to the window after Darry left and stood looking out at the street for a while.
"No fuzz out there" he reported.
"That's good, 'cause we got some pounds to move today." Wade gave me a lazy grin. "We gonna be rich today. Hey you gonna eat that?"
I shook my head and passed him the ham and eggs Curly had made, then got up and went to the window. I thought about going to New York, or California. I was going to run out of places to go in Tulsa, it wasn't big enough to hide in for long, unless I planned on never going out. And if I never went out, I might as well be in jail anyway.
"How's that arm?" I asked Curly.
"It's okay."
"Yeah?" I grabbed it and gave it a quick but light twist.
"Fuck!" He bent over his arm, his face going suddenly pale. "Fuck you Tim."
I swore myself and pulled out my cigarettes. I was gonna have to take him to the hospital, the doctor had warned that a fall or heavy impact to his arm could fracture the bone along the old break, where the pins were.
I lit a smoke and gave it to Curly. I figured I could drop him at the hospital then me and Wade could go do the deal. It would get him out the way too, I didn't really want him along. Dealing with that much dope and cash ain't a game, things can get heavy.
"So what's the plan then?" Wade asked.
"Tim could break my other arm?" Curly suggested sulkily.
"You go to Buck's and get us the car" I told Wade. "I ain't gonna go walking down the street right now. And you kid, keep giving me lip and I might."
"Damn ain't big brothers mean bastards?" Wade said sympathetically to Curly. He was the youngest of eight kids himself. "I guess I'll be a while, Buck's ain't exactly across the road."
I watched him going out the front door with a kind of sick envy. What I wouldn't do to just be able to walk out the door without thinking, walk down the street.
I looked at Curly. "We'll leave town tonight, okay."
A/N: I know there wasn't any action in that chapter but I hope it was okay anyway, even Tim has to rest sometimes!
A note on Darry not wanting Tim to stay, hopefully it didn't seem out of character. Being the responsible guy he is, especially when it comes to his brothers, I didn't think he would hide someone wanted for murder at his house.
Okay a question for any Americans reading this…how does your health system work? Is it free or user pays? I kind of have the impression from a couple of movies that people have to pay or have insurance, but are there also free hospitals / clinics? It would be helpful to know for the next chapter, so it would be cool if someone could help me out. Thanks :)
Thanks to all who reviewed, I appreciate hearing what you think. A few replies…
Starbryte: Yeah you are totally right, can't believe I missed that! The incident with the car getting rammed is loosely based on some guys I know, so it might seem crazy but it can happen!
NittanyLizard: Thanks for the review. Yeah I love writing all the emotional conflict stuff, love to torture these two boys …hehe…
Vripter: Thanks you're such a sweetie:) So what's your website? Yeah maybe your right about the category, I wasn't sure what to put it in when I started, but it seems to begetting abit more "angst" or whatever than I meant it to!
Locket the lookout: Well as you can see from this chapter Darry is not real impressed!
Reviewer: Cheers dude (as we say in NZ!). I always got the impression from the book that Tim did care about Curly, he just had a rough way of showing it.
Aslan: Yeah Curly gets hell aye, poor kid! Maybe I should let him get laid next chapter – just joking;) You have totally got how I picture him too, and yeah I think their circumstances would bring it out more too, seeing as it is just the two of them and Tim is like his brother / father / friend /all in one, plus the gang president.
Trine: Thanks, hope you enjoyed this chapter too even though it's a bit slower than the others. The relationships are the fun part (for me) I suck at writing fights!
tennischick: I can see what you mean, I guess the way I look at it is they have lost their parents and Tim is all Curly has, so he kind of clings to him as his only stability. Also Curly looks up to him not just as his big brother but as a gang leader, and for that reason too would see him as someone to be listened to. Anyway hopefully this chapter made it a bit clearer too. As for what Tim would do if Curly didn't listen to him, I think he would probably deck him!
Yellowmellow: Thanks for reviewing. I update as fast as I can, I just wish I got paid to write so I didn't have to work...then I could update much faster!
101: Hope you like this chapter, it's a long one so maybe that makes up for the wait? I'm trying to make sure Tim only thinks about how he cares about Curly, I figure he isn't the type to actually show it too much or say anything.