DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FIREFLY IN ANYWAY OR FORM AND I ALSO DO NOT OWN "INCOMPLETE" BY THE BACKSTREET BOYS IN ANYWAY OR FORM. SO THERE!
Author's Note: I still curse FOX for canceling a great show in mid-season . . . I would love to be Simon for Halloween but I need to find someone who could be River to make it complete. Know anyone? Without much further ado . . . OH! Guess what! Alan Tudyk (who plays Wash) and I have the same birthday!
Empty spaces -
fill me up with holes
Distant faces –
with no place left to go
without you, within me – I can't find no rest
where I'm going
is anybody's guess
He didn't want to leave. Would've jumped out of the door if he could. Almost did. But he felt arms holding him back and he didn't realize until later that he was crying. Why did this hurt him so? Did he love her that much?
The hatch closed and Mal gave the signal to lift off. But he heard none of it. It was like a breeze whistling past his ear. A bug buzzing in his ear. He vaguely remembered waving his hand as if to swat something.
He felt a soothing hand on his shoulder. He normally would let it stay where it rested but he shoved it off in frustration. He didn't want anyone to touch him. He felt worthless and dirty. He couldn't patch this up. Not like he used to anyway.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
He stood where he was and closed his eyes. Hoped it was a dream. Maybe it was. If he opened his eyes – there she would be. Standing there and smiling at him. Laughing at him for being to silly to think such things.
He opened his eyes again. But she was not there. She never would again and he knew that. He knew he should have never let her go out there. It was too dangerous. It killed him that he never spoke sooner. He should've told her not to go.
Should have. His life was full of those enough already. The cargo bay was silent for once and even though he was ignoring them, he wished they would come back. He didn't know someone still lingered, watching him worriedly.
Simon finally lost it and collapsed on the floor with a loud thump. The person lingering flinched imagining the pain he must've felt then. Simon ignored it. He kept thinking how stupid he was. That it was all his fault. His fault. HIS FAULT. It blared in his ears and whirred in his head. That and the look of shock on her face as she was shot was all he saw.
Voices tell me –
to carry on
but I'm swimming –
in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
He figured it hadn't hit him full effect yet. He'd read about this somewhere, but he could not recall where. Nor did he particularly want to either. The other person watched, unsure if they should make a move or stay where they were. They decided to wait.
Simon felt like he was being watched but disregarded it. That didn't help either. Only yesterday. . . she was laughing in the kitchen. Teasing him playfully. But never again would he see that. It hit him then and he began to cry. He loved her so much. She was gone.
He curled up on the floor and his body shook in convulsed sobs. The cold floor leaked through his clothes but he didn't care. Finally the body in the corner moved.
"Honey. Oh, Simon." Kaylee bent down and placed her hands on Simon's arm and back in part comfort and partly to stop him from shaking so. Simon didn't answer back and continued crying. "Shhh. . Simon. It's okay. Oh, Simon." Kaylee stroked his hair and the side of his face.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Simon calmed down a little and realized that someone was there trying to make him feel better. A deed he thought to be impossible. But yet, it was slowly working. Very slowly. He finally sat up and looked to see who it was.
"Kaylee . . ." he whispered to assure himself she was really there.
"I'm here. Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." She could think of nothing else to say. It was hard to think of anything when the sad, desperate face of a loved one was staring at you.
"I don't know. . . what to do." Those were the most amount of words he had uttered since it happened.
"It's okay. You don't have to. We'd be worried if ya' did." She brushed hair out of his eyes.
"But . . . I'm a doctor. I should know how to deal with death . . ." he trailed off feeling suddenly as if he was going to hurl.
"Yeah, but thas' diff'rent. This is someone close to ya'. Ya' should be feelin' this way." Kaylee tried but she knew she wasn't much for comfort.
"I saw it . . . the blood." Simon tried again but stopped. He really should stop trying to make himself throw up. He tried to calm himself down. He's seen blood before. A heck of a lot more than that, too. Why did this bother him so much more?
"I know, I know. Oh, baby. Don't cry no more. I can't stand to see you cry." Kaylee tried to smile nicely at him. Simon couldn't hold it in and began crying again.
I don't mean to drag it on –
but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face –
this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
Warm, welcoming arms enveloped him and Kaylee held Simon's head to her chest. She cooed at him as he sobbed. Simon liked being held. Being rocked back and forth. He used to do that to other people. Now it was him and he could see why it calmed people down. It felt nice.
Simon picked his head up again, but he was still sobbing.
"It . . . should've . . . been . . ." he began but Kaylee quickly interrupted and he brow furrowed.
"Don't you dare even say it Simon Tam!" she scolded. "Now that just ain't true."
"Yes . . . it . . ." Simon tried again but Kaylee shushed him.
"Some things just happen. The 'verse decides how it goes. I'm jus' as angry and upset as you are but no one should go round wishin' themselves dead."
Simon sniffled and wiped the tears from his eyes before Kaylee had a chance to. He chanced a weak smile to show her he was okay. That she could leave, but she didn't fall for it.
"I'm going to help you to your room. . ."
"Can I . . ." Simon began and sniffled again as he struggled up. He was a little embarrassed about what he was going to ask.
"What's up?"
"Can I stay with you for awhile?" he whispered. Kaylee put a gentle arm around his shoulder.
"Course ya' can. You stay as long as ya' need."
"Thanks." Simon couldn't help but have tears roll down his face once more. Maybe this was a good thing after all. But he knew it would take a while to let go of someone he loved so much. He smiled and remembered her dance. River looked so happy when she danced.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Incomplete
FIN.