Fifteen.
"I think Shawna doesn't trust me," Richard said.
"Why's that?" Chris asked, collapsing in an armchair, not really listening too much. He had things on his mind—the trial, the new countersuit, the album they were recording, and Alejandro—and really just wanted to veg out in front of the television for awhile. But Richard seemed to want to talk, and he knew Richard well enough to know that the only way to get some peace and quiet would be to let him, so he half-listened as Richard began talking.
"She didn't even tell me about her mom."
"Maybe she thought you'd try and talk her out of it."
"Well, of course I would have! …That's what she said."
"So she trusts you. She just knows you very well."
"But she still should have told me, I'm her boyfriend. We can't have a relationship if we don't trust each other, and we're in love."
"Whoa, really? When did that happen?"
"I haven't said it yet," Richard said sheepishly. "Neither has she. But I am and I'm sure she is."
"You're sure?"
"Why shouldn't I be? Shawna loves me."
"Well, I know you love her, but she's Shawna Rivers, she could have anyone she wants; what makes you so sure that… you're the one?"
"Are you saying I'm not good enough for her?"
"No!" Chris backtracked. "I didn't mean it like that; I just meant… Uh… I dunno, she seems a little… shallow?"
"I can't believe you're calling her shallow!"
"Have you ever actually talked to her? Had a conversation?"
"Yeah, of course I have. We talk about stuff all the time…"
"Like?"
"Like… uh… business matters?"
"Do you ever talk about deep stuff?"
"Deep stuff?"
"Yeah, like world affairs or, uh, other things like that."
Richard snorted. "Do you?"
"Sometimes," Chris said evasively.
Shaking his head suspiciously, Richard said, "Chris, you care about the world less than anyone I've ever met. Entire countries could be blown straight off the map and you wouldn't care as long as it didn't affect your career."
"Yeah, well, maybe I've started paying attention to more things lately," Chris mumbled, his face turning a light shade of pink.
"Since when? Since you had to actually start reading the newspaper to keep up with lawsuit news, or since you got together with Alejandro and realized that he actually cares about the world and so you'd better look as though you do?"
"Or maybe I actually care."
"Oh, yeah?" Richard smirked. "Pop quiz, hotshot: which two countries in southern Asia have been at the brink of nuclear war more than once?"
"Uhh…" Chris frowned, wracking his brain for the names of two countries in southern Asia. "Okay," he admitted grudgingly, "so I don't actually know that. But I'm learning!"
"Yeah, you, learning. Sure. Is this like when he was your math tutor?"
"Hey, shut up. I'm not dumb, you know. I can learn when I want to."
Richard raised an eyebrow.
"It is possible for me to want to, you know!" He stuck out his tongue and added spitefully, "If Shawna wasn't so shallow, you'd be doing this stuff too. I just lucked out and got the brilliant one."
"You think you're that lucky?"
"Don't you?" Chris shot back. "Alejandro is…" He trailed off and grinned and ducked his head a little.
Richard smiled a little. "Yeah, yeah, so you and Alejandro are perfect together. So you wouldn't understand why I'm upset, so never mind."
"Wait, no, you can talk to me," Chris said. "I'd get it. I mean, it's not like Alejandro and I are actually perfect. I'd get it."
"Yeah, right. What problems could you two possibly have?"
"Well, uh…" Chris shrugged uncomfortably. "You know. The whole… sex… thing."
"The sex isn't good?"
"The sex is nonexistent."
Richard chuckled. "Somehow, I'm not surprised."
"What? What's that supposed to mean!"
"Just, you know, it's Alejandro."
"So? Are you saying that he doesn't find me attractive? Because he does!"
"Calm down, Chris. I'm just saying that he's not the type to… sleep with just anyone right away."
"But I'm not just anyone," Chris whined. "And he's had a crush on me since forever, and now that we're together…"
"Yeah, but he's still… Alejandro," Richard said. "I mean, have you even talked to him about this?"
"Well, sort of." Chris paused. "Okay, not really. But we shouldn't have to. It's one of those things that just happens naturally! Except that it's not."
"You know that's just on TV, right?"
"Shut up."
"Anyway, about my relationship," Richard said, and Chris rolled his eyes. "I just… I think Shawna doesn't trust me, and it makes me crazy, because it makes me wonder if I should trust her, you know?"
"Do you trust her?"
"I guess."
"You guess? That after 'we're in loooooooove'?"
"It would be easier if she wasn't working with Wayne."
Chris almost choked from laughing so hard. "See! See, I told you. I told you he's sketchy and you blew me off but now you know I'm right!"
"I'm glad you're mature about this."
"I'm right! Ha!"
"He's doing her new choreography and they spend hours together every day, and you know what he's like."
"Yeah, I know." Chris scowled. "He hit on my boyfriend."
"He wasn't your boyfriend at the time."
"Not the point!"
"Anyway, I know that Wayne wants her, because…. Duh. Every man alive wants her. Except Alejandro and Nick, they're too gay."
"Yeah, okay… But if you love her, you have to trust her, right?"
"…Right…"
"So even though you know Wayne is sketchy, you have to trust her to turn him down because she loves you. And no one loves Wayne."
"True."
"So you'll be fine."
"Yeah." He paused. "So, why do I feel so rotten?"
"Because you know how sketchy Wayne is and how hot Shawna is?"
"Oh, yeah. That's it. I hate him."
"Welcome to my world."
Chris sighed, and Richard sighed.
"At least I'm having sex."
"Shut up."
The house was crowded, even by the band's standard. It was a happy crowded, though—everyone's family and a few close friends were there, drinking champagne and celebrating. The first trial had been done for a few days and they'd won; the boys were quite happy to have their independence from Pulitzer Inc. But Pulitzer had immediately struck back with a countersuit, claming that anything they'd written or recorded during the time they'd still been under contract rightfully belonged to him, as did their band's name.
Luckily, the countersuit had been thrown out almost immediately, too. And now the band was free, able to finish writing and recording their album, and able to make their own decisions for the first time. And their first act had been to triumphantly sign with Boogie and call Denton to offer him the job.
Alejandro's family was relaxing nearby, and Rosalia had taken immediately to CJ's sister, and they were off talking animatedly in one of the corners. Even Rosalia had been allowed to have a small drink of champagne, though only under strict parental supervision.
He glanced over at Chris, who was talking with his mom. He'd initially wondered when Chris's father would arrive, but then realized that, in all the years he'd followed Chris's career, not one interview had mentioned his dad. Finally, he had broken down and asked, and Chris answered quietly that his father had walked out when he was an infant, and hadn't been heard from since. But he was mostly over that now, since his mother was so amazing.
Next, looking over at Richard, he saw Rich was drinking more heavily than probably necessary and hanging on Shawna, who was smiling politely and looking uncomfortable. Richard's mother was on one side of the room, chatting up Nick's family; and his father was on the other, talking with CJ's.
He walked over to Nick's family, sipping his own drink. Chris shot him a lingering look and he winked. Chris's mom knew and his own family knew, so they didn't have to really hide, but he wasn't sure his parents would be entirely comfortable… They wouldn't object and would certainly be polite, but it would be awkward if he was visibly lusting after Chris.
He'd already greeted everyone else at the party, so he smiled as he walked over to Nick. "Hey," he said. "I don't think we've really met before," he said to Nick's parents.
"Alejandro!" his mother gushed. "You're looking so well!"
"Thanks. I'm glad to finally meet you all. You seem like a very close knit family."
His father raised an eyebrow. "You could tell so quickly?" he asked, half-laughing.
Nick looked on guard quickly and tried to wave Alejandro off, but Alejandro felt the need to clarify. "Oh, I just assumed—he spends so much time on the phone with you all, I just thought it was really nice."
"Phone?" his mother repeated. "Nicky hadn't called us in weeks until he invited us over!"
"Then… you call him a lot?"
"Nah, we wouldn't want to cramp his style when he's on tour." His father ruffled his hair and Nick winced.
"Then…" Alejandro paused. "Who are you on the phone with all the time? When you say you're talking to your folks?"
"Can we discuss this later?"
"Uh… sure. No problem." He cleared his throat. "Sorry, uh… yeah."
"Yeah." Nick glared at him, and Alejandro backed off, confused.
Not sure what to do, he wandered over towards CJ, CJ's sister, and Rosalia.
"…and Rosalia, did you notice that boybands can't say the word 'me'?"
"They can't?"
"Well, if they can, they choose not to. Alejandro, say it."
"What?"
"Say the word!"
"Me?"
"No, no, like you were singing."
"…Me?"
"He does it wrong. Chris and Richard both say 'may' every single time. It's very bizarre."
"You're very bizarre," CJ said.
"Uh, CJ, can I… talk? For a minute?"
"What's up?"
"Gossip."
"Oh! I'll be right back."
"Alejandro, it's not polite to gossip," Rosalia said.
He sighed. "Don't tell Mom and Dad, okay? I'll give you another sip of champagne."
"Okay!"
"You're getting all morally corrupt, Alejandro," CJ noted, as they walked away to talk.
"Too much time with you guys. So, uh, who is it Nick's on the phone to all the time?"
"His family."
"Then why did his mom say he hadn't called home in weeks?"
"Why were you talking to his mom about it?"
"It came up. So… who was he talking to?"
"How should I know? I'll ask Rich and Chris." CJ grinned. "I do love gossip."
CJ ran away and Alejandro started to call out to stop him, noting how Nick hadn't wanted to talk, but shrugged. He couldn't pretend he wasn't curious, and it wasn't as though anyone could control CJ.
Alejandro watched CJ bounce over to Richard, and hurry away after a quick exchange of words. Richard shifted uncomfortably and Shawna rolled her eyes. Richard turned to her and said something. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and crossed her arms. He put a hand on her shoulder and she pulled away.
Alejandro decided not to watch anymore. Something very odd was going on there.
Finally, Alejandro looked back at Chris who was staring curiously at Nick. Chris glanced back over at Alejandro, and they both smiled. Alejandro blushed a little under Chris's gaze; lately, Chris had taken to watching him so intently, almost scrutinizing him. It was clear there was something on his mind, but he hadn't mentioned it to Alejandro yet. Alejandro sighed, and made a mental note to ask him about it later.
Finally, Chris stood up and waved his glass in the air, looking a little tipsy. Alejandro smiled. "Hey! Hey! We need to have a toast!"
"We already drank the champagne," Chris's mother pointed out.
"I'll have more!" Rosalia called.
"You will not," Alejandro said.
"But you said—"
"Hey, you know what's really cool? If you drop a strawberry in a cup of sprite, it turns pink," CJ's sister interrupted.
"Really? Cool!"
"Let's toast with Sprite, then," Alejandro's mother declared, and Alejandro made another mental note; this time to thank CJ's sister.
Sprite was poured for everyone and they turned to Chris, waiting, and he seemed to almost have forgotten he called for the toast to begin with. CJ nudged him.
"Oh! Uh… Sorry, I was trying to think of what to say." He shrugged. "I just wanted to thank everyone for all their support and say how glad I am I'll never have to smell Weasel's BO again." Everyone chuckled politely. "But, uh, seriously… It's really been a hard couple of weeks, and we can't thank you enough.
"But really I… I want to remind everyone that it was Alejandro who realized what was going on and who helped us decide what to do. So I want to toast to our new record label, and to our own… Genius."
He beamed and Alejandro ducked his head, letting his hair fall in his face, wishing there weren't so much attention on him. But Chris grabbed his hand and held up the cup of sprite with his other hand, and everyone toasted. And when he'd finished his Sprite, Chris leaned over and kissed his cheek.
Alejandro knew he was blushing, but didn't mind too much.
"Will you look at this mess?" Nick scoffed, picking up a few plastic cups and tossing them in a plastic bag. "No one could stick around to help us clean?"
"It is our house," Richard pointed out, scowling. He'd been doing that since Shawna left. No one wanted to ask him why.
"Well, yeah, but it's not our mess."
"Hey, Nick, everyone's gone. Spill it. Who's been on the phone?"
Nick turned to glower at CJ. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said from behind clenched teeth.
"Your mysterious hours long phone conversations that you said were with your family but it turns out aren't. You know. Those." CJ grinned, and everyone else almost had to admire his lack of tact.
Nick grumbled. "I don't wanna talk about it."
"Spill!"
"No!"
"Spillllll… and we'll stop harassing you about it," CJ said. "But we won't stop until you tell us."
"It's none of your business, and anyway, you're the only one bugging me about it!"
"Uh, actually, I'd like to know," Richard said.
"Me, too," Chris added.
Nick looked desperately at Alejandro, who shrugged. "Well, uh…"
"I hate you all." He paused. "You have to promise to not be mad, okay?"
"Why would we be mad?"
"Just promise."
"Why would we be mad? It's not like you're talking with the enemy, right?" CJ joked.
"Uh… promise not to be mad?"
"Okaaay…" Everyone promised hesitantly, confused.
"I… Um… I'm seeing Ryan. We talk almost every night."
"Ryan?" Richard asked. "Who's Ryan?"
"Ryan!" Nick said. "The… the dreamiest boy on the planet."
"Well, that narrows it down."
"Well, anyway, his name is Ryan and we're in love."
"Good for you!" CJ said, then, "Wait a minute, why would we be mad?" He paused. "Wait a minute, this Ryan isn't, you know, Ryan Ballatt, with the eye patch, is he?"
"You promised not to be mad!"
"Oh my god, Nick is dating an Uptown Boy!"
"No wonder he didn't want to say," Alejandro murmured.
"Nick!" Chris yelled. "You traitor! You're dating the enemy!"
"He's not the enemy, he's perfect!"
"He's an Uptown Boy!"
"He's sweet and kind and he loves me!"
"I hate the Uptown Boyz!"
"Well, it's not like I'm dating Sean," Nick mumbled.
"You might as well be."
"Okay, chill out," CJ said. "We should be happy for Nick. I'm sure Ryan's not… that… bad."
"He's great, CJ. He's so nice, and we can just talk for hours… and he loves our music, too. He said he thinks you're a great dancer, Chris."
"Did he really?" Chris asked.
"Uh… yes, of course," Nick said, though his expression clearly spelled out, I can't believe that worked.
"Great," CJ muttered. "This is fabulous, you realize that?"
"It is." Nick grinned sappily.
"I was being sarcastic."
"Aww."
"This blows."
"Aww."
"Stop cooing at me!" CJ snapped. "You're the one dating a greasy… um, dorky looking loser pop star!"
"Geez," Nick said. "You were okay with it a minute ago."
"That was before I realized that I'm now the only one in the group who hasn't met my," he batted his eyelashes mockingly, "soulmate."
"Awwwwwww," Nick said again, and CJ glowered at him. "I mean, um, I can try setting you up again, if you'd like me to."
"No, thanks. I don't need your cast offs."
"Apparently, you do," Richard said innocently.
"Bite me," CJ snapped back.
"Look," Alejandro broke in. "Um… It'll happen when you least expect it. I mean, it did for everyone else here, right? I never thought I'd find Chris." He reached over for Chris's hand, and Chris smiled a little. "And Richard and Shawna… They hated each other. And we were all set to hate Ryan, even Nick, but he turned out to be…"
"Amazing," Nick supplied.
"Right, amazing. But none of us were looking too hard… If you just wait, it'll happen."
"Easy for you to say," CJ sulked. "Oh, just forget it. Yeah. Congrats, Nick."
"Um… If you want to come out with us sometime, that would be—"
"No."
"Okay." Nick smiled. "I feel better now that everyone knows. I just wonder what'll happen when Ryan tells everyone over there…"
"Probably a drunken fist fight," Richard answered. "That does seem to be their style."
"Not like us," Chris said. "We've got class."
"Well, that's one word for it," Alejandro mumbled.
Richard sat nervously in the front room, peering out the window, watching for Shawna's cute little pink car to pull up. She'd called him half an hour before and said she needed to talk to him and it was important, and could she please come over right away? Of course he'd said yes; he'd barely seen her lately, between the trial and her recording and choreographing the new album.
He was feeling a little nervous, but told himself over and over that he trusted Shawna. Even if she'd been acting a little oddly lately. (Well… oddly for Shawna, and that was saying something.)
He tapped his fingers against the arm rest and waited until she finally pulled in. He opened the door for her and invited her to his room to talk, but she shook her head no and sat in one of the living room chairs. Not even on a couch where he could sit next to her.
This was going to be bad. He sat in another chair opposite her and waited.
"Well, um…" she said finally. "I just, I… I heard about something that's going to be in a tabloid in the morning and I wanted you to hear it from me first. Don't be mad, okay?"
"Don't be mad about what?" he asked suspiciously. "Do I have reason to be mad?"
"Well… You know how we said that groupies don't count?"
"…Yeah…"
"Um, what's your definition of a groupie?"
He stared at her. "I… You know. What are you saying?"
"Rich, don't be mad—"
"What are you saying?" he demanded again.
"It didn't mean anything, he'd just fixed me a drink, I'd been working all day and it was so late, it didn't seem worth it for him to go home, we didn't mean for it to happen—"
"Who!" he yelled.
"It doesn't matter, okay? It didn't mean anything."
"You cheated on me, and you say it didn't mean anything?"
"It was just stupid, I didn't mean for it to happen! I just want to forget about it. I feel so horrible…"
"When?" he asked next, though he certainly wasn't going to forget to come back to the 'who' question.
"A few days ago."
"You cheated on me a few days ago and you didn't tell me?"
"I knew you'd be mad!"
"Of course I'm mad! You cheated on me!"
"I'm sorry, Richard. I'm so sorry… I care about you so much…"
"Then why did you do it?" he asked.
She stared at him and didn't say anything.
"Forget it," he muttered. "Who was it?"
"You won't forget if I tell you."
"I won't forget anyway. Who?"
"Richard, it didn't mean anything—"
"You keep saying that! How is it supposed not mean anything that I'm in love with you and you don't even care enough about me to not sleep with someone else!"
"I'm so sorry," she said again, sounding like she was about to start crying. "I didn't want to hurt you… I care about you, I didn't mean for this to happen…"
"Too late," he muttered. "Just tell me who it was and get out, okay? I don't want to… Damn it. Just tell me and go."
"You have to promise to not get upset—"
"I already am upset!"
"It was Wayne," she said quietly.
He stared at her.
"Richard, it didn't mean—"
"Stop saying that!" he yelled. "It might not matter to you but it means something to me and I can't believe you'd do this to me! I can't believe—Fuck this. Get out of my house."
"Richard—"
"Get out, Shawna. I don't want to see you."
"I'm so sorry."
"Whatever." He stood up. "The door's that way."
"Are you breaking up with me? Over a stupid thing like this? Richard—"
"No," he said. "I'm breaking up with you because I love you and you don't love me back, and that's not going to change."
"I care about you, though…"
"Yeah, well, sometimes that's not enough. Goodbye, Shawna."
She stood up and if he'd looked at her, he would have seen her mascara was starting to run from tears. "Goodbye," she said, her voice breaking, and he waited to hear the front door shut and her car pull out before he collapsed back into his chair.
"Oh, fuck," he said weakly. "Oh, fuck me."
Alejandro and Chris had taken to falling asleep together, in Chris's double bed. It was all perfectly innocent (much to Chris's great irritation), and Chris did enjoy having Alejandro there to wake up to in the morning. So, when he finished brushing his teeth, he wasn't shocked to see Alejandro already lying in his bed, a book open in front of him.
Chris sat down on the bed and Alejandro closed the book and set it aside. "Hey," he said.
"Hey." Alejandro smiled at him. "You okay?"
"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
Alejandro shrugged. "You seemed to have something on your mind earlier. For a couple days, actually."
"Oh… Yeah, I guess I have." Chris shrugged. "It's not a big deal or anything, though."
"Well… Do you want to talk about it?"
"I dunno."
"Okay… well… If you want to, I'm right here." He put an arm around Chris, as if to prove his point.
"It's not that I don't want to, it's that I… I don't know how to say it. I don't want to say the wrong thing."
"Don't worry about it, just… tell me what's up," Alejandro said. "And I'll try not to misunderstand."
"Okay…" Chris sighed and leaned back on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling. "Here's the thing… Um, well, we've been together for a month now…"
"Yeah," Alejandro said. "It's been great."
"It has! It's been wonderful. I… I really, really like you. More than I've ever liked anyone."
"Well… ditto. So… what's up?"
"Okay, it's just… I don't know how to say it, I'm stupid. But… I mean, making out is a lot of fun, and the other stuff we've done is wonderful, but I kind of, um, am ready to… um, go further."
"Oh, you mean have sex."
"Yeah." Chris turned his head to look at Alejandro and blinked. "I was trying to make it sound less… I wanted to say it nice."
"You're sweet," Alejandro said, and slipped down in the bed so he was lying nose-to-nose with Chris.
"Um. I don't wanna pressure you or hurry you or anything… Just… What do you think?"
Alejandro ran a hand across Chris's bare side, and kissed him quickly. "I was wondering when this was going to come up," he admitted. "I'd… been thinking about it a lot."
"You have?"
"Of course I have. I'm dating you. I've had a crush on you since I was twelve. You honestly think I've never thought about…" he trailed off.
"Having sex?" Chris filled in.
"Yeah, that."
"So you've thought… uh, about it."
"Yeah."
"Me, too."
"Clearly."
"This is awkward."
"Yeah. Let's just have sex and get past that."
Chris stared at him. "I… I can't tell if you're joking or not."
Alejandro shrugged. "I think if you were anyone else I wouldn't be ready yet. But… you're you. And I've been crazy about you for years."
"So you weren't joking?"
"Well, the way I said it was a joke. The sentiment, though…"
"I was gonna say it nice," Chris said again. "But if you want to… No pressure."
"I kind of want to."
"Me, too. No pressure."
"I got the no pressure part, Chris."
"I just wanted to make sure because… I mean, I know I've had sex before and you… haven't, so if you aren't ready yet or anything—"
"I just said I am. Why, did you want to?"
"What, now?"
"Well… yeah, sure, now. Why not?"
"Are you sure you're ready, Alejandro? I… I'll wait if you want. Until you're sure."
Alejandro grinned and ran his hand along Chris's side again. "When you say things like that, you make me sure."
"Oh. Well then… uh…" Chris hesitated. "See, in my mind this was going to be a lot more romantic and now I'm kind of at a loss."
"Don't worry about the romance," Alejandro said and wrapped his arms around Chris, pulling him close. "Just… do what comes naturally. I guess." He grinned. "You're the experienced one."
"Some things you can't learn about in books."
"Maybe you shouldn't talk, though."
Chris laughed, and kissed Alejandro instead of saying anything else.
When Richard finally convinced himself to get out of the chair, it was to get himself a drink. A very stiff drink. He didn't have to be up particularly early the next morning, and drinking until he could sleep sounded like a good plan.
He poured himself a shot of rum and downed it, then hesitated. He changed his mind, left the shot glass in the sink, and took the bottle with him. If he was going to be drinking himself to sleep, it seemed silly to bother with things like shots and glasses anyway.
Richard trudged towards his room, glad that everyone else seemed to have gone to sleep—or at least, they were being polite enough to pretend they hadn't overheard the fight. All he wanted to do was get in to his room and drink and then sleep.
He passed by Nick's room and there was no light under the door, nor under Alejandro's—but Alejandro usually slept in Chris's bed, lately. And Chris's light was on.
But so long as they didn't try to talk to him, he didn't care. He started to walk by, then paused. There were noises from Chris's room.
Low, satisfied moans. Only a word or two in panted Spanish.
"Oh, fuck me" he said and walked the rest of the way to his room, slammed the door shut, and opened the bottle.