NOTHING NEW HERE I'VE JUST CHECKED OVER AND DONE MY GRAMMAR AND SPELLING!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own kh or any of its characters but I wish I did! (cries) oh fuck it!

WARNING: you've read the warning from the first chappie so ditto!

A/N: if ppl don't review this story it's as simple as that! To all my wonderful readers who did responses are at the end of the chappie enjoy! -

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Being a virgin and having a dick is the worst thing in the world for a guy.

It's a living nightmare! Even when you wank you have to do all the work. It's easy for women, they get toys. But it's way too fucking embarrassing for a guy to order a toy for himself to play with.

Who would want to anyway? Even if you order the little bastard. There is a huge chance that it may never work. Then you can't get a refund because you're too chicken shit scared to phone the company. They might put you on their mailing list or worse phone you at inappropriate times to talk about sales on dildoes, even though you're a guy!

I'm so desperate to get laid! I actually listened to Billy Connolly when he said to sit on your hand till it goes numb then jerk off and it'll feel like someone else is doing it for you. Sad I know!

But I couldn't help it! Guys like me go mental! There all you women out there wearing tight tops showing tons of cleavage and your skimpy skirts! Do you know what that does to a guy? DO YOU!?

No wonder so many guys turn gay. They all think on the same level: sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!

But when your dating women it's a whole different ball game. You have to wait a measly couple of days while they're on pms, along with that comes the emotional outbursts and late night snacking on chocolate.

Last but not least we cannot forget the horror that lies all 'cutely' rolled up in either green or purple wrappers that must never be touched by man.

I know what your thinking. That I've turned totally against women for a lifetime. But I can't help it if my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with another girl!

I haven't seen Kairi in weeks. In actual fact I've barely left my room. Except when I need a shit or piss. I sneak out occasionally at night to steal some money from my mom's purse while she's asleep to order a pizza.

I've stopped eating and drinking in the day. I've lost quite a it of weight too, which could explain why I keep getting constant headaches and dizziness whenever I stand up.

My mom says I should go out and get a job. Fuck that!

I'd like to save the last of my fucking childhood that I've got left thank you very much!

As far as I know my mom heard that Kairi dumped me because I was a bad kisser.

What a load of bollocks!

Kairi must have got that one from her fucking childish bitch of a girlfriend. If you ask me they're both sluts.

Last week Tidus came to visit me and told me some shitty news that didn't help my depression at all. He said that Kairi only went out with me to see if she was bi. Total bitch! And that Selphie knew all about it but didn't give a fuck about what went on between Kairi and me.

As usual like most girls, Kairi told Selphie everything that we did, and I mean 'everything'! My likeness towards girls had diminished to below zero. As for guys I don't think I'd ever be able to fuck one...it'd be too weird, in more ways than one.

I'm just going to be a lonely virgin all my miserable life. Wanking off to porn mags until I get arthritis in my hand and living off my mom's pens-

KNOCK KNOCK

Speak of the devil.

"Sora? Sora are you awake pud?"

I covered my eyes with the balls of my hands and groaned inwardly. After all these years how can she still call me that!

"Sora?"

I sighed again. "Ya mom?"

"Oh you're awake! Can I come in?"

"Mmnghh..." Man I'm nackered. I rolled onto my stomach, rubbing my eyes still while picking up a cigarette, popping it into my mouth, lit it and sucked in the numbing fumes.

I heard the click of my door open and rustling of boxes. Pizza boxes.

"Tch. Sora! When was the last time you cleaned your room?" My mom asked, brows furrowing as she looked around my tip.

"When do you think?" I snapped back at her, taking another drag from my cigarette. Why can't she just leave me alone?

My mom moved so fast that if you'd blinked you would have missed her. And then do you know what she did? DO YOU!?

She fucking slapped me across the head!

"OW! What the fuck was that fo-OW!"

"That's for being cheeky!" she retorted back. "As I was going to say! I'm going away for the weekend with some friends."

She has friends with that anger? Hmm you do learn something new everyday.

"Whoopdy fucking-do!" What was she getting a-Wait! The whole house to myself? For an entire weekend? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

"Go fuck off then!" Wait, did I just say that out loud?Oh...shiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

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Okay so maybe I've learned more than one thing new here today. NEVER swear in front of my MOM! Unless you want a severe concussion afterwards.

"Man, what is that bitch on anyway?" I moaned to myself out loud on the couch while holding an ice pack to my head.

This just isn't my day!

Mom is still packing upstairs for her little holiday. I still don't know where the fuck she's going. What's the point of going on holiday if you already live on a tropical island??? With all that banging upstairs it sounds like a swat team has arrived.

Ugh women! I'll never understand them! They're too complex. Kinda like my dick at the moment, for example: I see babes with hot bodies in tight bikinis on television, no response, but a topless guy on the beach, hello Mr.Big!

I think I'm turning gay. Either that or I really like girls with flat boobs that can pee standing up. I hope it's a phaze!

"SORA!"

Dammit! Does she have to screech! I've got a fucking jackhammer going off in my head after what she did to me!

"SORA!" She shouted again.

OW! "WHAT?"

"WHERE'S MY TAMPONS?"

Oh dear God no!

"IN THE BATHROOM CABINET UNDER THE SINK!" After living with a girl all your life you tend to know where these things are. Let's just hope that she hasn't found my porn mags yet!

No 'thank you' then? Selfish bitch! For an old hag, at the age of 35 she still throws a mean punch even when she's not on pms. Which leads me to wonder when do women actually get off that? And don't they go onto mitzo...meni...mionplez after that? I don't know if that's what it's called but I know it begins with an 'm'.

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.

ARGH SHIT! I pushed the ice pack more forcefully and clenched my teeth trying to block out my throbbing migrane.

I flinched as soon as I felt a soft hand ruffle my chestnut spiked hair.

"I'm going now sweetie. Be good! And don't do anything stupid okay? There's some money on the kitchen counter, don't spend it all in one go!"

What am I? Three?

She kissed my aching forehead and then;

SLAM

"ARGH! SON OF A BITCH!"

Wait did she say money?

I crawled over to the kitchen still clutching my head and used my other hand to search blindly for the money.

As soon as I felt something papery, I pulled it down to my eye level and blinked furiously trying to make my brain register what was in front of me.

"What the fuck?"

I blinked again and realised I was holding 150muni.

For the first time in weeks my mouth hit the floor again and then I grinned.

Like I said before women are complex and nuts.

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Sora: what's minoplez?

CW: (sighs) its menopause stupid and you'll find out when your older.

Sora: awwww man!

CW: ok I made it to 3 pages! Short yes but I want you readers and reviewers interested as possibly as I can with my tiny developed brain.

Sora: (snickers) OW!

CW: (yawns) im so tired! And I got dogma quotes in my head...(smirks)

Sora: o.O wat quotes?

CW: when chris rock falls from the sky naked lol and shouts "con air, con shit! Boy did that suck!" ahhh memories even though im catholic, im a big fan of dogma which is weird but u gotta love it! It really makes you think and laugh at the same time! Also thank you so much all you wonderful reviewers out there! I feel loved!-

Sora: (whispers) pssst don't listen to her she's only saying that to get more rev-OW SHIT!

CW: don't listen to him! He just doesn't want me to do a yaoi chapter between him and riku. XD it will come soon! Oh yes responses are below to my faithful reviewers! I promise I will update as soon as I can! Buhbye!

Sora: bye peeps!

Responses to reviewers

Katherine Moore – wow! You really have good attention to detail. I didn't even notice that! Yeah I am a cruel writer sometimes but only to my characters! Hehehe! -

KuroiA – I'm so glad you liked it! Even though I had tons of mistakes in my first chappie! Lol hope you enjoyed this one too!

Shi no Yume – yay! Thank you for reviewing to say you liked it! Updates will be longer and come more quickly before I start collage as soon as I can write it!

Angel K.D. – (blink blink) my story is sad? Hmmm it is kinda at the beginning but it will get better! I hate kairi too! Hehehe! Don't worry more sora ad riku stuff on the way! XD

Please review otherwise no more chappies! You have bin warned me hearties! XD