Just Too Tempting
By Avadne
Interlude 2: Reality
I look at them all; they're so much more than me. I'm the tag along; I know it's what everyone sees me as. They are the real heroes, the ones that are wanted, needed, famous and there. They are the ones that are looked up to with awe, not me. I'm only associated by name, or something. I'm fading in the background while they shine.
They're so different, yet so alike. There's a clear leader type system, and I can assure you that I'm at the bottom in every situation. Never at the top, never winning or shining brightly like a star. It's always one of them, and they deserve it. I'm jealous, but it's theirs, because they are extraordinary friends and the best, only ones I've got.
Yes, there is a role for us. Under the full moon, Remus is the leader, power wise. Then Sirius and James, about the same. And I'm at the end, as a rat. Without the moon, as people, James is at the top. Sirius and Remus are close behind, but I'm last again. Yet I depend on my friends, my bond with Sirius, Remus and James especially. They've always saved me from anything I needed saving form.
They always helped me. They are my protectors as well as my friends. And that's how I survive; with them. But the reality of my situation is that they won't always be there. They'll be here for as long as they can, but not forever. And that's why I've got to learn to survive by myself.
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I guess it's my own fault. My own fault that I was so foolhardy, so stupid to go out that night. To get bitten. So I had to keep the secret. And why is it that if I keep my secret so well, I can see other people do it too? I can just tell when things aren't completely right. It would make sense that I do, doesn't it?
I know things that others don't. I hear things, see things that others don't. Enhanced senses aren't as fun as they sound, let me tell you. Like on their arrival, that first day in the closet. Why do I keep getting that scene played back over and over again?
I don't want this; I never asked for it. I didn't think I was such an awful person to deserve it. Not when there are slimy gits like Snape running around. But apparently, whatever made it happen had a different opinion. I wonder why it was me they picked, I wonder every day. But I'll probably never know why and I had to accept that.
That's how I know; I know that the reality is, not all things are as they seem. Include the 2 that I've grown so fond of during this last period of time. I know something is not right. And that keeps me landed in reality, and not off in the dream world others may be. Full of possibilities, scenarios that might not happen. Because there's always a secret and this time is no exception to that rule.
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It's always me, isn't it? Me, stuck in the stupid role of leadership. So they expect me to know what to do. Like I don't have enough of my own problems as it is. Like I don't have my own life to deal with, et alone theirs. No, don't get me wrong; I don't resent their friendship and everything else they've given to me. But sometimes, it sucks being the one they go to for help, they look up to.
And I still haven't figured out why; why is it me that's the natural leader of things? When was this decided? I wasn't the obvious choice, not really. Well, ok, I sort of was. But I wasn't the only obvious choice. There were and still are others that would do it just as well as me. Unless I'm doing terribly and no one informed me, they're just playing along.
It's strange that we have such leadership roles. I suppose that's part of the reason I got my position, school-wide, not just in our group. The teachers seem to also think I'm a born leader. So now that everyone else believes it, when am I going to start seeing some of this great skill and talent that I 'naturally posses'?
So as I conclude these thoughts, it's a strange reality we live in. A reality that's wonderful yet terrible at the same time. And once again, I have to choose. So why, if I'm the great leader, was I born so indecisive? And when will it go away? Will it ever?
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I'm not worried about him and her anymore. No, I'm back to thinking about my family. Not my group, the ones I consider a family. But my blood family, the ones that conceived me, raised me and began to teach me their ways, the ways that I never wanted or believed in… the ones that I was against from an early age and the same ones that they could never beat into me, even though we were flesh and blood.
I thought they would have stopped trying by now, but there are still a few last-ditch attempts, especially on Mothers side. I ignore my 'brother'; the only thing connecting us is blood and nothing else. But I'm staying right here, on the good side, away from my maniacal family, with only one live exception apart from me now.
How I've come to hate that word; blood. It changes everything, and if my family wasn't such a bunch of self absorbed, Dark Art fanatics, we could get along. But that's never going to happen, and I know it. I don't think I really care anymore. I've moved on.
I know it; I faced my reality a long time ago. I will never have a true, caring blood family. But I don't need them, and I never will again. I have all the family I need with me in the form of them, around me at Hogwarts. I've stopped dreaming about loving parents, good brothers or even a sister. Because I have it; now, my reality is actually better than the dream.
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When ever I see either him or her, I remember my best friend. I remember how Harry has her eyes, yet his hair. I remember that Harry has his glasses, but her skin. Every time, in never loses effect; every time, I get the same memory rush of the best friend that is not here.
I am reminded of my other best friend. Ron's flaming hair comes to my mind on instinct, and it is there, reminding me that I am no longer with them. I'm no longer with them in the body, but they remain in my sprit. I think of them every day, never forgetting the sound of Ron's laughter or the way Harry's looks at me through his hollowed eyes.
While Harry and Ron are there, and I am here, I do not see them. But I can feel their presence, their imprints on my heart. They will be there forever, I think. Even if we do not find a way back home and stay here forever, a possibility that's terrifyingly dangerous yet unbelievably exciting at the same time. Even if such a phenomenal event occurs, they will forever be imprinted on my heart.
Harry and Ron… while you aren't here, I talk to you anyway. I pretend you're here with me, like you should be. I pretend that it's all like it used to be, like I never came here and never left you. But I know it's not. I have to face reality after all, I have to come down from my cloud of imagination.
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It's strange with them; strange to have acquaintances, allies… maybe, on some odd level, friends. How my house has become such a war of power; it's always been like that, and it will probably never change. But this is the highest I've ever seen it at. The tension is so thick, you can see it; you can see it in the way people talk, act, or even where they sit. A simple gesture like that isn't so simple any more.
This is all about beliefs, the beliefs of Slytherin and the beliefs it should have. A Slytherin should be cunning and sly, but isn't automatically a Death Eater or Dark Arts fanatic; it's not meant to be like that and it never was. But it is.
It sucks being in the middle. Now, you may just think I'm whining, since I do that a lot. And if it were some stupid fight between two friends over a girl or something, I couldn't have cared less. But I'm right in the centre of the biggest event Slytherin has faced for many years. Every passing second sucks.
It's a power game, a struggle of 'good' and 'evil', as it were. Them against us. I have myself, plus two of the most powerful Slytherin members. But they have the majority, as well as a lot of power too. So no I have to leave the dream I had, where I was back at home and face my reality, my fate and what I was meant to do from the very start. Save Slytherin.
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Another interlude is here. Yes, these are shorter than other chapters, and once again I'm saying there is a significant meaning in these.
Each chapter is just one word, one important word that all of the drabbles are based around. Be aware of that.
I reccommed checking out my new ficlet, 8 Miles Running. I've been told it's good...?
Thanks very much to Deepseadolphin11, Gwynn-Potter, Kris-tina4 and Nissy Padfoot for their reviews. I'm totally rushed at the moment, but I swear I'll do review replies next chapter.
Avadne