Three Of A Kind
Disclaimer: All characters and episodes belong to Chris Carter and 1013 productions. I am just borrowing them!
Byers suffers a mid-life crisis while Scully overdoses on Dizzy Water and Langly and Frohike stand around doing nothing. And Mulder apparently disapears of the face of the Earth or something like that...
Byers: My name is John Fitzgerald Byers...I was named after some guy, a president apparently. Anyway, I keep having a beautiful dream. In my dream, everyone runs around in togas. Oh and I have everything I could want, kids, a beautiful wife, my own house and even a dog called Buddy! But the dream ends the same way every time. I end up been stuck with Langly and Frohike for the rest of my life.
Shuffling man: Okay, let's play some serious snap guys.
Glasses Man: Getting to the good stuff I see.
Bald Man: Indeed we are, hey you bring your wife?
Glasses Man: No? You?
Bald Man: How bout you?
Bearded Man: Of course, when I tell her I'm playing Snap, I'm playing Snap.
Bald Man and Glasses Man: Brave man!
Glasses man: Oh yeah, who's the weird guy in the glasses who we don't know but are willing to let him join us.
Byers: Me, I'm nobody, I'm just gonna sit here and listen to your conversations so I can write about what you're up to in the latest edition of our paper.
Bald Man: Sounds good to me. SNAP!
Shuffling Man: Really hmm, Security, get this impostor out...and his friend too.
Frohike: Hey, I didn't spit in your drink bub! But I'm starting to wish I had.
Byers: How on Earth did you know I was an impostor, you must be really smart.
Scully: Hello whoever this is with a damn good reason to ring...Mulder, what a pleasant surprise. It's been like, about six episodes since you...
Mulder's Voice: Look Scully, I'm gonna get straight to the point...
Suspicious Scully: Okay...carry on.
Mulder's Voice: I want to you to go to Las Vegas...
Suspicious Scully: Carry on.
Mulder's Voice: To help the Lone Gunmen out, as they're so intellegent, good looking and have figured out a plan for something.
Scully: Really...
Mulder's Voice: Yeah.
Scully: Okay then, Viva Las Vegas...
Byers: I can't believe she fell for it.
Frohike: I can't believe how dead we're gonna be when she finds out.
Langly: What if she calls Mulder? Why aren't we asking him to come here?
Frohike: Who cares, we're sooooo gonna die.
Byers: Number one, if she calls him, it'll ring here. Number two, Mulder's practically a household name among everyone, and we need our own government agent but not one who will be constantly asked for autographs.
Langly: Gotcha!
Jimmy: Knock Knock! C...
Langly, Frohike and Byers: I...A, we know.
Langly: You say it everytime, get an original catchphrase.
Jimmy: Like what?
Frohike: How about just saying, Hey it's me for once.
Jimmy: Yeah right and be normal, what is this normal anyhow, how do we know that any of us if normal and did you know that normal people tend to die younger...
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppp!
Langly: Dude, how did he get hit by a bus, in the hotel?
Frohike: Beats me, want lobster?
Langly: Sure.
Byers: You guys go ahead, I'm gonna sit round here and mope.
Frohike: Go ahead you two. Don't say it Byers, you've come here AGAIN. To look for Suzanne AGAIN. Just because you met her at a conference, 10 years ago AGAIN. Come on…all you can eat lobster.
Byers has a funny turn and runs, knocking people over.
Frohike: Byers, what are you playing at? We're not that strapped for cash…that doesn't happen until season nine.
Byers leaves the room and sees Suzanne opening a door and kissing the man, later known as Grant.
Byers: I saw Suzanne, she's in suite 1066 and she's kissing another guy, clearly she's been brainwashed!
At the conference Byers and Langly try to figure out how to get in.
Byers: Well I can't in because that mean looking security guard knows me and you, well you look like a girl.
Langly: Hey!
Byers: Sorry but you do.
Jimmy: I can get you in there.
Langly: Where's your girlfriend, Timmy?
Jimmy: There's some naked chick who'll teach you how to shoot machine guns in the desert, the thought hasn't occurred to me that it's a convient excuse so I just go with it. Anyhow, I can get you in there.
After much success, Jimmy enters the air duct and looks out a vent. Gets out his camera and has a sudden urge to record a log.
Jimmy: Jimmy's log, have made contact. After a long journey, I have finally arrived at my destination; not much is going on. Talking, unveiling political assassination techniques, the usual. There's your chickee Byers and no way, Timmy? What is with the dress sense?
Timmy turns round and looks directly at the vent.
Jimmy: Ugh-oh.
Two men pull out Jimmy and Timmy injects him with a funky looking staple gun.
Jimmy: Dude, I have a bad feeling about this.
Scully arrives in Las Vegas…
Scully: Can you take these bags to my room, thanks.
Byers: Agent Scully…
Scully: Please no… :turns round: Hey guys, where's Mulder?
Langly: Remember what Frohike said about been dead?
Byers: Mulder has had other pressing matters to attend to…he asked us to help you and brief you on the case.
Scully: Okay.
Random extra number one: Someone's just been hit by a bus, come see. Come see.
Langly: Man, it's Jimmy.
Scully: You know him.
Langly: Well yeah, what with the "it's Jimmy."
Scully: What's going on? Why is the sky blue and the grass green? Oh wait, I have to do an autopsy now and be injected with something to forget the findings and hit on you, don't I?
Frohike: I snuck into Suzanne's room and watched her get unchanged…I mean went to put the camera in.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Suzanne: One of you has been in my room.
Byers: Suzanne…
Suzanne: You've been filming me, how could you?
Frohike: It weren't us…maybe it was your male friend there.
Suzanne: Grant, why would he be filming us?
Langly: Videos of that nature, good money!
Suzanne: He wouldn't do that.
Byers: He clearly brainwashed you...
Suzanne: That's your excuse for everything.
random laughter rings throughout the whole hotel
Langly: What was that?
Byers: Beats me.
Frohike: I'll go find out...
Scully: So it turns out he isn't in Las Vegas and I am stuck giggles no stranded with these three geeks and they haven't even told me why I am here giggles I mean I do have a life giggles okay maybe not.
Morris Fletcher: You poor thing, have a cigarette.
Scully: Well to smoke would be out of character for me, oh wait. So is being surround by men giggles and being drunk, I mean the last time I did that, let's just say I have a nice tatoo, maybe I'll show you sometimes winks giggles
Frohike walks in on the performance
Frohike: Scully?
Scully: There's one of them now giggles
Frohike: You do know how much this is turning me off right about now. Look guys, this is Special Agent Dana Scully of the FBI and if you as much as lay...one Scully repeatly tries to grab one of her guests I give up. drags her away
Frohike: Look at this!
Langly: Scully? Drunk? Owww, itchy ear.
Byers: Clearly, she's been brainwashed.
Suzanne: His right, for once. It's a formula that I developed. Only me... only me and Grant have the sample.
Byers: I knew it, you guys owe me!
Timmy: This is a gun, point, aim and shoot the target.
Langly: Easy enough.
Suzanne and Grant are in the meeting, watching the clock.
Grant: Time for a break.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Grant: Help, someone. Erm, she has been shot for some mysterious reason which I am in no way part of. Suzanne is lifted onto a stretcher by someone looking like Frohike and Byers, Langly mysteriously disapears and Scully does her doctor thing
Scully: Can you come with me please?
Grant: What's this about?
Scully: I've already shown my ID what more do you want. Respect the badge, punk!
Scully leads Grant to a room where Suzanne is alive and well.
Grant: What are you doing alive? I mean oh my god, you're alive.
Suzanne: Give us five minutes alone, when I'm finished with you mister the only way they're gonna identify you is by your dental records... hey you shot him.
Timmy: Yes, guess who's next.
Langly: Timmy, a bad guy?
Frohike: It's always the quiet ones...
Timmy: I won't have to dress like you anymore!
Byers: You don't though, Langly wears his T shirts with various bands on Frohike, well anything goes with him and I wear suits.
Timmy: Granted, touche... is injected giggles
Scully on phone: They did wha..but how di...and I though... That's it, their getting their asses kicked.
Suzanne: Bye John, I wish you could come with me but instead this ring will make up for it. It was meant for Grant but... you know.
Byers: I understand takes ring and car drives off
Langly: See who needs a chickadee when you have us.
Frohike: Yeah growing old with us isn't so bad.
Byers screaming: Where's that ice bucket!