Chapter 6

Erik helped her up and onto the horse. Her heart sank. She knew it was for the best that she returned now, but was hoping he would want her to stay. He led them out and… back around to a side entrance to where the stairs spiraled downwards. He turned to her, "are you sure this is what you want?"

She smiled, "more than anything." He led her through the torrent of the color in the rose gardens.

"You aren't afraid?"

"Not anymore." She was of course, but not of him, only of what she was doing. She did love Raoul but never in the way she had loved this man. They reached the cavern which was very much as she had remembered it. She waited as he lit candles, then crossed to something new.

"It's what they call a radiator", he said, grinning. Makes it much more bearable down here. Please sit down." He motioned to a table on which papers were strewn, and she sat, amused by how quickly she still obeyed his orders. It did soon begin to warm up. Erik brought out some brandy, and sat d own with her.

"This should help you," he said, knowing it wouldn't really warm her but, thought they both could use it anyway. He had never been with a woman. He had known about romantic love through the Operas he had witnessed, and from the medical books he had read, but he had not ever had the opportunity to pursue this. He knew well the women of the night who would offer their services, but he would have never risked exposure in his former years, and feared the repulsion he saw in the eyes of so many before. He had simply learned to live without this complication in his life. Christine had been his only real temptation. Since the surgeries he had barely enough time to heal before he did come back to Paris, and was once again consumed only by thoughts and want for Christine. He didn't know what to say, and crossed to his beloved, ancient pipe organ which he had rescued long ago from storage under the Opera house. He played. Christine sat entranced, the sound filling the cavern, the vibrations she felt in a body becoming more relaxed with the help of the brandy. She moved to his bench and sat next to him. She had never heard him play. It was a song from an Opera that played when she was a child, years ago.

" I remember that," she said. He stopped, surprised she did remember it.

"This was some of my earliest work that the Opera used, you were only a child then. I have been working on it… most of this early work just needs organizing and to be copied into legibility, but I think I have also improved it."

" I remember, it was a comedy," she said, taking another sip of wine, amused by the fact the "Phantom" wrote comedies. "Is that why you came back then, for your music? You are that new mysterious composer. I thought it might be you. I could feel our relationship so strongly, it touched me deeply. Is that why you came back? I saw you in the park the first time, months ago, she said accusingly. You have been there painting. I didn't know it was you of course, at first I thought so, but then thought myself silly because that man wore no mask."

"I came back for my music yes, but I also wanted to know you were happy. I had not known about Raoul. The minute I saw you I wanted you again. You looked so beautiful there with all the flowers, so brave. You have only become more beautiful these long years."

"Well I have filled out some," she said looking down at herself, frowning slightly, "life of leisure," she said shrugging. "I suppose that's what Raoul promised." She gazed at hi evenly then. "I was tired of endless practices, endless work. It's all I knew from the time I entered the dormitories. I was grateful for what you had done for me, but really all I ever had wanted was to please you. I loved you. I appreciated all you did for me but was also beginning to resent you. At the same time, I fell in love with you. Raoul was in love with me. He offered me a dream that I wished for. I did not understand until the end how you did care for me, and not just my voice, or your simple desire. I was frightened and young, and only wanted peace. My want for you, my desire I thought was something wrong, something shameful, I wanted that part of me to be gone. I haven't sang since that night, she said. Uncomfortable with this subject, she asked him, "will you play something else?" He played, a simple song, one of the first he had taught her. She sang, feeling the joy she had denied herself for so long. "Thank you," she said, quietly. "I am so happy right now Erik."

He turned and she saw tears in his eyes. " I came back for you Christine. Only you. I hadn't wanted to hurt you then, and I don't want to hurt you now. You were only a child then, and I also loathed that part of me that wanted to make you mine, in every way. It drove me mad knowing you could never love me the way I was. I suppose that is why I undertook such risky surgery, somewhere inside I was still hoped."

She made her decision then, not caring about anything but to heal the hurt in this man. "I was in love with you then", she said and I feel the same way now. If you also feel this, please let us be together now. This is right." He wanted her so badly. He cautiously put his arms around her, and they sat that way for some time, hearts beating fast, cheek to cheek. He finally broke their embrace to turn her lips to his, he kissing her this time and letting her know all that was inside this repaired yet fragile creature.

"Christine he said… I have never…" She understood and put her finger to his lips, standing and holding out her hand to him. "My love, I have," she said gently and led him to his bed.