The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;

He leadeth me beside the still waters;

He restoreth my soul;

He leadeth me in straight paths for his name's sake;

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

For Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff comfort me;

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;

Thou anointeth me with oil;

My cup runneth over;

For surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

- Psalm 23

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One week later

The small crowd on the balcony began to drift apart. The last time this particular balcony had been used was a celebration, when it had finally sunk in that the city had not drowned and that everyone other than Colonel Sumner had escaped the Wraith, at least that time. The mood today was somber, though, as befit the occasion.

Elizabeth closed the small Bible she had read from and put it in a uniform pocket. She hugged herself as the wind began to blow and watched her people in their grief. For once, Rodney had made no obnoxious comments about religion. John and Teyla stood together in silence, John unconsciously rubbing the spot on his neck where the Wraith-bug had attached. Michelle had cared for him well while he was recuperating. Ford had stared out over the ocean during the entire service, his jaw clenched.

Despite all the efforts of the infirmary staff, Michelle Donohue had died three days earlier. The cancer had spread to her chest and grew rapidly, cutting off her ability to breathe. Dr. Schwartz had told Elizabeth of the likely outcome shortly after Carson's collapse. Elizabeth refused to think about how close they'd come to losing two people that night.

Well, three actually, counting John. Carson's last cube-derived inspiration had worked, but only after several more hours of danger for John. John still looked weak, and Elizabeth didn't miss the way he surreptitiously leaned on Rodney as they walked away.

The infirmary staff had clumped together during the funeral, but most of them left quickly. In minutes, the only ones left on the balcony were herself and Carson, who was leaning on one of the railings and looking down into the water.

Thinking of what he had gone through still made Elizabeth sick to her stomach. The two of them had talked for a long time while he was recovering, and he had haltingly told her of his experience while clinically dead. It had only been for a few minutes, but even that was too long.

Elizabeth still couldn't believe the burden of guilt Carson had carried around. He always had a cheerful manner (except sometimes when dealing with Rodney!), and focused his entire attention on whomever he was with. It was easy to forget that he had been hurt and was also under a great deal of stress.

Well, Elizabeth wasn't going to forget anymore. She walked to the railing next to him and put a hand on his arm. "How are you doing, really? Are you okay?"

"No." he admitted honestly. "But I will be."

Elizabeth thought that he was already looking better physically. One week ago Carson had looked like a ghost. He had been gaunt and pale, with bloodshot eyes. After a week of food and enforced rest (Dr. Schwartz had insisted on daily check-ups, but otherwise had barred Carson from the infirmary), his appearance was closer to normal.

Speaking of the good doctor... Elizabeth gently teased, "Is Schwartz still talking to you these days?" Schwartz had assumed Carson's care, and the two of them had argued almost constantly.

That earned a small but genuine smile from Carson. "Aye, he'd better be! I've officially made him my "second in command", so to speak. Anyone who can deal with me as a patient deserves something!"

Elizabeth laughed softly. It was a good choice. Despite the head butting, the two appeared to work well together. And a division of labor could only help.

The two stood in companionable silence for awhile. In the background Kavanagh could be heard whining about something. Peter, who'd attended the funeral and was in no mood for any crap, explained in clipped, precise tones exactly what Kavanagh could go do with himself. There was at least a semblance of normalcy in the midst of chaos.

"Did Zalenka tell you what he found?" Elizabeth finally asked.

"Aye. Probably why we found the things next to a sign saying 'in case of emergency'." Zalenka had come up to him one night in the mess hall, horrified that he had almost not made his discovery in time. Carson had insisted that the Czech have dinner with him, reassuring Zalenka that he was grateful that the discovery had been made at all.

Now that Carson thought about it, he realized that he hadn't eaten alone the entire week. Teyla and some of the Athosians joined him for breakfast one morning. Both together and separately, Rodney and John had bantered, bickered, and all-around driven him crazy. The biggest surprise came when Bates had beckoned him over one evening, ostensibly to discuss plans for fitness training. Carson decided he liked the young security chief with the bone-dry sense of humor, despite the dislike other members of the crew had taken to him.

As if reading his mind, Elizabeth said, "The news traveled fasts after you "died." You'll be a popular man for awhile as everyone reassures themselves that you're still around." People were also offering moral support, of course, each in his or her own way.

Carson abruptly changed the subject. Hesitant once again, he said, "Look, Elizabeth. I'd appreciate it if, you know, ya didn't tell anyone about what I told you. I'd hate for folks to know the CMO was seein' visions. Might make them a wee bit nervous."

Elizabeth pulled Carson around to face her. "I won't. But for God's sake, Carson, you pushed yourself literally to death to try to save a patient! People here are just happy to know they've got someone who cares about them that much. But you can never do something like that again!"

In unspoken agreement, they pushed away from the railing and began to walk along the path that ringed the outside of the city. After awhile, Elizabeth asked, "Are you familiar with the myth of Asclepius?"

"Greek healer, used snakes, possibly the origin of the symbol of medicine?"

"Only partially true. We had to learn about him in a philosophy class I took. He was supposedly the son of the Greek god Apollo and an incredibly skilled healer. People came from far and wide hoping for even the tiniest bit of his attention. Some say that his mere touch could heal."

"I can see where that would be a useful ability."

Elizabeth continued. "One day, a grieving man brought his extremely sick child to Asclepius. By the time they arrived, though, the child was beyond help. According to the myth, Asclepius found a spark deep within himself that allowed him to bring the child back to life. Zeus, the father of all the gods, was so angry that someone had usurped his power over life and death that he struck Asclepius down on the spot. Afterwards, Zeus was sorry, so he raised Asclepius and made him the god of medicine and healing."

"Raising the dead is another ability that I'd love to have," Carson said sadly. "Michelle was a good friend."

"I know. But you're missing the point here. The point is that there's only so much that a man can do, and pushing beyond that can have dire consequences. You saw that yourself firsthand." Echoing Oma Desala, she said, "There are some people you just can't save."

Carson continued to argue. "But in the end Asclepius was rewarded," he said, his voice almost pleading. "He became a god."

They'd arrived at a door back into the city. "But he had to die in order to get there. And he stayed dead, at least for awhile. Atlantis can't afford to lose its Chief Medical Officer. And I don't want to lose another good friend." Elizabeth briefly hugged Carson, then was gone.

Carson knew she was right. But the part of him that was both physician and scientist rebelled at giving anything less than everything he had. And despite Oma's counsel, he still abhorred the darkness that he knew was part of him. However, he was finally willing to believe that redemption was possible. And he knew that he had plenty of friends to help him along the way.

FIN

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A/N

Out of Phase, Jenna: Oma Desala it is. ("Alex, I'll take ascended beings for $200.")

Cryogenie: Here, have a box of tissues. hugs

tko: Err... um... Sorry?

Rowana, potterfan: As he said, Carson isn't totally fine, but he'll get there. And he'll have lots of help from his friends.

Emma: That is an excellent point about the lamb. Especially given the theme of redemption in this story. I actually wasn't consciously thinking about that when I put the lamb in, but it fits.

Belisse, nebbyJ: The last paragraph of Chapter 9 was the first thing in my head when I started the story. Everything was building up towards this. And if I was able to make it an evil cliffhanger, even better.. . ;-)

pike2: Now that's an image I won't soon forget. ("Hello, Domino's, how may I help you?" "We seek nourishment that is round like the cycle of life... with pepperoni and mushrooms.")

And that, my friends, is the end of my first long fanfic. Hope you liked it, and hopefully I managed to bring things around full circle. I know I said earlier that I don't plan on any sequels to this, but I realize I've left some loose ends, in particular Ford's reaction to everything. There's probably at least one or two related stories in here, plus all the rest that are bubbling up in my head!

Thanks again to all the reviewers. Peace.