AN: I didn't cry really in the season finale because I was too freaking shocked to feel much else emotion but now, thinking about it.. damn! I cried with the whole Kirsten thing though. Anway, I actually love this fic because I love Trey.. and thought Trey/Marissa had so much potential. And now I have to wait 5 months for the O.C.! It's cruelty. Anyway, Season Finale spoilers and all. Love you!
Disclaimer: Totally not mine. If it was I wouldn't be hyperventilating with anticipation since I'd KNOW what happens.

It was not supposed to go this far.

Damnit, you were not supposed to be this beautiful.. this nice. You had some kind of aura that just drew me in instantly and I fell. I fell hard.

Technically you "belonged" to my brother. You guys are one of those couples who will always ultimately be together in the end. You know that shit PG-13 movies are made of? Yeah, that's you and Ryan.

You were too damn perfect for your own good. A killer smile, eyes, all that stuff that I never, ever notice because my relationships were mainly sexual and had nothing to do with feelings.

Like Jess. I fucking hate Jess, you know that? She was a bitch. A good fuck, yes, but a bitch. She wasn't anything. Just another ploy. Another way for Trey Atwood to fuck up. It's not bad enough I was in Prison, stole an expensive movie prop and managed to lose my brother's trust every time but I got involved with her.

Only because I couldn't get involved with you, though. It's not like I tried to like you. Hell, I always tore my eyes away from I caught myself looking at you a second too long.

It was not supposed to happen like this.

We were drunk. We were flirting. I was on drugs. I attacked you, Marissa-- god, I fucking forced myself on you. That's a new low, even for me. I fucking cried that night, Marissa. I cried because of you. Because I knew how much I hurt you and it was that moment I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop hurting you. If you weren't so strong, I know I wouldn't have stopped. I would have kept going. I've never been a good drunk. A crude, brazen one, maybe, but never simple.

I'm never simple, sober or not.

I denied, I lied, I looked you in the eyes and lied straight out to you. I lied to Ryan. God damn, I lied to myself.

You got me this apartment. You gave me a party, Marissa, you'd given me so many opportunities that I screwed up completely. That's what I do. Ryan broke the spell but for some utterly screwed up reason, I just can't.

I'm sorry, Marissa.

I did love you after all.

It's kind of a foreign concept to me. Love, that is. The closest I've gotten to love is a two week relationship that was purely sex anyway. So I'm not actually sure if I loved you but I'm as sure as I could be.

I was going home, Marissa. He told me to leave and get out. I knew I had to, so I was finishing packing. I was done with this stupid Newport scene. Back to Chino for me. The piece of shit town for a piece of shit person like me.

Then Ryan came. You told him, Marissa. Or you told someone who told him because holy fuck I've never seen him so angry. This is my brother. The brother I had molded for so long. Beating me up. I don't know why I drew the gun, maybe to trick him into stopping.

Or I can stop lying and admit that it's because I got caught up in the anger. Ryan knocked it away and we continued fighting. I found my hands around his neck and suddenly I just couldn't stop. It's a problem, Marissa. Not knowing when to stop. Not knowing how.

Then you came and tried to pull me off, Marissa. But once again I denied you. I pushed you away and soon the world was hazy because you pulled the trigger and fucking shot me.

I turned around and saw your face, your beautiful fucking eyes that were full of regret and shock at what you had done. You were sobbing so hard you could barely speak and I could barely move at this point because the bullet was coursing through my body.

I caught your eyes, Marissa and I don't know if you saw it, but my eyes told you I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all the shit I've stirred and driving you to do this.. so sorry I almost raped you. Just sorry for coming into your life. I love you Marissa, god, I love you.

Now the world is going black and I'm slipping away and collapsing, and I faintly hear footsteps and crying and a tear is sliding down my cheek because that night you made me cry again, Marissa and you finally you did what no one could.

You stopped me.