Chapter 4

Erik was still kneeling with the monkey box in his hand, he now sat it down and stood up, brushing off dust. Dust is all this is he thought, dust in my mind. He had been through this with the psychologist, bringing up memories he had buried deeply. He had only been six years of age when his mother had committed suicide. He had of course been in shock when he heard her say she was his mother and was confused about his father. He didn't realize Durrick had been killed, only that he was a gypsy and that he left his mother. After she left that morning, he approached Hannah in the kitchen and asked her about what had been said.

"I am sorry you heard this. Yes she is your mother dear. She was very young when you were born and was sent away by your grandfather. She is leaving again soon I'm afraid, but I'm sure she will come to visit often. You cannot tell anyone that you know this. If you do you might be sent away from here too."

It was only a short time after that someone had come running from the direction of the house, like his mother earlier she was crying. He started crying too, it had been too much for him that day. He didn't understand what had happened however and Hannah, sensible as always sent the maid back with the knowledge that she would come to the house soon, and turned to Erik. He saw that she had begun to cry also.

"Is everyone so upset about my mother leaving," he asked in between sobs. He then sought to comfort her. "It's ok Hannah she will come back to visit us, she did after all come back before." She only cried and held him close. Erik had several more uneventful years at the cottage with Hannah, but although she had always been very healthy she was very old and her health was failing. He helped her as much as he could, learning to care for himself and even her at the end. She was proud of what he learned from her. She worried for his future when she was gone and did approach Erik's grandfather with the problem. His daughters death had shaken him badly and somehow pierced the heart he then discovered he did have, too late. When Mary's mother died he had simply shut down that part of him. He had loved his young daughter so much. Maybe too much as she grew older and reminded him of her mother. It was one of the reasons why he grew more and more uncomfortable with her there. He had not known she had been aware of is inner demons but the note she left that horrible day that had simply read : " I forgive you father."

He decided to leave things as they were with Erik and Hannah. Although the child he was told was intelligent, and very gifted, he was still illegitimate. Although paler because of his banishment from the sun, he was darker complexioned than average, showing his gypsy roots. He could not allow his secret to be known. He had been walking near the cottage one night years ago and had heard him playing the piano, and decided with the talent Erik possessed he could surely one day be able to make a living if provided with the proper education in these manners. He decided to obtain a qualified music teacher to help Erik in the art of composition and to help him learn other instruments.

Erik found his dear Hannah one day, asleep forever. The music teacher, known to Erik as Claude, came several days later for his scheduled lesson and found Erik bereft at her body. Claude took care of everything, even agreeing to stay on and replace Hannah. He had been spending most of his time there anyway, trying to keep up with Erik's insatiable appetite for musical instruction. But Erik, through his grief could only remember what he had been told beforethat he would be sent away. Before his music teacher could return from talking with his grandfather , Erik had left. " I have gone to seek my father." The note simply stated.

When Mary had not come back to visit, those years ago, Erik grew so depressed that Hannah decided she had to tell him the truth about his mother. She also tried to explain what had happened with his father but could not bear to tell him that he, also had died. What she told him was he was simply forced to leave by his grandfather. It was what he feared now. He knew his face was not normal and understood that to be the reason for his imprisonment. What he did not know of course were the other factors that had sealed his fate. He knew he could not live around normal people, but had pressed his teachers since he was told of his father, for any knowledge about gypsies. He thought they might accept him, and he would find his father.

He was only nine years old when he stole out into the night. He traveled at night, slept during the day, stealing what food he needed. He was operating instinctively, and was used to caring for himself. Eventually he came across colorful signs advertising a carnival and crept into the camp overnight. No one knew of his father. He had not known that there were so many different tribes of gypsies across Europe. They accepted his story, although thinking it farfetched, but forgave him because of his mask. They did not know what was underneath, but thought it to be a result of the abuse he had run from. They allowed him to be with them if not a part of them and traveled wide. They would sometimes take these runaways into the tribe but would not accept them into their families. Erik was too distracted by the endless wonder of the world to mind this lack of camaraderie. Every ray of sunlight he cherished. The look, touch and smell of a rose, the warmth and companionship of the animals he learned to care for. They traveled across Europe, eventually arriving at a large meeting of tribes. It was there he fell into the hands of his tormentor and was locked away from the world again, only emerging for entertainment to the masses of people who looked upon him with horror and derision. His captor kept him well enough to keep him alive and making him money, but would often beat him to make him comply. His welts and disheveled dirty appearance only doubled the take. His only friend those years had been the small monkey who would slip between his bars and comfort him. Erik set the monkey box down, and left for his darkness. He would look through his music later.