Disclaimer: I don't own Ron, Kim, Wade, the twins, or the roadrunner
Chapter Quote: Experience: that is the most brutal of teachers
…
"Yeah. Uhuh. Well that sounds nice, Wade, but I only need it to write papers. No no no, all I'm saying is that we don't really need to watch CIA satellite video of our lawn in real time… sure it sounds cool. All ready ordered it? Wade…" Kim switched the cordless phone to her other ear, sitting on the futon next to her husband. "I'm not sure either of us is that computer savvy. Ok, well thanks again." She pressed the talk button and tossed the phone onto the cushion.
Ron paused the game and set down the controller, switching to Cartoon Network with the remote. He lifted up his arm and draped it over Kim's shoulder as she leaned into his chest. "How's Wade?"
"Outdoing himself, as usual."
Ron stretched his legs out in front of him and let out a content sigh. "Good, good." He kissed the top of Kim's head as the blue roadrunner ran across the screen. "Finally some relaxation ti-"
DING DONG!
"Oh come on!"
Kim sat up, "I'll get it."
"Naw, I got it. What's the point in relaxing if I can't do it with you?" He handed her the remote and crossed the room to the door, avoiding random boxes and pieces of furniture.
The UPS man looked up from his clipboard as the door opened. "Mr. Stoppable, I take it?" Ron let out a grunt. "New computer's here, sir." The man stepped aside to reveal two other men unloading half a dozen large boxes from the back of the truck.
"Good God."
Kim walked up to his side, wrapping her arm around Ron's waste. "That's the new computer?"
"Guess so."
"…I thought they were supposed to get smaller."
"That's what I said," the UPS man chuckled. "Anyway," he cleared his throat, "sign here and she's all yours."
Kim reached for the clipboard but Ron stopped her. "Oh no, not this time. First you guys put it in the second room on the left down the hall, then we'll sign."
The UPS man frowned and pulled the clipboard back, "clever, very clever, but you still have to put it together."
"Piece of cake."
…
Ron sat in the middle of the spare bedroom, wrapped in wires and cables, surrounded by monitors and computer shells, holding the end of a wire in each hand and inspecting them. He glanced at the instruction booklet. "Unlock the monitor and connected in the computer. 'Connected in?' Who translated this?" He grabbed the monitor plug and pulled it over to him, lifting up the black LCD screen and looking it over.
The lump of boxes in the corner shifted and Kim poked her head out. "Wanna call Wade?"
"Not until we're desperate!"
Ron dropped the wire in his left hand and grabbed a blue cable. Kim looked him over, shoving a box aside. "What level are we at now?"
"Overwhelmed. Besides, I know he's timing me. Probably has a bet going with the twins." Ron connected the monitor and computer. "Got a keyboard over there?"
Kim rolled her eyes, muttering "men," but slid a box across the carpet anyway.
After a few minutes of desperate struggling and cursing, Ron flipped the computer on. The screen lit up, blue light shining across his face. "Boo-yah!" Text scrolled up as the computer loaded for the first time. Suddenly the screen turned black, a message box popping up.
Error: No sound system detected.
Ron's smile faded. He looked around his pile, hands searching. "I know I unpacked them… Ahah!" Ron plugged the speakers in, grappling with the wires again, and turned them on.
"Error corrected." A woman's voice greeted.
"Boo-yah!"
"Error: No mouse detected."
Ron sighed, "you have a mouse over there, Kim?" A mouse flew through the air and landed in the pile. Ron plugged it in.
"Error corrected."
"Piece of cake!"
"Error: No CD drive connected."
Ron raised an eyebrow, "what?"
Kim sighed and stood up, pushing boxes out of the way. "I'll go call Wade."
Ron waved for her to come back, but Kim was all ready gone. "I've got this!"
"Error: No DVD drive connected."
"No, wait, stop!" Ron tapped the screen.
"Error: No disk in disk drive, please insert a disk or press any key to continue."
Ron took a deep breath, "any key, ok. Sure." He tapped enter.
"Error: No disk in disk drive, please insert a disk or press any key to continue."
Ron glared and pointed at the screen. "You lied to me." He tapped 'u.'
"Error: No disk in disk drive-"
"I'll error you!" Ron punched every key that his fingers could find.
"Error: Incorrect key sequence, press 'esc' to quit or any key to continue."
"Quitting sounds good, Wade can mess with you." Ron tapped esc.
"Error: Incorrect key sequence, press 'esc' to quit or any key to continue."
Ron took a deep breath, his face turning red, and inspected the keyboard. "What 'any key?' There's no 'any key' on here!"
"Error: Incorrect key sequence-"
"Yeah, I know!" Ron gripped the keyboard firmly in his hands and ripped it in half, keys flying everywhere. "Any key… any key…" He inspected the two halves, a deep frown marring his face. "There's no 'any key!' Ow!" He dropped the bottom half of the keyboard and popped his finger into his mouth. "It shocked me!"
"Error: Incorrect key sequence-"
"Quiet, you!" Ron pointed at the screen, the keyboard sparking in front of his lap. "Ah! Sparks!" He grabbed his bottle of water and ripped the top off. "Die, computer fiend!" Ron splashed the water.
"Ron! What are you doing!"
Ron turned to find Kim, along with her twin brothers, in the doorway. "Fixing the computer- which is ON FIRE!" He jumped up and made to sprint toward the door even as Tim grabbed the fire extinguisher, but the wires caught and he tripped, falling flat on his face. Tim leapt over him and attacked the keyboard and monitor.
Kim raised the phone back to her face. "Wade, I'll call you back." She hung up and bent down, ruffling her husband's hair. "What happened to 'desperate?'"
"The computer skipped a few stages." He let out a grunt, trying to wiggle loose.
Jim and Tim each seized an arm and lifter their brother-in-law up. "You're crazy, Ron."
…
fanjimmy: What can I say? Life is weird
Casakitten: For the most part this will be updated everyday before 10:00 PM EST, but if I get horrible at updating (which is common), I'll definitely start a mailing list. Glad you like it so far.
Pokey: Yeah, Ron's going to be abused… a lot, but it's ok, he's tough
Baz: Thanks! Having my stories in character is really important to me, and I'm glad that you appreciate it, too
Imperial Navy Officer: Ah yes, Rufus. I haven't added him yet because I didn't know how long naked mole rats live in captivity, but he will be in future chapters as, luckily for Ron, they live up to 10 years
Shepyt: Thanks, I'm glad that you're enjoying these so far
CPO3: Ooo, another in character comment! I'm on a roll! Kim is definitely dealing a lot better than Ron is, and that will be a main point in the series